Monday, 26 February 2018

episode 43 gadbad thoughts

two clear and distinct layers in this episode. one takes us through the twists and turns of the outer, evident story. the other loses its way in memory, in yearning, in feelings not yet described and given a name to. as mami ji says, "arnav... kaahe itna laast lagat ho?" why are you looking so lost, arnav? why indeed. 
a song came to mind as i watched two people helplessly veering into thoughts of each other, without volition, without premeditation. as if the memories called out to them.

credit: tips music

khushi was not quite herself when payal said, it looked like lavanya had kept a fast for asr, she saw him opening it for her. uh huh, something about this did not gel with khushi. though all she could think of apparently was eating aloo poori the next day, the fast having spiked her need for food a notch higher. khushi and her constant food talk. a cover for something? like that incessant chatter of hers? maybe a little girl is lost permanently inside trying to find her way home, and to keep the thoughts at bay a defensive layer of noise and filling spaces that are empty inside? despite her stars and her upbeat demeanour, some things in her begged resolution. but sp and ph decided women were bahurias and super human, so that never got looked at. pity. if there was ever a man on television who could have had a meaningful relationship with a real woman, it was arnav singh raizada.

this was impossible. every time she closed her eyes, a scene from that day played in her mind. teej... she would have fallen if he hadn't caught her... then she walked away and again felt dizzy, he caught her in time again, jerked her close to! her eyes flew open. again she tried and again an image of the man. she could even hear his voice, "pehle do kadam chalna seekho, phir mooh kholna." she leapt up and sat upright, desperate.

"gadbad ho gayi, jiji... tumne uska naam le liya. ab saari raat humey neend nahin aayegi... baar baar ussika khayal aata rahega." ah mr gadbad was creating problems again. thanks ami, for that name and there goes another word, becoming forever ipk. gadbad. mistake, something gone wrong. jiji, mistake that was... you took his name, now the whole night i won't get sleep... again and again his thoughts will keep on coming. why khushi? why is mr gadbad so in your thoughts? rakshas that he is, why can't you just dismiss him?

"hey devi maiyya... humari raksha karna."

next morning, busy khushi gets making mounds of poori, but as is wont to happen these days, again gadbad. bua ji in foul mood hands her the sindoor box to keep properly. out it flies from her hand and falls on the table top. blood red vermilion. 

and a memory triggers.

she's dashing into him at ber sarai, sindoor from her platter all over him,

he's holding her hand to steady her, she feels his touch, his warmth, his strength,

he looks at her hand in his, something in his eyes, they're both touched by sindoor.

no. she can't think of him. dm, please don't let that rakshas's thoughts ruin her happiness. khushi, what if those thoughts are your happiness? noticed yesterday? for a short while they made you forget food?

segue to rm, a contented asr who has just seen his family relaxed and happy around the magical bonhomie of shyam, picks up a glass of water and drinks from it. and before you can say what the, he's transported to another world. (doesn't take much it seems for his thoughts to just run away and be with someone.) 

where a girl drinks water...

 from the glass he holds tenderly to her lips...

ah, to dream of such beauty... he's putting her arms around his neck, she is snug against his body, he lifts her up,

and there is her face, lovely, serene, he doesn't want to stop the thoughts.

but reality calls, hello hi bye bye has cleverly noticed her favourite nephew is looking distracted. talk continues and all would have gone well if anjali hadn't mentioned khushi and her sister and how they were at the temple.  


he goes still hearing her name. in that very instant, the plate of jalebis in shyam's hand tips and crashes to the floor.

this quiet meandering layer touched me and stayed. khushi in her crazy talkative way, and asr in his own reticent, intense way go to the same place in their minds. their meetings, their takkars if you will. their constant ebb and flow toward and away from each other. unbidden come the irresistible thoughts, and tell them something they don't understand.

lovely. she has breached his fortress faraq nahin padta. and he has touched her sanaka mind.

while this entrancing thought flow traversed the inner emotion layer, the outer layer showed us how shyam charmed the family. 

