talking about la

recently, on the forum, started chatting about ipk with someone. la came up. i am sure i've written about her somewhere, can't find it. but here are some thoughts. la was important... even asr knew it.



i have always liked la and have marvelled at the way ipk writers presented her, even if yes, there was some unfairness flung at her just to keep either story going or up the image of main lead.

la was not stupid. so making her seem so was irresponsible writing. i can understand adding nuance to a character, but this was ham handed messing with a character. perhaps having created a character that indian soap had really not seen before... or perhaps worried by the chemistry between la and asr, for there was plenty of that... or perhaps on some days they just needed some filler scenes, they were pretty unkind to her.
 
but really, la managed to handle all that and still had us feeling terrible for her at that moment when he said, "bahut bura lagta mujhe... par main kuch kabhi jaankar nahin karta, khushi, main bas aisa hi hoon, shayad main..."
 
(i feel really bad... but i never do anything knowing what i'm doing, khushi, i'm just, i am like this, maybe i...)
 
la heard khushi's name and seemed to freeze. he still had no idea what he's just said... he carriesd on, la can't stop him.
but then, la had to make him stop. for her sake. for his sake. she put her hand on his shoulder.
 
broke my heart. for la, for asr, for khushi, for this thing we call love.
 
i think sana got la. and she enjoyed being la, she interpreted her with emotion and integrity, and so no matter how much you tried to make her less, she remained relevant, touching your heart.
 
i used to seethe at the idea of la being "trained" to be more "bahu" like. the whole moving of la to shantivan and so kkg too, was done to get the romance out of the office to the home... i think i heard somewhere that for the general entertainment channels with their sort of audience, things have to happen in a "family" set up, so no cool ar office, and yes, the shadi must take place within six months, otherwise palpitating aunties of the world wouldn't be able to take it. this is the condescending and shallow target audience reading of most of these channels... so we had the forced wedding.
 
while they handled the coming of la to shantivan fabulously i just couldn't get over that whole asr saying, i'm leaving... haan, ussi ke paas jaaonga (words to that effect), and finally the solution worked out by the wily shyam and the live in girl friend scenario that "training" of la though made my hackles rise, as it did asr's.
 
again, it was la's character and sana's portrayal that made it work... she would eat egg which gave her allergy, because she's willing to do anything for him. from that perspective, knowing how much his family means to him (though he says only di matters and the rest don't), also wanting so terribly to be part of his life, i guess one could argue she'd agree to be "trained". thankfully, she rants angrily before giving in.
i was grateful la did not lose all of herself... her deciding she'd give kkg her kind of clothes had me grinning. yeah, la was willing to learn stuff to get what she wanted, but no, she wasn't walking out on herself. she also said very clearly what it was she had learnt and why it was precious.
 
la was refreshing. she never played "good girl". if she wanted something she went after it. she admitted to her own feelings. she was what she was, and there was a generous, not petty side to her... that paying for all the pizzas casually in an early office episode when sim and pam were out to rag kkg, and she didn't even like kkg.
 
la also loved asr more than he knew or perhaps even she. which may be one reason why she seemed to miss all the signs of attraction that asr was merilly exhibiting. he had called her khushi back in 80 (was it?), he had over reacted to kkg even earlier in 25 calling la for her phone number at night... la had pointed it out.
 
"tumhe nahin lag raha tum uss chhotey se employee ko kuch zyada dhyan de rahe ho?"
 
(don't you think you're paying too much attention to that junior employee?)
 
"enough, lavanya... number!"
 
but they say, the wife is always the last to find out about a husband's affairs... could it be that when we love someone too much and want them badly in our lives (or are so used to having them in our lives as happens with wives/spouses), we just don't see the obvious because we subconsciously do not wish to?
 
anyway, she finally did acknowledge what was going on. she went beyond. she understood exactly what this was about... it was about that sabse bada thing. it was about pyaar. this was pyaar.
 
she had been there... she knew what it was. even if her clever handsome astute and beautiful boyfriend didn't.
writers ultimately couldn't deny la her her place in this love story. or her compassion and the depth of her character.
how many women would walk away with such grace at the moment that la did? and without any rancour, wishing her friend and the man she loved the very best.
 
oh that scene with khushi... take care of asr.
 
that was la.
 
she could call you chamkili. she could be nasty as hell. she could disrespect an elder when drunk and call her gabbar. she could order you around. she could get allergy for you. she could long and agree to change for you. she could apologise. she could go for a party on her own. she could give what mattered most to her to you because she knew that's the way it had to be.
 
she always had a fear that asr would not be hers, didn't she? for perhaps she knew she never reached beyond a certain layer within him, and she knew there were many many layers beneath that and it was a matter of time before someone got there.
 
it was not that la didn't matter to asr. just that someone came along and slipped in even deeper. he had not planned for it. and he did all he could not to let it happen. he knew finally, he had not been fair to la... perhaps ever.
 
