that morning after

that morning there was anger in him and perhaps a hint of guilt too. perhaps he sought the comfort of his plants, their calming effect. he was a gardener deep down, he wanted to create, see things grow, blossom, it perhaps soothed him in unspoken ways too. it was perhaps also a way to shut the bedard duniya out.

but this morning, it wouldn't shut out a voice. a voice that accused him. a voice that insulted him with that bhad mein jaaye. a voice that questioned his very character. a voice that did something to him that he couldn't quite understand. and his character... so precious to him... to be sahi... to not be galat... like his father. in fact, his dimaag and dil have whispered to him before that what he's doing with this girl may not be right... in the suv, after the rain, in the rain... kyun, kyun mujhe aisa lag raha hai...

he who had sworn never to let kissi ladki make any faraq... because a woman, an illicit romantic relationship perhaps, had ruined their lives... now this ladki was so much on his mind. i think he genuinely was uncomfortable with that. in fact, had kkg not run after him in the mazar, he would have walked away. if she hadn't landed up in his office and insisted on working, he'd have been fine. he was comfortable where he was, his safe zone. now this knocking on the gates of his domain, his fort.

the voice connected him to an anger that had possibly become part of him. it triggered fury. just as there was extreme tenderness in him, there was a proclivity for violence. did it take root on that night he saw his mother die and all because of his father's misdemeanour? so much of asr is in that echoing maa.

when he lost his cool, he catapulted to violence often. that snapping of the pearl string on their first meeting. she mentioned his sister, he lost control. this out of proportion anger, that made him lose his senses was always there. on the night of a wedding, on a terrace, he would again lose all control over his feelings and commit an act of violence almost by yoking the one his heart ached for to him but in the most painful and traumatic way.

today, he was at the beginning of this yearning. it was still not clear to him what it was... why her words mattered. why he couldn't stop thinking of her. and how dare she insult him. he had to do something. and do it now. her tirade had left him speechless. she had railed at him. he had tried to say something, but she wouldn't let him speak... he had been struck deep by her words, he could only express that feeling through anger perhaps. all that pent up anger was bursting forth now. had she been around, the brunt of his anger would be borne by her. but she wasn't, he reached out for something precious and flung it down. all his tenderness and violence mixed in that act? we see the gussa. we don't sense the tenderness... he needs to apologise to the girl he almost harmed irreparably becasue he was angry with her... t his sister knows him well, she knows what hdes underneath that anger.

asr was an upright human being. he'd never knowingly have sent khushi to a dangerous place. that was bothering him. her believing that he was a man with no conscience was bothering him. her tirade and insults were something he never would take from anyone, that was bothering him. the girl was too much on his mind, that was bothering him. he reached out and expressed his anger. without words. with just a violent act.

why did i hear that jagged sharp maa in it as i thought about it now? just like that moment in his life, from normal to chaos... was this a leitmotif in his life?

and did the anger of guesthouse and the resignation also make him note there was a similarity in him and this girl from out of the blue... did he hear echoes of his gussa in hers? again di pointed out there was something that was alike in both... she didn't say the rest, that in everything else they were poles apart.

but it wasn't just their gussa, it was their tenderness too, that was alike and sweet as h. just look at the way he's taking care of his plants. wonderful direction, taking it from that sweetness to that chaos. the play of contrasts. and who could do it more brilliantly than one asr.

episode 34 i am not okay

g.u.e.s.t.h.o.u.s.e.  e.p.i.s.o.d.e.s

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episode rambles

fan fiction

that diwali which meant nothing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

diwali. a momentous episode in the story of their love. here a delineation of the powerful, elemental pull between a man and a woman... a carnal, physical, mindless thing in it. every encounter would change them a little, make their relationship take a step, but diwali was a tectonic shift. a heave in it and when things settled back, they weren't exactly the same as before, a permanent change had taken place. nothing would be the same again. and that's why maybe story wise, it was the perfect moment to have them commit to a life with someone else.

doesn't mean a thing.

koi matlab nahin? 

diwali and koi matlab nahin episodes

......... 

episode rambles 
fan fiction

episode 34 i am not ok

"hum theek nahin hain."
finally, she answered his question. i am not ok.
for me, this poignant moment connecting last episode and this, was the story of the day. the next step in their exploration of each other.

