a sweetness and a crunch

laad governor and chhotey, are they the same guy? chhutki, who makes jalebi when she's upset. nice to see the first ones of the show. was watching a veer zaara song just now, he took a refulgent orange jalebi and offered her, she took a bite, i could only think of khushi, asr, episode 3. yesterday amma had said "tum theek ho"... today babu ji said, "kauno faraq nahi padta." uff looks like that asr stole their lines. laad governor kahin ke.

a caringly crafted episode. so much in it. the lilting, peace filled, yearning strains of maula mere maula juxtaposed with excitement and anticipation building as they cross each other's path again and again, without knowing that they do.

their first touch, a long, lingering caress of white virginal dupatta across his face, moulding against its unyeilding ridges and grooves, feeling every pore, he turns toward its call, inert eyes looking to see, is there someone out there? someone he seeks? something in the eyes.

khushi's breaks into light khushi quirkiness. asr in his own world, here to get a job done, just take 10/15 minutes, stunning in knowing black.

of course they had to meet, when she called out, he stopped, again something in his eyes, was her voice familiar? he seemed to know its cadence, and when he turned no surprise in his gaze. just the stillness.

hoi hoi hoi hoihoi, the calm entry down a path strewn with colourful signs of a revered mazar, now a mad dash through it throwing all into disarray, miss khushi kumari gupta is not going to let that laad governor get away with it this time.

a girl determined, a man not in a mood to be messed with, a mannat ki chabi.

and so it all starts.

 

episode 3 a touch calls

n i s h a n a   e p i s o d e s
.........

episode rambles

fan fiction

a ditty for fifth

get an suv get angry fry jalebi
wear mojri say hey dm play with op
shout get out swear what the
let a dori snap let a goat chat
make a mami face make your kismet
does a nani dance does a di pray
can an akash make a payal ji stay
take a poolside on a holi trip
via nainital and a dhaba
let laad governor of kahin ke
hate the true devi of sanka
make an nk all hai re
and a bua say humahoon do
may hp's avatars grow
and happy ji's happy smile floor
and la do many round round
shhh!
shut up don't make a sound
does a moustache look good on a
jeeja ji hone wale does a snake need
a slap or two from his own very saab saaley
hug babu ji hold amma
golgappe balushahi
sheeshmahal is in lucknow
lakshminagar is in dilli
but no one will ever know
where exactly is mama ji
how dare you aap shut up
tum theek ho she's beaaautiful
shadi karni hogi ramanchi
yup that's it tum kitni intelligent ho
let the rain fall go atchhoo
go on girl fall he'll catch you
say kya kar rahi ho tum hoarsely
and pass out in a guest house
stay mere paas and mere saath
it's five years get the cake out
make an almost kiss diwali date
ha ha happy fifth i wish ya
hum bhi aapse i love you dammit
rabba vey did you say hamesha?

wrote this last year for the fifth anniversary of this crazy making show. :) sixth anni in two days. lots of rumours floating about the new show called ipkknd 3. keeping nimbu mirchi handy.

n i s h a n a   e p i s o d e s
.........

episode rambles

fan fiction

randomly from 106 dhakdhak dhakdhak

1.

now funny, now intense, dhakdhak to a clenching of abdominal muscles, 106 screamed love while two people not quite ready to hear the call decided this was a strange situation... that could be tackled. the what rubbish route was adopted by one and talking to dm, saying i'll go mad was the choice of the other. in the middle of that nimbu mirchi and talk of evil eye while a villain planed on. maybe that evil eye cutter of di's did end up saving them both.



2.

intensely had the senses longed, awareness had cut through and settled in the heart the inner cavities, thoughts kept straying to one, just one person. a connection in another space, a touch of each other always. matter of time before everything overflowed and the dam burst and there was actual physical contact. touch, sound, smell, taste... that table had to wobble with the impact of exploding attraction.





3.



the wind rose and carried messages. she knew he was here. he felt her knowing, beautiful editing and play with speed of motion, a little soft focus, magic storytelling of ipk. like in bersarai, now in shantivan, whispering winds carried tales.


 

................................

diwali and koi matlab nahin episodes

episode rambles 
fan fiction

of love, life, and fear

hi rhea,

thanks so much.

people fear... okay, today i am in that funny mood and shall say what often bothers me about people... and i speak of the collective, because behaving in a crazy mass sort of way seems to be our wont and we do everything we can to avoid individuality, standing out, being what our inner self may call us to be.

so we fear.

especially heady mad love... because it calls us to be a little crazy, it may or may not give us what we want, it may fail. and we are forever processing everything from the point of view of outcome, results, whatever.

it is easier to chase money, because we instinctively feel money cannot hurt us, we have control over it. and money will therefore make us happy.

but love?

yet i really think, if anything will ultimately make you feel life, be alive, go the trip your limited life span on earth will be, then it must be that complete sort of feeling you develop for another being. a real being, who will not be all you want them to be, who will bother the heck out of you, make you plunge in and find things about yourself you didn't even know and raise yoy to giddy heights of joy within. fall in love with all you have in you and really it will lead you where and beyond you never know.

the journey will not be easy. that is pretty mandatory.

but really, the courageous will find immense wealth and inconceivable happiness.

mills and boon, for whatever reason, hinted at that. all  the time. it said: be giddy, go for head over heels, fall, let go...

it called out to me as i grew up... 12 to 17, i must have read a millie boonie a day, often skipping, hitting page 57 for kiss one, rushing to the end for the pull drag dhakdhak scene. innocent happy silly stuff, but a purity in it. some will call it stupidity.

okay, give it to them... stupidity. but pure.

that purity appeals. it's like gold. it's like asr. it's like that essential molten feeling between asr and khushi.

if you believe that can exist, it does. if not... not.

we create our realities, i believe that like asr.

just because a thing doesn't fit our highly limited rational examination, does not mean it isn't there...

think god, you'll know what i mean.

i love ipk unashamedly unabashedly completely. even when i want to scream and slap someone.

i have seen and gone a bit nuts over enough handsome men in my life, they didn't get me to watch a serial (not even "mad men" has done it... maybe because i am ready to look at the pure and don't need constant nuancing by what we term "reality"... i felt terrible when i heard betty had cancer... how we fear, how much we fear to want something truly), nothing got me writing this frantically, not even my honours course in literature, not my work as copywriter. this feeling that i must write.