first nani ji, then lakshmi, then the rest... "kaahe itna laad karat hai sabko" nani ji asked, smiling in delight. anjali beamed right through. if last night shyam had wiggled out of a tight spot regarding the delhi papers in his bag with a lie, today he turned evasive and philosophical to explain how he learnt to make jalebis. apparently, such things just happen.

oh well. the way the raizadas are willing to believe anything he says, why should he bother to be coherent or remotely logical. there was talk of anjali and shyam buying a house and moving out. asr looked worried, nani ji vetoed the idea saying she ought not hang around alone at home. obviously, anjali's disability makes her family over protective. and shyam is happy to take advantage of that. now all talk of moving out is over, he can relax and keep switching between gh and rm. living off his in laws.

on the other side bua ji was irritated with khushi, maybe because she was not showing any interest in shyam, in fact laughing it off and teasing bua ji about her interest in babua, "kya baat hai, bua ji... aapko shyam ji ki badi yaad aa rahi hai?" babu ji called the girls and hearing their giggly happy chatter, couldn't bring himself to say that they were in financial difficulties. khushi made loads of poori. but when payal said the rations were depleted and money wasn't plentiful either, khushi decided not to gorge, saving the pooris for lunch.

some dialogues that said more:

"arre tum kari jayi ho manage aur hoi jaihe damage." oh you keep managing but damage is what gets done.
mama ji, that was a little mean, and looks like you have a gentle sense of humour and very much in lau with your mano.

"ap toh suttupai karlo. humri boli bolne ki kosis na karo." you shut up, don't try to speak in my language.  
aw, such cute love talk from mami ji. i am serious. if mama ji doesn't get a dose or two from mami ji regularly, i bet he doesn't feel quite like himself.

"bhai ek baat toh hai, damad ji ke yahaan aate hi poora ghar badal jawat hai."  

one must say, the moment damad ji comes, the whole home seems to change.
yes, mama ji, everything changes with shyam's entry, but not in the way you think. deceit and destruction comes with him. that's the change he brings.

"tum humko pehle ee batao, tumko kitne prakaar ki sanak hai?"
first you tell me, how many kinds of craziness do you have?
bua ji was hilarious today. she can't take khushi's sanak no more. tell me, how many kinds of crazinesses have ya got, chatori number one.

"hai re nand kissore, ye kahabat ka bhi istemal naahi kar sakat hai, kaise ke sasoori ko anaj ke elava jindagi mein kuch chahiye bhi nahin," oh lord nand kisore, one can't even use ths saying, because apart from food this one wants nothing else in life.

very telling, bua ji. really why is khushi so fixated on food?

"di toh aap hi ki hai," di is yours... poor asr, no idea what vile intent lurks in that dark heart. if only he'd caught it, if only.


some people look good in blue and some other people can't help but make caps when they see some people in blue.



those teej episodes
episode rambles

Sunday, 25 February 2018

vm index

when i came to the forum, i had no idea what "vm" meant. i also couldn't download or edit. then came the echoes of asr and kkg in the mind, the desire to hold onto them a little bit longer, maybe find another way of delineating them, that romance, that nafrat and pyaar... soon i was making vms. 

initially, had uploaded all the vms on youtube. but star plus went on a rampage across soc med, claiming fan creations were copyright infringement. how, no one knows. we don't use these to make money. in fact, if anything, these simple tributes and sighs by fans happily give free advertising to a show we love. they are, to me, the equivalent of us humming a favourite song, adding a little something in it of our own, sometimes even a bit off tune, but always charming, always from the heart, always innocent of commerce and greed. i asked a professor of intellectual property rights at oxford univ if he believed this was infringement. a categoric "no" was his reply.

i have posted most of the vms here. some still to come up.

if you see the same vm repeated, it's in different posts, with other thoughts/gifs/edits, etc.

i hope you enjoy the vms.

