Thursday, 25 August 2016

episode 44 never on a sunday

he walks by her desk, then stops and turns. there sits her devi maiyya. he has just told lavanya, with whom he has a relationship, that she's moving into his home. yet. there he stands, as if unable to walk away. looking at an empty desk. he remembers her holding out her resignation letter to him, that day, when she came home to tell him she was worth more than his wagers, and he was the wrong kind of guy who sent people to dangerous places without caring for their well being. they had not spoken since then. no one ever spoke to him like that and got away with it.


there he stands.

and in his mind's eye, she's turning back at the door, a last lingering look, some unknown pain there, none of the screaming, she walks out the door.

no wonder to lavanya he says,
"haanh.. tum jaisi ho mujhe waisi pasand ho," (yes... i like you the way you are). he does like her exactly the way she is. without any real power over him. she can't make him do things he can't fathom. or transfix his mind, his precious dimaag. or confound his feelings. no, la doesn't have that power, and asr likes things that way in a relationship. cool, easy, with respect for both people, but no undeniable need. no overwhelming emotion that surpasses all. that wouldn't do. he needs to be in control. and with lavanya, he is. yes, the way you are, that's the way i like you.

of course, he doesn't hear the feeling in la's "i love you, asr." his mind is not on her at all. when he realises later, he will regret his self oriented approach, but right now, he is just thinking of survival.

he looks away, and then again turns to see her desk. a second time. thoughts roam his eyes. a struggle is evident. he begins to walk away, but turns again, this time with decision. "ek minute... iss table pe jo samaan hai woh hatwa do or jiska hai usske ghar bhijwa do!" (one minute... remove the things on this desk and send them to the house of the one they belong to). the peon is commanded to remove signs of her from his office. if only such things worked.

at the breakfast table, he'd hiccuped three times. and di had said, "tumhe koi bahut zore se yaad kar raha hai," (someone's really remembering you...) who could be remembering him so much? miss kassyap as mamiji suggested, setting off a storm of words about his relationship?

or was it the girl pacing in her room, wondering why she couldn't stop thinking about that rakshas, that arnav singh raizada. just like di who kept unwittingly reminding him of khushi, so did payal bring up his name all the time, completely throwing khushi off balance. "tum ghuma phirakar har baat uss rakshas tak kyon le jaate ho... tumhe hum khush achhe nahi lagte..." (why do you always find a way to take every conversation back to that monster, don't you like to see me happy...), i don't want to think about him at all. and change the topic or i'll start making jalebis again.

but is it payal's fault really? doesn't khushi think of him "baar baar" anyway? today she wonders why this is happening, a feeling that something has been left behind... what? and she remembers... of course, devi maiyya.

her struggle before the door of ar. a classic moment of conflict. her thoughts are in turmoil. there is no earthly reason she should constantly think of the man, yet she does. an exact reflection of asr's state of mind.

both losing control.

she stands there, tense. music mirrors her quandary and extreme unease. some funny feelings mix in. she remember things. nasty things that he'd done. her dupatta ripped, her hand left suddenly as she fell, a skimpy dress thrown at her with a brutal, "go change." these seemed to help her get courage, get her anger going, and she pushed the door with resolve. but there went her alarm bells again, and panic returned. the darti hai par karti hai girl gingerly walked in.

then a brilliant last line delivery by sanaya. "ghabra mat khushi, office mein koi nahin hai... aaj toh ravivar hai..." (don't fret, khushi, no one's there in the office) voice
sweet, innocent, khushi calming khushi, then a mercurial change of expression at his thought, "... aur woh laad governor toh bilkul nahin!"(and that lord governor absolutely isn't there!).  lovely.

an aside
no idea why, but this episode brought to mind one of my favourite scenes between the two. cliff top. you'll find my ramble on the episodes here. it was in scenes like this that those emotions were taking root, growing, ambushing resistance, and slowly capturing the heart. i'd written about the precap in a crooner at the time, leaving some lines from it here.

"this has never happened to me before. i sat there transfixed, through the quickly ticking minutes, almost not daring to breathe. as the ride ended on the silhouette stilled against the setting sun, i was about to let go and say wow, when the precap (what happened to good old trailer) came on.

he was talking urgently to the unconscious khushi, "khushi, talk to me dammit... this is not FUNNY!" as his voice wobbled dangerously as though he were on a precipice about to plunge, i felt something give way inside me. i put my head in my hands and felt a sob rising within. i had to actually sit still for a few minutes to recover.

i felt something had reached deep within me, a place we keep carefully hidden from the world, and touched raw emotion. can't tell you what that did to me. most of all it told me, i am still alive. zinda hoon mein."


saansey ruk jaygi episodes
episode rambles


  1. awesome
    the way you write, always makes me spell bound.
    His "precious dimaag" was actually pervaded by that low aukat girl's thought. Though La was his tangible girlfriend but his mind was with his intangible girlfriend Khushi.
    It was indeed a very beautiful episode with full of undiscovered mehsoos.
    Just loved your ramble.

    1. sohara :) so good to see you here. thanks for reading and enjoying it so much. love what you say about the tangible la and the intangible khushi. it's always the intangible, isn't it? the intangible is so absolutely unignorable and captivates our thoughts... whispers, bothers, awakens... sigh.