episode 303 a biwi too far (vm)

"meri zindagi ka sabse important hissa hamesha aap thi aur rahogi!" you were the most important part of my life and will remain so.

story is clearly not on track... and hasn't been for a while. in the middle of that, episode opens with asr saying he married khushi only for his sister's sake. okay, to some extent this is true... but then he underscores, he didn't love khushi at that time... really? well maybe he hadn't found a name for that faraq feeling of his yet, his heartbeat going haywire, his need to run to her wherever she is, even if it means he'd have to beat nk to carry, of all things, a shadi ka joda. a tycoon who runs his own empire suddenly ready to be courier, waiter, handkerchief giver, anything. but okay this was not love, or he had not figured out yet it was that...

"yeh toh shadi ke baad jo usse pyaar honey laga.."
it was only after marriage that i began to fall in love with her...

but then he reassures his sister it's only after he got married that he fell in love with khushi... she became that saansey ruk jaaygi girl di spoke of.

this is when i am bursting blood vessels. so what was that "khushi" moment way back, when his dhadkane raced and he looked at his own reflection and connected why his heart beat so... and for whom.



 
beautiful acting by barun sobti and flaky childish, reassure me i am at the centre of your world expressions from daljeet. yeah, maybe it was the need of the moment to say something to make di feel better, stronger... she is his world as he says... and she is. but why this weird bare faced lying by a man who doesn't lie.

if there's one person willing to look at the truth for what it is, it is this man... so why this ridiculous writing.

there was a troubled look on asr's face when his now happy and mollified sister hugged him. i wondered why, is it because he knows he didn't exactly speak the truth... but no, lying is so not asr. it was perhaps asr wondering why the writer was doing this to him.

"jo bhi hua usski jo bhi wajah ho, aap naahin hain khushi bitiya..."
 
whatever happened and whatever be the reason for that, it wasn't you, khushi...

in the meantime khushi sits under a fairly self created burden of guilt and talks to possibly the only character who stayed intact... nani ji. i enjoyed nani's simple statement about it being absolutely natural for a husband and wife to spend time together, nothing wrong in it. so the only person, other than asr, who is not raising eyebrows at the romantic tryst planned by a besotted husband, is his smart sharp grandmother.

bravo.

our television could do with a few more normal, cool headed, wise grandmas and mas in law like this. can't ever say enough about how much i enjoyed jayshree t's portrayal of devyani raizada. especially since i always knew her to be the not quite helen cabaret dancer. even with wig, make up and serial wardrobe sarees, she was outstanding... beautiful play of emotions on her face, her body language.

a pickle jar is in frame, hinting at something no doubt, but even without it, one gets the sense of something getting salted and sunned... getting ready to be spiced and left to come to a delicious delicate flavour. yes, despite all the perplexing writing, these are the episodes of the pati... who wants to be just that. these are about that besotted lover who once ripped a dori then forced her to tie it in the way he wanted and is now unable to live without that tie... all he wants is for her to accept him, make him hers.

he may say to his sister many things, but the truth is in his heart, his eyes, his tone of voice, his channe buying while jogging, his gentle hand sliding over hers, his "main bhi tumhare saath chal raha hoon..." i am also coming with you on hearing she is going to her aunt's, his following her around with his eyes, his trying to desperately understand her silence and her melancholy air.

she'd been fighting with him earlier... and he had done all he could to get her to relent. he'd even played asr like tricks and games and roared in anger.

but this sad khushi worries him, he has to get to the bottom of it... he teases, he plays, he asks, he is heck so gentle you want to melt and stay that way... and yet no gooeyness, all asr is he still. tender yet tycoonish. he must get his wife to be in his life, be part of him, the part without which he can't live... 

a biwi too far: the vm

and she is so confused, in such a mess... all her decisions are a bit unsound... i guess when you love so much and are torn about things, it is hard to take decisions that make sense... she is all lover, all wife... she wants him so, yet in her own specifically khushi way she has come to the conclusion that she must leave him, because even though nani ji said di always wanted her to be in chhotey's life... "sach?" she had asked... is it true? something in her knows this might have been true once but now it's perhaps no longer the case. 

khushi has seen the way anjali looks at her... she knows her arnav ji can't be happy if di isn't... but she still doesn't really know, nor understand and feel that arnav ji can't live if she is not with him... she knows it, he has told her as much, but she doesn't feel it it yet... not entirely internalised.

i loved the fact that khushi was human. she was not "achhi ladki," she was not miss know all, she was a human being at this moment caught in the crazy topsy turvy of life.

these episodes up to 310 are all about love to me... not in its first raw attraction state, we have seen that... nor in its time of pain and extreme suffering which too we've been through, nor of the glorious larger than life return and claim of love on the human being... this is love where you become a part of me and i a part of you and no one needs to be told who is the most important in whose life.

extraordinarily fine acting i felt i saw during this period from both barun and sanaya. they felt the feelings of a man and a woman, all of them... there was a beautiful yearning, a tension palpable all around. tacky sets, no suv, story now here now there... but direction, acting and catching of emotions by everyone, even writers... wondrous.

this is why, ipk became classic for me despite obvious glitches and mayhem tracks. the understanding of love was flawless, har baar. felt like a real relationship... and there was a contemporary vigour, a will to live aspect to this love. khushi and asr became love somewhere along the way... pagal and laad governor pyaar.

 
how goofy and lovely was that scene straight after his talk with di. man lies in bed looking at wife. di sab samajhti hai. di understands everything, only men will believe such a thing, especially the straight forward sort, who don't really want to get into the complications of feelings unlike most women. and while he does need both the women he loves to feel happy, but a funny tenderness toward this girl sleeping next to him. 