when they let la go... the writers seemed to be in a hurry. in a hindi serial evoking such positive and tender emotions for the "other girl" is rarely done, perhaps never... maybe they were scared, it might affect the main love story... i don't know. but la was lovely.
 
i would have liked to know what happened to her later. i really would.
 
you're right, asr would have never had such strong feelings for a bimbo. and their relationship had a touching quality to it. so very sweet (and predictably tycoonish) that sending of a bag to say sorry to la... months later, another bag would come along trying to win over another girl he'd really hurt.  asr had that obvious side to him, which made the other, less readable side oh so so very absorbing (i am being very circumspect with my words here hahha).



wrote this in my episode 12 take: i grew to really like this character. mind of her own, many shallownesses, yet a loving side, and extreme wisdom when she realises that the one she loves, loves another. her parting scenes are some of the best i've seen anywhere. also like the slowly growing friendship between her and her opposite, khushi. both girls were special. not stereotypical. each was human, filled with the aspirations of girls their age, time, and place. real people. as long as women are bound and gagged by so called tradition - because, sorry, indian tradition is very very far from what saas bahu serials will have us believe - we have no chance of respecting ourselves or being respected by society. strong words perhaps, but had to be said.





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i have written about lavanya on many of my takes. in episode 58/59 two girls and an attitude, i am quite irritated with her but right from her first appearance i'd taken to her as is evident in episode 12 look it's la. in episode 78 veil of truth, you'll find my thoughts on this not easy to dismiss girl just below this visual.

 

la and asr

i liked what and how he felt for lavanya. there was no disrespect in it, none. and you see that very thing so often, when it comes to an independent girl who takes decisions about her own life, earnings, sexuality herself. in fact, if anything, he respected lavanya. found something in her that was like him.
having seen all he had and that fractious broken relationship of his parents, having felt the ache of losing his mother which he just couldn't deal with, he had gone into a shell, backed away from romantic notions of love, even marriage. yet he was adult and intelligent enough to know, he would want a relationship, just that he wasn't looking for one that took over his life. one where there was affection and desire and yes, respect, but no expectation of a lifetime of love and commitment, such as marriage...
and that was what he felt he could have with lavanya.
he liked her, he valued her, but no, he didn't have that swamping emotion for her, one that took over your mind and inundated your heart. and got settled deep in all of you.
not being involved with her from those parts of us that spell love, he didn't pick on the fact that she had crossed the limits they had both perhaps set for their relationship, the boundaries... that she was crossing over to the side of... love.
one of the best scenes and most complex that i have ever seen must be the one where he rails at lavanya for her bride on the bed tactic, and when he says, yeah, he didn't care for her that's why he brought her to live with him, in his home.
and the other... that moment, where he realises, no matter how much he may value lavanya, how much he has done the right thing by her, how both of them had wanted the same thing, but at this moment what he is doing, how he is feeling about khushi, all that confused, extreme response to her... he is not really doing the right thing by lavanya.
the story of asr and la could have been written in a million different ways. i am so glad it was done the way it was. true to both their characters. it showed a beautiful flow of feelings in a girl who never really had planned for it and how it gradually made her understand things... grow up... find more of herself.
and it told me so many things about this dashing, handsome, clever, cool, deep, clean hearted, sahi, and vulnerable man.

episode 47 saansey ruk jaygi







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not cut out for love: chapter 6

khushi was staring at the computer in front of her wondering how to tell her boss, that sweet and kind akash ji, that she had no idea how to use these machines. 

haan, give her a kadai and a ladle and some oil and a bit of sugar, flour, besan, yogurt and she could create magic. but this funny thing with a screen... and if there has to be a screen it ought to show you screen things, right? like salman ji?!! 

khushi smiled at the thought of her favourite hero, how handsome he was, how wonderfully upright and honest; no goonda, nahiiin no rakshas, could come anywhere near if he were around.

from the smile her expression changed to a grimace of severe distaste as she thought of the rakshas. but salman ji would never let that awful man who had dared to actually carry her... hawww.

her mouth opened and the "hawww" came out loud and clear at the thought of arnav singh raizada picking her up and holding her in his arms.

"staring as usual, miss gupta? and talking to yourself too?! interesting! i wonder how we could put these talents to use around here..." his voice was curt, with a funny sting in it, she looked around wildly to see where it could be coming from. think of the devil... did the rakshas have hidden cameras and microphones in all the rooms of his office!

then she saw him standing at the door to her right, the one that was shut and she'd wondered about.

now it was held ajar by him as he stood there looking at her, one eyebrow raised and a nasty lopsided smile on his handsome face.

handsome?

did she just describe his face as handsome in her mind?! khushi, tu paagal hai kya?