|   chhoonley pyaar se touch me with your love (with episode 267)   |

|   tenderly (with episode 286/7/8)   |

|   tenderly (with thoughts on the elements)   |

|   hello love : a vm   |

|   the proposal : a vm   |

|   a man and his crazy girl (with episode 89)   |


|   your junoon your karaar... a vm   |

|   this is ishq dammit (with episode 343)   |

|   moonshine : a vm   |

|   a biwi too far (with episode 303)   |


Friday, 23 February 2018

episode 134 love, pyaar, chemistry

"bhai... khushi ji thoda pagal hai na? ekdam alag hain..." khushi ji is a bit mad isn't she... she's absolutely different, said akash with a bemused look as the two cousins walked into rm after a successful mission to save akash and payal's love.

khushi was exactly that and therefore totally valuable, especially in the context of indian tv where girls are constantly being told to be the same, the same and more of the same.

but that wasn't the reason a man in brown looked sort of lost, a gleam in his eyes as he said, "haan pagal toh hai..." yeah, mad she is. a graze in his voice, especially on that "haan!"

oh the tender tender look. khadoos has no idea how that pagal-ness is completely taking over his every feeling.

cut to gh, and a girl is doing a pretty convincing jija ji act. the specs look large and awkward, the voice is halting and gentle, there's utter confusion in the eyes... and payal is blushing practically at this. because that indeed is how her... akash ji is... say it softly, sigh.

that love between two sisters. it all started there, didn't it? that very first episode... a young woman most perturbed by the thoughtless act of her sister's to be in laws, and out to change things around.

jiji means the world to khushi, she will do anything for her. actually, payal too... she is completely doting of her sanka sister and protective. that night when khushi finally returned home, though her own wedding lay in a shambles, payal stood by khushi, refusing to blame her for anything. intelligent and strong enough to know that perhaps it was better not to marry such a spineless man. she told khushi, abhishek ji knew.

deepali portrayed a deep and lovely girl who always stood by what she felt was right and had a special place in her heart for the little girl who came home one day and became her playmate, her sis.

a sense of full circle as we sat in the room with the two watching them fool around. from jiji's wedding to jiji's wedding again.

khushi is delighted. and of course, delight brings on a special dose of madness and so the out of blue the jija ji act. hidden behind the big specs and the act is all her love, her joy, perhaps even her relief, because she has seen her sister balk at any talk of marriage and maybe even somewhere blamed herself for not reaching in time that night...

payal is smart, she worries about her paramour's family accepting her. in a totally trusting voice, khushi says, arnav ji has said he'll take care of things.

"khushi, arnav ji bilkul waise nahin hai na.. jaise humne socha tha..." payal says, arnav ji isn't at all the way we thought he was.

a play of emotions on khushi's face, suddenly vulnerable. perhaps too much has happened between them and the hurt is deep, but then she smiles and tells one of her little lies, for her jiji's happiness and peace of mind... no he is nothing like that.
a feeling of family as two brothers do a bear hug, a solid jhappi, in the hallway of rm while the sisters hug on that bed of theirs in gh.

just a couple of steps into rm and all hell is waiting to break loose. mami is holding court as prospective daughter in law's parents beam at her while the girl simpers. mama ji sits a little away.

how gleefully manorama calls out to her son, her mr india, to come and see his bride to be. miss india (of some colony or the other). the always amiable akash, who never ever says anything to his mother... or anyone, suddenly starts acting completely unlike himself.
"main yeh shadi nahin karoonga!" i shall not marry... good boy says grimly.

bad boy looked on keenly.

akash's rebellion... like a chapter in itself.
an insight into pyaar itself perhaps in that very stance of his. pyaar does make us do things we never ever would otherwise. it made akash stand up straight, look his mum in the eyes and say "no", loud and clear.

he will marry someone else... aur unka naam hai payal ji... and her name is payal ji.

hello hi bye bye... said manorama. possibly the most killing use of that favourite phrase...
akash was pretty magnificent. not as gussa as the one true gussa man, but angry enough, young enough, and totally smitten man.

he refused to marry the girl his mother had invited home. this being a scene around mami, i guess had to be campy. there sat the young girl all giggly and overdressed between her proud parents, while mami beamed and cooed in loud turquoise and kilos of gold.