episode 34

"the face of a lover is an unknown, precisely because it is invested with so much of oneself. it is a mystery, containing, like all mysteries, the possibility of torment." 
~~~ james arthur baldwin~~~

a pensive mood permeated the frame right from the first moment. he's leaning close into his plant and pruning. a lost look in his eyes. suddenly flashes of light and a cascade of memories. her voice. scathing, sharp, indicting him, rising passionately in her anger in answer to his  "tum... theek ho?" now her diatribe reverberated within him. i wish to have nothing to do with a person like you. bhad mein gaye aap aur bhad mein gaye aap ki naukri. my name on that paper has more meaning than any penalty amount... her insults found their mark. a spark of return anger in his eyes. he picked up the pot he was tending with such care and dashed it on the ground. it shattered.

di walked in and said, ah so there is something in common between you and khushi. gussa. he remained silent. today even his plants failed to bring him comfort, peace, stability. storm in his eyes. as di carried on asking things he didn't want to probe into, his ire rose. perhaps a safer emotion than that inexplicable disquiet. di said she understood he was very upset about the guest house incident. for the second time she mentioned, khushi could have lost her life. writers used asr's elder sister well to allow us a peak into him. but the matter that really bothered him, no one, not asr, not di, not perhaps even writers had any inkling of. yet.

when she said he actually wanted to explain and apologise to khushi, asr couldn't take it any more. like the pearl string, he snapped.

"enough, di!maine kabhi kissi ko safai dena zaroori nahin samjha. mujhe uss khushi se kuch nahi kehna. mere liye koi maine nahin rakhti." enough, di! i've never thought it necessary to give explanations to anyone. i have nothing to say to that khushi. she means nothing to me.

uss khushi. that khushi. oh he was really mad at her.

but di persisted and asked what we've been itching to.
"achha? toh phir hum jabhi khushi ki baat kartein hain tum aise bhadak kyon jaatey ho." really? then why is it that whenever we speak of khushi you get so angry...

and there was khushi, confused, looking for the key to this utterly perplexing puzzle. "yeh humey kya ho raha hai?" what's this happening to me?  why was she not leaping with joy at having given asr a piece of her mind? she had had her say, gone to his house and told him all she wanted to, thrown his job, his contract... on his face, and walked off hugging her anger close. then why, why this unhappiness? "toh hume achha lagna chahiye na? phir humey kharab kyon lag raha hai?" so i should feel good, right? then why am i feeling bad? even food, her favourite chaat at that, couldn't bring her khushi smile back. bua ji, payal, and shyam (who was positively swooning in affection) tried their level best to cheer her up.

they knew it would be a rough day, this resignation thing, and like a caring family, had prepared distraction and lightness to get her up and about. alas, golgappa also couldn't make her forget this confused sad theek nahin hai feeling.

then two things happened at once. jiji asked khushi for a phone, and rahim chacha walked in carrying arnav baba's clothes from the laundry. almost like objects with minds of their own, a few pearls from a broken string and a key, mannat ki chabi, found their way to asr and khushi. and as if on cue rabba vey trilled in wrapping around the whole segment, as a man and a woman stood lost in thoughts of a person they didn't want to think about.  they stood quiet and scanning memories in the mind in their own separate spaces, but never really apart.

an intimate, almost set aside sequence with a curious intimacy all its own. camera close, touching skin, lingering, wondering, tying stories together. she held the key and stared at it long. his fingers closed over the pearls.

"khushi..."
"arnav singh raizada."

nani worried about chhotey, lest he should destroy his life like his father had before him. no amount of coaxing by anjali eased her mind. what was this mystery that shrouded the past of asr? an ominous sense in the air.

shyam was in love. he so wanted to make khushi happy. she could see that yet, nothing about him ever touched her. if anything, she was perplexed, a bit turned off every time he tried to get close. the writers though decided to have a bit of fun and so gave shyam two wonderful dialogues about love. "baat hafto ki ho, ya saalon ki, pyaar toh pyaar hota hai." whether it's a matter of in weeks or years, love is love always.  and what if it was about eternity? hamesha? but shyam's pyaar did not know that span of time. like shyam, it was limited.

his "dhai akshar ka ehsaas" two and a half letters and one feeling... was playing games with khushi. she was in such a tizzy that she'd do the very thing she had felt she really never wanted to. "uss aranv singh raizada ka khayal baar baar mere man mein aa raha hai... man kar raha hai ki dubara usse miloon." that arnav singh raizada's thoughts are coming to my mind again and again... i feel like meeting him once more.
 
what, khushi?

tuhi bata mere maula, tu hi bata mere rabba.

g.u.e.s.t.h.o.u.s.e.  e.p.i.s.o.d.e.s

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episode rambles

fan fiction

epiosode 105 that feeling's got a name

if the man on the left has started looking like the man on the right to you...

and you notice the same thing here...

and here too,

then no what the about it, know now and know well, that along with being addle pated, crack pot sanka jhalli, non stop talker and fried stuff gobbler, you are struck for life. you are in love.

an attraction growing, asserting itself. an emotion that is bursting out of restrictions and wanting to express itself. why was she walking past that wobbling stool so slowly staring up at him, why was he taking forever to fix some wires, his ears fully concentrating on her exchange with anjali? and now, why were they lying entangled with each other on that rangoli for so long, just looking at each other? he took a while before he took over and got the two up on their feet again and again he kept on holding her hand looking at her, while she just couldn't break that hold of his gaze.
 
why?

ever since nainital and babu ji's sudden paralytic stroke, there's a pressure it seems on the two to acknowledge something. she had asked herself why she'd raced to him in that hospital, needing his shoulder to lean on. she hadn't yet answered that question. but as if to help her along, the writers had written in an untenable scenario. a marry shyam campaign mounted by bua ji. this should help her answer some questions, even if the constant thoughts of him and not being able to look away didn't.

on his side, he is finding it difficult not to quicken to her presence, not be around her, not look at her. his heart knows answers his head hasn't asked to hear yet. this need to make everything alright for her. how poignant his promise to the girl of his heart, "everything will be alright," while putting his arms around the girl his head had chosen. yet, it wasn't such a bad head either... this girl will do more for him and his heart than many can ever imagine, even now. 