(khushi, are you mad?) 

she frowned ticking herself off and jumped to her feet, "nahin, sir, woh, main..."

"look miss gupta, for the kind of money i am paying you i do hope you can do a bit more than make faces looking into space and say incoherent things... akash will be here soon, please make sure work is done properly, and on time," the words came quick and clipped and before she could respond, the door had closed, the man was gone.

khushi stamped her foot indignantly and walked out of her room. she must find out something about the business of this shop and show this man what she was capable of. 

she was shashi gupta's daughter, she'd helped him run gupta sweets ever since she was 12. straight after school she'd go to the shop and work till late evening, doing her homework at her little green wooden desk behind the counter. she knew a thing or two about running a business. otherwise would that irritating uncle come back every day for their mithais?

who did this rude man think he was, crashing into her out of nowhere, jumping out from behind doors, and... and... carrying her?!!!

"laad governor aaye hain bade," she muttered as she went down the curved staircase toward the offices on the lower floor.

(lord governor or something, huh!)

***

he turned away from the door and went briskly to the work table where jean pierre sat sketching. he could feel something flowing in him, opening up, he wanted to get down to the concepts right now. the tide coming in... ideas, he must catch it now, the best ones got lost otherwise.

in a half meditative state almost, he reached for his laptop and placed it on the table among the sheets of paper covered with sketches and details and intricate doodles. frangipani. that's what he'd called the project till now. he frowned wondering if it was good or perhaps just plain... predictable.

"frangipani!" he whispered under his breath, trying the name.

"ahhnav, what did you say?" jean pierre lifted his head.

"no nothing, just wondering about the name..." asr sat down at a high stool by the table and started working on his laptop. he wondered why when he said the word, he saw her turn her head slowly and reveal a bunch of creamy white frangipani yellow toward the centre, lying seductively at the nape of her neck tucked into the hand knot she'd tied with her hair. he could almost smell the heady evening scent of the flowers.

frangipani... evening... scent... something was beginning to come together in his mind.

***

khushi stood in the centre of the open plan office, at least 20 pairs of eyes fixed on her. all looked a bit startled, agog really, and there was an uncomfortable curiosity in some.

she was coming down the stairs when payal had called to tell her bua ji and she had arrived. they were already at lakshmi nagar, the water problem had been fixed, all was well. khushi walked to a corner of the open plan office and stood there speaking to her jiji in hushed tones. 

"oh jiji, that's good, and pata hai, i have been really missing you... haan haan, only one day, phir bhi," she was toying with her parandi as she spoke, something in her feeling like a complete alien in this gleaming air conditioned office with its very non lucknowi air.

"nahin jiji, i'll come in the evening, after work," khushi replied when payal told her to come over to lakshmi nagar.

"work? kya kah rahi ho, khushi? what work?" payal asked.

(work? what are you saying? what work?)

"executive assistant to akash singh raizada at ar industries, jiji," khushi couldn't keep the excitement from her voice. 

"what? pagal ho gayi ho kya? tum naukri kar rahi ho? what are you saying? oh no, khushi, now what crazy thing have you done!" payal was quite agitated by now, knowing khushi anything was possible and one look at new delhi station and its jostling crowds had told payal one had to be careful in this city.

(what? have you gone mad? you're working... what are you saying? oh no, khushi now what crazy thing have you done?)

khushi felt a little sorry for keeping everyone in the dark, even jiji.

"no, jiji, i am sorry i should have told you, actually they called the shop in lucknow and offered me a job... nahin nahin, jiji, i am not doing bakwas, that's what happened... then i said, no, never... but arnav singh raizada called me... yes yes, i know... he got my number, what?!!! chhotu told you someone called and he gave him my number, aur aap ne, you didn't tell me... jiji..." khushi paused on a littel moue, then rushed on, "anyway, he said he'd give me as much money as i wanted... haan, yes yes he said that... fishy? jiji!! does that mean you think i am not capable of earning lots of money... ok ok... anyway, as i was saying, then the kabooter looked at me...haan kabooter... of course, it is important. that kabooter and devi maiyya...

there was a pause again as payal spoke at the other end.

then khushi started whispering urgently, "ok ok. i'll tell you everything when i see you, and no no, i was not scared in the hawai jahaaz... "take off" ke waqt unhone hamara haath pakda..."

(during "take off" he held my hand.)

"kya? sunai nahin de raha?"

(what, you can't hear?)

"i said, during take off arnav singh raizada HELD MY HAND!!" khushi said it all loud and clear.

it was only when she heard the last few words herself, practically booming, that she shut up abruptly. with a hurried, and now again sotto voce, "jiji, hum rakhte hain abhi," she quickly disconnected.