the whole family was soon there. the young girl's father admonished manorama. akash was resolved. arnav sigh looked surprised, but happy... and he watched his mami. he coudl sense managing would be needed. mama ji also did an about turn and supported akash bitwa. nani ji beamed at teh thought of payal being akash's wife and scolded mami, you don't even know the sort of person your son likes... di grinned and stroked akash's cheek.

mami swung her hips angrily, her lips shimmied. but not a scratch on akash's resolve.

authoritative akash now,"main sirf aur sirf payal ji se shadi karoonga. and that's final." i shall marry only payal and that's final.

mama ji looked proud of his son.

bad boy was struck by this new facet of his cousin.

does love do this to us? it can... sigh, it can.

but mami ji was having none of it. the lady has managed everything with her melodrama and canniness and a fair bit of crassness all her life.

she would not let that khoon bhari tang get her poor bitwa. she decided to bring hell to that girl's life and made a phone call.

oh so much storm and thunder all around. lovely.

as the bolts landed on payal and she wept and called akash to say, they really must forget each other, khushi lost it...

two little whirlwinds seem to whizz away through the episode. mami... khushi. each balancing the other. almost in harmony.

hah, that man.
arnav singh raizada, muttered a furious khushi... pehle kahte hain ki sab kuch sambhalenge... aur ab? ye? first he says he'll take care of things, now? this? angry cute and trusting girl... call the man. rave at him.

"aap kya kar rahe hain... aap aap ko pata bhi hai ki kya ho raha hai? aap kuch kar kyun nahin raha hain???"

what are you doing... do you do you even know what's going on? why aren't you doing anything? she went at him straight.

what the f... said the eloquent one and disconnected the call.

raging and undeterred, khushi stormed out of the house to meet him. yes, at night, she'll be back in an hour... she the "lakshminagar ki baan" as per bua ji, who is totally perplexed by the "ganga jamna" tears covered payal too.

and in no time, she was there where so many things transpire. the poolside. she had walked into the house and not bothered with any niceties, going straight to where she was told arnav ji would be found.

he sat working, she stomped up to him.

"khushi?" he looked up.

a gorgeous sequence followed with dialogues and expressions that had most of us laughing and happy.

there was no talk of love between the two, no emotion charged fight, no almost kiss, no falling, no catching, practically no undercurrents.

but that chemistry.

i noticed just how much of that was there between them. funny dialogues, repartee, great comedy... but always that sexiness somewhere there. the body language between them sparkles with something. as if they are in some sort of constant tango... so much vibe and rhythm. the jhalli girl in classic khushi attire with gota and bad hairstyle and the suave man in smart well cut clothes, just to see them in the same frame brings on acidity.

she raved.

"relax... calm down..." did he say that. aargh.

clearly when it comes to shatir mami, nautanki is failing... strategy boy's input is needed.

"gehri saans lo..." take a deep breath he advises. note, he is not yelling. that funny sort of feeling for this spitfire girl... i think this huge love she has for her fam always touches him. that's one place where they are identical.

"shh... maine kaha hai na main baat karoonga..." i have said i'll speak. so tender. why why why?

maybe because she is looking so distraught. maybe because he plans to kill the onlooker, as in me.

"main baat kar loonga..." i'll speak.

she is not convinced. she knows he and mami will cross swords and then he'll lose his cool. she knows her candidate well. his gussa is at his nose practically.

poor man, tries to hold down his temper, "main kah raha hoon na, main baat kar loonga..."

"ek kaam karte hain..." let's do something, she cuts in, "hum abhyaas karte hain..." let's practise, she's looking sanka devi.

"what?" deadly look.

"haan, aap sochiye ki hum mami ji hain aur aap hume manao!" commands the goddess, think i am mami and you appease me.

what the f, says man.

she clears her throat, narrows her eyes and goes hello hi bye bye...priceless look on lg's face.

while madness and mirth rise by the pool, fury courses in a room in rm, akash is angry.

at the poolside, khushi points out her plan has worked before, so he must listen to her... what is he going to say to mami ji.

sure enough, tycoon reels off survey figures re love and marriage. i giggle thinking this is what i wrote in 133.