 
"khushi, ab dheere dheere sab theek ho jaayga..."
khushi, now gradually everything will work out.

"ab tumhe mujhe apna pati manna hi padega..."
now you'll have to accept me as your husband... alas he has no idea she has already decised on acourse of action.

"waise jab tum soti ho, tumse baat karan kitna aasaan hp jaata hai..."
 
when you sleep, gets real easy to talk to you. i wonder is it only because she doesn't answer back or because he can show all his heart and exactly how terribly totally smitten he is. putty in her hands the stubborn raizada.

he watches wife, pushes back her hair... a thing between them that says hamesha... he slips his hand over hers, that too is becoming a forever thing between them.

later, after her puzzling behaviour with the channa, post her initial delight, he goes to leave her at buaji's. how concerned a man, why is his woman behaving so mysteriously? and his woman, tearful and sad and yet determined to leave the man who is part of her, without whom she can't live too.

"khushi, tum theek toh ho?"
khushi, you're okay aren't you?

"kuchh aur baat hai kya?"
is something else the matter?

tum raaste mein bhi chup chap baithi thi.. what's the matter with you?
you were sitting quiet on the way here...

she didn't even sing her fiendish song... he wonders, he wants to know. she is inconsolable, he can't let her be, "khushi, kya hua tumhe..." what's happened to you?

the sweetest inquisition on earth.

"khushi, tum..." he calls out... but she just says,

"chalte hain", i'm off then, in a hollow voice... she is leaving him...

yet when she reaches the top of the verandah steps, where once he had told her she means nothing to him, a rich guy wasn't clutching a payal and collapsing for her, where she had sat broken and wept... she halts there. tense. still.

as she hears him drive away, she can't stay as resolved as she wants to be, she turns... her broken heart welling over.

beauty.

even amid a collapsing story line, the story of love remained true and tight and full of light and insight. the very nature of this feeling was felt and explored with a deft, intelligent touch... the spices were fresh, the aromas heady, the sunning at the right temperature...

i happened to watch 303 and 304 together last night. i found myself not wasting too much time on the silliness of the story and my eyes ears heart seeking out the lovers and watching minutely, not being able to stop at 303, needing to see the next... and the moment he said "haq hai tumhara... mujh pe," i knew i had to express this somehow.

the vm was done in that one sentence i think.

oh the yearning of arnav singh raizada. it comes with heavy doses of his intelligence, humour, hotness, always tycoonness... has any man looked better distracted and bothered...

and has any girl looked nuttier prettier more irresistible in a chutney pink tent with gota and pompom. 

be my biwi, said he. never, sighed she.

a biwi too far: the vm

no copyright infringement is intended. this is a fan appreciation video and there's no commercial transaction involved. thanks to all at ipkknd, mohit chauhan for singing yeh dooriyan so beautifully, and the original owners of the material.




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episode 62 the deal maker

in the strangest of way, they were alike.

when anjali left that afternoon, khushi was absolutely shaken. an impossible ultimatum loomed: either work for us at rm and train lavanya, or pay the money you owe ar. rupees one lakh. 

nowadays in india i constantly hear about lakhs and lakhs of rupees as though this has become an easy sum to all, our "scams" feel embarrassed to be worth anything less than at the very least a couple of thousand crores. a lakh being equal to 100,000 or a hundred thousand, and a crore, one hundred times that, 10 million to be precise.

but the truth of the matter is, india is still full of families like khushi's where a lakh means much, sometimes means impossible. almost. so when a man you barely know but feel well disposed toward says, let me get it for you, takes a lot to say "no." your aunt is teary eyed with relief and urges you to grab the offer, for "ek taraf kuan hai, doosri taraf sakshat nandkissore." it's a deep well on one side and the lord himself on the other, according to buaji. somehow shyam even with his sweetest face on is the last one to evoke the thought of the eternal. but buaji was blinded by love. all she could see was a bridegroom for her little titaliya, nothing else. old eyes do get tricked sometimes, and what are these compared to nani's? even they couldn't spot the truth of this dark one. shyam, minus all connotations, just means black. nothing else.

