Saturday, 20 May 2017

of love, life, and fear

hi rhea,

thanks so much.

people fear... okay, today i am in that funny mood and shall say what often bothers me about people... and i speak of the collective, because behaving in a crazy mass sort of way seems to be our wont and we do everything we can to avoid individuality, standing out, being what our inner self may call us to be.

so we fear.

especially heady mad love... because it calls us to be a little crazy, it may or may not give us what we want, it may fail. and we are forever processing everything from the point of view of outcome, results, whatever.

it is easier to chase money, because we instinctively feel money cannot hurt us, we have control over it. and money will therefore make us happy.

but love?

yet i really think, if anything will ultimately make you feel life, be alive, go the trip your limited life span on earth will be, then it must be that complete sort of feeling you develop for another being. a real being, who will not be all you want them to be, who will bother the heck out of you, make you plunge in and find things about yourself you didn't even know and raise yoy to giddy heights of joy within. fall in love with all you have in you and really it will lead you where and beyond you never know.

the journey will not be easy. that is pretty mandatory.

but really, the courageous will find immense wealth and inconceivable happiness.

mills and boon, for whatever reason, hinted at that. all  the time. it said: be giddy, go for head over heels, fall, let go...

it called out to me as i grew up... 12 to 17, i must have read a millie boonie a day, often skipping, hitting page 57 for kiss one, rushing to the end for the pull drag dhakdhak scene. innocent happy silly stuff, but a purity in it. some will call it stupidity.

okay, give it to them... stupidity. but pure.

that purity appeals. it's like gold. it's like asr. it's like that essential molten feeling between asr and khushi.

if you believe that can exist, it does. if not... not.

we create our realities, i believe that like asr.

just because a thing doesn't fit our highly limited rational examination, does not mean it isn't there...

think god, you'll know what i mean.

i love ipk unashamedly unabashedly completely. even when i want to scream and slap someone.

i have seen and gone a bit nuts over enough handsome men in my life, they didn't get me to watch a serial (not even "mad men" has done it... maybe because i am ready to look at the pure and don't need constant nuancing by what we term "reality"... i felt terrible when i heard betty had cancer... how we fear, how much we fear to want something truly), nothing got me writing this frantically, not even my honours course in literature, not my work as copywriter. this feeling that i must write.

it was this romance, this love which said to h with fear and which got told by two actors who have such vibe that even dubbing doesn't diminish their pull... that got me here.

i used to watch in the middle of the night and often hear myself thinking: this will save the planet more than many pompous sounding do gooding stuff... and such a joy to see love and romance and its nature its storm and thunder brought back centre stage. i do believe people who love deeply and freely and experience all of it or are ready to, take better decisions in many things, because they are more "whole" in a way... okay this is a hypothesis, based on no real rigorous experimentation data gathering and inference... just a strong feeling.

when russian sounding names are among the first to hit like on an episode take or egyptian girls or someone else watching ipk now and very often minus the sounds of asr and kkg and are still falling apart, i just feel the power of this love story... and this astounding chemistry again. and so enjoy it.

may not surprise you to hear that most of my friends, people in their fifties and forties, avoid the topic, look at me with a trace of not too well concealed pity in their eyes if i mention the show or barun, i am sure they think i am fairly stupid. i am. i have no problem being stupid.

but i must write, i must...

so yeah, let whoever wants to laugh at m and b or disney type romance and reach for their "realistic" tempered and pruned pyaar do so... me leaping in with hair pin and taking the air out of my own inflated sense of intelligence, so it doesn't stop me from getting stuck and being silly... ohhh is that asr coming to help me fix things. 



two of my favourite men, asr and mr lee kuan yew have pondered the issue of power and how essential it is if you want to achieve something. i believe that. there are different kinds of places you look within yourself and delve for that power and establish it before the world.

khushi also believed in power, the power of her beliefs, her feelings and she also exceeded limits when she felt something needed to be done. i find it absolutely wrong to assume, asr's basic way of approaching life was full of holes and we needed the beautiful lovely kkg to come and remodel him. they were who they were, mix of the several things that make us, in themselves and they were in many ways alike, asr recognised certain things for what they were and said so. their story to me is more about an extra rational pretty impossible to define connection that two strangers begin to feel... and then you find they really seem to need each other, they each have a "key" that the other is unlocked with... as if each had been sent by life to the other to complete a story. doesn't mean either person changes and becomes someone else, just that they begin to be free... open up... evolve their own way, be more... reach... and yes, feel the sense of happiness deep within.

i hope asr is being brusque and unreasonable somewhere while looking incredibly sexy and kkgsr is planning her next crazy move to bother him... i hope he is being awfully arrogant with buyers and suppliers and winning like mad in business, i hope he is smiling a little condescendingly at kkgsr as she speaks of her sort of stuff but accepting that tika from her anyway... i hope she is making him his sugar free jalebi... and he is teaching her some jalebi making every night.

we need our fairy tales to reach out and grab love in life. all these millions of books on business and "serious matters", hehe just fairy tales of another kind, only those are about grabbing something else.

i shall not apologise for the length and incoherence of this jawab.

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