asr ankhiya talk

uff the ankhiyas... lalit mohan had once talked about his eyes, their intensity... of course, sort of ascribing all the boy's magnetic onscreenness to that. the eyes i keep thinking sparkle, because the mind sparkles. take the mind away, they are a doll's glass ankhiyan. i miss mera boy... i hope these three years have only made him bahutei more bootiphool.

on a diff note... i read a few fanfic stories and i notice how we all present asr the way we see him or think he is or should be or could be... write out our fantasies of the perfect man and what he would do once he is in love. that is the premise of fanfic, where we take existing characters and "tweak" them to our liking, our stories, our understanding of the sensory and emotion scape. there are really no rules in ff and that's fine.

but jelly eyes (a friend of mine described his eyes as brown shimmering jelly, and this is part of that chat) has done me in in this department. i can't see or feel asr as anything other than how he created him. especially in those early episodes. all of asr was there even then. the sweetness, the tenderness, the vulnerability, the untaintedness, the ability to love and be completely true to it, submitting to it... and the anger, the arrogance, the impulsiveness, the cut off from all inertness, the intensity, the sharpness... everything.

the boy's asr... that really is the only one i know and feel... he will never be my fantasy perfect man... he is so capable of erring and will never change, he is also a mad bad lover, sometimes sweet, sometimes not... and if you asked me even today was he capable of breaking up akash and payal's marriage on that evening when his insides had been brutally churned to a spiraling violent storm, i'd say yes, he could, he would. he was capable of stinging real sharp if his di were hurt. and if his will was opposed. kkg sensed that... she had no doubt if she didn't do his bidding there'd be hell in her sis's life.

for some reason this doesn't disturb me, it calms me, tells me the man was real... not what i want him to be. and perhaps some day from that point onward, this love, these feelings he feels, the absolute unquestioning love he receives from kkg, all that will make him feel many different things and maybe one day that senseless anger propelled action orientation of the character will get tempered... if so, that movement will be thrilling... but within him will always remain this man exactly as he is...

okay rambliyaing me... roze roze. everything is the galati of jelly eyes.

n i s h a n a   e p i s o d e s

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