"hello hi bye bye arnav bitwa, lagat hai tum ko koi galat faimi ho gai hai aree ee holi nahi... diwali manayka seazhun hai." arnav dear, seems you have misunderstood, this is diwali not holi, says mami as she sees him covered in rangoli hues.

galat faimi. misunderstanding. no, this was the most powerful time of understanding, coming to the brink of acting upon it, and going back. because the heart wasn't ready. willing wanting yearning, but not ready.

the misunderstanding would come later.

he can't look away from her. ever since that day in the hospital, ever since that fairy light thing. ever since she asked pata kaise chalta hai, ever since he saw her in a red sari, in the storm with her hair tossed, on a ramp where she was not meant to be... ever since forever... he can't stop looking at her.

la calls her away. she's teaching la to wear a sari, such a happy smile on her face that her student at last is showing interest. an open happy khushi smile. la is making a mess so she tries it on herself. he is watering his plants.

gust of wind... awareness... he looks up and there she is... wrapping the soft material around her.

an intimate scene, a girl dresses and a man who is losing control watches, the water flows on and overflows... a sign of the extent of his desire maybe. yes she is covered, this is pretend wearing, but still, a thick intimacy. no wonder when she sees him, her heart almost stops then races, her fingers lose grip, the pleats tumble, lose, letting go... like her heart and its feelings perhaps?

wind, water, fengshui... the elements were always there taking part in this love story. perhaps an indication that it was meant to scale the three dimensions, merge with a larger reality. not that this was the first time one saw use of the elements to heighten drama or a feeling, but rarely did it seem so perfect and believable. 

i repeat, sanaya irani and barun sobti made what can easily become corny and laughable seem beautiful, plausible, rather lovely. you wanted to lose your grip on your reality and enter the fantasy with them.

how barun managed to keep his tycoon shatir image on despite all this wind, water, stars, long deep stares into girl's eyes and lifting her up all the time is beyond me. also no idea how sanaya kept us believing khushi was clean, sweet, innocent, with no guile, and no thought of trapping this man despite the number of times she was stuck in eyelocks with him or fell into his arms. some calibre both. yes, we did suspend our disbelief and yes we are desperate to believe in love eternal too maybe, an idea more precious than money to many of us. but still. so much fluff, yet the characters intact. deserves applause and thought about acting.

"soch soch ke paagal ho rahe hai... yeh sab uss laad gover... arnav ji ki vajah se ho raha hai... na wo hume... aur na hum..." i'm going mad thinking, all this is because of that laad gov... arnav ji... if he hadn't... if i hadn't...

khushi can't take the heat of this moment any more and rushes out saying she's unwell, needs medicines. and as she walks aimlessly, the questions come. she speaks to devi maiyya, i have always felt this was khsuhi's way of talking to herself, her most inner, clear divine part. the part we all have in us i feel.

delicate delicate words, about the state of heart. from another time in writing, not today's. nowadays we seek simplification of every feeling... dropping off all wondering and complexity. but here it is different, her "na wo hume, aur na hum..." what does it mean really. nothing is clear, yet, we all know what it's all about. slivers and little bits and pieces of every emotion around a larger compelling one, which is usually described in one word. but that word is never said.

"aap yahan?" you here?

he's the auto driver.

"jana kahan hai?" want to go where?  gruff rough, typical auto man. yet not. awww.

"aap auto chala rahe hain?" you're driving an auto? her tycoon at the wheel of phatphatiya, all oily and bucolic.

she is beginning to get it. she recalls telling payal just the other night, "humne socha tha jab pyaar hoga toh asman mein taare aur bhi chamakne lagenge, har jagah sirf wahi nazar aayenge..." thought when i fall in love, the stars will shine brighter in the firmament, and everywhere i'll see him only...

"arre ye madam, auto na chalaoon toh kya hero ban jaaoon," hey madam, not drive auto, then what, become a hero?!! comes the irate reply from the auto guy. the real one, since the one seeing things has run off. the dialogues are brilliant, funny, rofl giving even, yet with layer. she is running from the deduction her mind has finally started to make.

what's happening to me, dm... no nothing is happening... i am fine. this is too much information for this slip of a girl. in love with arnav singh raizada? nooo. yet, how lovely that switch to "arnav ji" from "laad governor" at the start of her dialogue with dm.

her arnav ji, whom she loves, whom she thinks of the moment her dream man is mentioned, who mustn't go hungry, who has a gussa he can't control, who makes her heart go dhakdhak, who watches her wearing a sari and she can't bring herself to think "ew creep," (imagine if shyam were doing that instead of asr), that arnav ji, whom she sees everywhere.

but she can't face that yet.

"namaste, pandeji," to the guard at rm.

"what the!" says the guard like the auto man, music goes haywire, khoosie bitiya bolts, nooo, this can't be happening.

inside rm, safe she is, but... "shubh deepavali, khushi ji." uh oh, it's not op and his cutesy chatter, it's the dhobi, the washerman, and he is also that man in her dreams, that arnav ji.

a fabulously funny segment... cinema like, have i ever seen this interpretation of love struck before? can't remember but maybe some movie had it. no matter, here done brilliantly, and truly creative because it's intrinsically part of story... this is how khushi realises she is in love. so, not just some self indulgent, for the sake of it humour. also, could khushi's realisation come in a calm wise way? an essential element of khushi had to be part of this momentous realisation. that ajeeb element. and that was here aplenty.

again barun showed us what an actor sits inside this slim, good looking, ex call centre manager, a boy from west delhi with not great marks in school, who has no formal training in acting. i do so want to see this actor in a whole range of different roles. can't decide if i like auto man more or dhobi. think i'll settle for dhobi, oh that dhobi ismiliya. he can give banwari a good run for his gathrie.

she decides to close her eyes and walk so as not to see him. addle pated anyway, utterly addle pated in love.

of course, she bangs into him, who else. and he just holds her... and keeps on holding her... his face is full of concern, bit of a "what the" there, but his hands are holding...

this is the primal attraction that is headed straight toward a pool and an ocean of roiling, tumultuous desire. i hold my breath feeling its onrush.

 

"humne socha tha jab pyaar hoga tab phool barsne lagenge, aanchal mein sitaare chamakne lagenge..." i'd thought, her words come back, that when i'm in love, flowers would shower, stars would fill my aanchal...