"bada hi dhokebaaz hai yeh payr... baar baar ladkhada jaati hai." quite a scammer is this leg... keeps going off, becoming unsteady, says shyam as he feels a shooting pain and stumbles, and khushi rushes to help him and holds his shoulder. a very awkward moment, a sense of red heat around my ears at his lascivious enjoyment of her concern, her touch. eyes all soft and melting. not a shred of conscience does this man have, amoral in his being, all he cares about is what's in it for me. in certain parts of this world he'd be a great success. and in the way of a good scam his will be worth many people's happiness, their very sense of feeling whole and good. a real shyam scale scam. darkness in its core and every layer.

but today, the character that intrigued me most was khushi herself. we keep talking about her and asr being completely different from each other in every way. he dark, material oriented, believing money is power, atheist, arrogant, hard, unyielding. she light, emotionally intelligent, believing only in the hand of devi maiya, never money, charming, polite, malleable, gentle. even the show makers speak of opposites attracting, etc. 

however, for some time now, i've felt, yes, they had a lot that was different, but perhaps what called out from within them to each other was the instinctive recognition of what was essentially alike in them. two kids terribly hurt inside. both managing in their own way. but a quiet, hidden, hurting place within. oh khushi had hers too, despite her smile, in fact that smile was put there perhaps by that hurt. also the sunny nature, the creation of stars that are parents and more. they were really at a basic level voyagers of the same universe, they had seen and felt the same places, even if not together. they knew of a pain not many have known so they can't feel. their love of family and people they loved was born there and had the same kind of intensity. both had their insecurities and and both were in their own way akhdoo. khushi showed her worst side of it on his birthday and the best every time she held on for a good cause. he of course, behaved like he had a copyright on that trait.

and today i noticed something else about them that was exactly alike. not just asr...

khushi is a deal maker too.

in the true and real sense of the word. she doesn't back down when a problem comes, she negotiates. the basic instinct of a dealmaker. 

it was there in that very first scene of hers. a huge issue at hand, payal's in laws have asked for lots of extra dowry at the last minute, her father is going to mortgage the shop. there is no 18 year old girl i've come across, certainly not from a middle class, small town family who will devise a plan to tackle this, nick the deed of the shop, and set off on her scooter in wedding party finery, helmet and sneakers on, to talk it over with her to be bro-in-law. try and save the shop and her sister's future. that is not what sweet 18 year old girls do on the day of their elder sis's wedding, they busy themselves giggling, chatting, prettying themselves up. and however foolhardy it may seem, it says you don't want to be resigned to your fate, you want to talk, you want to make a deal. and you know that means, compromise, tempering expectations, stuff, but because you desire to see something done you are prepared to accept a few "adjustments."

just like asr, when life presented a lemon, she taught herself to make lemonade, sorry nimbu paani with lots of sugar for a sweet tongue and some chat masala for that extra zest. 

"if you can fill the unforgiving minute

with sixty seconds worh of distance run"

two lines from one of my favourite poems, rudyard kipling's "if." had written this poem way back for asr, for he had much of what is in the poem. but this quality even khushi has. when things get tough, she doesn't sit and cry, or resign and run, or throw tantrums of "i quit." she panics, she fears, she rages, then she chats with dm. her poolside is this little image of a goddess always within arms reach, it seems to me. what poolside often gives asr, dm gives khushi: a sense of connection with their inner self. to her she goes, worried, upset, whatever and seeks a way. as she closes her eyes and joins her palms, she descends into calm, gets in tune with herself, and hears her innermost being more clearly. and the way "comes" to her. feels like dm speaks. unhampered by fear, tension, material things, true and keen communication flows from her deepest self to her.

and so, completely racked by tension and trouble, she hears the ultimatum of anjali, then the offer by shyam. and then, surprisingly, asr's voice, "tum jaise log toh paiso ke liye..." why does she hear him? why does what he thinks or says matter? why did the instinctive deal maker decide to walk away from it all in a hot and bothered moment in a sunday afternoon store room. why was she ready to run, not deal? yet, wasn't she really assessing the situation? how she looked at him after throwing that line. and then in the most convoluted manner ever, she found a way out of her own decision to leave delhi and now it's, i'm not leaving delhi.

so what he thinks matters. she is all set it seems to just say, no. then she hears her mother's voice, speaking of the terrible financial difficulties at home. and she comes to her poolside.

next morning, when the bell rings at rm, it is no surprise. the deal maker is here. the tears and anxiety gone from her face. instead a resolution.

and a shart. a clause. this deal is going to have some advantage for her too. not everything his way. or anybody's. she speaks of "majboori" but she never lets her majboori break her spirit. a deal with that too. in fact, with dm also she jests often, get this done for me and i'll give you tonnes of prasad you like. i know these may not seem like real deals, but they are... an ongoing negotiation with life to keep pushing it the way you want it to go, while it pushes you to do what it wants. i love this attitude of ipk. there's a realism and a positivity and an active feel to it.

i admire this quality of khushi's in people. perhaps because i have too little of it. took me quite a while to understand, if you want to win in life, you gotta be prepared to play a bit. the very closed "this or nothing" attitude can actually come in the way of living a full and real life.