(jiji, i'm putting down the phone now.)

she could feel the eyes on her even before she'd turned around. and the uncanny silence. the entire floor had heard her "HELD MY HAND" obviously and when combined with arnav singh raizada it created a volatile compound obviously, there was a sense of explosion all around.

she looked on with panic in her eyes. what now! surely rakshas will throw her out of her job and that would be the end of her dream of making enough money for jiji's dowry, she thought.

then she saw a lovely young woman in the smallest dress she'd ever seen, with long never ending legs on even longer (or so it seemed) high heels in red, walk up to her swiftly.

"what... did... you.. say!! " the woman said furiously, though she kept her voice low. her face however was thrust aggressively at khushi.

"huh!! n..nothing, was just talking to my jiji..." khsuhi mumbled, taken aback by that anger out of nowhere.

"jiji!!" hissed the woman, "and who are you!! asr held your hand you screamed trying to prove something no doubt, making everyone hear that... your hand? yours? have you even seen yourself... in that.. that..." a scathing sneer was beginning to make itself very visible on her face, she shuddered, "that terribly downmarket thing with shiny stuff all over..."

"gota," said khushi suddenly finding her voice, who did this woman wearing whatever it was think she was, khushi was ready for battle now, "gota... that's what this shiny trimming is called and whether you like it or not, and whatever you call him, the man i said who held my hand, did hold my hand, samjhi aap? hum jhoot nahin boltey!"

(i don't lie!)

"oh really, and whoever you are..." began her opponent.

"hum khushi kumari gupta," said khushi looking her straight in the eye...

(i khushi kumari gupta.)

"chamkili, more like..." laughed the woman cruelly, "whatever. just don't go dreaming dreams about asr, understand?" now her air was quite proprietorial.

(shiny, more like...)

chamkili, shiny... not in the nicest way, more like wrapping paper or something, unpolished, a little gauche, overdressed, definitely downmarket.

khushi giggled. if not being downmarket meant one had to dress in clothes that looked like you couldn't afford more material, she'd rather not be upmarket, presuming that was the opposite of downmarket.

"who dreams of a rakshas, sapne aayenge bhi toh bure sapne honge" she said under her breath.

(who dreams of a monster, if dreams come also they'll be nightmares.)

"what!!!" an expletive from the high heel lady.

"lavanya!" akash's soft and easy tone interrupted them. eyes till now fixed on the two girls turned toward akash who'd just strolled into the office, a palpable calm began to filter in.

"i see you've met my new executive assistant, khushi ji," akash said as he walked up to them and smiled, "khushi ji, this is lavanya, our head of marketing, there's much you can learn from her if you want to make a career in fashion."

lavanya smiled at that and began to get distracted from her ire. akash had walked in a while back actually and heard the spat, everyone was too busy gawking to notice him. he wondered what lavanya would say if she heard bhai had in fact walked into their home holding this young lady in his arms. lavanya had long cherished dreams of being important to arnav singh raizada... really really important. not just a casual date once in a way. akash felt for lavanya, la to all of them. despite her haughty and at times pretty shallow ways, akash sensed a nice woman in her, a girl who could be kind and generous, and certainly la was sharp and great at her work, otherwise bhai would hardly promote her to marketing chief.

"your e.a., akash? what about pam then?" la was most fond of pam, who never missed an opportunity to make la feel great about herself, indulging flagrantly in what khushi would have called "maska marna", buttering. and la was highly susceptible to abject sycophancy, of course.

akash looked around casually, at which everyone quickly resumed work, then said, "oh, pam will stay on, you know she's not been keeping well, and i thought it might be nice to have some additional help, then bhai met khushi ji... and... oh well, come, khushi ji, shall we start?"

as khushi and akash walked away, la wondered where asr could have met this... this... cartoon. she had pompoms everywhere. ugh.


*** 

"no problem, khushi ji, if you're smart, learning to use a computer won't take you long. check with me and we'll work it out, ok?" akash assured khushi, and started showing her the basics of using the imac.

she sat while he stood behind her leaning over, instructing and demonstrating.

"chuha," khushi laughed and looked up at him.

(mouse.)

"haan, isse mouse, yaane chuha, kahte hain," he smiled at her glee at this strange nomenclature.

(yes, it's called mouse.)

they didn't hear the door open nor see a pair of eyes flare in anger.

"akash," said a curt voice, "would you please send your executive assistant over with the bali project papers?"

akash started and said, "haan, bhai, of course."

the door closed.

khushi clutched the files nervously and knocked on the door, then opened it peering in.

"may i come in... sir?" she asked, tentative, she really didn't want to mess up. too much had happened on her first day, all that shouting downstairs, and the confrontation before that.

he looked up from the laptop and snapped, "yes, miss gupta!"

she stepped in and made her way to him across the room when the young man at the table, head bent over some work, looked up.

"arre, yeh toh videshi lagte hain," she thought.

