Saturday, 6 January 2018

episode 34 i am not ok

"hum theek nahin hain."
finally, she answered his question. i am not ok.
for me, this poignant moment connecting last episode and this, was the story of the day. the next step in their exploration of each other.

episode 34

"the face of a lover is an unknown, precisely because it is invested with so much of oneself. it is a mystery, containing, like all mysteries, the possibility of torment." 
~~~ james arthur baldwin~~~

a pensive mood permeated the frame right from the first moment. he's leaning close into his plant and pruning. a lost look in his eyes. suddenly flashes of light and a cascade of memories. her voice. scathing, sharp, indicting him, rising passionately in her anger in answer to his  "tum... theek ho?" now her diatribe reverberated within him. i wish to have nothing to do with a person like you. bhad mein gaye aap aur bhad mein gaye aap ki naukri. my name on that paper has more meaning than any penalty amount... her insults found their mark. a spark of return anger in his eyes. he picked up the pot he was tending with such care and dashed it on the ground. it shattered.

di walked in and said, ah so there is something in common between you and khushi. gussa. he remained silent. today even his plants failed to bring him comfort, peace, stability. storm in his eyes. as di carried on asking things he didn't want to probe into, his ire rose. perhaps a safer emotion than that inexplicable disquiet. di said she understood he was very upset about the guest house incident. for the second time she mentioned, khushi could have lost her life. writers used asr's elder sister well to allow us a peak into him. but the matter that really bothered him, no one, not asr, not di, not perhaps even writers had any inkling of. yet.

when she said he actually wanted to explain and apologise to khushi, asr couldn't take it any more. like the pearl string, he snapped.

"enough, di!maine kabhi kissi ko safai dena zaroori nahin samjha. mujhe uss khushi se kuch nahi kehna. mere liye koi maine nahin rakhti." enough, di! i've never thought it necessary to give explanations to anyone. i have nothing to say to that khushi. she means nothing to me.

uss khushi. that khushi. oh he was really mad at her.

but di persisted and asked what we've been itching to.
"achha? toh phir hum jabhi khushi ki baat kartein hain tum aise bhadak kyon jaatey ho." really? then why is it that whenever we speak of khushi you get so angry...

and there was khushi, confused, looking for the key to this utterly perplexing puzzle. "yeh humey kya ho raha hai?" what's this happening to me?  why was she not leaping with joy at having given asr a piece of her mind? she had had her say, gone to his house and told him all she wanted to, thrown his job, his contract... on his face, and walked off hugging her anger close. then why, why this unhappiness? "toh hume achha lagna chahiye na? phir humey kharab kyon lag raha hai?" so i should feel good, right? then why am i feeling bad? even food, her favourite chaat at that, couldn't bring her khushi smile back. bua ji, payal, and shyam (who was positively swooning in affection) tried their level best to cheer her up.

they knew it would be a rough day, this resignation thing, and like a caring family, had prepared distraction and lightness to get her up and about. alas, golgappa also couldn't make her forget this confused sad theek nahin hai feeling.

then two things happened at once. jiji asked khushi for a phone, and rahim chacha walked in carrying arnav baba's clothes from the laundry. almost like objects with minds of their own, a few pearls from a broken string and a key, mannat ki chabi, found their way to asr and khushi. and as if on cue rabba vey trilled in wrapping around the whole segment, as a man and a woman stood lost in thoughts of a person they didn't want to think about.  they stood quiet and scanning memories in the mind in their own separate spaces, but never really apart.

an intimate, almost set aside sequence with a curious intimacy all its own. camera close, touching skin, lingering, wondering, tying stories together. she held the key and stared at it long. his fingers closed over the pearls.

"arnav singh raizada."

nani worried about chhotey, lest he should destroy his life like his father had before him. no amount of coaxing by anjali eased her mind. what was this mystery that shrouded the past of asr? an ominous sense in the air.

shyam was in love. he so wanted to make khushi happy. she could see that yet, nothing about him ever touched her. if anything, she was perplexed, a bit turned off every time he tried to get close. the writers though decided to have a bit of fun and so gave shyam two wonderful dialogues about love. "baat hafto ki ho, ya saalon ki, pyaar toh pyaar hota hai." whether it's a matter of in weeks or years, love is love always.  and what if it was about eternity? hamesha? but shyam's pyaar did not know that span of time. like shyam, it was limited.

his "dhai akshar ka ehsaas" two and a half letters and one feeling... was playing games with khushi. she was in such a tizzy that she'd do the very thing she had felt she really never wanted to. "uss aranv singh raizada ka khayal baar baar mere man mein aa raha hai... man kar raha hai ki dubara usse miloon." that arnav singh raizada's thoughts are coming to my mind again and again... i feel like meeting him once more.

what, khushi?

tuhi bata mere maula, tu hi bata mere rabba.


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