"aap aise kahenge?" horrified sanka devi asks, you'll speak like this!

survey? percent?

"aap thode bhavna ke saath kahiye na..." say it with some feelings, please...

"maine kaha na... main apne tarike se kar raha hoon... bhavna ko beech mein kyun laa rahi ho..." i said i'll say it in my way, he avers, why are you dragging bhavna into this. clearly he has no clue what bhavna is, he thinks it's a person.

pretty hackneyed joke, but smooth to and fro... that chemistry at work.

"feel..." she's trying to explain.

"feelings..." curtly, and devastatingly he.

"haan, wahi... feelings ke saath kahiye na," yes, that... say it with feelings.

he is about to erupt.

deadly khushi does the most flaky, couples are made in heaven bit.

asr gobsmacked.

"aur yeh sab main kahoonga?" and all this i will say? clearly the incongruity of it has completely escaped kkg in her desperation to get things going.

"mami ji se?" to mami ji? he knows what cuts ice with his favourite relative.

"bilkul!" absolutely.

"aur iss filmi lecture ke baad bhi woh mani nahin toh?" and what if after this movie type lecture she doesn't give in?

well if she doesn't, advises chief planner, then turn lightly thus and say, "kuch kuch hota hai, mami ji..." 

khushi in her world all smug and happy... asr's expression changes... 

what a sequence.

"aap nahin samjhengi..." something happens, mami ji, you won't understand, goofy dreamy look on kkg's visage on that
filmi dialogue from a very filmi hindi film.

camera pulls focus... asr in sharp lines... i need to say the next two words for him...

"what crap."

the new assertive akash is leaving... the fam runs after him. that music in the background, where is it from.

end note
somewhere in the middle a hiss was heard.
poor bua ji has a cold but you know syam babua has given her that medicine, that special marham, that cures everything. really? and where has khushi heard someone say exactly that? quite smoothly alongside is building the shyam's revelation story. nice detail that prayer book in bua ji's hands.


feeling arnav ji feeling episodes
episode rambles

Thursday, 22 February 2018

a sweetness and a crunch

laad governor and chhotey, are they the same guy? chhutki, who makes jalebi when she's upset. nice to see the first ones of the show. was watching a veer zaara song just now, he took a refulgent orange jalebi and offered her, she took a bite, i could only think of khushi, asr, episode 3. yesterday amma had said "tum theek ho"... today babu ji said, "kauno faraq nahi padta." uff looks like that asr stole their lines. laad governor kahin ke.

a caringly crafted episode. so much in it. the lilting, peace filled, yearning strains of maula mere maula juxtaposed with excitement and anticipation building as they cross each other's path again and again, without knowing that they do.

their first touch, a long, lingering caress of white virginal dupatta across his face, moulding against its unyeilding ridges and grooves, feeling every pore, he turns toward its call, inert eyes looking to see, is there someone out there? someone he seeks? something in the eyes.

khushi's breaks into light khushi quirkiness. asr in his own world, here to get a job done, just take 10/15 minutes, stunning in knowing black.
of course they had to meet, when she called out, he stopped, again something in his eyes, was her voice familiar? he seemed to know its cadence, and when he turned no surprise in his gaze. just the stillness.

hoi hoi hoi hoihoi, the calm entry down a path strewn with colourful signs of a revered mazar, now a mad dash through it throwing all into disarray, miss khushi kumari gupta is not going to let that laad governor get away with it this time.

a girl determined, a man not in a mood to be messed with, a mannat ki chabi.

something wild, elemental

if he never did another intense role again, never felt deep moving love and hate on screen, i'd be pretty sad. was watching wild strawberries on my computer last night, thought of him, even though the protagonist is a man of 78. perhaps the intensity, the level of emotion had something akin. while studying english we learnt about the domestic tragedies of the early twentieth century, the pared down everyday characters and their lives, the heroes minus the larger than life graph of shakespeare and marlowe, the greeks and others. how they bored me, gosh those galsworthy classes. in hindi cinema today, there is this curbing of character, this exploration of something considered cool... actually something that is inherently neither moving nor exciting... i so hope he is not totally taken in and over by this trend... he plays the big and uncontrollable in us so beautifully. and with her, now what to say.