it was this romance, this love which said to h with fear and which got told by two actors who have such vibe that even dubbing doesn't diminish their pull... that got me here.

i used to watch in the middle of the night and often hear myself thinking: this will save the planet more than many pompous sounding do gooding stuff... and such a joy to see love and romance and its nature its storm and thunder brought back centre stage. i do believe people who love deeply and freely and experience all of it or are ready to, take better decisions in many things, because they are more "whole" in a way... okay this is a hypothesis, based on no real rigorous experimentation data gathering and inference... just a strong feeling.

when russian sounding names are among the first to hit like on an episode take or egyptian girls or someone else watching ipk now and very often minus the sounds of asr and kkg and are still falling apart, i just feel the power of this love story... and this astounding chemistry again. and so enjoy it.

may not surprise you to hear that most of my friends, people in their fifties and forties, avoid the topic, look at me with a trace of not too well concealed pity in their eyes if i mention the show or barun, i am sure they think i am fairly stupid. i am. i have no problem being stupid.

but i must write, i must...

so yeah, let whoever wants to laugh at m and b or disney type romance and reach for their "realistic" tempered and pruned pyaar do so... me leaping in with hair pin and taking the air out of my own inflated sense of intelligence, so it doesn't stop me from getting stuck and being silly... ohhh is that asr coming to help me fix things. 


 
also...

two of my favourite men, asr and mr lee kuan yew have pondered the issue of power and how essential it is if you want to achieve something. i believe that. there are different kinds of places you look within yourself and delve for that power and establish it before the world.

khushi also believed in power, the power of her beliefs, her feelings and she also exceeded limits when she felt something needed to be done. i find it absolutely wrong to assume, asr's basic way of approaching life was full of holes and we needed the beautiful lovely kkg to come and remodel him. they were who they were, mix of the several things that make us, in themselves and they were in many ways alike, asr recognised certain things for what they were and said so. their story to me is more about an extra rational pretty impossible to define connection that two strangers begin to feel... and then you find they really seem to need each other, they each have a "key" that the other is unlocked with... as if each had been sent by life to the other to complete a story. doesn't mean either person changes and becomes someone else, just that they begin to be free... open up... evolve their own way, be more... reach... and yes, feel the sense of happiness deep within.

i hope asr is being brusque and unreasonable somewhere while looking incredibly sexy and kkgsr is planning her next crazy move to bother him... i hope he is being awfully arrogant with buyers and suppliers and winning like mad in business, i hope he is smiling a little condescendingly at kkgsr as she speaks of her sort of stuff but accepting that tika from her anyway... i hope she is making him his sugar free jalebi... and he is teaching her some jalebi making every night.

we need our fairy tales to reach out and grab love in life. all these millions of books on business and "serious matters", hehe just fairy tales of another kind, only those are about grabbing something else.

i shall not apologise for the length and incoherence of this jawab.

......................

feeling arnav ji feeling episodes

episode rambles

fanfiction

not cut out for love: chapter 3

     created by supriya.arshi

"what am i going to do," thought khushi, as she distractedly played with the shiny stars made of plastic hanging above her bed... "i've never been on a plane before."

hawai jahaaz, the word went through her mind, flying at a bizarre angle then zoomed off through the window, a screeching sound in its trail. khushi closed her eyes tight, "hey devi maiyya, yeh maine kya kar diya..." what have i gone and done now, she muttered.

buaji is right, i am sanka devi. goddess of craziness. how could i agree to this? and leave home today, this evening? in three hours?!

her agony led her straight to the the need to munch on something.

where were those sour plums?

and... and.. khushi could feel tears pushing against her eyelids, panic dancing near her throat...

a changed heartbeat.

what? what was she going to tell babu ji? how kind he was to her. he trusted her.

and amma? what would she say?

and the whole of gomti sadan, all the aunties and uncles and so many... especially that billo mausi, always so many questions she needed to ask...

a flutter of wings.

wings?

had the hawai jahaaz arrived already?

khushi's eyes flew open and she saw a pigeon on the window sill. the pigeons were playing around in the compound court yard and adjoining verandahs as usual. a white one with tiny red eyes sat at the window looking at her intently... like it was any of its business what she was thinking of.

khushi shoved her ber away and sat in front of devi maiyya. "hey devi maiyya, aap kuchh upay bataiyye, i will be a good girl, i will tell babu ji everything, but i can't say no to this job, this is good for my family, i really want to do it... i am scared, very very scared... but..." she paused, took a deep breath, shuddered at the thought of leaving home for the first time, going to a city she'd never been to, working for a rakshas, and completed her thought, "i will do it."

she decided there was no point in wasting time, she would go and speak to babu ji right now.

***
asr walked into shantivan, his sprawling home in maharanibagh, one of delhi's most upscale neighbourhoods. his pace was brisk, a distracted air about him. a few strands of hair flopped on his forehead, he was too preoccupied to notice. he didn't realise his sister was standing right in his path till he almost walked into her.

"di!" she stopped short.

"haan, chhotey, kya baat hai? you look busy," she had a smile and that indulgent air which he was so used to. the former he liked, but the latter... don't elder sisters ever realise that you'd grown up?

"no di, nothing special... just got to go to lucknow... some work..."

"lucknow? chhotey, i hope you are not still fretting about sheesh mahal..." anjali jha was a lovely young woman, about seven years older than her one and only brother. she was gentle of demeanour, smiled readily, loved with all her heart, and was completely devoted to two people in her life.

her not so sweet brother and her absolutely indulgent, very gentle and loving husband, shyam manohar jha.

anjali jha had not been treated too right by life. despite all the wealth and influence of her father's family, when the polio came, it had its way with her... viruses don't care apparently whether you're rich or poor, all they want is to strike you down. anjali was left with a prominent limp in her left leg. a beautiful woman with a sad little flaw. thankfully, she was strong and optimistic by nature and tried not to spend too much time moping about her troubles.

however, after her wedding was interrupted on a terrible night, anjali was left shattered... she tried hard not to show it. her brother did everything he could to set things right, all of 14 he was then, and she about 21.

and then three years ago shyam came into her life. she would never forget their first meeting at the shiv mandir. it was of course a monday, the day of the lord, and she was there for her vrat, when she lost consciousness while climbing the steps to the main pavilion. shyam had materialised out of nowhere, revived her, taken her home, and his kind face and concerned eyes had left an impression on her. next time at the mandir she'd looked out for him.

and he'd been there.

anjali smiled at the thought.