"kitne laddoo the"... mami and la are doing a girls' thing, la getting several laddoos for her laddoo making. anjali quakes and worries whether khushi will come or not. she has taken a most uncharacteristic dealmaker's stance here as her love for chhotey is involved and she will do what it takes to keep him from leaving home. nai sees the mess la makes and says, "ek taraf ee hai... aur doosri tarf khoosi... jo galti ma kiya hua kaam bhi... theek karat hai." at one end there's this one, at the other thee's khsuhi who even when she does something by mistake, she gets it to be right.

and so when khushi enters, and anjali explains, that she's here to train la, as nani won't let her or mami get involved, anjali thinks she's sweetly tricked nani. nani of course smiles and readily agrees to the idea. why that gracious and almost irrepressible smile on nani's face though, i wonder. in episode 63, the reason becomes clear.

shatir nani, more or less engineered the return of khushi. uff. now we know where the grandson gets that stubborn and clever streak from. so i like an idiot thought nani is going to take this i'll move in my cool gf to the family home thing lying down. watch out all, this is nani. don't mess with the babbar sher. another supreme deal maker among us. i adore such pragmatic, empowered yet gracious and feminine portrayal of women in media. this is not sick manipulation but a considered game playing to bring home a point that she genuinely believes is good for chhotey. she gains nothing from it, just saves her loved one from losing something. this is really sexy. and subversive. the opposite of the "come, walk all over me" women patriarchal societies have successfully created as an ideal. jayshree t is just so perfect in her role. she brings alive another time, and a grace women had without being obsequious. compared to her la looks old fashioned and highly submissive before a man. 

la, on hearing chamkili will teach her things, does the either or thing and says, she'll leave. nani is delighted, "hum janat rahe khushi ke kadam padte hi shubh kaam hoga," i knew the moment khushi stepped in good things would happen.

 anjali panicked.  

then the resolute one took over. "anjali ji, hum sambhalenge." anjali ji, i'll manage this. and she does. classic manoeuvre, the win win "phormoola." there's something in it for you, la, and something for me. shall we

"chamkili se samjhauta dono ka fayda." compromising with the situation/chamkili will profit both of us. give... take... win. smart girl.

la says, "deal."

today, this terribly good looking man appeared for half a second and said quarter of a thing, though everyone told us how much he disliked her and kept him in the picture. ok, we ge the point. and really, like or not, please show up in the same frame as her and devastate us. that's all. there's fayda in it for all.

in the rest of the news...

mami: "tumra heart tumse bahut e baat karat hai. humra heart ekdam mouni baba hai." 

your heart speaks a lot to you, mine is a silent hermit.

how to talk, mami, if you don't stop even for an instant?

mami: "ab aayi maja phati sari bherses chhote kapde matlab easht bherses bhest..." oh it's gonna be fun, torn saree vs small clothes, east versus west...

bua: "dilli ki saari sadake oo raijada ke gharai jaake khatam hoti hai?" 

do all delhi roads end in raizada mansion? 

maybe not, but khushi's steps make all roads go there.

kunti, sita. did anjali kind of look at khushi as she corrected mami and said, "sita" not kunti? is this a hint of a trial by fire, an agni pariksha being dropped? i prefer to think it's about the extraordinary strength of sita who took a lot, but finally said "enough." in bengali, her call to mother earth to take her back after she'd been doubted by ram the "n"th time, "dharani deedha hao," earth, cleave open!... still gives me goose bumps.

wrote two days ago when i reserved this spot, every word still true (and thanks to katelyn, now that i know what's on tonight, my heart is in complete dhak dhak state, acidity keen. main badtameez hoon poori duniya ke liye, lekin aap ke liye nahin or words to that effect, and how did he look exactly. tell you, the man was born to render my gender completely ineffectual and permanently acidity struck.)

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episode 336 don't go

"mat jao."

two words engulfed the episode. they felt genuine, they spoke of a feeling and they painted a man. they had a breadth almost nothing said here had and they had a sense of something fundamental in them. they had weight, in themselves and in the way they were spoken. without guile, with need. and almost as if they slipped out unpremeditated.

asr knows shyam is dangerous. he knows he can take care of his sister. he can fight the whole world to make sure shyam comes nowhere near di. he can lock horns with his obdurate grandmother, tick off his beloved wife, put security in place, take restraining orders, but what is he to do when the one he loves so much, the one he will shield with his life, says... give me back my husband. give me back shyam.

the dazed look on asr's face when his sister asked for what she did was difficult to watch. he tried to reason with her. she raved. i have accepted all your decisions always, now you listen to me, she said.

he couldn't bring himself to say no... or yes. he tried what he always does, to manage everything.

anjali's insistence and refusal to eat had everyone worried. was arnav wrong after all?

only one woman stood firm in her support. his nani. yes, he has got her genes, definitely. devyani raizada is both written with a certain integrity and jayshree t, despite heavy television soap make up and hair, does wonders with her nani. i believe her. i like what she says and what she does. she takes on dadi without any show of achhi nani-ness. you were not around, i took care of the kids... now suddenly you come and start blaming everyone. no, khushi bitiya is not like that.. and why the h are you comparing her to"woh aurat".