aanchal, difficult to explain in english, the free end of your saree, the ends of your dupatta, all can be considered aanchal. the indian woman has used her aanchal to do many things, wipe away tears, protect her child by covering her/him with it, a sense of shelter in it, of a place to hide from the harshness of the world, very much an extension of the role a woman plays in society, as mother, as elder sister. this is uniquely woman, her ability to shelter with love and her shakti, her strength. all of it somewhere in that aanchal. as i said difficult to explain, clumsy effort. the aanchal is where here love her innate female strength her power in life gets expressed. it is also where she gathers her dreams sometimes.

 

and so it is that the scene changes in this filmi khushi way... and petals shower. she catches petals and looks at him her heart in her eyes, just enjoying the man, and then he is showering her with sparkling stars, she holds out her aanchal to catch them all if she can... the whole fantasy playing out merrily, unstoppably... khushi must realise today, it's been decided.

when reality returns, khushi is lost. asr is confused, concerned. he'd heard she was unwell. but she can't take his eyes on her any more. she scoots again.

walking back home alone, under the stars, in talk with dm, she acknowledges at last. she'd asked for only one sign from dm to help her understand what she should do about marrying shyam. dm had deluged her with signs, overflow like that watering can of his.

she is muttering..."hum... theek nahin hain... tabhi toh hum shadi nahin karna chahte." i am not okay... all those isharas... that's why i don't want to marry.

love was never mentioned, yet one hadn't seen a girl more in it or aware of it. superb writing, direction, concept.

shyam was waiting at gh, eavesdropping, plying extreme manipulation. jalebis for khushi and lanterns, for he knows of her little rituals with babu ji every diwali. khushi's talk with her father is lovely and touching. her shelter is in danger, the main support in her life. unknown to her a man is getting ready to become just that and more to her. while the pretender shuffles around trying to usurp the place.

she cries alone under the stars, none of her problems have easy solutions. shyam enters with his sick play... khushi smiles at his jalebis, even his lanterns, but when he tries to catch her hands (note in a crocodile like bite), and gives his spiel of how whenever there's andhera, darkness, he will bring roshni, light, to her life, all she remembers is a man sitting one chair away in a cold desperate hospital, putting his hand on her head. a man who doesn't say much, who makes no promises, but in her hour of darkness, he brought light. she snatches her hand away.

one word is too often profaned for me to profane it,one feeling to falsely disdain'd for thee to disdain in.one hope is too like despairfor prudence to smother,and pity from thee more dear
than that from another.
this story of nafrat that was mohabbat, of a girl who'd rather take the gussa from one than the "love" from another, this inexplicable play of emotion that points you in the right direction despite what conventional wisdom or the apparent truth might say, it so reminds me of this intense love poem by shelley read in college.

i can give not what men call lovebut wilt thou not accept
the worship the heart lifts aboveand the heavens reject notthe desire of the moth for the star the night for the morrowthe devotion to something afar
from the sphere of our sorrow?
that desire of the moth for the star has started in him and is flaming, it will turn to that worship the heart lifts above and the heavens reject not. both will reach out from the sphere of their sorrow and grasp this word and turn it into that devotion.

in a story that was doomed to be forgotten, another lovely girl thinks of light and diyas and meeting a young man who wants to give her the most beautifiul lamp but she will not let him. he thinks of her too as his mother prattles on. akash and payal, a gentle different love story enters its deeper layers. she has started thinking of him too, as he has been from the moment they met.

can khushi lie back and sort out her confusion and enjoy her little secret with herself? no such luck. the moment she entered, bua ji had planted the idea of jadoo tona in  her head. black magic. sanka devi's sanak is on the rise, what ails her? could it be that someone has cast a spell? nice writing, will lead us straight to another heart erupting moment by the pool.

now amma is badgering khushi about her decision regarding marriage to shyam. bless shyam and amma, we have khushi going nuts and scurrying to her mountain... jalebi mountain. as she makes it, what a dream.

her fertile imagination comes up with a great one. she is married to her khadoos laad g. married? what a jump... the girl has just figured out she is in love with the boy. now she's much married already? khushi ji... uh huh. shadi shuda, and doing all the things that shadi shuda girls do? in less than an hour? now i need to stuff samosas in my mouth.

did he just blow on your face, made you all ahem inside and said you look like a delhi auto? funny funny dialogue guys, and what a tie up with auto... what the. so khushi ji's day dreams are not minus heat, all sweetness and flying stars and flowers, huh? how can it be when sir asr is the man in question. so, that day dream much later when she sees him with a pearl string was really so floaty because lady was in mood a la romance, but here, sorry khushi, truth is out, you got the hots.

just look at her state when he's near.

but with shyam, who's so ugh sweet, a calm, in control khushi.

and the final tadka from khushi's inner layer... arnav in jalebi, her man now part of the sweet that is practically part of her, her being... oh the ultimate owning of the man.

in the span of one episode, khushi has recognised him as her man, identified that he is the one that brings light to her life when it's dark, and seen him as her husband, herself his wife. take away the fun and games, and there's a serious passionate emotion here. after her parents' death, khushi has lived among people who have given her extreme love, but somehow she's always felt beholden, grateful, tried always harder to better, more for them. her gratitude is lovely, but her sense of right, "huq" over anyone is fragile. that huq her heart exercises over asr, without permission from her or him. this is possibly the single clear ishara she had sought from her divine mother.

and an ishara to us from dm. hair. cut.

diwali and koi matlab nahin episodes

......... 

episode rambles 
fan fiction

 

the night khushi...

21 september was a special day... from crooner 1.42, jab tak hai jaan, page 3, my first thoughts on her saying yes, and him opening a dori finally.

i loved this episode... the dance added to the feeling of immersion in each other.


i knew she'd do it, and indeed she did.
to the towel dancer and his one true lover.

you are right, priya, that needs some recovering from and no amount of replay is enough.

edit
priya, just read your beautiful update. rich with quotes and thoughts, real and in love. my thoughts still floating. sorry, will update monday morning.

will leave a quote here, that struck a chord:
"do you want me to tell you something really subversive? love is everything it's cracked up to be. that's why people are so cynical about it. it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. and the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
~~~ erica jong ~~~