"jija ji in town?" asr asked, looking at his sister's radiant face and bright and elegant saree. the perfect way to divert her from lucknow talk.

anjali blushed. asr was happy. because whatever made her happy, pleased him no end. the only woman in the world, no, the only person in the world he really gave a damn about.

he walked toward his room to get ready for the trip, as he went up the flight of stairs, lithe and graceful, he called out, "di, make sure the guest room is ready... we might have someone staying over tonight."

***

"uthay leo nand kissore!" bua ji exclaimed as khushi came to the living room all set to talk to babu ji.

(oh take me, lord nand kishore!)

"kya hua, jiji?" shashi ji asked, concerned. his elder sister was looking most perturbed. someone had called her from delhi, payal had received the call, obviously the news was not good.


(what happened, jiji?)

bua ji sat down with her hands on her head, "ab hum ka kari, babua?!" she said sounding terribly hassled as she swung her long plait around her neck and over a shoulder.

(what shall i do now?)

"oo happy ji ka phonewa tha...he is my neighbour you see, very nice man, very kind, all these years since your jija ji left me and went to the other world, he and a few neighbours have been my support, like an elder sister, a bhabi they..."

(that was happy ji's call...)

"haan, jiji, but what has happened?" shashi ji tried to coax her sister get to the point, the circuitous route always being her preferred one.

"haan?" madhumati ji tried to focus, "that's what i am saying na, babua, the water pipe in my house has burst... there's water gushing out of my front and back doors... ganga jamuna sarswati flowing out... thai thai paani, happy ji called to ask if i knew where the main connection was so they could turn it off..."

"so, jiji, do you know where it is?"

"yes, babua, it's in the kitchen, but how will anyone get in? i have the keys! hai re nand kissore," bua ji gave a loud wail, "i have to get to delhi, now!" she declared and struggled to come to her feet, the soft cushions not relinquishing her that easily.

khushi stood there listening to the whole thing, nonplussed.

"kya?" she thought, "bua ji needs to get to delhi? there's an emergency?" she ran back into her and jiji's room and flopped in front of her deity.

(what?)

"aap ne... aap ne yeh kiye, hai na?" you... you've done this, haven't you, she looked at devi maiyya and said, "aap ka ishara hum samajh gaye, you have given me a sign, you are with me, thank you, thankyouthankyou devi maiyya," a few speedy namashkars were offered to the goddess.

(you have... you have done this, haven't you? i understand your sign, you have given me a sign...)

"i will now do what needs to be done without fear of failure," saying so, she drew herself up to her full height and marched back into the living room.

"bua ji," she called out grandly, "aap chinta mat kariye... don't worry, i will go to delhi and get that pipe repaired."

four pairs of eyes turned and fixed their astounded gaze on her. from the corner of her eye khushi noticed the pigeon was now on the window sill here and staring at her too... intently. again!

"khushi, tum kya kah rahi ho?" said payal.

(khushi, what are you saying?)

"bitiya..." garima ji started.

"e leo suru hui gayi natak," there starts the drama, snapped bua ji.

"bitiya, mujhe batao, kya soch rahi ho..." said shashi ji. tell me, what are you thinking.

"babu ji, you remember that arnav singh raizada? that..." payal looked at khushi wondering what she was up to, she could feel a story coming.

"haan bitiya, i know the people from sheesh mahal."

"haan! that one... well, they called today and they said they so loved our mithai, they were coming down specially to buy all the balushahis, jalebis, and pedas we had in the shop... some party or pooja or something in their house," khushi paused triumphantly.

"so?" shashi babu was confused.

"so? so? babu ji, can't you see? they are coming in their hawai jahaaz to pick up lucknow's special khaas ekdam best mithai, i can always go back with them in that hawai jahaaz and get the pipe in bua ji's house fixed... otherwise how will this get solved?"

(lucknow's special absolutely best sweet...)

there was silence all around.

then garima ji said, "khushi, sit down, you have never been to delhi, we have no one there, and in a hawai jahaaz...? tum kya kah rahi ho?" really what was khushi saying, seemed to be on everyone's mind.

"if that is the case, i can go in the hawai jahaaz," bua ji said suddenly.

the thought of telling rakshas that instead of her her buaji would accompany him to delhi... khushi's stomach somersaulted at the thought...

"please listen to me everyone, this is the best solution," khushi decided she would just do the best she could, "i will go and give happy ji the keys, and tonight i can stay in bua ji's house alone, nothing will happen. i am 20 years old, i am not scared of ghosts, everyone in the neighbourhood knows bua ji... she just has to call happy ji and some other kind neighbour and tell them i'll be there...  i am sure they will take care of me. tomorrow bua ji can come with jiji to delhi... we'll stay with bua ji for a while and once she is settled and all is well, we'll come back... kyun bua ji?" she went and perched on the arm of bua ji's sofa and hugged her, "don't you want sanka devi to come and see your home, aap toh akele hi rahti hain... you must be so lonely."

(you live alone... you must be lonely.)

at this ganga jamuna started to flow out of the martinet's eyes. her loneliness really bothered the widow without children... it might be really nice to have the two girls with her for a while.

garima was so taken aback by this rather well finished spiel, she really had no idea how to react.

"khushi bitiya," said her babu ji with a considering air, "what you say might work, but why don't i go today in the plane with the mithais, and i'll come back tomorrow by train. then all three of you can go to delhi when jiji is ready to leave, spend a bit of time with your aunt in her city."

khushi began to get all tied in knots again. babu ji made complete sense.

"aap kya kah rahein hain," cut in garima, "don't you remember, we have to go there?"

(what are you saying!)

"where," asked shashi ji, bewildered, clearly an important appointment had slipped his mind.

garima frowned and gesture with her head, not wanting to divulge all before the girls. khushi and payal looked at each other, must be another arranged marriage related meeting. khushi tried to hide a smile; payal rolled her eyes, hey bhagwan when will this ever end, she could do with a break. suddenly a few weeks in delhi sounded rather appealing.

"babu ji," the calm voice of payal at last, "mujhe lagta hai ki khushi theek kah rahi hai. we should do what she says."

(i think what khushi's saying is right. we should do what she says.)

khushi could have hugged payal. she got up and started dancing instead.

