Saturday, 8 April 2017

this business of love

just wanted to say something about this business of pyaar.

i know everyone wants it to be politically right, done and shown a certain way, we see shows that seem to present the "right" way of loving... and definitely a man trapping, pulling, dragging a girl is out as far as socially acceptable love is concerned.

and yet, when these things happened in ipk, i couldn't help but feel the roiling throbbing real emotions in those moments. i could also not say these things don't happen. nor could i say, if this happens you need to walk out on the whole relationship.

fighting, yelling, getting a little, no a lot, out of control i have come to know to be part of deep emotion. especially love. there are people who by disposition are calm and they will express and experience love within the extent and boundaries of their nature. then there are more naturally ebullient people, such as myself. but i think anyone, if they really feel this emotion, will be touched by it and moved to do things they normally may never do.

it's been more than thirty three years since i fell in love madly with a young man. he was handsome, funny, totally exciting, and he had this crazy upbeat view of life that carried me away. this december it will be thirty years since we married.

when i see asr and khushi fight and take things to extremes at times. when i see them err... both of them... and then come back to each other, i am so reminded of my life, my love.

there is an inherent tension in utter love. if there weren't, poetry, literature, art would not be devoted to it. 

if you love someone you just may overstep boundaries.

and when you do, if it is love, its call will get to you, catch you, bring you back... and even make you consider your actions with deep honesty. you may be able to modify certain things as the love fills you... some things though will remain... part of nature. part of your love story.

your lover will make the decision to live with it or not. as will you. 

there has been a lot of hurting and forgiveness and feeling and heartache in my years with this feeling. many things have not been politically correct... 

but i have known in my heart this is love. that was all i needed to know at times.

i must absolutely stress here, i am not including even for a moment and even an iota of physical violence in this. that is not politically incorrect, that is wrong and no one who loves you, hits you, beats you up. no exceptions to this fact. 

so yes, asr pulled and dragged khushi as if unable to hold himself back, angry why he often didn't even know. yes, the story took them to the terrible night of a bizarre wedding, but had asr hit her... i'd have switched off the telly. there'd be no indiandisspyaarko.

ipk touched the nature of this emotion we call love. not in pretty scenes always, but it got the feeling like very few things i have seen have. there was a sensing of the effects of this hard to describe emotion, how it descends from nowhere and yanks you in, takes over your mind and strikes your heart.

and it rejoiced in this feeling, honouring it.

i can see khushi and asr thirty years from now... they will still be doing nok jhok and at times clashing wildly. ask either of them to change even one line of their love story, they'll possibly yell... pagal ho gayi ho kya. have you gone mad.

okay, maybe that whole achhi bahu part khushi will ask for a little real kkg elements to be brought in there, asr may say enough smiling, dammit! but even if you don't change a thing and let it be exactly as it is, they'd still be there years on... asr khushi and a girl falling into a man's arms one lit up evening, hamesha.



  1. So very true, physical violence has no place in ANY relationship, be it siblings, lovers, friends etc... The amazing thing is you watch Arnav being so cruel and hurtful towards her,but deep in your heart you know he will never be violent to her.......I would definitely put my TV off, no second chance ...

    1. hi lynette, thanks for reading. as you say, it is astonishing that we knew asr would never cross a certain line. and he never did. i miss this kind of acting. it's been too long.