Sunday, 2 August 2015

episode 173 "a" for arnav

"kiske naam ka akshar likhwana hai?" the letter of whose name, asks the mehendi maker of khushi 

"arnav ji ka?" khushi reacts to the saree clad nk and akash's claim that this whole idea was asr's. 

beautiful confusion... maradona like i feel like saying, "hand of god,"

whatever it was, this mistake is the finest kind of aphrodisiac that will take two people all the way to arousal and an act. mehendi definitely will bring colour. and leave us in a bit of a state, trying to hold on to the hue, hoping it never fades.

compliments to writers... how perfectly a desired end point was reached without anything seeming forced or laboured. that "a" needed to reach that palm. how terrifically erotic it made the play of two hands in water, the conversation in a kitchen, and the feelings a girl is trying hard to hide... it made a predator hungry for his prey, the prey quiver for her killer... a simple "a" and look what it set off.

not by chance i think someone's name begins with aleph, alpha, the hindi "uh," the first letter.

just realised his name begins with the first hindi vowel "uh" of "uh aa e ee" and hers with the first consonant "kuh" as in "kuh khu guh ghu". all "u"s pronounced as in "u" in "but." okay, she is technically a khu, but it still begins on the k sound... somehow when asr says her name, i always hear the "k" for an instant till it opens out to "kh."

so he begins the sacred vowel sounds. aum, the ancient pure word for the eternal, begins with, guess what, "a" of course.

and she begins the consonants that give body/frame to words.

here's a bit on "a" from wiki: 

"Alpha (uppercase ', lowercase ; Greek: lpha) is the first letter of the Greek alphabet. In the system of Greek numerals it has a value of 1. It was derived from the Phoenician letter aleph AlephLetters that arose from alpha include the Latin A and the Cyrillic letter A. 

In English, the noun "alpha" is used as a synonym for "beginning", or "first" (in a series), reflecting its Greek roots." 

i learn "kappa" or k in the greek alphabet is the tenth letter with a value of 20... derived from the phoenician "kaph," then i read something that makes me smile, so i share:
"~ in differential geometry, the curvature of a curve is given by K.
~ in physics, the torsional constant of an oscillator is given by K as well as einstein's constant of gravitation."

curvature, gravitation, thank g for science otherwise how would we understand love.

"a", aleph, alpha, hindi/sanskrit "uh" are dense with meaning and essence... will mention just the hebrew one. emet, which means truth and is mentioned by some sages when they say "the seal of god is truth," begins with "aleph".  of course there's esoteric thought there and a play with letters and ideas i am not too clear about.
arnav, i am guessing begins with the same letter. of course, there is the "i am the alpha and the omega..." of christian theology, and more. "a" i have a feeling was not there by chance. even if you look at no reference... "a" is always the first, the beginning. and that is thrilling enough.

when nani ji commands that arnav bitwa be sent downstairs for this rule breaking idea, khushi is in palpitations immediately... "
hey devi maiyya hume phir se unki shakl nahin dekhni... hamari dhadkan bad jayegi..." hey dm, i don't want to see his face again, my breath will quicken...

so khushi does know what asr does to her, and it is exciting: heady, crazy, almost forbidden... and she loves it yet it catapults her into a mess. because maybe, she in her safety and stability idealising middle class world has never heard of such tumultuous feelings for a man.

there is no reference to this. just as asr has no real way of knowing love since he has banished it at a young age, so does khushi, who has some idea of love, not have any notion of this electric, invasive, untrammelled sensation that rides through her at the mere mention of his name, and of course when she sees him.

that it is part of love... she is still to know perhaps.

at this point it is a sensation. one she feels she has to somehow control... that is why he makes her so "pareshan". poor girl, i do feel for her, imagine being hunted by that man and completely in his thrall.

her vision is of an edifying love with taarey/stars falling in her anchal, his face appearing everywhere, but this uncontrollable dhakdhak... the feeling with a license to roam everywhere, all over her body and spirit and thought (does anyone remember a godrej crowning glory soap ad with dimple saying she uses it "just all over my body," sorry thought popped up, felt a bit khushi like vis a vis this feeling of hers) ... this feeling unnerves her, a frenetic edge to it.

what a lovely stage to be in.