"aaj mausam hai suhana,
pipe jodne ka hai bahana
hawai jaahaaz mein udenge hum
kabootar khaaye dana,"

(the weather is good today,
i have the excuse of mending a pipe
i'll fly in a plane
the pigeon eats grain)

in a fit of relief she sang and rushed and gave the pigeon some grain.

when she packed her bag, all her clothes went in, her bangles, bindis, parandis, three pairs of mojris, those backless slip ons she wore all the time, she picked up her stars and put them into the suitcase too. and last but never least, her beloved devi maiyaa. she took a look around her room and said, "aatein hai, chhai mahiney mein." i'll be back... in six  months.

she began to trudge out with a bit of sadness and trepidation. then she screeched to a halt. turned back, rushed to the wall where hung three posters of salman khan. she took them down, rolled them carefully and put them in her cloth jhola, her ubiquitous hand bag.

"aap humare saath hai na salman ji, toh woh rakshas hume kuch nahin kar payga," she had complete faith that her salman ji would take on that rakshas and make sure he wouldn't bother her.

(you are with me, salman ji... that's why that monster can't do a thing to me.)

payal called her and asked, "khushi tum sab kuch nahin batayi na ab tak? (you haven't divulged everything, have you?) tell me, what's the real story? you won't tell me?"

khushi had to hug jiji then, "jiji, kuch nahin, from now on whatever will happen will only be good, you'll see," her sister was so precious to her. and thinking this she went off to make some jalebis as the tension of this day finally caught up with her.

***

exactly three hours from the time they'd spoken, the phone rang.

"are you ready?" said cool steel voice.

"nahin, hum khushi kumari gupta!" snapped a hot saucy one.

"funny," a pause, "now, miss gupta, if you've had your jest for the day, would you please give me your address so i can pick you up."

he would come here? oh no.

"nahin, hum khud aa jayengey, where should i come, just tell me..."

"i'm afraid they won't let you in unless you're accompanied by me, so..."

when the white suv drew up outside gomti sadan, many windows were flung open to check out the rich owner of sheesh mahal who lived in delhi, and who was coming to pick up their own khushi kumari gupta.

completely oblivious to it all, arnav singh raizada got out of the car, gave one cool look at the young woman in pink churidar standing at the doorway, two big suitcases next to her and a cloth back clutched in her hands, and said, "all set for a bit of fun, miss gupta?" in this lazy intimate sort of voice.

her eyes widened slightly. what was this new game? she'd told everyone to say their goodbyes inside as she didn't want to cry in front of the whole colony.

he saw the widening eyes, her hazel irises sparkled in the light of the setting sun, her lips quivered, he felt himself swallow involuntarily. he could feel a funny sort of calm settling somewhere inside himself. how could anyone wear such a hideous little thing with sparkling tinsel on it, he wondered looking at the gota and the little pom poms and frills of her suit. and yet, he wished he could take a few minutes and just look at those lips and eyes.

how terribly he'd missed them.

"what the!" he gritted his teeth. was he going mad.

"miss gupta," he lashed out, "i don't have all day."

he held the passenger side door open for her and she clambered on. why couldn't he drive a normal car, she fumed? everything had to be big and bold and bullying. hoonh, she would show him, she was not scared of his menacing ways.

he got in and barked, "seat belt!" and started the car.

she stole a glance at him sideways, so he was not wearing black silk today, but he had kala chashma on. and gray coat, white shirt, what was that on his wrist? was it a raksha dhaga...?

(dark glasses)

"do you always stare at men like this, miss gupta? this could be a problem, you know." his voice had a cruel little laughter in it.

khushi was aghast.

***

when they walked into the jet plane, khushi couldn't stop her mouth from going into its state of "o."

a smell of fresh lime and a blast of cool air welcomed her, and there was this lovely lady at the door saying, "good evening, welcome aboard."

"miss rao, please help miss gupta with her bags and settle her in, i'll have a word with the captain," asr walked away toward the front of the plane saying this, leaving khushi alone.

she looked around, eyes getting bigger and bigger at each new discovery

there were two rows of plush seats upholstered in fine black leather, with an aisle in between, crimson carpet covering it along the entire length. cold air gushed into the cabin from overhead vents, little oval windows with their shades up lined the walls. on each seat lay a tiny pillow covered in white silk and a fluffy little blanket in gray.

where would she sit?

"may i take your bag, ma'am?" asked the lady sweetly as she tucked khushi's jhola in a closet concealed behind a partition and then handed her a warm towel to refresh herself. khushi stared at the towel blankly wondering what she should to do with it.

"so staring is a habit, is it?" said an amused voice, "you may wish to wipe your face, "

she looked up at him still not comprehending. what was she supposed to do with this little wet taulia?

"never mind," he said taking it away and dumping it on a tray.

"ma'am, would you like to sit here?" miss rao showed khushi a seat by the window right in front. without thinking much, khushi sat down. she could see the sun setting through the window, there was an empty seat next to her, a wide table like space in between, a galss of water was placed by miss rao in a little circular glass holder at one end of it. khushi put the pillow and blanket on the seat next to her and wondered what she should do now.

asr walked briskly to the other side of the aisle and sat at the window seat. he pulled out his phone and dialled a number, "aman? yes, we should be there in a couple of hours, make sure the car is there... tell akash to receive jean pierre, and yes, i hope miss gupta's cabin is ready... ok, yes, i'll come in later tonight."

"miss rao, please tell captain raina, i'm ready, and please give me black coffee after take off."

take off?

khushi's eyes widened again... take off what? all sorts of thoughts crowded her head. what was she doing? she was sitting in a plane with a man she didn't know, going to a city she'd never been to... and why was she missing jiji so much suddenly? khushi closed her eyes and tried to swallow the tears that were threatening to well up.

"please put on your seat belt," his voice jolted her back to the here and now.

she looked at him lost. what seat belt. his keen dark gaze on her somehow reminded her of that pigeon. khushi began to feel a little giddy.

he got up and came toward her slowly.

"is this your first time?"

her eyes grew even more opaque.

"miss gupta! i asked you something."

"ha-aan?"

"is this the first time you're flying?"

she swallowed, she wasn't going to show him she was nervous, disoriented.

"nahin toh... hum bahut baar flying..." trying to affect a nonchalant air, she claimed to be practically a frequent flyer.

(nooo... i have flown many times!)

"so put on your seat belt," he threw at her with a sarcastic smile, lopsided... there's nothing straight about this man, she grumbled to herself. and groped behind the seat for the belt.