wrote this on 19 october 2016



Wednesday, 21 February 2018

episode 32 silence speaks

sometimes silence speaks more, much more than words. even though the words seem potent, loaded with meaning, they still don't quite achieve what some silences do. there were a lot of those silences in episode 32. khushi's wondering, slightly disturbed look as she clutched her jiji close. what was that? hadn't she just said, "jiji, girti hui imarat samhal li, kuch bhi samhal loongi"? i have managed a falling edifice, i'll manage anything.
"does not everything depend on our interpretation of the silence around us?"
~~~ lawrence durrell ~~~

or the one up there, where he looks into a story we can't see but we can feel his anguish about it, as though he doesn't want to listen. something to do with his mama and papa, he almost flinches at the words when di says she wished they were there for she can't handle all the anger flaring around anymore. his face hardens in an instant and his fist closes in a tight knot. the pain hits hard.

yet when he whips around to give his sister a harsh answer, he sees her face, its sadness and worry, he melts. a whole love story was written in just those swiftly changing expressions. i wish i could capture all of them and include here. his hands came and grasped hers tenderly, and he said the words just in case we hadn't understood, but we knew that all along, didn't we? "aap sab kuch ho, di. main aapki aankhon mein aansoon nahi dekh sakta." you are everything, di. i can't see tears i your eyes.

he will fight the whole world to bring back her happiness. (little does he know he will have to fight the most precious thing he's ever had to do just that.) she will make his kind of food to make him feel better. she knows he's feeling bad about too many things. what happened to khushi, what's happening with nani, their parents, everything, all she wants to do is make it ok for him. some soup might help? 

siblings love in funny unspoken ways, even when they are rivals, even when they aren't always good to each other. ipk had a particularly keen understanding of this. which is why, when anjali started to lie to chhotey i'd thought we'd see something very interesting. it could have been that. a glimpse of it in the miscarriage scene, where she finally believes as she looks into the eyes of her brother standing outside. again, silence.

a beautifully crafted episode that seemed to me to be about name, identity, pehchaan, and an awareness that is refusing to go, in fact making quite a place for itself. from bua ji's "wah nand kissore," to mami ji's warning of "cantrobhersial" food, everything felt smooth and was intensely expressive, almost as much as barun's face.

payal was picking up the unspoken cues of worry and uncertainly from khushi and reflecting it back. she was happy with khushi's decision to resign, but still... if only they hadn't come to delhi. khushi counters without thinking, "nahin, jiji, dilli itni bhi buri nahin hai, matlab agar hum dilli nahin aate toh... toh..." no, jiji, delhi isn't that bad either, if we hadn't come here, then... toh ham arnav ji se kaise miltey? then how would we have met arnav ji? is that what her heart wanted to say? we'll never know.

he'd had a bad night, then all that talk about marriage with nani, and her little pull a bride out of a hat trick, he strode into office in a foul mood. how a man can change the whole energy of a place by simply walking through it, i will never understand. the grim walk in with inert eyes, reminiscent of the mazar entry, and the long steps carrying him out with a simple pause at the sight of dm, said more than most things he said today. especially about that awareness. it intruded even when he was rushing to see his di who had fainted. how much of a statement is that?

as if that were not enough:

"usska ek naam hai!" 

she has a name.

just the day before he had used her name for the first time. once in reference, but twice directly, calling out to her, hoping she was there, alive, unhurt. then that wondering, "khushi..." as she let go on him. and today, he wanted her to be given the respect of being called by her name. why? he didn't care after all. all he wanted was for her to lose and go away. mera naam hai arnav singh raizada. my name is arnav singh raizada. the boy who'd rejected his father's name and taken his mother's proudly, knew the importance of a name. that it was identity. you mess with it, you are messing with the person's being. today he can't tolerate this disrespect for her.

somehow he was sensitized to her now. she mattered. maybe he was still worried about her. when he hears the giggling trio, something snaps in him. he lashes out. and lavanya's unthinking chamkili just pushes him over the edge. he gives pam and sim this appraising look when he walks in. did he see the completely opposite kkg in his mind as he looked at them? did he feel a little tired of this thick shallowness?

she walked in all prepared to resign. and just inside the ar door, she stopped. her hands tightened on the strap of her bag. she's tense, she's gathering her will and courage. in her eyes, something more again. then she remembers. one of the most timeless moments in ipk. he is reaching out, holding her hand, pulling her up and rushing out, he's turning back to look at her. oh just hold it there. what's in his eyes. she's succumbing... he's looking at her, jaw clenched. the memories bring involuntary words to her lips,"devi maiyya raksha karna." devi maiyya, save me. of course, just then he stops in his tracks to look at dm sitting pretty on her desk. a long pause, he is obviously thinking of her. they miss each other, never making contact. yet a funny communication, a connection through devi maiyya just now.

"we know what we are, but not what we may be."
~~~ william shakespeare ~~~

