Saturday, 6 January 2018

episode 29 falling in love

a feeling he had never known before. that he had said had no place in his life. how much anguish in it, for a man who had to be in control, never lose himself in anything. certainly not love. and yet that scratch on his hand, that blood, the memories. unbearable.

episode 29

lyrical portrayal of a man falling in love. that's what those unspeakably beautiful 3 odd minutes seemed to me. entrancing music, not a single word, graceful camera movement. a room in blues, greys, beiges, and a deep wound in red. a man feeling the touch of one he craves in it; immersed, hypnotised, lost in an emotion he'd never thought he'd meet.

when he came home after leaving her, there was nani with many questions, and di trying to make everything calm again. but he was in no mood to answer. please, i want to be left alone. alone? will you ever be alone again?

di fussed over his cut, he was disengaged, walked away, his fist balled.

in his room he paused looking almost trapped, restless.

and then like a little boy who'd found the first marvelous "treasure" in a pile of mud or sand, he opened his palm, to look at his wound. jo tum mehsoos karti ho woh main mehsoos karta hoon... if you've been cut, so have i, yes so have i. he lifted his hand and gently touched his cut. almost cradling it the way he'd cradled her before.

arnav's namesake, the ocean, swirled in him. crashing, ebbing, peaks, troughs, anger, hate, love. what. he knew not. all he could do was let it pull him in. for what is asr to know of love? there was no place for it in his life. he said so, he believed it even more. yet, she was there. left her mark and it throbbed in more than physical pain.

never seemed out of place this soulful asr and his tanhaai. because by now, we'd come to understand this brash young man had a sensitive core. that felt, often more than others. that acted with conscience and empathy, when those that mattered to him were involved. most striking till now for me, his pampering of mami ji with that gaudy necklace, just because he got her and her feelings.

just like barun got asr. like no one else did. and so in that interview, a treasure really for all those who love asr, he said what he really liked about his character.


that's why i could never think of harsh things like retribution, even when he dragged her to the temple that fateful night. i knew that too was love, just like the one he felt at this moment. a kind of love rarely seen, and if you can take its fury, its beauty would drown you even more. she knew it as she went along too.

but at this moment, he had no idea it was that feeling
. her thoughts just plagued him. he wanted to forget. frustrated, he slammed his wardrobe door, and awaited composure.

di walked in. again questions. she could sense he was very upset, his elder sibling who perhaps understood him better than most others. what's bothering you, i know who you're thinking of. "di, main khushi ke baare mein nahin soch raha hoon." di, i'm not thinking of khushi. khushi?

just before that in the sitting room, there had been a most emotionally difficult exchange with nani. her love, versus his need to lead his own life. nani was not pleased with his choice of girl, lavanya. she wanted to have a say in his decision for she cared. "main jaanta hoon, nani, par kuch faisle, achhe ya burey, insaan ko khud lene chahie... aur jaldbaazi mein kiye gaye faisle, kabhi theek nahin hote..." i know, nani, but some decisions, good or bad, one should take oneself... and any decision made in a rush is never correct.

di tried to say something. and he spat out, "di, please, mujhe abi khushi ke baare mein koi baat nahin karni." di, please, idon't want to talk about khushi.

twice she came to him unbidden, slip of the tongue. or yearning of the heart?

how would he know? for he'd said, "mere liye pyaar koi maine nahin rakhta." love has no significance for me. for him and nani, pyaar only seemed to suggest terrible tings. he didn't say so explicitly, but nani did, "pyaar naam ka shabd hai na, oo ka ek hi matlab hai... barbadi." that word love, it means only one thing, destruction. it was clear this had a lot to do with asr's parents and their life, their hasty decisions, their story.

but in our story, pyaar had made a strike and escape seemed impossible. what troubles you, di persisted, and finally she offered to feed him. the boy who lost his mother at 14, who became father, brother, man of the house, protector overnight, who never ever asked anything for himself, today he was feeling the need for someone. for this unfamiliar feeling troubled him no end. how sweetly he turned and handed her the plate. yes, i need a little cuddling tonight, a lullaby maybe?

but he kept quiet. what's the matter, don't you trust me, she asked. trust? the word broken to smithereens by his father. yes a part of him couldn't trust anyone perhaps. but di? oh he so desperately wanted to trust.

trust. love. elemental issues of life faced him tonight.

i wanted to play a song for asr here. Embarrassed

"wise men say only fools rush in
but i can't help falling in love with you
shall i stay
would it be a sin
if i can't help falling in love with you

like a river flows surely to the sea
darling so it goes
some things are meant to be
take my hand, take my whole life too
for i can't help falling in love with you

like a river flows surely to the sea
darling so it goes
some things are meant to be
take my hand, take my whole life too
for i can't help falling in love with you
for i can't help falling in love with you"

~~~ geroge weiss, hugo peretti, luigi creatore ~~~


it indeed was meant to be.

she was as wrapped up in him too. feeling his hands, his touch, stroking her cheek. touch indeed has memory. and her subconscious didn't reject it. his fingers lingered as she slept.

perhaps its call was so urgent, it woke her up. and in the transition to reality, the clearly felt and the understood came into focus. "nahiiin," nooooo! he was rakshas. she remembered nothing. till her trusted elder sister said,"woh laya tha," he brought you back. then came recollection, she saw the scar, and her expression grew more and more troubled at what she remembered.

she could feel him jerk her around, his hand on her wrist letting go but the churi had already done damage, she was confused, still trying to focus. in the middle of that everyone's anger at the man. was there anything galat that happened? in a middle class home, especially with girls, this is a big concern. no no, she said, not that. leave him, leave his job, she was advised. she had no answer, just the facts of the day. and a strange feeling.

a brilliant episode, adroitly stitched together. barun tremendous in his search for asr in this state. sanaya lovely in her confusion laced with anger. nani, di, just perfectly delivered, and mami's and bua ji's spike plus shyam's sliminess, what a mix.

credit: uploader



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