"not there, here," his voice was soft and right by her ear, she spun back startled, and there were chocolate coated velvety eyes looking straight at her. in his hands he held the two ends of the belt that had been placed helpfully on the armrests all along. he gave a slight grimace of a smile and leaned forward to bring the two ends across and clip them together. she heard the click of the belt and felt the back of his hands, his knuckles, brush against her belly at the same time. everything inside seemed to plunge to her toes. she shook as a tremble raced through her.

she looked up with frightened eyes.

he was staring at her, a dazed look in his eyes. then his eyes hardened, his jaw set itself in stern lines. he walked back to his seat without a word.

with a little shudder the plane began to taxi. the moment it started moving, khushi couldn't help herself, her eyes closed and she started praying fervently under her breath.

hey devi maiyya, raksha karna... hey devi maiyya, raksha karna... hey devi maiyya...

(hey devi maiyya, save me...)

her lips moved constantly, though no sound emerged. her hands gripped the arm rests, she sat ramrod straight and waited for catastrophe.

the plane paused for a few moments and then when it started to move again it picked up speed rapidly. alarmed, khushi's hands snapped to her eyes, her shoulders hunched, her knees came up. she was ready to go into foetal position in her fear, it seemed.

"open your eyes and take a deep breath," said a calm voice next to her.

she cautiously turned her head and opened one eye.

he was sitting in the seat beside her, looking straight ahead.

"open both eyes... miss gupta," his voice was beginning to get a bit of an edge.

she slowly did as he said.

"now take one of these and suck on it slowly," he had put a handful of lozenges on the wide armrest. khushi grabbed one, took off the wrapping as fast as she could and popped it into her mouth.

"slowly, please."

she felt the sweet release its syrup sweetness and felt a little better.

"now hold my hand," his voice was matter of fact.

she looked at him, shocked, only to see his hand lying palm up on the arm rest, waiting for her to do as he told her. long brown fingers, a strong thumb, clear sharp lines, khushi stared.

"not again, miss gupta... just take my hand, i don't bite."

tentatively she reached out and and placed her slender palm on his, letting it slip over the surface softly. his fingers closed over her hand, firm, reassuring. she let her fingers curl around his palm.

she was sitting next to a stranger, in a plane, and holding his hand. hey devi maiyya, if billo mausi ever heard of this.

but suddenly pushing billo mausi aside came funny sensations. she could feel the texture of his skin, there were rough patches here and there, callouses, but his skin felt firm and cool. it felt sort of nice... babu ji's hands were rougher, and why not, he worked so hard with his hands, this pampered rich rakshas must have had everything given to him on a platter... laad governor kahin ke... huh! she could feel her anger rising.

"don't get agitated... nothing will happen, we'll leave the ground shortly... now tell me how did you manage to persuade your family to let you come with me..."

her eyes opened at that, and a giggle escaped her.

he wanted to divert her attention but he was taken aback at this mercurial change of mood.

"pata hai, what i told them, no not that i lied, not really... well anyway, i said," and she giggled again, "i said, you were coming to get lucknow's special khaas ekdam best mithai!"

she laughed as she finished saying her words with a grand air and looked at him.

"did you?" he murmured, looking back at her quizzically... and the plane began taking off.

she gripped his hand tight with both hands and sat there, staring at him, panic stricken.

as the plane ascended to almost 30,000 feet, and she didn't fall off the plane and all seemed more or less normal, she felt her fear gradually seep away. she relaxed into her seat, and laid her head back.

he felt her hands loosen their grip on his hand, he saw her sitting, looking calmer. he made to free his hand, but the moment he did that, her hold tightened.

"so you stare and you hold hands with strangers, uh huh, miss gupta, what are we to do with you..."

she looked at him with furious eyes, and let go of his hand.

he laughed and called out, "miss rao, do bring me that coffee, and a cup of hot tea for miss gupta!"

created by sunshine80

index

chapter 4


 

 

not cut out for love: chapter 2

   created by sunshine80

she'd learned his name much later. 

when she and jiji were trying to explain to babu ji exactly what had happened, why there was a problem with the sheesh mahal job.

the hotel had called babu ji and explained, despite the great inconvenience caused and the grave mistake committed by one of his daughters, the client had decided to make the payment, but really next time, mr gupta must make sure such things don't happen. a bit of a reprimand there from a rather pompous manager.

shashi gupta, thankfully, was a man of wisdom and even temper. rarely did he fly into a rage and, in matters of business, he was always polite and fair. a bit too much of both, his elder sister madhumati agarwal felt at times. otherwise, sasi babua who made the finest balushahis and jalebis in the whole of lucknow would have become a lala when, hai re nand kissore, a rich man with a big house and imported car and four four servants.

but sasi babua was made of the purest earth, he would not be worldly wise, just hard working and wise, and scrupulously honest. chalo, she loved her brother enough to forgive him his lack of greed and desire for material things. at least he was happy.

when he'd lost his wife just a few years after marriage, she'd seen him truly broken. payal bitiya was just two years old. that had worried her, how would things get back to normal again? but then came garima, and took charge. in no time, she'd brought back a sense of home and peace to her brother's little abode in gomti sadan.

marvelous girl really, garima... bua ji sighed and looked heavenward in thanks. her large eyes rolled, her triple chin wobbled and her huge "om" pendant on a chain too small for her neck bobbed up and down as she said the name of the lord under her breath a few times, her considerable girth settled more comfortably into the sofa.

how well garima had managed payal, how contented her brother looked after such a long time.

it was her gratitude to this younger woman who became shashi gupta's second wife, that had kept bua ji's tongue and acerbic mind at bay when khushi came into their lives.

about nine years after shashi ji's second marriage, garima's sister and brother in law died in a terrible car accident, leaving behind their only offspring, the eight year old khushi kumari gupta. thin and waif like, with shiny eyes and an abundance of straight silky dark brown hair, khushi had looked so vulnerable when she saw her that first time, that despite herself bua ji could feel her heart melt.

but being of older thinking, she decided she would love her "own" niece a little more and this new adopted niece a little less. felt "correct" to her somehow.

shashi gupta however accepted khushi as his daughter, no more, no less, from the day garima and he decided to bring her up. not his wife's niece. this little child with a sparkling smile and a trusting hug would be their second daughter. that's all.

many people said bua ji succeeded in keeping her adopted niece at a bit of a distance, but khushi knew otherwise. the aunt who rarely spoke to her sweetly, often calling her "parameswari" (ultimate goddess), "titaliya" (butterfly), "sanka devi" (goddess of craziness), and giving her the sourest slant of her vocabulary, was actually inordinately fond of her, and this was how she showed it.

in fact, it was bua ji who had given her the pretty little idol of devi maiyya on her twelfth birthday, saying, "titaliya, inhen hamesa tumhri paas rakhio, devi maiyya tumhri raksa karenge."

