Tuesday, 18 August 2015

about asr


"mere agle birthday pe, tum jo karna chaho kar sakti ho... main kuch nahin kahunga..."
~~~ arnav singh raizada
episode 365, 16 october 2012. ~~~

i wrote this the morning after a harrowing night before. asr's birthday episode. i felt why create a character like asr if all we want to do is change him. i felt sad.

oh there are many things about him we hated, we got really irritated by, and we always knew when he was wrong. we also knew inside him was pure and utter beauty, an ocean of love. arnav the ocean; khushi, his pearl, his shore. his brusque, matter of fact, ruthless, "badtameez" in his own word, exterior was a perfect mask for his tender, giving, generous, principled heart. circumstances had made him what he was, he was a fighter who had learned to survive. who had stood firm from the age of fourteen, sheltered his sister, his family.

when khushi's ingenious, innocent, fey yet strong, lovely and loving soul touched him and he felt the flow of love within, it was beautiful. then came the dark days of misunderstanding and he did something that he has called the biggest mistake of his life. it was. he forced her to do something without even asking her once what the truth was.

love grew on both sides despite that, neither could help feeling things for the other. till all misunderstandings of that night were allowed to go and make space for love. he apologised at a point and she stopped him saying it was alright, she knew how much he loved her, almost acknowledging that when such deep emotions are involved people sometimes make bad mistakes.

straight forward, essentially honest, and smart enough to know what matters, we saw asr evolve, reach out, understand the place of the one loved in one's own life and change or shall i say release inherent empathy to make his beloved happy. he even let his past, a central motif of his consciousness and character growth, not get in the way of a present and a future with khushi. sensitized and nurtured by her love, he finally heard what his mother had said about roses and thorns that day.

every change in him was lovely,  and came from his own awakening. it added layers to an already riveting man called asr. and as with normal people, some of his own quirks and ways remained as they were. khushi told him, she wasn't trying to change him, she never would. when he made so many adjustments and remarried his own wife again with all rituals for her happiness, she recognised his commitment and love and respected his way, telling her own family not to insist on making him do things he didn't believe in.

interestingly, i have never heard asr ask khushi to change anything about herself. not her clothes, not her ways, nothing. just once during her catering days after she'd stormed his office, he'd asked a bit hurt: didn't you think of my image even once? and after that, he told her: kuch dhang ka karo. that's all. not once did he say: you don't need to work, you're a rich man's wife, wear better clothes, recast yourself for me. i loved him for that.

live and let live. as long as the essentials are in place, let each partner be and breathe and have the right to be who they are.

is there any reason to make asr believe in birthday celebration the way i or you do? all he wants is his magic girl's wishes and her love, she lights up his day. can't she feel that? does she have to change him, play games and hurt him so much on his birthday? she really doesn't get it that in the game of making asr who you want him to be he is getting hurt? pity. the khushi i know would have sensed that.

i remember him on her birthday. how hard he tried, how much she spurned him, yet he didn't give up. i cried for him when his rose was not accepted. often i remember him standing on the stairs watching a girl jump with glee holding two silver coins in her hands.

i hear him say "i don't need anything else." i see him cover her head with his hand so she doesn't get hurt even at a point when he thinks he hates her, i see him walking in with gol gappa because she likes it and she's stressed though he believes she is having an affair with shyam, i hear her ask him "why does it feel this way? why does my breath quicken when i am near you?" his answer will be with me forever.

i have grown to love this character called asr as he is, with his flaws. i also believe the things that need to change he will, now that love has enveloped his heart him and he is stronger. but i don't really need him to change the way he feels about his birthday. not right now. maybe that will also come in time. i wouldn't manipulate him for that. or anything else.

if everything about him must be changed then will he remain asr?

he is not just about barun sobti's devastating good looks and style. there is an asr and we all know him. otherwise we wouldn't be here. 

again a torrent of thoughts. please share yours. i know we get very personal and emotional while talking about our characters. natural.  i love khushi equally and have wondered about the manipulation of her character. she is utterly beautiful and deserves as much respect as asr. i look forward to a happy and heartfelt chat on this. thanks so much.


  1. I think what the writers were trying to convey was that a couple need to do a lot of adjustments after marriage so that the relationship would work, We sometimes are required to change some habits.tradition if therein lays our partner's happiness

    1. hi madiha, yes, you're right and i do believe marriage needs a lot of work, bit of changing, adjusting, much understanding. just that somehow the way they went about choosing issues to ponder afterwards, seemed not quite meaningful... the writing mainly was my problem. i really hung around only for asr and kkg as in barun and sanaya then. thanks for reading, loved your comment. ipk makes us faint first but then it makes us think, and will i am sure help us in understanding human relationships, love...which is why i feel the need to explore it.