Wednesday, 17 May 2017

of nafrat and mohabbat

"kyunki main tumse nafrat karta hoon... because i hate you." 

"hum bhi aap se nafrat karte hain... jitni aap karte hain usse kahin zyada... kyunki koi aap se pyaar kare aap uske layak hi nahin hain, mr raizada... aap sirf nafrat ke kayak hain!"

"i hate you too... much more than you hate me... because that one should love you, you aren't fit for it, mr raizada... you are only fit for hating!"

his eyes had turned sad and lost after he'd declared his hate, flinging it at her like his ultimate weapon. his body had jerked with the force of it, his voice had started low and suddenly risen high to tear through the night, echo across the poolside, where once he'd stood thinking of her, holding her payal, where once he'd put that payal back on her ankle, where he'd kissed her almost, and then stolen a kiss that first time, where he'd smiled at a girl who said she'd had to put mango juice in his shoe because they'd run out of orange juice.

but tonight he just hated her standing here. clearly, absolutely, passionately. didn't we hear him say that just now?

then why did his eyes look so terribly sad, were there tears reddening them? why did they move away from her face? why did he not say a word as she looked at him tears streaming down her face, aching and hurt and in tumult and declared right back to him... she hated him just as much. in fact, more?

and why for h's sake as they looked at each other, speechless after all that hate, did rabba vey play so trilling, so sure, so true?

was this perhaps their first open absolute declaration of love?

after that moment on the terrace, was this perhaps the only place love could stay, safely ensconced in hate, perhaps even turned to it? did that essential matter that makes up love, that energy, quickly undergo a change so that it may live and not die at the hands of terrible betrayal, one so unthinkable he couldn't even bring himself to ask her why?

and look how wonderfully he'd managed to ignite the same feeling in her. for she needed it no doubt, or else what was she to do with all those smiles tumbling in her heart as she had waited for him on the terrace, all her little murmurings within, that whispered that thrilled and said it's time to go has has ke pagal, because arr...nav ji was coming to tell her why he had to talk to her... bas karni hai. what was she to do with that feeling now that he'd made her life a living hell and she had no idea why.

oh that nafrat, without it where would pyaar be.

he struck hard against the abrasion in his heart and lit the fire of hate, she let it touch her tear soaked feelings and rise into a magnificent flame.

a flame that would burn forever, hamesha. that would keep them together through times of trouble, never letting indifference tear them asunder... because in it was that inordinate thing, that thing without which we would not hope, and it was called vishwaas.


tumhari lau ko pakadke jalney ki Aaarzoo meinj
jab apne hi aap se lipat ke sulag raha tha
bata to us waqt main kahaan tha
bata to us waqt too kahaan thi

 in the hope of holding your flame and burning
when i clung to myself and smouldered
tell me, where was i at that time
tell me where were you at that time

~~~ gulzar ~~~

  nafrat paas aane na de mohabbat door jaane na de... iss pyaar ko kya naam doon?

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