dadi's melodrama was unbearable. cartloads of dialogues stuffed in everyone's mouth to take the story forward. today was our day to learn of the other woman replete with teaser flashback of woman clutching hands while dadi with an even more stilted wig, rants.

i don't want to dwell on all that. because a very young man is really frustrated and emotionally weighed down tonight. he is feeling vulnerable and yet he is all protector. di has hurt him by that demand, by not trusting him, but he will never say that of her. he is perhaps also extremely fearful for her safety. he is angry. he is stressed. tonight he somehow even more alone.

he sits in his room, thinking of what his di just said, his dadi and what shyam threw at him one terrible night. his emotions muddle battle and peak. he picks up the vase and throws it. it breaks and shatters.

khushi walks in just then, worried, but somehow she has changed, she is now everyone's not just asr's. she is concerned about everyone, him included... but he, while being in charge of everyone, is curiously mainly hers, even only hers.

needs her badly.

unselfish and rarely evincing his need, he says nothing when she walks in and starts picking up the pieces of glass off the carpet. he sits and joins her... she looks at him surprised, tremulous. why does she not reach out to comfort him i wonder. when she is about to go, he reaches and holds her and turns her gently, making her sit by him. he asks her what the matter is. he had been in tears, but before joining her he has wiped them away. khushi is willing to show everyone her happy side, not her tears. he is more than happy to present before all his brusque, matter of fact, even angry side, never his tears. not even to khushi, because he perhaps doesn't wish to burden her.

she looks at him, a million frets on her face, looking childlike almost, very frayed... later i connected this to her going to get shyam. all the talk had obviously got to her, at various levels and touch points. 

i liked seeing his hand resting on her lap.

she said haltingly, she was going home.

promptly came his simple two words, don't go. mat jao.

a plain pure need in them. he said it without any defence or barrier, almost like a child. hard to believe this man was yelling and seething faraq nahin padta all the time. this man could not show his feelings. but to her he can. and he does... mat jao. he needs just a bit of respite. a little love. someone to hold and heal against. just tonight.

she immediately started in a tone that indicated that was not possible.
he retracted quickly, just as he had wiped away the tear earlier... he didn't want to put her in an awkward position...

practise of many years i got the feeling. taking care of one's own self. one's one dard. for this was dard. almost as ache filled as the night of the terrace. his di doesn't trust his decision. and he knows shyam can't be trusted. he must take care of di. and then there was dadi to be contained too.

i wonder how much it hurt him, that won't listen to anything you say demand of his sister's.

khushi felt bad and said she could sit for a minute with him. years ago i remember shashi kapoor saying, "mere paas maa hai," in deewar. and even though he was my favourite actor, so handsome and heady... i knew that came out weak. tonight i felt that about khushi's "lekin ek minute ke liye baith toh sakte hain." a wonderful little moment created in those words and they could have been delivered with much more genuineness, emotion. her expression felt too pat.

they sat quietly arms around each other. the slightly low angle wide shot felt almost musical.

the next morning he stopped by her, again eyes concerned, noting her diffidence, her tears and kissed her on her forehead right there in the hall. this is a character that knows how to give the ones he cares for. but does that mean he needs nothing? is it a flaw of direction or writing that not once after di's bring back shyam andolan and while he looked as wretched as he did, did khushi put her hand out to stroke or touch him or even ask, are you okay? yes, she looked lovingly at her mehendi at night and remembered his "mat jao", but was that enough? and her thick loaded grief about di felt a bit unreal...

of course, we are being told, look at khushi, see how troubled she is... how much she loves di and hates to see a family in discord.. that's why she will bring back shyam. naturally, this is not enough, we shall devise a little more melodrama and then she will act.

sorry, big gap... if khushi loves so much, she must be also loving him, and she would show it in some way... not just keep looking fretful.

the juice drama, juice and medicine being the ultimate fix alls/go to props of ipk, in anjali's room was forced and silly. but then the whole situation is so contrived and in such bad taste, one really can't expect much.

i am glad he bared his heart... and said, mat jao.

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episode 56 she's here

quick thoughts on 56

during puja hour, a grandson seeks out a grandma. he needs her to be her usual self, loving, forgiving, the elder. without her in a state of calm, he knows his sister's anniversary party would just not feel right, no matter how perfect his arrangements. he needs his nani ji to feel like nani ji. otherwise he can't really function well, nor actually, can she.

  

"main janta hoon hamare ghar ke jo halat..." hesitation??? did asr just sort of hesitate? how sweet. "...hain... i mean... aapke aur mere beech ki jo tension hai." i know the situation at home... i mean... the tension between you and me...

a contrite look, an even air, no bristling bits, the younger to the elder.

"i know what's happening in the house, but despite that..., " his lovely nani cuts in, and then with a regal air, "hum ee ghar ke bade hain... i am the elder of the family... which is why after much thinking i've decided that tomorrow we shall neither fight nor..."

"this is what you came to talk about..." sweetest nod from grandson and hint of smile that spoke oceans from grandma... emotions and their meaning in a relationship. you can sense each other. he too came because he knew nani ji would listen.

he looks on, a streak of admiration in his gaze now... yes, there is much to learn from this woman.