(titaliya, keep her with you always, devi maiyya will protect you.)

khushi fell in love with devi maiyya in no time. the kindest eyes. the sweetest smile. the gentlest words. every night she had a little conversation with her before bed.

that night she'd spoken about the terrible stranger in black, the rakshas she'd met at the hotel. she'd complained and asked devi maiyya to teach that arrogant man a lesson. the idol had sat listening patiently and khushi had felt she was not being as proactive as she might have been. in fact, she seemed to be smiling. hmmm, something had to be done.

so khushi promised to give her special batasha prashad the next day, just so she understood the importance of making that man suffer.

and when that evening babu ji asked her and jiji what had happened at sheesh mahal, she'd started with a slightly guilty air,

"babu ji, hum aap se kah nahin paaye us raat ki unhone paise dene se inkar kar diya, " i couldn't tell you that night he refused to pay, "but what was my fault, i was just walking in with the tray of sweets and he walked into me..."

"he walked into you...?" shashi ji smiled and asked.

"haan, matlab, he must have, na, otherwise..." khushi suddenly felt her cheeks go hot as memory rushed in. dark glittering eyes, angry set jaw, long column of throat, silk...  all black... with spots of sticky crunchy orange.

khushi began to giggle.

"babu ji, you should have seen the chaos, he was looking so silly, ekdam cartoon."

"sanka devi," bua ji interrupted, "can one not depend on you to do anything right? hai re nand kissore, aafat ki puriya you are, really... does anyone do that to a paying customer..."

"par bua ji, it wasn't khushi's fault that the man decided to take advantage of the situation and said he wouldn't pay..." payal jumped in defending her little sister.

"jiji..." shashi gupta said, "theek hai, it's ok, khusie bitiya is anyway quite upset..."

bua ji chucked her long plait over one shoulder and sat down to a quick sulk.

"bitiya," shashi ji told khushi, "ghabrao nahin, the manager called me and they'll pay... i just wanted you to tell me... whatever happens you can always tell me about it, no need to take the burden on yourself always, ok bitiya?"

khushi was so relieved, she hugged babu ji, then she stepped back and made a face, wagging her fore finger she started, "woh aadmi, uska toh main..."

(that man, his...)

"woh admi nahin, khushi bitiya, itna gussa nahin karte... arnav singh raizada hai unka naam."

(not that man, khushi, don't get so angry, his name is arnav singh raizada.)

"kya? singh bhi aur raizada bhi? samjhte kya hain apne aap ko."

(what! he's singh and he's raizada? who does he think he is?)

she was thinking about all this as she came home from the shop that afternoon around 1 o'clock. she walked in and was about to call out to her mother when she heard her and bua ji talking in bua ji's room.

"panch lakh rupaye? dahej ki rakam?" buaji said shocked.

(five lakh rupees, the dowry amount?)

"haan, jiji, that's why i'm telling him we shouldn't raise our hopes... we can't pay this kind of money to get our payaliya married. that's just the dowry... then there's the kharcha of the wedding also na? where will we get it from."

khushi stood quietly outside, a feeling of helplessness coming over her. why was she such a  useless daughter? why couldn't she earn more money and make her parents', her jiji's, life easier. she hated the idea of dowry. but what could poor babu ji and amma do... for thousands of years this had been going on. so unfair. yet totally unavoidable.

what could she do?

out of nowhere a number hummed across her mind:

9810345623.

what? she frowned?

they'll pay whatever she wanted?

but in delhi... and that arnav singh... no!!

but jiji? shadi?

khushi unconsciously started taking out sour plums from the packet she'd picked up on the way home and biting into the spicy little fruit, feel its delicious sourness. she went toward the room she shared with jiji, wondering what would be the best course of action? just pretend to herself that she never received a call that morning?

or?...

"chup... band kar natak, khushi, " hush... stop the drama, she admonished herself. "where is the question of not calling that number... it's a proper job... respectable... and they'll pay..."

she reached for the phone.

***

arnav singh raizada glared at aman.

"what," like a short sharp lash of a whip came his response.

"khushi kumari gupta has said she won't work for us... and you have accepted that?"

the anger was palpable.

aman mumbled, "but sir, she wouldn't even speak to me once she realised..."

asr cut him dead with a quick, electric look. his brown eyes burnt with rage.

she had refused? how dare she?

what he perhaps didn't want to face was that he'd never factored in this scenario. he so needed to have her here, he believed once she was tracked down, the rest was a cakewalk. bad planning. he didn't like that.

okay, he'd solve the problem. with a curt nod of his head he indicated to aman they were done. aman left quietly, still wondering how he could persuade miss gupta.

then asr picked up the phone.


***
 
before khushi could dial, her phone rang. it was not a lucknow number her quick check told her. okay, here goes, she thought.

"haylow?"

then without any further preamble or procrastination she took off, scared if she waited too long she might get cold feet.

"dekhiye, aap uss arnav singh raizada se kah dijiyega, ki hum naukri karne ke liye taiyyar hain... and i want a salary of rupees twenty five thousand, ek paisa kam nahin."

(tell that arnav singh raizada i am ready to work... and i want a salary of twenty five thousand rupees, not a paisa less!)

pachees hazar, as she said the amount, she felt a tremor of apprehension go through her. such a large amount, she'd never thought she'd ever ask anyone for it... and that too in this brazen manner. that poor man aman saxena sounded like a decent fellow.

she felt bad.

maybe she should soften her tone, apologise even.

she opened her mouth again.

*** 


"ah, so miss gupta," came a steely voice from the other end. she paused taken aback. definitely this was not aman saxena. this was that... that... khushi's eyes were getting rounder and then her mouth opened to describe a perfect "o".

"money does talk, doesn't it?" now he was silky smooth, an insulting tone creeping into his voice... "especially when it comes to girls like you."

"aap?" her voice hit a peak in anger and surprise.

"aap samajhte kya hain apne aapko, aur aap ko yeh number kaise mili?"

(you? who do you think you are? and who gave you this number?)