pehchaan is one of the main motifs of ipk. to be who you are, to know who you are, to discover yourself. an individualistic slant in all its characters. as iconoclastic as its main protagonist, ipk sought to break stereotypes, and make us look into the heart of things. the makers were trying to communicate something they considered important. which is why maybe we were often presented with a character in a certain way, only to find later they were not at all as we'd imagined them to be. there was the issue of well rounded, lifelike characters, but also the element of "revelation" of each one. who would have thought, mami was capable of so much love and loyalty.

or la, just look at her. did we ever think she would become one of the most memorable characters of ipk, a character like her has perhaps never been seen in indian tv or films.

this what you see is not what you get, i felt was always more than just clever writing. it was very much driven by content and core thought. someone was urging us to look beyond the surface. and what's more, was treating us like intelligent people, who could figure things out. which is why maybe all those carefully crafted silences, and beautiful expressions and body language, and other signs and symbols.

reflections. for days we've seen them, on windows, mirrors, water. now a clear look at image, it's meaning, and the need to see oneself clearly.

"lucknow se hain, iss liye darke bhage nahin...
balki khu
d batane aaye hain ki yeh naukri humare layak nahin...humaari parvarish toh aisi hai..
humey sikhaya ga
ya hai ki sahi kaam karo...
aur poore atma sanman ke saath karo..."

i am from lucknow, i don't get scared and run away...
instead i have come to tell you, this job is not suitable for me...
my upbringing is such, i have been taught to do what is right...
and do it with complete self respect.

so just like him, she has been taught the value of being and doing "sahi." his life has been stricken by "galat," and that's one thing he just doesn't want to be: galat. wrong.
"rehne dijiya, aapko batane ki koi faida nahin...atma sanman toh unka hota hai, jinki khudki koi pehchaan ho...aur aapka toh poora din inki nakal karne mein nikal jaata hai..."

let it be, no point in telling you...
self respect only those have who have their own identity...
and your entire day goes trying to imitate her...

she retorts when sim cuts in, 

"hum khud ko kuch nahin samajh rahe,
kyonki hum jaante hain ki hum kaun hain...
aur hum jo bhi hain usse khush hain...par aap kabhi aine mein dekhkar khud se poochiye,
ki aap khud ko peh
chanti hain bhi ya nahin...agar khud ko pehchan pati, yeh locket chhupakar nahin rakhti...aapke dil me jo hai usse chehre par laake dekhiye..."

i am not thinking myself to be anything, because i know who i am...
and whatever i am, i am happy with that.
but look in the mirror sometime and ask yourself,
whether you know yourself or not...
if you could recognise yourself, you wouldn't have hidden this locket...
what you are at heart, let it show... and see...

a brilliant set of terse lines that reflect her intense anger and personality, her belief in herself. in many ways she is the mirror image of the man she calls rakshas. and today, she is so riled by all the injustice that's come her way, she's calling off the game, and reasserting herself. khushi's journey of self discovery is as potent as asr's. this episode was telling in so many ways.

now we await the "cantrobhersial" thing. and please, may i have two nurses too, i faintiya gayi every time a certain someone walks in or out.