"humri payal ke chhamchham se hoti hai... ka hai na manorama ka time pe taiyyar hona muskil hi nahi, namumkin hai." the ringing of my payals makes everything... thing is, it's not only difficult for manorama to be ready on time, it's impossible.

to not like this crazy coot mano darling is not merely difficult, it's impossible i say. utkarsha naik brought so much to this off the wall, pretty strange character. layers here too. if only the makers had stayed with original tale, might have got a look at mama ji, mami ji lau ishtory, ah, maybe in the sequel?

at last the creatives find the perfect way to show shyam. why not carry on like this. think we were all in the same state when he threw the anniversary gift saree around his wife's head and then imagined it was khushi he was looking at adoringly. felt like sickness, sexual predation, and a complete desecration of khushi's innocence all at one. and did they just make his hair fly a la asr khushi rabba vey? can't forgive.

"arre shantivan, jahan raizada house hai..."

 
is their no end to the poor girl's troubles? how she resisted this meeting again. something in her could neither stop thinking of him, nor run away from him (no matter how much she thought she wanted to). all these awful feelings he aroused in her. some she understood, but what about the ones she didn't. that's what i believe caused this level of panic.

she walks in.. he's on the phone... he pauses, eyes looking up... a breeze rises... reaches her, she senses something... piano notes traipse in... hey hey, he lets the phone leave his ears, constantly on it since yesterday as though his mind must be kept busy, even while talking to la it was stuck to his ear, but now... she steps and looks aware... rabba vey...

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episode 330 of sahi galat and being human

i am a khadoos type, i rarely cry while watching anything.

i actually felt tears spring up and release as i watched the first few minutes of this episode. a young man, totally bludgeoned by life, trying his best to cope, to be responsible, do what needs to be done... cope, survive... a grandmother who has faced the hardest thing a mother ever will. the death of her child that too by her own hands... a young woman who never understood why life did what it did with her life, now expecting a child, looking happy and hoping her scum of a husband would come by, she loves him that's all... a woman who made a mistake at a very young age overhearing what transpired as a result of that mistake... her daughter will soon marry the boy whose life she may have damaged permanently... life blowing by and human beings trying not to lose their moorings... hold on somehow.

barun sobti was absolutely brilliant in this moment. yes, dadi did bring some good things to the show. and jayshree t, the matriarch, the one who has always tried to keep calm no matter what, dealing with all the undercurrents and explicit rifts. a tender touching moment, when lips that never look anything but sure or devastatingly sexy, suddenly tremble a little, a head turns just a bit... nani... he's just trying to put all of this behind... and a grandmother stroking the tough young man's cheek, for a moment it's okay to be just her child, her little chhotey... and that totally inspired, when does one have the chance at so much happiness at one time.

these are people who have lost... a lot. they know happiness is rare. it can never be taken for granted. they value what happiness comes their way... no wasting of this precious thing. it's a blessing. they have known what it is to rend and rip and not know how the next day will come, how it will be faced. this is an ordinary hindi serial, without any melodrama, to deliver such depth in story, connect with life in the most real unfettered way, despite awful gaudy colours and sets... what to say.

adding on.

as i watch the battle between dadi and grandson, i note they are nothing like each other. opposites really. from different planets. she ungrowing, unevolved, holding defensively onto a position, incapable of anything else.

he evolving constantly, headed for the next, nothing defensive about him. a human being who will grapple with this thing called life with all of himself and face every consequence.

i have seen him warring with his other grandmother but they always seemed hewn from the same rock... she had that thing to evolve in her... always. she had taken a maid servant into her home as a daughter in law and despite her caustic words, loved her dearly, didn't interfere with her freedom to be who she was, however much she may have liked her daughter in law to be somewhat different. she encouraged enterprise, didn't balk at the idea of equal status for men and women, allowed her servants near the puja room, even one of a different faith. and she had a song in her heart. she was a survivor, a doer... one who took her responsibilities seriously, however difficult. 

between the two grandmothers i thought ipk said, there are ways and ways of being buzurg... elder. of believing you are owed respect and your voice matters.

he was happy after so long... allowing his own happiness to matter, wanting his sister to be happy as he always had wanted. after all that has happened at last a chance at it and now dadi says this.

"kya karne ki koshish kar rahin hai aap? dadi, aap uss ghatiya aadmi o iss ghar mein lane ki soch bhi kaise sakti hai!" what are you trying to do, his voice is tense, bated, anger underlying...  how can you even think of bringing that lowdown man into this house...

"chhotey, shant ho jaiye!" chhotey, calm down pleads nani, caught between her love for her grandchildren and her duty to an old friend, the one supposedly with more right, the paternal grandmother. an elder who has never taken responsibility and shirked everything is being given the time of day only because she is from the father's side... patriarchy and its ridiculous norms have a field day here.

asr has actually brought this up asking his dadi, where she was when they needed her. yet, sheer upbringing and respect for elders and family makes him explain why he will not go along and will absolutely oppose her.