"one question at a time please, miss gupta."

she seethed at his condescending tone.

"who am i? now let's see. i am one of the country's richest men... young, unattached, very  (he paused to underscore that "very" in a husky maddening voice) clever, mmm, meet with your approval?... as for your phone number... well if you had the thing that's required to figure that one out, you wouldn't be asking me, now would you?"

"kya? kya one thing?" khushi was irritated.

(what? what one thing?)

"dimag, khushi kumari gupta, dimag."

(brain, khushi kumari gupta, brain.)

khushi was aghast at this rudeness. why this terrible behaviour every time? what had she done to him?

hey devi maiyya, iss rakshas ko toh aisi sabak sikhaiye, ki zindagi bhar yaad rakhe, she prayed silently with gritted teeth. teach this rakshas such a lesson, devi maiyya, that he remembers it his entire life.

"anyway, enough talk, the plane will land in lucknow in, let's see, about three hours. please be ready."

"plane? yahan? ready?" she was incoherent in her confusion. what was this man saying!

"stop repeating what i say," he murmured, "pack... your... bags. i have a meeting in lucknow this evening, i'll fly in for that, you can come back with me."

"aaj? yaane, aaj? no mr raizada, i can't leave like that. i have to talk to my family... no... i will come in a couple of days..."

"then the deal is off." his voice was flat and non inclusive, "goodbye, miss..."

"rukiye," she skidded in. "rukiye!... theek hai... i'll be ready."

(stop... stop... okay... i'll be ready.)

"good, miss gupta," triumph made his voice grainy and full of plush satin just below the grain... "oh, raise your standards a bit will you... what's this twenty five thousand you ask for... small change. at least ask for a lakh of rupees, miss gupta. ok done, i am in a generous mood. a lakh it is."

 
***
 
khushi almost passed out.
all this was too much to take...

that arnav singh raizada!!! but devi maiya... one lakh? that means she'd only have to work six months to get all the money together for jiji's wedding, five lakhs dowry, one lakh wedding expenses.

and she'd be free.

she could have kissed devi maiyya. but now to explain to the family.
 
***

aman was just about to enter asr's office for he thought he'd found a way to get miss gupta here, he heard asr on the phone. lucknow?

when asr was done with his call, he turned to see aman.

an eyebrow went up, "yes, aman?"

"sir? you have a meeting in lucknow this evening?" aman asked, he had no idea.

"meeting? no." asr said while flipping through papers.

"ok, sir... er, about miss gupta..."

"don't worry, aman, that's taken care of... good job. you found her."

"thank you, sir." with a smile aman turned to leave.

"aman, tell captain raina i'd like to fly to lucknow in a couple of hours' time, will you?"

lucknow? aman thought once more, quite puzzled. and did he imagine it or was there a smile on sir's face when he said,"that's taken care of."

aman went out silently.

created by supriya.arshi

index

chapter 3

epsode 387 let's quarrel

"toh yeh hai aapka tarika aarav ko khush karne ka, usske liye mehenge tohfe laakar?"
so this is your way of pleasing aarav... by getting him expensive toys?

"haan."
yes.

"arnav ji, aapko andaza bhi hai ki aap kya kar rahe hain?... jabh bhi woh naraz ho jaayga toh aap usske liye mehenge tofe lekar aayenge..."
arnav ji, do you know what you're doing? whenever he's angry, you'll get him expensive gifts...

"laaonga..."
i'll get...

"... toh woh paise ka mole kaise samajh paayege?!!"
then  how will he know the value of money?!!

"par kya zaroorat hai... jab tak main hoon?"
what's the need as long as i'm there? 

standing where you could see the water shimmering in the pool, all dressed up for diwali, they had a fight.

a nice rollicking one. 

i did like.

about the only thing that felt plausible in the episode.

and asr khushi. two people into early days of marriage, much in love, but with their differences. i liked the way they were on two completely different pages on the issue. to some extent both had a point... but really, finally their ego took over. good... that's how i fight, so maybe i get that.

i was also enamoured of asr's monosyllabic assertions. and i somewhere get what he is saying. he believes aarav needs to feel comfortable, needs to be pampered, at this point. though there was no need to say that about sweets and patakas not being the only way to win a boy's heart... that was purely so writers could bring in the fight.

i also found that almost confused, what's the need for aarav to learn the value of money as long as i'm around, awfully cute. something terribly loving in it... terribly. in the words, in the tone, there's a boy who lost love suddenly;and a boy who has known overwhelming loving, from his mother in his very young days; and a boy whose father didn't do what he was meant to... who wasn't there. perhaps all of that has made the boy a man who wants to be the right kind of father, take all the responsibilities... be loving to a point that may be even silly. though i do agree with his instinct. at this point, aarav needs soft gentle abundant love, surprises like that room full of goodies... moments that erase long memories of abandonment, being alone, anaath... parentless.

as the fight progressed, the issue became you vs me. who'd smarter. who's more capable. she said just because you earn the money doesn't mean you are the only one who has a say on decisions involving money. he said, i din't say that. she said, yes, you did... and don't mock me i can earn more money than you.

i grinned. i have said exactly those words.

he looked really irritated at that... yes, he would... and flew off the handle. lovely.

he snapped back in that i am the man and i know best way... asr, you are beautifully real. he harped on himmat and confidence and intelligence, and told her she just doesn't have what it takes to face the world, make money... he even mocked her jalebi enterprise. what business can you run... exporting jalebi?

the jalebi is a lovely part of their story i have to say, used in so many ways.

he was mean. can he be that? of course, he can. and of course, he doesn't really mean it. yet, in some tiny little degree, a smidge of a measure, he really does. asr and his takniki kharabi.

she is rightly upset. i would be too... and i might, as a result of this fight, do something about the asli duniya facing slur.

but would i instantly start acting silly (supposedly cute) and think of ramesh khabri, something or the other of kamlesh khabri, and stick out my hand and say, "myself whatever...," apply strategy of self assertion on doodhwala... and other such ridiculous things?

whoever understood the sanka of khushi is no longer part of the show. i am sure of that. poor sanaya struggles with pretty awful slam dunk slap stick for the neanderthal sort of writing.

barun suffers as asr is turned into something he just isn't. yeah, he cares for his wife, yes, he has been nasty and said more than he should have, he realises that, but would he use such ridiculous tactics to get her to his office and that too while talking loudly to himself about his cute (not) ploys? all i can say is, yeah right.

i see, ridiculous has come up twice.

this is a sign. directly from kamlesh khabri. who is really upset that khushi has switched gurus. 