(oh, he looks like a foreigner.)

jean pierre saw the lissome girl with smooth creamy skin, a long plait swinging jauntily on one side, a high forehead, expressive hazel eyes, tremulous smile, and stood up involuntarily.

she was lovely. and just look at that innocence on the face, enchanting. his gallic heart couldn't help but respond to this.

"ahhnav!" he exclaimed, "do introduce me to your delightful ar lady, who ees she? your newest find? do we see 'er in ze bali sarongs?"

asr smiled stiffly and said, "jean pierre, this is miss gupta, akash's e.a."

"e.a., 'ow do you say zat...executive assistant?!! oh but mees gupta ees too lovely for zat!" clearly, asr's cold gaze and aloof air were not working on the young man.

"please leave the files on the desk and go," said asr.

"'ello, mees gupta," chimed in jean pierre at the same moment.

khushi had turned to go but turned back again when she heard the greeting.

still clutching the papers, she joined her palms and raised them, "namaste!" she offered a little nervously. then she saw his hand held out and thinking it would be rude to ignore, she offered him her hand, he grasped it gently and said, "namaastey, i am jean pierre, it's lovely to meet you, mees... er, what's your name?"

"khushi, j...j..jon! piye... ji, khushi kumari gupta..." she replied, quite bemused, stumbling over the unfamiliar pronunciation then solving it her own way.

she'd never met a foreigner before. of course, she'd seen them on tv, and in bhool bhulaiya and the residency and other historical sights, even on the roads in lucknow. but met one she never had. and certainly not such a pleasant young man who looked at her with obvious pleasure. yet, nothing in his gaze embarrassed her. it was almost child like in its quality. khushi wondered how eyes could be so blue. such a nice open smile jon piye ji had.

she smiled at him, now losing all her earlier trepidation. she did not see fine lips thinning to an irate grimace, the little asymmetry on their right intensified.

"khushi kumari... oh zat sounds so good, khushi... i know... zat means 'appiness, yes? i did my 'omework when i started working with ahhnav, you see," jean pierre wiggled his eyebrows and grinned, "may i call you khushi... ji?" he was indeed charming...

"haan, jon piye ji, of course!" her voice was very 'appy, no doubt about it.

"miss gupta, if you're done discussing the etymology of your name, maybe you'll excuse us?" flinty eyes looked at her, icicle voice brought a blast of frost into the room.

khushi almost leaped at the sudden wave of cold and rushed to do as he bid. nasty man, always being mean. so why did he want her here, she thought as she hurried out.

"ahhnav!" jean pierre was back to his drawings, "she is enchanting, ... no really... we must 'ave 'er for ze bali project you know. i love what she is wearing, so smooth and different, you know... very very different... did you see ze baubles 'anging 'ere and zere? zat is ze sixties, zat is a desire, a... 'ow shall i put eet, a feeling in ze 'eart... 'ere you know, in ze deel, the deel?" he was jabbing his chest frantically, trying to make asr understand what he meant, the dil is what he meant as asr understood perfectly, though he showed no sign of it.

instead asr's jawline had grown tauter at each word.

"jean pierre," he said trying to keep his voice even, "let's get back to work."

"ok, ahhnav, if you say so, " jean pierre shrugged and gave in, "but, we must take your mees gupta to bali... and now, i will dream of ze baubles."

asr's fingers jerked and flexed of their own accord. they wanted to throttle something. or someone.

there was a knock on the door... that door, again.

khushi walked in with a vase full of frangipani. velvety thick white swirls of petals, bright yellow toward the centre, their musky and pure scent wafting across the room.

asr stared at her nonplussed, his breath caught deep in him. jean pierre was right, she was lovely, and he wished she was... he wished she was...

what. what did he wish?

"excuse me, sir, akash ji aap ke liye yeh champa phool bheje hain, main yahan rakh doon?" she said and placed them on his desk before walking out.

(excuse me, sir, akash ji has sent these frangipani for you, shall i keep them here?)

he wished he could see her among the flowers and sands and forests and rivers and winding ways of bali.

as he completed the thought, he felt a physical jolt almost. what was he thinking! had he gone mad?
 

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chapter 7




 

epiosde 147 no getting out

a phase ended and along came another. la left, the time for dhak dhak drew nigh. and an episode that encompassed the most curious mixture of  wisdom, intense emotion and outright slapstick comedy hid in its layers the signs of a feeling that will not be denied. get out... he said to her right at the end. but really, now on, there will be no getting out. not even when they think the worst of each other.

at the beginning of episode, la said to asr what perhaps, in a line, was the message of ipk. interesting, that the shallow girl said what the deep ones just might have missed. for she had made a strange journey of her own in these months and had hit upon the truth as it were of life itself (of course, this is the perspective of a romantic, someone of a different mindset may well not accept it).

la didn't want asr to drop her.

his remorse was palpable. the whole thing with lavanya was not one he was proud of. started off as one thing, along the way, he realised he was almost using her to fend off the attraction that threatened his very core. "i'm sorry, lavanya."