update
it all came together finally. under the stars and revolving planets, floating upon an inky blue ocean in the night, nestling on a bed of glimmering mother of pearl, two lovers; each the other one's pearl, the ocean crashed on the shore, the shore undulated and raced to merge with the water. take me.

what sound was that?
i turn away into the shaking room.
what was that sound that came in on the dark?
what is this maze of light it leaves us in?
what is this stance we take,
to turn away and then turn back?
what did we hear?


it was the breath we took when we first met.
listen. it is here.

~~~ harold pinter ~~~

yes, it was there, their very first crashing upon each other; a girl in the wrong place at the wrong time losing her balance, falling into arms that were not wanting to be there, shock and surprise and something else in that breath of first collision. what was that something else? today it found its answer.

she had found her balance, and the arms now (as then too) did want her. and only her. nothing else but her. i understand, take me.

priya, i am still dizzy really. delirious and yet in a funny kind of calm. guess this is the effect of coming upon real beauty. how not to think about something that brings us to that. true, the hindi serial "elements" are too pronounced at times, even unbearable. but every now and then along comes magic, that restores our senses, resets our sensitivity, makes us feel the things that matter. makes us believe, "fairytales can come true, it can happen to me, it can happen to you..."
 
"dance is a vibration of the spirit that stirs the body to move when music is being played. by that definition, it is not unreasonable to conclude that if the quantum universe is made of music, then we are all dancing right now." ~~~~ lar lubovitch

there was so much dance last week. a love story was told, a proposal made, a lover was punished. as we laughed and hooted and swayed and tapped our feet, as we dropped our inhibitions, opened up and relaxed, the real and last dance started on a quiet note in a secret place, under the stars, above the earth, in a space beyond the grasp. every move was natural as though they'd practiced for years. when he arrested the motion of her arm reaching for a remote, held her hand and brought it to his lips, why did my heart thud. what did i know and how? somehow, one knew this time the dance would reach its climax, there would be no rude interruptions.

but before that started, she finally took as hers what he'd been practically thrusting upon her since the night of a terrible fight. huq. it was his way of saying take me. claim me as yours and yours alone. tonight when he asked: why did you come here? she looked into his eyes and said: because only i have huq over you, no one else. what would you have done if you'd found another woman, sorry chudail, here? i'd have killed her, but before that i'd have pulled her hair.
at last at last khushi was feeling, all her feelings. her love, her lust, and lo and behold, her hate. it was time to feel the truth. (kalpana's storyboard "kiss me" had the most interesting tying up of these words and it just stayed in me. thanks, kalpana, hope you don't mind the borrowing.)

he wanted to show her something. their own galaxy, neatly contained in a room, or was it just limited to that.
there he laid her down and held her in his arms to tell her she was everything to him. what, she wondered, their parents must be talking about, looking up at the stars he'd fetched for her, just as she'd said to her mother he would all those months ago. oh they'd be happy to see their children had found true love.

true love.

but how do you know it's true? he asked. she knew. a convulsive move toward him, arm reaching out and wrapping around, as she recalled his being away. they remembered a conversation outside the barrier of time and space. "hum done... kitne ajeeb hain." ajeeb. his word for her, now his word for both of them. is he relieved to rediscover his ability to be "ajeeb"? strange are the ways of love.

somewhere along all this talk and play, their breath grew thicker, warmer, a wanting to be one in them. he broached the subject, ever so gently, holding himself back. i'm sorry i know, you don't want to... not before the wedding. she stopped him with a kiss, with a arching of her body, with a few words. i understand, i trust you. the winds sang, make love to me.

khushi let go of the hold of the outer world and acknowledged an inner truth. she loved this man, this man loved her, without limit, without barriers, with all of him, she trusted that. that's what made union with him right, correct. he had taken her as his wife on the basis of their wedding, she accepted him as her true husband tonight. brilliant bend in the story. nayi soch finds place at last.

the most lyrical yet completely natural movements of body mind heart and soul followed. who had thought of this? how could anything be so beautiful? take off the bangles, remove the earrings, untie a string, let the woman in black lose herself completely on this inky blue ocean of love. let her lover merge himself again and again in her. for this is love, real, ethereal, surreal. this is true love.

ek.

truth is one. aaj se hum ek hain. hamari dhakane ek ho jati hai.

three memories (there are many, but these i wanted to share):

1. in crooner 98, priya, on the day of their fight, you'd chosen two insightful storm quotes.

"and once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. you won't even be sure, whether the storm s really over. but one thing is certain. when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. that's what this storm's all about." ~~~~  murakami

"there's always another storm." ~~~~ maria v snyder

in my post i'd referred to that: murakami's storm leaves you changed every time. snyder's storm is always there. as one ends the other comes. sometimes there's a little respite, happiness, giggles, koochie coo, rain dance. but the storm does return. yet through it all love asserts, ascends, attains. you give each other sukh but also dukkha. khushi will too, i am sure, if this love is to go where it can. one day your feelings transcend the petty limits of earthly hurt and pain, crosses boundaries you never thought you could, and reaches for hamesha. you no longer need to say it. you become part of each other. not getting carried away. promise.

2. in crooner 1.2, the night khushi didn't accept asr's birthday wish, your quote:
"it reminds me of that old joke - you know, a guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, hey doc, my brother's crazy! he thinks he's a chicken. then the doc says, why don't you turn him in? then the guy says, i would but i need the eggs. i guess that's how i feel about relationships. they're totally crazy, irrational, and absurd, but we keep going through it because we need the eggs." ~~~~ woody allen

i wrote in my post: how come wise, deep beauty is sleeping, not letting her shaitan feel a bit better. he's been trying desperately since that fight and forcing her to remember the contract. disturbed me. but no matter. priya, thanks for that woody allen quote, we're all in it for the eggs really. i want it, mr raizada wants it, and something tells me sleeping beauty will wake up soon and ask for an omelette.

3. after the thursday episode where the towel dancer floored us, i'd written: "i do have a crib i confess. i am not connecting to khushi as well as i want to. is it the writing that's making her tad too strident and sp bahu? or is it performance? or both? no idea. gut again. khushi kumari gupta is far more than this. i hope the problem corrects soon. asr and kkgsr need the other to be completely themselves." and the next day, khushi just got it all back, i was lost in her. had been so wanting to see her looking gorgeous with minimum fuss. and there she emerged in her lbd. has a black blouse ever been this sexy and sat on such an innocent bare back. the straight long hair minus bouffant, the silver touch on arms and ears, the bindi, absolutely alluring. both times asr chose her clothes, he did a pretty neat job. fire her designer, employ her husband instead. her huq.

right from that moment on june 6, 2011 when they first set eyes on each other, we've been coming toward last friday. one long, unbroken dori gathering pearls, one by one, ah so many many memories. now that a string is untied, a string is done, and the next one begins. an extraordinary tale of love, be prepared for giddiness, dizziness, giggling, laughter, heart thudding, pillow clutching, and tears.

hamari dhakane ek ho jati hai. 

it was the breath we took when we first met. 

listen. it is here.

 

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that i love you dammit episodes

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of nafrat and mohabbat

"kyunki main tumse nafrat karta hoon... because i hate you." 

"hum bhi aap se nafrat karte hain... jitni aap karte hain usse kahin zyada... kyunki koi aap se pyaar kare aap uske layak hi nahin hain, mr raizada... aap sirf nafrat ke kayak hain!"

"i hate you too... much more than you hate me... because that one should love you, you aren't fit for it, mr raizada... you are only fit for hating!"

his eyes had turned sad and lost after he'd declared his hate, flinging it at her like his ultimate weapon. his body had jerked with the force of it, his voice had started low and suddenly risen high to tear through the night, echo across the poolside, where once he'd stood thinking of her, holding her payal, where once he'd put that payal back on her ankle, where he'd kissed her almost, and then stolen a kiss that first time, where he'd smiled at a girl who said she'd had to put mango juice in his shoe because they'd run out of orange juice.

but tonight he just hated her standing here. clearly, absolutely, passionately. didn't we hear him say that just now?

then why did his eyes look so terribly sad, were there tears reddening them? why did they move away from her face? why did he not say a word as she looked at him tears streaming down her face, aching and hurt and in tumult and declared right back to him... she hated him just as much. in fact, more?

and why for h's sake as they looked at each other, speechless after all that hate, did rabba vey play so trilling, so sure, so true?

was this perhaps their first open absolute declaration of love?

after that moment on the terrace, was this perhaps the only place love could stay, safely ensconced in hate, perhaps even turned to it? did that essential matter that makes up love, that energy, quickly undergo a change so that it may live and not die at the hands of terrible betrayal, one so unthinkable he couldn't even bring himself to ask her why?

and look how wonderfully he'd managed to ignite the same feeling in her. for she needed it no doubt, or else what was she to do with all those smiles tumbling in her heart as she had waited for him on the terrace, all her little murmurings within, that whispered that thrilled and said it's time to go has has ke pagal, because arr...nav ji was coming to tell her why he had to talk to her... bas karni hai. what was she to do with that feeling now that he'd made her life a living hell and she had no idea why.

oh that nafrat, without it where would pyaar be.

he struck hard against the abrasion in his heart and lit the fire of hate, she let it touch her tear soaked feelings and rise into a magnificent flame.

a flame that would burn forever, hamesha. that would keep them together through times of trouble, never letting indifference tear them asunder... because in it was that inordinate thing, that thing without which we would not hope, and it was called vishwaas.
 

tumhari lau ko pakadke jalney ki Aaarzoo meinj

jab apne hi aap se lipat ke sulag raha tha
bata to us waqt main kahaan tha
bata to us waqt too kahaan thi 
 in the hope of holding your flame and burning
when i clung to myself and smouldered
tell me, where was i at that time
tell me where were you at that time

~~~ gulzar ~~~

the shadi karni hogi episodes

  nafrat paas aane na de mohabbat door jaane na de... iss pyaar ko kya naam doon?

