Monday, 26 February 2018

episode 43 gadbad thoughts


two clear and distinct layers in this episode. one takes us through the twists and turns of the outer, evident story. the other loses its way in memory, in yearning, in feelings not yet described and given a name to. as mami ji says, "arnav... kaahe itna laast lagat ho?" why are you looking so lost, arnav? why indeed. 
 
a song came to mind as i watched two people helplessly veering into thoughts of each other, without volition, without premeditation. as if the memories called out to them.




credit: tips music



khushi was not quite herself when payal said, it looked like lavanya had kept a fast for asr, she saw him opening it for her. uh huh, something about this did not gel with khushi. though all she could think of apparently was eating aloo poori the next day, the fast having spiked her need for food a notch higher. khushi and her constant food talk. a cover for something? like that incessant chatter of hers? maybe a little girl is lost permanently inside trying to find her way home, and to keep the thoughts at bay a defensive layer of noise and filling spaces that are empty inside? despite her stars and her upbeat demeanour, some things in her begged resolution. but sp and ph decided women were bahurias and super human, so that never got looked at. pity. if there was ever a man on television who could have had a meaningful relationship with a real woman, it was arnav singh raizada.


this was impossible. every time she closed her eyes, a scene from that day played in her mind. teej... she would have fallen if he hadn't caught her... then she walked away and again felt dizzy, he caught her in time again, jerked her close to him...no! her eyes flew open. again she tried and again an image of the man. she could even hear his voice, "pehle do kadam chalna seekho, phir mooh kholna." she leapt up and sat upright, desperate.


"gadbad ho gayi, jiji... tumne uska naam le liya. ab saari raat humey neend nahin aayegi... baar baar ussika khayal aata rahega." ah mr gadbad was creating problems again. thanks ami, for that name and there goes another word, becoming forever ipk. gadbad. mistake, something gone wrong. jiji, mistake that was... you took his name, now the whole night i won't get sleep... again and again his thoughts will keep on coming. why khushi? why is mr gadbad so in your thoughts? rakshas that he is, why can't you just dismiss him?

 
"hey devi maiyya... humari raksha karna."

next morning, busy khushi gets making mounds of poori, but as is wont to happen these days, again gadbad. bua ji in foul mood hands her the sindoor box to keep properly. out it flies from her hand and falls on the table top. blood red vermilion. 


and a memory triggers.


she's dashing into him at ber sarai, sindoor from her platter all over him,
 

he's holding her hand to steady her, she feels his touch, his warmth, his strength,
 

he looks at her hand in his, something in his eyes, they're both touched by sindoor.

no. she can't think of him. dm, please don't let that rakshas's thoughts ruin her happiness. khushi, what if those thoughts are your happiness? noticed yesterday? for a short while they made you forget food?

segue to rm, a contented asr who has just seen his family relaxed and happy around the magical bonhomie of shyam, picks up a glass of water and drinks from it. and before you can say what the, he's transported to another world. (doesn't take much it seems for his thoughts to just run away and be with someone.) 



where a girl drinks water...


 from the glass he holds tenderly to her lips...


ah, to dream of such beauty... he's putting her arms around his neck, she is snug against his body, he lifts her up,


and there is her face, lovely, serene, he doesn't want to stop the thoughts.


but reality calls, hello hi bye bye has cleverly noticed her favourite nephew is looking distracted. talk continues and all would have gone well if anjali hadn't mentioned khushi and her sister and how they were at the temple.  

khushi.

  
he goes still hearing her name. in that very instant, the plate of jalebis in shyam's hand tips and crashes to the floor.


this quiet meandering layer touched me and stayed. khushi in her crazy talkative way, and asr in his own reticent, intense way go to the same place in their minds. their meetings, their takkars if you will. their constant ebb and flow toward and away from each other. unbidden come the irresistible thoughts, and tell them something they don't understand.

lovely. she has breached his fortress faraq nahin padta. and he has touched her sanaka mind.

while this entrancing thought flow traversed the inner emotion layer, the outer layer showed us how shyam charmed the family. 



first nani ji, then lakshmi, then the rest... "kaahe itna laad karat hai sabko" nani ji asked, smiling in delight. anjali beamed right through. if last night shyam had wiggled out of a tight spot regarding the delhi papers in his bag with a lie, today he turned evasive and philosophical to explain how he learnt to make jalebis. apparently, such things just happen.


oh well. the way the raizadas are willing to believe anything he says, why should he bother to be coherent or remotely logical. there was talk of anjali and shyam buying a house and moving out. asr looked worried, nani ji vetoed the idea saying she ought not hang around alone at home. obviously, anjali's disability makes her family over protective. and shyam is happy to take advantage of that. now all talk of moving out is over, he can relax and keep switching between gh and rm. living off his in laws.

on the other side bua ji was irritated with khushi, maybe because she was not showing any interest in shyam, in fact laughing it off and teasing bua ji about her interest in babua, "kya baat hai, bua ji... aapko shyam ji ki badi yaad aa rahi hai?" babu ji called the girls and hearing their giggly happy chatter, couldn't bring himself to say that they were in financial difficulties. khushi made loads of poori. but when payal said the rations were depleted and money wasn't plentiful either, khushi decided not to gorge, saving the pooris for lunch.


some dialogues that said more:

"arre tum kari jayi ho manage aur hoi jaihe damage." oh you keep managing but damage is what gets done.
mama ji, that was a little mean, and looks like you have a gentle sense of humour and very much in lau with your mano.


  
"ap toh suttupai karlo. humri boli bolne ki kosis na karo." you shut up, don't try to speak in my language.  
aw, such cute love talk from mami ji. i am serious. if mama ji doesn't get a dose or two from mami ji regularly, i bet he doesn't feel quite like himself.

"bhai ek baat toh hai, damad ji ke yahaan aate hi poora ghar badal jawat hai."  

one must say, the moment damad ji comes, the whole home seems to change.
yes, mama ji, everything changes with shyam's entry, but not in the way you think. deceit and destruction comes with him. that's the change he brings.

"tum humko pehle ee batao, tumko kitne prakaar ki sanak hai?"
first you tell me, how many kinds of craziness do you have?
bua ji was hilarious today. she can't take khushi's sanak no more. tell me, how many kinds of crazinesses have ya got, chatori number one.

"hai re nand kissore, ye kahabat ka bhi istemal naahi kar sakat hai, kaise ke sasoori ko anaj ke elava jindagi mein kuch chahiye bhi nahin," oh lord nand kisore, one can't even use ths saying, because apart from food this one wants nothing else in life.

very telling, bua ji. really why is khushi so fixated on food?

"di toh aap hi ki hai," di is yours... poor asr, no idea what vile intent lurks in that dark heart. if only he'd caught it, if only.





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some people look good in blue and some other people can't help but make caps when they see some people in blue.









 


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