khushi's questions

khushi doesn't run away, khushi doesn't simper in a corner and become achhi ladki, khushi doesn't leave him be. it's 111, they've been to the poolside and both lost control. and soem of us on blast from the past are watching it all all over again and minutely dissecting the moment... teehee, nothing new. horizon feels, this was not very khushi like, i of course had to write a paper on it.

ok, now we argue and get all dissertation-ish or whatever it is that phd seekers do.

i thought that would be exactly the kind of questions she would ask. a straight forward girl... a very troubled girl with all these crazy thoughts going through her... a girl who is completely rattled by a man's intense attention... she is not supposed to want this but yet she does... she is not supposed to fling herself on him when she needs a place of safety, of everything is ok, yet she does... she can't stop thinking about him... he is in her work place, her thoughts, everywhere... she has been asked to marry another but she sees this man as her husband...

in short, our jhalli is in super turmoil.

then he seeks her out. and that fall of hers diverts everything to a sensuous physical thing over the fixing of an ankle... even thinking about it, breathing laboured, she goes through it... a thousand thoughts in her head... and then his turning back, and the interlude both seemed to just want no matter what. or who.

that is what the scene had in it i felt. everything and everyone else stopped for both. no one thought of lavanya... not asr... not khushi.

a more powerful feeling asserted itself, for it was just that, more potent than what either felt for la. what either felt for or about anything.

at a rational level of course khushi would always know it's not right, but this was way beyond all things rational.

and because it was so bizarre, she had to find out... at this moment, she was just a girl lost in an utterly confusing situation, she needed to find answers. precisely because she was not planning and scheming this, she needed clarity. thinking once the answers were there, everything would become easier to handle. her mind was not telling her all the what if scenarios, it just wanted calm. desperately.

khushi in trouble always talks non stop... quiet is not her way. she started to talk, question upon question.

and the more she asked, the more scared he got. appalled at his lack of control, every question stoked his feeling of this can't be happening to me.

two people really desperate in the situation they find themselves in.

pity, la had to bear the brunt of it.

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what a diwali it was

 

since yesterday, wondering what to write for 111, should i write at all. will anything do justice. horizon, i am with you in that marvelling at the level of detail in these episodes. 

so much craft and such care. every frame, every edit, every expression, the whole thing in such wonderful flow, conveying layer upon layer of meaning. each viewing something stands out as your body registers it first, some part goes warm, breath catches a bit. you say huh and rewind and again it happens. last two viewings the word satyr in my head. that ear defined right beside an eye riveted, blue tinged with red, dark dark hair and a complete sensuality without a single mental/rational note in it.

and then again, the man turning back, the beginning of the conscious letting go of thought maybe, just feeling, just instinct, what made him turn back, did that little turning away of hers make him want to savour a chase, and conquer, or was it just her long gaze on him as he put on that payal, that inflamed his body with its intimate lingering over him. that long time stilling look at her, says you're beautiful, are you real, i just want you, draws her to him with his eyes, a bit of tenderness there though, as though he knows she's untouched precious and he is just helpless before her. who is the conqueror really and who the conquest.

i could go on. how she writhes in anticipation, the good girl forgetting everything, just wanting those lips she's looked at many times before to do what she fears they might, wants that they will.

this was the first time though that i did feel, there was no need for that song, jadoo hai nasha hai. just the soundtrack that was on with hints of wind and silences pregnant with rampant desire would have been enough. i watched with audio mute, and again felt the draw, my ears beginning to flame, breath erratic.

if you think about it a whole range of cliches: two gorgeous young people, a woman in red, night, pool side, attraction, opposites... oh it's all been done before... but never ever quite like this. fascinating understanding of a moment in an episode that was all about "nahin understand."

this scene does deserve an award of some sort. a recognition.

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nasha so tender

yeh naram naram nasha hai... badhta jaaye...

from jaadoo hai nasha hai to naram naram nasha, from heady intoxication to a sweet tender inebriation, how the nature of nasha has changed... one was compelling but made you lose control, the other is seeped in and you want to lose control, lose all... and feel the tenderness, the soft soothing balm that letting go brings.

saiyaan... saiyaan... lover... oh my lover.

someone at ipk always chose the songs with sensitivity and intelligence, a keen sense of music and its meaning i thought... 

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sigh

have you ever been almost kissed?

           

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beyond thought beyond reason to iss pyaar

before the owner could think or even knew it, the hand rose in a hypnotic arc slowly and touched the playful lock of hair on her cheek, her forehead, pushing it back tenderly, wondering, caressing behind her ear. and then the hand stayed there, just holding her cheek, just wanting to stay there, not leave.

she was alive to his electric touch, its effect coursing through her entire being, she clutched her sari... what was that, anticipation? and she never turned her face away. never said, "stop, no." she stood there her back against the wall, waiting, just waiting for him to finish what he had started.

maybe there was nothing else in the universe at that moment.

this was pure unadulterated chaotic mind altering magic.
and intoxication. of innocence of lustre of beauty of sheen of a hidden burning flaming untried unspoilt unmarred desire. how her gaze hid its truth, how her fidgeting hands, her heaving bosom revealed it anyway, how he yearned to gather it all close to him, against him, all of it, his.

swirling winds and stirring music mixed with the first notes of "jadoo hai nasha hai," and desire as we'd see it onscreen got redefined in one long take and what was to follow. my ears feel their heat, my hands tremble almost touching their passion. my head loses all thought as theirs do too. long time ago in a movie called poltergeist, they had this story of a creature from television coming out and grabbing a kid. well, one may laugh at this, but honestly, this scene has had that effect on me every single time i have seen it. poltergeist. that's what it is.

a few fairly cliche things: woman in red, night, flickering lights, water, two good looking people, the right kind of music, passion being drawn by a director and his actors. we have seen this before. but ever like this? i am full of admiration for the art and complete understanding of a moment by each and everyone involved.

a man and a woman and a sensation that is too powerful to even begin describing. tonight it broke limits and the ocean breached the shore flowing over and the shore melted, merged and said, submerge me.

when she came up against the wall, she stopped. and quivered, and trembled and waited. the longest moments of desire burgeoning, just with eyes emoting, a face swooping, eyes losing focus, getting inebriated, lips half open asking, begging, yes frightened. something unknown something unbelievably exciting on the way. 

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