"main usse di ya unke bachche ki aas pass bhi nahin aane doonga..." i will not let him near di or her baby.

dadi calls shyam anjali's jeevan saathi, her life partner, using the word garima had used a while ago... shyam is apparently anjali's bhavishya, her future. a stodgy scared egregious mind which needs to adhere to social norms and hasn't got what it takes to refuse to take nonsense. she is supposed to love anjali dearly, but she will not love her enough to believe her granddaughter need not live with a philanderer... it's just a small mistake. she has the same attitude to her son's womanising... patriarchal excesses are kept raging and healthy through women such as herself... women who believe they are the lesser gender so must take whatever comes their way. so, yeah, she may look poised and calm and talk with a lot of "hum" and what she will or won't allow but she is a weak irresponsible person. and she is galat. never sahi.and nani... openly and clearly saying, it's not khushi or payal's fault, it's damad ji's fault. a damad ji she indeed had loved much. but if he is galat, he is galat. bas. no wonder her chhotey feels so much like her. how did a woman who spent years being a cabaret dancer in hindi films, figure devyani raizada out so well and conveyed such a deep convincing impression despite stiff heavy wig and stiffer heavier make up. fabulous acting by jayshree t. here she is struggling to bring order, play peacemaker, yet not take the wrong side.

and i want to loft asr high and dance with him that he did not put up with dadi's nonsense in the name of elder and respect beyond a point.

he set that point. teehee.

and told khushi, no need to put up with this.

i am surprised khushi was shown to be so meek and desperate to get dadi's approval. i can understand her basically not wishing to upset an elder, but the extent to which she was shown to go. again a part of that achchhi bahufication, i guess. good daughters in law never say anything to their elder in laws, no matter how wrong they may be. this is a sign of being a good woman. such women will keep our family, our society in fact, running smoothly. will someone please place dadi on a cliff that i may push her and be a bad woman forever.

and to anyone who says this is to do with khushi's fragile inner being, her being an orphan, her being a lover of tradition, and stuff, i say... i don't agree.

actually, i think khushi would have found a way to tell dadi she was impossible... the hell she has been through and her basic strength of character would have made her tougher, also the now yellingly and lagi shart-ly expressed large giving love from her arnav ji, who says, come take me, exercise your right, huq hai tumhara, pause, thrust lip, mujh pe... oh all this certainly nourishes and strengthens her. i don't think she'd be in a state of quake perpetually at the mere thought of the nasty woman.

"i'm sorry, dadi, lekin aapke iss bat se main sahmat nahin hoon," asr takes a stance and refuses to yield, i am sorry, i don't agree with you, dadi.

every time i hear asr's "main" i feel a strange thrill. a sense of himself in his "i" that feels glorious, an owning of all that he is, and a bold facing of this life as it is. i shall have to quote from a poem that i have not read fully nor really understood but that "main" makes me want to read,