"chhote ko ho kya gya..." what's happened to chhotey these days, wonders anjali, doing things he never did.

funny part of course is that he didn't do what everyone thought he did, yet he does indeed do things he never would earlier. like that dance... anjali is wondering... hopefully this will help her connect dots.
the episode really played up a state of mind. of a lover in the grip of  a feeling... almost in a tango with it really. how it made her twirl through fear worry panic, leap into frenzy, gaze into her emotion, embrace it finally, and talk incessantly to her goddess, her friend, her own hidden recessed self constantly. who was dm really, i have often wondered.

asr was never there physically yet always there, in her thoughts, her sensations, her furrowed brow, her chatter with dm, her looking around, her catching di's worry, her questions, her desperate calls, her pacing, her feeling terrible that what she said about praying to dm so that she doesn't have to see his shakl may have come true.

arnav is nowhere to be found...

now kkg is really worried.

"chhotey kabhi aisa nahin karte! akhir wo gaye kahan?" chhotey never does this, where has he gone? di is reaching panic. di is like this when it comes to her bro... and husband.

but khushi is slowly getting worried the way a family member does... in fact, as the minutes pass, her emotions reach a turmoil that feels even higher than di's. i loved this "confession" writers opted for. no one ever says the word, but if this is not love, what is.

kkg paces.

akhir woh hai kahan? where is he, wails di.

and khushi recalls her "pareshan" dialogue, she had prayed to dm that...

"par humne toh aise hi kah diya tha..." but i said it just like that... what a supreme kkg moment. she didn't mean it. looking at him looking so gorgeous at the door step, dripping with asr sexiness and those invisible killing pheromones, his "hi" almost doing her in, and all the dhakdhaks from the night before, she'd just shot back at him in defence... she didn't mean it, oh goddess, please don't take her seriously.

"hey dm, ye bewakoofi mein humne jo maga aapne woh ichha poori toh nahin kar di?" hey dm, in my foolishness what i asked for, you didn't fulfill that wish, did you?

the parallel play of manorama trying to hold on to her place, grabbing mehendi wali, saree, jewellery, being nasty and childish as h carries on. really this mother in law/daughter in law thing is always tricky. whether you're as basic as mano or sophisticated and well educated.

two hours have passed... nani is asking for patience.. di is crying.. khushi is talking to him in her mind.

she can't take it any more. why isn't he picking up his phone... but even if he did, what would she tell him? what the?

she is so immersed in this, even payal's worried face and mano's tantrums can't take her away from it for too long. she has to has to reach him.

missing her pareshan man.

"nahin nahin hume janna bahut zaroori hai," no no it's very important that i know what's with him.

then another lovely khushi moment...

but why? i only told him to go away... beautiful little pause... all the feelings you can't put in words there... these are the signs of a feeling we call love. specific things in it. specific tremors, apprehensions, graspings, longings.

"pata nahin aap kahan"... come back... i am worried... dm, don't make my words come true...

"dial kiya gaya number iss waqt maujood nahin hai," the dialled number is not available...

again pace.

if he's not picking up the phone why am i so worried... hey dm, i just want that he should be ok, that's all... conflicting thoughts around one clear emotion.

but if he should reply... what will i say?

"kehna kya hai... maafi mang lenge... hum dil se maafi maangte hain."

dil se maafi, ask forgiveness from the heart.

and she comes to her heart finally, bringing her feelings from all the places they've run amok in to the centre of it all, their right place, their rightful place. the heart. where only one person sits, reigns really, now.

and it is not by chance again, i am sure that he appears at that precise moment. she senses him, and turns. she can always sense him now... just that in the dressing room her nerves were so frazzled, they thought he was jiji, really kkg, your writers did know you well.

there he stands. that expression on his face. i thought my heart would stop beating. really what was that look. again a hunger, a terrible need, a stillness that intensifies it all. then it turned to something else. but that look... where was that from asr, and why?


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