"it's okay, but agar tumhari life mein pyaar aa jaaye, then hold onto it, asr... kyunki pyaar... nafrat se bahut bada hota hai... sabse bada hota hai."

it's okay, but if ever in your life comes love, then hold onto it, asr... because love... lave is greater than hate... it's the greatest thing of all.

pyaar sabse bada hota hai.

love is the greatest of all.

"and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love."
~~~ 1 Corinthians 13, the new testament ~~~

i wondered, though, why she compared love to hate. for nafrat had never really entered their conversation. on the other hand, this might have been the creatives' way of hinting at what was coming. i hate you. mai bhi aapse nafrat karti hoon. dhak dhak and nafrat were both upon us.

after the poignant farewell a perturbed khushi came home and at the mention of the man who drove her crazy, she burst out, "rakshas... uss rakshas ko toh aisi ladki milni chahiye jo unhe seedha kar de. unki achhe se khabar le... unhe wahi sunaye jo wo sunna nahin chahte."

monster... that monster should get a girl who'll straighten him out. gives him a hard time... tells him all those things he doesn't want to here.

nice touch, writers. such a girl is sitting there and rambling her head off, of course. and making faces too. does she know it's this corny, sankapan of hers he will never be able to resist and have to listen to her bak bak even when he's thinking, "unbelievable."

"tumhari flight land kar gayi? ok... kissi cheez ki zaroorat ho toh..." lavanya has reached home, he is trying to make sure she's ok. she's obviously not in a mood to prolong the connection and says all is fine, etc. an air of finality. he feels like a heel.

"take care, lavanya."

a gripped phone, a sense of remorse in asr, struggle within.

eyes open slowly and fall straight upon a blue pink wrapped gift. reflections off the pool play on his face as he contemplates this little package. shiny, colourful, hey there chamkili.

inside the wrapping, the vahan rakhrakhav pustak.

"wa...wa... what the..." he can't read this complicated hindi word in the devnagri script. a swift tenor change, from the intensity and slowing down a moment ago, to a sudden ignition and that particular "irritation" that comes on at the mere thought of someone.

when anjali comes and says she does understand why he and la broke up, he's elated. i knew it, di... even if no one else understood, you would. but when his dear sister then takes the conversation to maybe some day just like i found your jija ji (her real handicap was blindness, wasn't it?) you too will find someone, he can't take it. this is all rubbish and hogwash to him. he says, "di please... ab phir se woh saansey ruk jane..."  di, now please don't start that talk of breath will stop kind of love.

that less than a split sec long look on his face, just a  bit derisive, can't take this, very male look. aaargh. the best shot of episode.

and when she preempts him with a don't say no, to taking akash payal's wedding card to the guptas, a delicious, "haan kahne wala tha... har cheez ke liye mana nahi karta." i was going to say yes, i don't say no to everything. a sharp line i thought that sketched asr well.

when anjali asks about the hindi book, a trying hard to be nonchalant, "kissine diya hai... pata nahin kya hai." someone's given it, don't know what it is. on hearing it's a car maintenance manual, memories of another strangely intimate day, when he almost saw her fiance, when he said she was not to blame for the evening of shesh mahal, and when she changed the tyre because he had no idea how to. so chamkili holds within her the knowledge of maintaining a car... what if he were a car... the car. my thoughts are seeking to decipher the meaning of this apparently meaningless car tyre/maintenance allusion.

zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance. a book from the '70s, quite the rage then, was really a philosophical novel. it had nothing to do with zen buddhism or motorcycles and their upkeep. was this vahan rakhrakhav pustak also really about something else altogether? perhaps the journey of life and the philosophy of pyaar?

at gh, a fabulous "maskara" scene between the sisters. sanaya is a natural comedienne i feel. sharp in her comic interpretation, a rare thing among women actors mostly. she often gets it just so right, and in this one area, i feel she's often more fluid and fluent than even barun (can't believe i just said that... see i am not so partial after all).

khushi is pretending to be akash ji and calling payal ji. just before commencing dialogue, she pushes up nonexitsent specs on her nose, delightful perfection in that gesture.

the towel scene. well it felt a bit forced to me. i mean, upon hearing her insistent clamour for attention, would asr casually stroll into her bedroom  while payal is on the phone, and then hand her a towel lying on the bed... ah now that i think of it... maybe he would. he's totally smitten after all. when she yells he has to respond, hyuk.

and so despite his what the, as she goes into the count of three... ek... do..., he quickly grabs the towel and knock knock.

of course, the girl who can change tyres is suddenly helpless when she finds herself in the bathroom with the rakshas. chaos. scream shout. jumping, spot running. the works.


 
the man realises what ails her and tries to bring calm, "khushi tumne pahle se poore kapde pahne hue hain... stop." khushi, you're wearing clothes already..., the spot run is still on. he has to yell, stop.