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took my jaan that goli

pyaar mein dil pe maar de goli le le meri jaan.
 
was this very cool writing with tongue happily in cheek or was there no connection between the song and the state of one arnav singh raizada? 

we'll never know since no one talks of ipk any more and even if they do, it's as if yeah, it was so long ago... but no harm in thinking they knew how the song works into the story and they gave a lot of thought to the design of the episode. it's 53. she is all movement and happiness and uncontrollable. i love the dance and the vibe. for the longest time, never connected it to the last, almost last, sequence.

in the middle, the very pretty, perfectly juxtaposed her sequence and his sequence over toot-ta tara, you couldn't miss the connection (and the point) even if you wished to. and all he sees is a locked door. a girl saying she is going.

was that the goli, the bullet, the heart took?

and now at night, he lies... so still, so deep, all that is uncontrollable is within. the bullet has found its mark it seems and there's a torture in its killing. tender sweet melody floats, a curtain billowing recalls a dupatta... how it touches him. memories come, softly, as if not to awaken anyone, just lie in him, stay there. a pensive, dark, elegiac scene.

nothing could be further from the loud, active, mimicry and mayhem filled scene of the one who has shot the goli.

i loved the contrast. and how happy she was, maybe because she had read isharas, which dm might not even have sent, and returned to delhi... not gone away hamesha ke liye. i liked the way, though dm was constantly referred to, we also saw that human action actually brought about things.

that silent reverie of his, the most subtle exploration of his disturbed state of mind, there was an actor who sensed beyond the brief. can an arrogant tycoon walk about in that state, thinking of a jhalli girl? of course not, the mind may say. but after this, the dil will laugh and rebut, if only you knew.

also smart was the way she kept saying something good will happen tomorrow, and nani threw a spanner in the works of mami and anjali. yes, something would happen the next day. a sweet tightness to writing. the paralleling with shyamwa continued, he too thought of that locked door and suffered. asr stopped his gf when she tried to get closer... lovely, almost a rejection... his mind is full of another ladki. and i suppose he is not into sneaking around and catching stolen kisses. instead he is struck in the heart and barely breathing.

love has shot a bullet in the heart, has taken away my life. 

 

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saansey ruk jaygi episodes

episode rambles

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episode 310 look at that fight

"kamse kam..."

"dus din tak. right? problem sirf dus din ki hai? hai na?"

for at least...

for ten days. right? the problem is only of ten days? isn't it? 

that "hai na," decibel dropping, taken into the breath, eyes growing more tortured, pain not adequately hidden by anger, a dreadful wait in the air... hit a point in me. 

how much can a person love another. how terribly real can a fight get. the night i saw this the first time, i almost couldn't breathe in that suffocation in a little pink room in lakshminagar where a man and a woman faced a pain that had to be faced and tussled almost unto death in the way only two lovers can. the fight was so real, i wanted to make my husband see it... the colour, temperature, insanity, abrasion, and yes hellish need in it... all of it was like it really is. if one has bothered to fall in love, that is. not the politically correct, this is how it should be love but the straight from the gut, this is how it is love.

there were many things that went a little off the rails in ipk, but i always felt, its understanding of love between a man and a woman, was beyond what most art/literature/popular writing/movies... anything has given us.

ipk never fudged or "curated" this emotion, exhibiting only what we want to see... it often showed us what we really don't wish to see. not if we are all in this happy "escape to romance" mode that our stressed out crazy world almost makes us slip into.

the hindi soap, as it's evolved, is seen as an easy "escape" vehicle. you don't get on the ride to watch what is true or real... even when we say we do... because we know soon enough, it will start showing unbelievable things, and really i don't wish to list them, but you know what i mean.

so what made ipk want to leave that path and get right into the nature of an emotion even the greatest writers find hard to explain all the way through? serious writing - quasimodo, wuthering heights, dracula, east of eden, for some reason leap to mind, and there are more - told me from a very young age, even as i read the abridged versions, that love is totally complex and yes, it has an underbelly, a dark side, if you will. it's a full complete canvas, not just flowery and serene but torn and storm tossed, at times wretched, unjust, downright wrong. i can practically see kay/diane keaton looking at michael/al pacino as he transforms and takes his father's place as the godfather. she knows she has lost the michael she has known, but she really can't stop loving him... she may leave so she can live with herself but she will never ever be able not to love him... and he, the murderer, the mafia boss, the man who can kill his own sister's husband...  in his place of love, a holder of extreme innocence. that's love i guess, you can't box it, label it, prettify it and say, this is how it's done. 

but really, why did a hindi serial want to get into the gut of it... perhaps a rapport beyond the said and stated things grew between writers and actors and directors, an excitement as they sensed something was too pure and timeless to make ordinary just for trp...

perhaps there came that compulsion a creative artist feels to go a particular direction because that is where salvation lies... and for a while you forget this bedard duniya where paisa is all and paisa above all is power. arnav singh raizada was never wrong about that. it is a sickeningly numbingly money crazy world and love is highly devalued... here you don't show anything remotely real in a classic escape vehicle.

yet they did.

asr really was not all nice and wonderful... oh he had magnificence in his positive traits, but he had a dark place in him as well... and many things he did almost instinctively came touching those spots. had his parents not died the way they did, had his uncle not betrayed, he may have not become as hardened as he is, but would he be a gentle sweet guy running around loving di and chirpily being the rich kid with a heart of gold? something tells you "nahiiin". inherent in him certain things. he is the deal maker, he is shatir, and games he will play... he may also believe in the power of wealth, even without that tragedy underscoring it.