 

................................

farewell episodes

episode rambles 

fanfiction

 

episode 371 poolside and an almost

asr sits in the hall watching football.

the moment khushi meets a kid who is somewhat like arnav ji in his ways and has diabetes and whose mother once was arnav ji's saheli, she decides this just might be his son.



so is that how much khushi loves arnav ji?

and is that really the grim man who has no time for anything but work?

can a woman from a small town meet a man from the big city when she by accident lands up on the catwalk of his show and falls into his arms after tripping on a dupatta?

may seem a little far fetched, but stranger things have happened and many future lovers meet in the unlikeliest of circumstances... so yes, this might happen.

but after that meeting and going through everything they have, would khushi instantly jump to a suspicion like this.. completely doubting her arnav ji? this is just unreal.

and so i am having a huge problem with this whole thing. and then in the middle of it all akash coos, "aisa nahin lag raha ki bhai ke bajoo mein junior bhai baithe hain?"

doesn't it look as if junior bhai is sitting next to bhai?

first, since when has akash become so gooey? and second, how many obvious dialogues are needed to get us to the point.. we get it.

i am beginning to get really uncomfortable now.

this is preposterous. it was never the sheetal track as we keep calling it... it was asr's son track.. asr's lack of morality track... asr's extreme irresponsibility track... asr might be like his pita ji track... it was pretty sick really.

and it was such a terrible blow to two characters and a story and a romance built with love and interest and care even while keeping the commercial aspects in mind.

i am suddenly angry.



a bizarre good and bad khushi talk ensues, then an invitation... she wants sheetal and her son to stay with them so she can find out if her suspicion is justified.

i can't believe this is happening. there is a wilful violence almost in this act.

several months ago on a terrace asr had jumped to a conclusion and acted in a manner we all knew was not correct. but we also knew, they had barely started their relationship... he had just begun to feel something, or rather identify it as "faraq" though he had felt stuff for a while now. he didn't know her too well and there was that uncertainty and tremulousness of the first days of faraq. his heart had shattered at what he saw... or thought he saw.

plus there was his love for his sister and the roiling caused by the fact that the man involved was none other than a man he trusted and his sister adored, his jija ji.

even then, his action was in essence not right. though we felt him suffer as well.

but now.

now khushi and asr are at a different point in their lives. love apart, trust has been given and earned.

so how can khushi even begin to think like that? i can understand her being jealous of sheetal, his ex girl friend... but this is not about that really is it? she is convinced asr is aarav's father... she has somewhere decided this and is doing an investigation that will work to prove her hypothesis.

how could writers even think of this idea?

so what is the value of trust then in a relationship? and this was not just any relationship... it was one built through much and valued by many. it had  something real in it. honest.

that is badly blighted now.

and anyway, khushi is not mad. though that is how writers are presenting her.

the whole setting up of the question... is asr aarav's father... is done in the most childish and silly fashion. every member of the family is tasked with saying how the two are similar... mami and akash actually say aarav is like his son.

even nani is made to say foolish things... he eats toast just like chhotey.

huh?

and so we see how poor khushi has no option. she had a little trepidation upon seeing the similarities but now that everyone is talking about it, she poor girl is being almost pushed into giving this thought credence.

sorry, this doesn't work... by showing khushi behaving in this fashion, no matter how many potlifuls of cuteness you may throw in, you are actually marring her character.

no, sorry writers and directors, just because you showed so called funny things and played funny music, this thing didn't become right. and as i said, you didn't absolve khushi of responsibility by making her act cute and behave like she has no mind of her own.

this is khushi... dammit.

and that is arnav ji.

she does not suspect him of being a kid's father just like that.

if she does, this love story starts suffering terribly. make sheetal chudail and you have a winner maybe, but go down this path and you hurt something precious.

thanks to mano darling we get to know sheetal is a single mother exactly as asr had thought and without being melodramatic or judgmental...

his anger feels clean...

her lack of faith in him, just not right.

somehow this suspecting asr feels more terrible to me than even the madness of the shadi karni hogi night.

at the poolside, i like what he says about why he doesn't want sheetal living with them. he spells it out, she is his ex gf... what was the need for this, she could have stayed in a hotel.

in an effort to make her understand, the so cute, "pehle pehle jab nk tumhe bahut attention diya karta tha toh main jealous feel karta tha..."

in the beginning when nk used to pay you too much attention i used to feel jealous.

yeah, the back of the head, instinctive possessive jealousy you feel for someone you consider yours, i can imagine him feeling that. not because he thinks nk is a potential threat... just that, she's out of bounds. territorial alpha male kahinke.

"bahut awkward ho jaayga..." it'll become very awkward... he is right.

then seeing her face, he thinks it's all to do with khushi's caring nature... she felt bad to hear aarav has diabetes. he only sees her best side... which i would think is natural... he used to "tum jaisi ladki" her all the time, but now he knows better...

khushi rests her head on his shoulder indicating she is feeling bad for aarav and arnav ji has read her right but all along she is scheming and wondering how to get it out of him... that they slept together. had sex.





because it was barun and sanaya i watched.

when she asks him what he did with sheetal, he asked, "matlab?"

meaning?

loved that reply and look. as she kept pushing, the exasperated, "what's the matter with you!"

the interrogation was relentless and flummoxing. finally he deadpanned, "gadi mein hum football khelte the..." we used to play football in the car.

he knew she was asking something else, he just didn't know what, "khushi, what's the matter with you.. kya poochhna chah rahi ho tum?"

khushi, what's the matter with you? what do you want to ask?

at last she almost asked at the spot where they once almost kissed "kya sheetal ji aur aap ne..." did you and sheetal...

what's that cheesy yeah yeah music, i am thinking. raju singh? surely not.

"akele mein... jalebiya?"

all by yourself... khushi ventured, then balked and pulled in her saviour... jalebi.



he got it.

or maybe not.

he cut in with that totally killer, no, he hasn't had jalebi with anyone but her.

it was hard to watch the episode. it was telecast first on 24 october 2012, on a wednesday, there's a filler quality to it. the same thing being repeated again and again.

 

.........................

fangurl edit.

.........................

am i imagining it or does kamlesh khabri ji also have a body double?
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

......................

the meant nothing episodes

episode rambles 

fanfiction