then a lot of funny ones around towel and card, yes i've given the towel... er i mean the card, etc. somewhere just there a smile, though he doesn't want to... poor man, how to remain aloof to the mad woman he is falling badly for.

di has him in a soup. get khushi over. ouch.

gruffly to his tormentor, "agar towel ke saath khel chuki ho toh mere saath ghar chalo..." if you've finished playing with the towel, come home with me. why does this sound so hot so sexy almost like a come home, come into my arms.

"hum nahin aayenge..." i won't go, says madam. according to her, the only reason he wants to get her into the car is because he wants to scold someone. he'll take her up to a point and then on some pretext or the other, stop the car and say, "get out." sanaya was tender and funny. barun was incredulous, irked.

in the car, he looks straight ahead. he said to her, i spoke to lavanya, she's reached, told me to to let you know, i called her this morning.

this is a private moment between them. somewhere it was not just about letting her know because la had asked, it felt as though he wanted to somewhere redeem himself in her eyes too... just a bit. and he wished to clarify once more that la was not in his life anymore. maybe my imagination but there was a subtext to this dialogue.

"are you listening!" he exclaims as he looks at her for the first time...

a most natural, beautifully managed scene. in all her rushing around and that towel in the way of everything, she's managed to mistake it for her dupatta and is wearing it, completely unaware of the mix up. he reverses the car back to gh and brakes sharply. (the towel will make a few comebacks along the way, but most memorably as an accessory to a dance.)

his darkness, her sanaka are in harmony here. exciting contrast.

"get out..." "kya..." and a reminder in me of that diwali night. that night too he'd stopped suddenly before her house and said the two little words. but he had so needed la then... not any more. maybe at last he is ready to venture out of his shell... and get out there.

that car book is definitely a metaphor. this about life and love. the love that is greater than hate. greatest of all.

this edit is for ami, hotwa in shadewa missing you dear one. and sorry, just couldn't get a good cap of sanaya's. but since after a long time barun broke his silence today and there was news of talks with big production house, thought i'd dedicate 147 to the man and wish him all the best. (wrote this on blast from the past back in july 2013. later, thanks to hotstar, along came some good caps of sanaya... as i update today, 17 may 2017, news of ipkknd 3 everywhere. a strange notion. another asr. can there ever be another one? and instead of sanaya someone else? oh, well...)

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episode 49 lucknowi chaat

a rather delicate situation. and a disturbing one for me too. how will this living in thing work out? and will i have to watch asr getting all boyfriend like with another girl? how would i deal with it? the problem, of course, was solved by the man himself.

he was lovely. responsible, sensitive, and man in charge. around la, he was supportive, but not all over her, though he didn't mind her getting close and possessive, sort of enjoyed it. yet, in his eyes and his never too keen body, a certain aloofness. asr aloofness. one that's always been there, and la is aware of it; it's him, she just lets it be. from the moment that we saw them together first, it's been this way.

 










remarkable, how the look in asr's gaze has been kept consistent by barun sobti. those eyes play love for only one person.  
     

old "generator" and hopelessly romantic me was oh so relieved (i am worse than nani ji). he would make sure lavanya settled in well, despite nani ji's disapproval. he strode into la's room breaking up the early morning tete-a-tete with mami. when he asked her if she needed anything and she said "you" and it sounded a thousand times more intimate in hindi/urdu (zaroorat... tumhari), i almost switched off the tv. but only for the sake of research, i persisted.

and soon came reward. playing cupid, la mentioned chamkili. how the eyes changed. ignition on. a memory flashed. the angry wild khushi pushing him... guesthouse. fire in brown irises. la pulled the arrow and let it leave the bow, hey didn't ya hear shyam? "kaman se nikli teer" can never be taken back. she said, calling her chamkili all the time, i've forgotten her name. usska ek naam hai! conflagration. the arrow had found its mark.

khushi kumari gupta!
miss gupta!
khushi! khushi!!!

just look at those cognac irises. where is the cool in them? the aloof? and madam is not even here. i was delighted. move in lavanya, get comfy. all will be well. ah, so you want to move into his room? outrageous, i thought, but looks like it worked. he was back in control; a neat, let's go, breakfast is served. man in charge.

aap unke saamne ye kaam rakhiay jo muskil to ho, par namumkin nahin. 
give her some task that may be difficult to accomplish but not impossible.

nani was in don mode today. managing her looked not only mushkil, but pretty namumkin. thanks creatives, for this lovely respect paying to a classic dialogue from filmdom. gautam hegde apparently is much into hindi films, his penchant gave a nice touch to this scene. poor anjali, desperately trying to convince nani, chhotey's happiness is essential to her. but so is peace in the household. having seen the worst face of a family falling apart, she wanted to keep things together. nani's discomfort was most understandable, but the demand she made that la be trained in the ways of the more traditional raizadas within a month, how would that be met? clever way devised by writers to bring khushi back. this facility with ideas was sadly missing post dadi attack, but that's another story.