and khushi kumari gupta, she broken in her own way, covering all with laughter, her sanka though i think was a real inborn trait... she too had her flaws, her fears... and she fell for a real rakshas, didn't she? why? why didn't he turn her off ? never in her rational moments she may have factored in this volatile attraction to a man who was in no way like her... he didn't even believe in god, such a fundamental difference, one most can't come to terms with. and he damn well believed money had an important place in life (which, wonderfully enough, he never quite stopped believing, that lovely fight during diwali post marriage about her not having a clue of real life... so husband wife sigh). while she tried to believe it didn't matter, she did have her own slightly crazy relationship with money, didn't she? i can't really see it as money doesn't matter. it's more about a struggle to understand exactly what its place is in her life. she wondered so rigorously how she could have fallen for a man so terrible, for whom she only felt nafrat... and yet that nafrat had become something else and the basis of a relationship she couldn't break...

ipk took us to the dhadkan of pyaar and made us feel its being. from the most delicate to the most excessive thing in it was explored. a sense of its vastness built up over time. had we just seen them in episode one, we'd have known the power of this emotion, how it calls. had we seen only till episode 22, we'd have felt the pull of this feeling, the song in it. had we seen only till 24 we'd have known how unseen and unknown to the rational mind it thunders in and pours all over us. but we didn't stop there, we went past guesthouse, teej, diwali, new year, sangeet, a temple with sindoor and mangalsutra, holi... and beyond... and now we are here.

she is determined to leave him. he is hellbent on never letting that happen. 

she is part of him, he must woo her back, he knows he has hurt her. though it takes him a day to figure out what she's up to. the moment he gets it, he goes into his natural reaction to a challenge. had she talked to him about things, he might have thought of doing things another way. but she has walked out on him. is arnav singh raizada terribly hurt by that? perhaps that's why he instantly decides to view this as a challenge and there's a need in him to win. she is not exactly moolrajani or chacha ji... but even then, when hurt, when stung... he gets into asr space, where sab kuch mere control mein hai... what he wants will happen.

he has seen his world collapse once. he will do everything in his power to not let it happen again. a terrible need for control sometimes does come over us when we have had to struggle with the consequences of everything going out of control.

he's going to win... the game excites him... it gives him the ideas that will ensure he is victor. till he understood what was going on, he was frazzled, sure something was wrong, but not exactly what. now he knows and he is instantly on alert, making his return move.

we are seeing them after two whole days of extreme game playing by the man in love and at times his paramour too. pain and hurt have shaded these playful, sensually charged episodes.

when 310 started with the water and electricity problem unleashed by the new landlord (okay, serialish writing), and she made faces and rushed off to get water from the tubewell, then he appeared and baited her, i had no idea where it would all go.

he was really in control and she angry, helpless. then the water fell... and suddenly, when he saw the droplets on her skin something unplanned happened. he had to reach out and touch her... he looked drugged almost... that need for her rising, below that outer layer of confidence and play. he is really not functioning too well, is he? and she... troubled, hurting, and feeling his need, needing him.

a moment that halts all thought.
"aap aise kyun hain?"

"tum jaanti ho ki main aise kyun hoon."
she asked him why he is the way he is, his answer touched me... you know why i am like this.
she knows, she knows him, yet she loves him, he wants her to know him, never leave him... he is the way he is... she has the ability to love him as he is. and she perhaps even knows he can't live without her.

words are said on a verandah on a bright lovely day, where many other words have been said and heard, have hurt and loved... and all around, the air murmurs with meaning and mutterings you can't hear clearly, but you feel them, everything is rich with the unsaid and the not shown. art indeed lies in concealing art. and two actors are taking a scene to a place who thought it could go to.

he has cheated to win already, deliberately dropping her little pot of water, it's clear that he is not playing by any rules... he will do what it takes to get her back... fair unfair have no place in this pyaar. i like the sudden bursts of sound the director brings in, and that water sloshing now, and then later when her matkas fall... a sense of outburst, of dam bursting there, and extreme unrest. i think of the day he had a terrible headache and the tin of flour slipped and fell and created an explosion... explosions here too. the material reflecting a state of mind.

deceptive is the banter at the beginning. he is trying not to erupt maybe. and she is struggling not to lose her resolve.
"uh ho too late!"

"waise tum bahar kyun gayi thi... apni kismat likhne?"
so why did you go out, to write your own kismet?

"dar toh nahin lagega, kyunki aaj raat main bhi toh nahin rahoonga... tumhara haath pakadne ke liye..."
you won't feel scared (in the dark), will you... because i won't be there tonight to hold your hand...

ziddi jo ho!
stubborn that you are! 

(yes, she is, and that is one of her flaws, she also can act in a terribly unilateral way when she feels pushed to a point. she decided on her own that she couldn't tell anyone about shyam, not even him, not even when she loved him... she has now walked out without saying anything, she will do this later too on the issue of arav... real people are not perfect and you don't love people because they are perfect... a serial shows us that. and does it so well, that it possibly will actually help us understand and feel love in our own lives. it certainly brings love to centre stage in a world that has gone loopy and ridiculous about money, and makes it terribly attractive to young people. and it has done so without saying the material doesn't matter.) 

mere saath ghar aa jao... that's all you have to do.
come home with me, that's all you have to do.

yeah, mere saath... with me... all this to just bring her home. of course, not realistic, but reading of character and how each of us reacts in a situation, just beautiful.

keen dialogue writers and screenplay people have designed this intensely emotional piece. where there is no big deal "action" as such... but yet worlds seem to collide, universes realign.

he throws an ultimatum of barbad and walks out. she comes running after him and gives in.

oh that faint faint trace of triumphant smile

"phir se kaho..." say it again, he commands. how much he wants her how much.

and then the claim, i am always sahi... remember i am arnav singh raizada.
 
but she is khushi kumari gupta singh raizada. and she is just buying time. a wonderful crossing over of two strains of longing... 

he says, 

"tumhe wapas lakar rahoonga, khushi, contract khatam hone se pehle!"
i will bring you back, khushi, before the end of that contract!

she avers,

"nahin aaoongi... jab tak contract khatam na ho jata tab tak wapas nahin aaooongi!" i won't come... till the contract is over i won't come.

what is khushi saying really? isn't she saying, that his mentioning the contract has bothered her greatly. and if she comes back it will be after that period is over so he can never say that again and accepts her as she is who she is and forever, also accepts he was wrong. isn't she really telling us how hurt she is? for whatever reasons, writers never chose to explain too much, made it more fabulous i thought. and i read it that way, rather than she is actually leaving him...

this is ongoing communication between lovers, not always conducted in parliamentary language. often pretty unfathomable.

when he returned to get her, she played her silly game... he knew she was there. of course, he'd know.

she is in a terrible quandary, a mess really. he too. how quick the swing from anger to extreme concern when he sees that clumsy bundle of bandage. beautiful music on "what happened... kya hua..." and oh his tone of voice.
but just as quickly he is onto the game.

when he gets up and begins to walk away, i wonder. then that kick on the door. 

who thought of that fascinating bit. melodramatic, yet just right there. and very asr like... he is an intensely emotional man. and he knows she will run when he hurts himself... she is willing to die for him but she won't come home. yeah, love.