  i bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass i love,
if you want me again look for me under your boot-soles. you will hardly know who i am or what i mean,
but i shall be good health to you nevertheless,
and filter and fibre your blood.
failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
missing me one place search another,
  i stop somewhere waiting for you.
~~~ the last lines of walt whitman's leaves of grass ~~~

"filter and fibre" my blood... sigh. and i hope i do see him somewhere in someone or many ones, waiting for me.

a sudden vulnerable note in asr's voice, "dadi, try and understand, chauda saal pehle jo hua, usse bhulane mein hme bahut time laga tha... jab hume laga sab theek ho gaya hai tab usne di aur hum sabke saath beimaani ki. he cheated us."

took them years to mend after what happened fourteen years ago, and just when they thought things are getting better, shyam cheated them. you're just healing and along comes another attack on your sense of normalcy, of decency, of goodness. in itself shyam's action is deplorable, but given the situation, it is completely chaos causing... both he and di can spiral out of control, the displacement and breakage caused by shyam's infidelity much more than it might have been if both were not touched by betrayal already.

in a flash i get why he had to be so out of control almost in a whirpool of pain plunging to hell that night. why he was so thrown by that sight on the terrace... he had just been mending. only just. no, he was not shatir that night... just human.

and yes, khushi bore the brunt of his relapse... he of all people knows that well and wants to make up for that act... so this marriage with rituals, which means nothing to him.

before his eyes is a beautiful scene drenched in red.

"aaj... aaj di kitni khush lag rahi hain..." today, di is looking so happy. and then words which he never would have said just a short while ago... this is the growth of a man touched by love and returning to belief. a brave man who is willing to take those hard steps.

he says, today, we must forget the past and move forward, because the past is not worth remembering.

i feel bad for a young son who saw his mother played with, then her death.

today everyine is happy, i am going to be mama. how poignant... sheer hope there in a man who had seemed devoid of any. "main mama banne wala hoon..." my mind picks up anjali's voice on a stricken night saying "tum mama banne wale ho..." and again today a strike is ahead.  
di will be mother... and i am getting married... so please... and he ends in classic asr words and style.

"let us be."

garima has overheard this entire conversation and her heart is breaking... he wants to forget. she decides, she must not rake up the past then... we know that is impossible, but i guess human beings try and tell themselves something can be done even if they know it can't, because they want to protect those they love.

"chahe jo bhi ho jaaye" fumes dadi, "hum wahi karenge jo sahi hai!" she'll only do what is right.

sahi galat... right wrong... constant pondering on these in ipk. a feel of a canvas where individuals, humans, are pitted against the huge phenomenon of hurtling life that doesn't observe any traffic rules, it just speeds through taking all with it. some of us get crushed along the way, some hold on and weather the passage. nani and asr refuse to get crushed, standing firm and strong. they do falter at times. he is almost shaken to the point of almost being uprooted and flung to the ground, run over... but he holds on. he also learns to take a hand and allow it to soothe him. ooph beautiful.

almost in tears to his nani he says, "nani, main sirf apna dard... apna dukh.. mamma... unki shadi ki problems...unki death...main bas unhe bhulane ke liye..." 

never have i seen him this tremulous... a boy whose tears got choked and blocked within. with so much hope he comes here today and so is that much more vulnerable i guess.

i was only trying to put my pain... my sorrow... mamma (oh he calls her that like a young one, not maa)... her marriage... her death... i was just trying to forget and for that...

and nani stops him with a hand on his cheek, loving him.

"chhotey," she whispers with a smile through her tears... "aap bilkul theek kahat hai..." what you say is absolutely right.

"aaj aap ke amma babu ji hotey na toh woh bhi yehi chahatey ki aap aapan zindagi aapan tarike se jiye..." if your parents were alive today, they'd want the same, that you should live your life... your way.

"muskuraiye, chhotey, muskuraiye," smile, chhotey, smile.

you are getting married, you are going to be an uncle... "itti sari khushi kahan milat hai ek saath?" where can one get so much happiness at once, says the one who has been oft visited by complete sorrow.

grandmother and grandson look toward the scene of happiness. a moment of triumph i feel.

i know he will not succeed in saving that smiling girl's baby, nor in keeping shyam out thanks to his other "important" person, actually the most important one she has become. and she will act against his wishes and bring shyam back.

but still i sense triumph in the character, in his fearlessness, in his sense of sahi. some day, his di will have a child i feel sure, and shyam will be vanquished i know. yes, there is life and its preponderance maybe, but even life or fate if you like to call it that, is admiring of a brave clean human. in its own way it will relent, because his intentions were pure, clean. when he hurt khushi so terribly, he perhaps wrote into his own story the failure of his mission... but because he did what he did without malice, only in pain and with a sense of duty, i get the feeling life will not disappoint him.

asr has set up security check.. and shyam must find a clever way to get in, so we have heavy duty of lawyer damad ji, now as drummer. would have been funny, if it did not lead to the macabre.

shyam is the shastra spewing, pure hindi prone, always respectful of elders, "good" boy... and asr the baddie. that is, in our world. gosh, asr even is an atheist, and shyam so god fearing.

yet who is the real man here... and who the real cretin. who has faith, who doesn't. who respects elders, who shams. who loves, who lusts. funny twist, they even made asr play the drums later. what is with the writer and drums? or is he remembering the nataraj and his dumaru, whose sound is that of creation.

i know that is not the case, yet, ipk keeps taking me to these larger than life images.

shyam notices her shoes are off.

asr mutters, "yeh mera ghar hai," this is my home, i don't have to take anyone's permission to go anywhere.

nk recalling akash's mehendi tries to pull him back.

nani takes a step forward again and says, this time mehendi shall be open to the boys (if she hadn't, fandom would have hired assassins to get her, being a wise woman, she relents and gains our undying love, shatir nani).

"great!" grates mills and boons man after stunning me in tragic hero mode. shatir arnav ji.

"dadi ji, you rock!" says nk, choosing english wisely.

"everybody loves bhai!" akash quips, maybe akshay's slight envy seeping out.

shyam does his thing in anjali's room... he had left stuff under the bed... huh?

glass shards. check. mean look check.  inordinate accent on this character of late. what is happening? is the director sensing rightly shyam needs to be impactful.. balanced against asr... yet story makes him so silly. shyam was never a real antagonist of asr, he might have been if the writing took him to that place, but gradually, he just became a melodramatic caricature and that too of  half men, a little man. yet, sadly i guess in life these little men trip up the giants. perhaps because the deep big sincere clean ones have no idea of the depths such men of no conscience, no content, stoop to.

"attensson pilleejh all oph youj, ab godh bharai ki hui bye bye aur mehendi ko hello hi," hollers my sweet mano.

anjali recognises her shyam ji. or so she thinks.

and what does your name begin with, you wonderful man in crazy jodhpur and bandgala looking regal? 

lg for laad governor, but of course.

"oh i forgot tumhare naam mein bhi a hai na? khushi kumaaari guptaa--aa..." i forgot, your name has an a in it too, doesn't it... quips m&b hero and instantly heroine is puddle recalling a scene. uh huh, this rasam also they've been through already. check.

hey hey.

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