anjali's travails continued. she walked in on her husband acting super cagey about a phone call. she even went as far as to want to check his phone. but when he turned away, she couldn't hold on to her determination. that fear of discord in the family again. a bit miffed, she walked away. shyam got another reprieve. time and time again, he escaped discovery by anjali. created enough tension in the viewer, and in life such things happen all the time. doesn't make it any less creepy though.

if there was tradition in shantivan, there had to be traditional politics. nani ji, mami ji, saas bahu. interestingly, though mami ji was campy, her eyes never "bhadkoed" a la hindi serials. she hello hi bye byed, looked bizarre, but at heart was a complex, interesting woman, with plenty lau for the fam. and all her face making at nani, fairly and squarely returned by her sasu ma, hid a simple truth. she wanted ma in law's love and respect. a girl from a lower "class", always a bit diffident of her position, she yearned for status too.

but she was delightfully lazy, a pretty bad cook, obsessed with makeupiya, poor sasu ma just couldn't not disapprove. yet if i'm to decipher the smile on her face when she watched mami opening her teej gift, i'd say she had affection for her weird d-i-l.

can never thank ipk enough for bothering to create real, believable people and trying to stay as far away from serial stereotypes as possible.


 

politics of the moment demanded an alliance. mami and la. mami was as shocked as nani at la's la-ness, (poor girl having to explain bath robe to the incredulous mami who had taken the "ladder" to her room), but she realised helping la fit in was important if she was to fulfill her dream of getting akash wedded. so she was here offering her hand in friendship. i have to say, i blessed her at the breakfast table, trying to shield la from nani ji's acerbic tongue, perhaps she empathised? that biscuit giving, lovely. of course, the "calorie devi" getting tired of climbing la's tall frame, an abs classic. dear dear mami, may you never suttupiya.

                 
 
breakfast was battlefield. nani ji on the offensive, la bombarded by arch questions, abject impoliteness; asr flying to her defence ever so sweetly, every time. but what touched me even more was la's reaction. she wanted to handle things herself. she was not deserting. she would fight by trying, not running behind her lover boy for cover. got to give it to the girl. asr has chosen her after all. i wonder, does the boy whose life has become unbearably grim, need a bit of that flakiness la is so full of? lightens his moments perhaps? and sharp that he is, he knows deep down, she's not a bad soul. and perhaps this girl out there, wanting to make her life on her terms earns his respect even? i notice, with khushi too he's smitten by her cooky jhalliness.

la's "mineral water" query re the paani in the poori earns her a whoop of laughter and a hug from me. whoop because here's at last a perfect match for mami. and hug because of that expression on asr's face. has a man ever looked so sexy amused, head down trying to hide smile, a guffaw building up somewhere.

ok, since watching asr's glances taking it all in and talking nineteen to a dozen, now irritated, now irked, now amused, now concerned, is making breathing hard, taking a respite with khushi, payal, bua ji. khushi is still torn about the decision to return to lucknow, "duvidha", doubt, plagues her. the thought of being alone plagues bua ji. payal is perturbed but quite clear it is time to go back. suddenly khushi breaks into a poetic take on their dukaan, declares it's not just a shop, it's air has "chashni ki mithaas", the sweetness of syrup... there's the smell of saffron everywhere, it's where there memories of growing up play. i wonder why. is she trying to convince herself? if anyone reading can crack this one, will be grateful.

back to the table and its drama. again a cupid. this time shyam. at his mention of lucknowi chaat, a pair of eyes move and concentrate. 

then shyam lets the teer leave kaman, "par lucknow ki cheez toh special hoti hai... usska muqabla karna bahut mushkil hai." there's something special about things from lucknow, impossible to compete against really. eyes dart and mind begins to travel.

taking over from her husband, wither thou goest anjali says, guess what, khushi is from lucknow. two frowns, a smile, and head turn one... head turn two.

 
so much enters a pair of eyes as the owner recalls a young woman telling him she's going away... to lucknow... forever.

tainting the purity of that moment, an illicit sneaky memory of a girl in a saree, looking beautiful, smiling. camera puts the two men thinking of the same girl in the same frame. felt more vulgar than la romping around the house in a bathrobe. obscene almost. bet that's exactly what the creatives planned.

but what was really intolerable:
aargh shyam fed anjali golgappa and said, "hume bas pata chal jaata hai." one just gets to know. creatives, how could you.

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episode 49 version two

if i were to do a real quick concentrated one of 49, it would be called "aankhen" (eyes) and would have just these two visuals. i bet it would say it all, and much better than any words i could ever write.

     

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