Monday, 29 August 2016

episode 118 on my mind

he's sleeping, it's early morning... and "aaj se hi tum meri zindagi sa nikal jao..." his words to her play back, leave my life from this very day... she's walking away... he's on the other side of the temple, leaving her. forever.

eyes open, he starts and jumps up... "khushi?" again that different cadence to a name. today it's a question, a first thought, a where are you? she's so on his mind. all that go away forever yet the heart doesn't listen. in your sleep the truth is clear.

and it's di yelling at him, her little bhai dooj drama. rather sweet.

"di, what the hell," (aw the "hell").

but to go back to that dream, this has happened before. the day she'd told him in a closed, stirred storeroom that she was leaving for lucknow, forever. hamesha ke liye. perhaps the first time hamesha had entered their moment.

episode 118 started on a note echoing the one we we ended 47 on:

he lay there in deep sleep. then her voice. she's going... forever. no, you can't go like that... khushi, khushiii. 
he jerked up and sat upright in bed. shallow erratic breathing. 

why do i feel you in the pit of my stomach. why do i want to go where you lead me. listen to me, will yoy?

doesn't he, like many of us, take his innermost thoughts and fears and desires to his dreams, his nightmares? that recurrent memory of di's wedding day, a woman running, shehnai, and "maa." the thought of separation from the one most loved. his mother. haunts his sleep often.

and now at the mere thought of being separated from khushi, the fear laced with a wish, a want, a need is stalking him behind closed eyes. i felt at some place the sudden loss of ma and the sense of parting with khushi had a similar sensation. not consciously or clearly. but both felt like a terrifying terrible thing. the intensity of losing his mother is no doubt much keener, but the emotions evoked by the two partings are alike.

without our knowing, sometimes people become more extremely important to us. they become part of life. habit. even when we tell them to go away and never show face, we think that's not going to happen, they'll always be there. hamesha. then the dream shows otherwise. with ma, he knows there's no hope, she's gone. but with khushi?

"khushi bitiya agar aadat hai, toh hum aisan umeed karat hai ki aisan acchhi aadat harek ko pade..." nani is wise and her sentence: if khushi is a habit, then may everyone get a habit like this... a sweet hint from writers that someone is becoming someone's habit.

and like all good habit owners, he is trying his best to kick it... failing miserably. looking more and more angry. now if a grown man didn't look so cute disgruntled and rude with a red tika and stubble, might have been easy not to let such an aadat form.

"enough di, please..." an outburst. "stop it... bahut ho gaya khushi khushi... why don't you guys understand ki woh ja chuki hai..." how he rants... she's gone, why don't you guys get it...

too much protest? all taken aback.

then di's words chill him to his gut. sometimes you don't know whom you're meeting for the last time and after they leave you realise how wrong you were.

he stands there riveted to that thought. di storms out, her anger is real this time, the others leave too. at last he can close his eyes, swallow...

in the meantime, khushi has decided to start teaching kids maths and hindi and earn some money. di and gang have mounted a campaign to bring her back to rm. and akash ji has come to lakshminagar to acquire
a gift for di... for next year's bhai dooj. payal ji.

bhaji gali love, done.
diya stall love, done.
now auto rikshaw love. while the other two are doing suv hate.

nice contrast, creatives. the sweet love and the khadoos killer type love. no need to guess which is clearly aspirational, unless of course you have a thing for three wheelers. have to say, the auto driver's brusque get on with it was funny.

khushi has been tricked into returning to rm. her three champs are doing their "sab darama" to convince her, while mami ji wonders what the. khushi enters and nani ji and la start.

360 degree pans as the two women scream and "fight". a mysterious "galati," mistake, it's cause. so what is the problem, a harried, concerned khushi asks, which book does la know nothing about?

di says, bhagwat gita... nani says, ram charit manas. to cover up the faux pas, nani yells, even mano baby knows it... "aur toh aur manorama ko bhi ee sab ka gyan hai..." manorama is ready to pass out at this... "humka?" me? she clearly knows nothing. another insight into the raizada essential tolerance and open mindedness, despite all the daughters in law need to know this and that talk and the endless poojas and festivals. a place for new thought and different ways exists here. somewhere a recognition of each to his own. a little irritation, leg pulling, discord amongst fam members every now and then, but no real interference with one's right to be who they want to be. sadly la seemed to have pressed all the wrong buttons, not just one, and so this stringent "get with the programme" regimen she had to go through. but even that was made easier once nani sensed there was a good, wholesome, loving girl in there somewhere.

a lovely imbroglio, set up to get madam khushi dream stalker back. well written, well acted, dum (kick) in it.

finally mami gets it. phew.

as khushi goes to get some oil for the lamp, the music, feelings, where is he, thank g he isn't around. really?

"where the hell is my..." storm strides in. stops. just like that other day, when he knew she was here and how he'd shouted even then. rakhi.

bhai dooj today. sisters brothers and their love and hopes for the each other, on two days significant for this relationship, a sister's wish for her brother seems to be coming closer.

she was walking along light and happy, when that wind got to her too.


ahamiyat and bandagement episodes
episode rambles

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