"arnav ji! aap theek toh hain..." arnav ji, are you okay! khushi shows love desperately and at last, perhaps that's all she wants to show anyway but can't.

"tum gir gai thi na... tumhare pair mein toh chot lagi thi?" you'd fallen hadn't you, you'd hurt your foot... his voice is silky smooth angry furious hurt sarcastic mad. love is not an easy thing to fall in. you want to hate her, you want to tell her you know what her game is, you want to yell, i won... but you can't, not without showing your need, you absolute love.

i am seeing wonderful actors interpreting a script that says one thing, means several other things too.she does as he thought she would. they rave and rant at each other, he threatens to take her home carrying or dragging, kheechkar... yeah, no political correctness around here. those who seek that must leave now.

he tells her, she can't lie to him. is it a command or a plea? she had in khushi like sanka told him earlier when he had wanted her to face him, that she can't look at him because it hurts her foot... only kkg.
 "meri taraf dekho!" look at me.

"kyun dekhen!" why should i.they both knew she couldn't look him in the eye and lie and that he'd read the truth.

she now mumbles about how for a few days she can't walk... till...

and he suddenly can't let this go on any more. everything gets stock still intense. he mentions the ten days. the contract.

there's suddenly no hidden game, the cards are on the table.
"kamse kam..." for at least.

"dus din tak. right? problem sirf dus din ki hai? hai na?"for ten days. right? the problem is only of ten days? isn't it?

"yeh sab tum contract ki wajah se kar rahi ho na..." you're doing this because of the contract, aren't you. she looks at him, her eyes troubled, misery on her face.

"bache hue dus din yahan rehna chahti ho... taki tumhe humari shaadi se azadi...m-" he can't complete the sentence... the last few days you want to spend here, so that you can get freedom from our marriage... but after azadi, he can't say "get"... he just can't.

"khushi, yeh sab hone dogi tum?" khushi, you'll let this happen? suddenly the absolute vulnerability of this man who looks like he is in control. she always had that power over him. it's in her hands... he may be one to err but she? yeh sab tum hone dogi? perhaps deep inside, khushi makes him feel all will be well... her sunny happy bright can do spirit restores his faith and heals broken bits in him? she sets things right... how can she let this happen?

"hamari... shadi yuhin khatam hone dogi?" you'll let our marriage end just like that? oh arnav singh raizada, why are you so beautiful in love? why are you such a splendid creature.

"kaisi shadi... humne jo kiya wo shadi nahin dhoka tha... ek sauda tha..." what marriage! what we did was not a marriage, it was a deal. khushi is too hurt to read what is so very apparent in his voice. she is not able to walk out of that quagmire of pain. so she hurls at him, what is so true at one level.

this was the contract episode. the midpoint of a track which meant to go to the heart of the thing, starting that night when he accused her and later brought up the contract again. 

the return to that terrible moment of cleaving in their lives. i had a sense that that was the initial plan, to show them work out the many nuances of that egregious contract and its consequences... but after it had been written and a lot of the shooting done, plans changed.

dadi came into the picture... 

and with voice overs inserted (why did he suddenly decide to take her home the next day, for example), track went in another direction.

had this track continued, we'd have had the delve into the contract that would have been hypnotically powerful i have no doubt. it needed resolution. i can almost see asr standing in the drawing room and declaring what he had done and why... again holding khushi's hand, and this time not letting anyone slap her. he did prevent a slap but for a trp generating remarriage.

"ab dus dine mein sharte khatam, sauda khatam aur baki sab bhi..." she couldn't complete the sentence now. in ten days, the conditions are over, the deal is over and everything else is...

"khatam..." over, he said.

"itta easy hai tumhare liye..." it's so easy for you? said the powerful man who writes his own destiny and doesn't bow before anyone, to the one without whom he could not breathe. not really.

his itta was beautiful... colloquial, showing a tenderness and brokenness...

"ab hamara in sab baaton se koi matlab nahin hai..." all this means nothing to me, she tried to sound firm, for she was falling apart.

"koi matlab nahin hai?" means nothing? his words had been thrown back at him... and i began to notice his condition... i feared for him. this man knows no halfway type of feeling... he'd go under i thought. where was his gussa, i wished it would step in and save him.

it did.

"ok, sure kuch discuss nahin karte hain..." okay, let's not discuss anything, let's just wait here, and explain all to your family... get a divorce... we have witnesses here too. as she flinched at the turn of events, he pushed... he needed to close this deal badly. and yet perhaps a part of him had snapped, he was beyond caring. they fought on as lovers do.

"tum kya wajah dene wali thi... kuch jhoot bolti na... for a change ab sach bolte hain..." what were you going to say, perhaps a lie? now let's tell them the truth. khushi does tell lies when she thinks she needs to... while lies are anathema to him...

and we come to that unspeakably smooth writing and asr khushi moment.

"ab kissi ke saath bhi koi games nahin khelte hain!'' now let's not play any games with anyone, says he.

khushi instantly knows, the deadliest move in the game has been made and she knows him well enough to know what to say next,

"kya chahiye aapko?" what do you want?

"ghar chalo... mere saath," come home... with me.

love... many ways of saying how badly you are in it. how madly.

"dus din ke baad kya hoga mujhe usse faraq nahin padta." what will happen after ten days makes no difference to him. 

yeah, this was definitely the contract track.

changed to remarriage.

contract would have ended with a beautiful private ceremony between the two as many many of us had felt.

i love 310. the last five minutes are not acting or on a screen. it's happened. it's here. and the rest is heady, gorgeous man woman and a feeling, wonderfully written, directed, portrayed. it's a landmark episode to me. after this something went missing from ipk... even though no one could ever really say, "sharte khatam, sauda khatam aur baki sab bhi..."

"khatam."

have we ever seen such real emotions on a screen... so real you feel it, you're in it, you're interpreting dialogues beyond what they say and going where who knows but you got to keep going.

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huq hai tumhara mujhe pe episodes

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