did anyone see his eyes when she said, "hum jaante the, hum jaante the ki aapke saath koi hadsa hua hai!" i knew it, i knew it that there'd been an accident!
he is looking like a prince, i think as episode begins... she like a princess... in pink and green she reminds me of that first day we saw her. she had lied to curious strangers, there's a drama competition in school...
are you the rajkumari? the little boy had asked.
she'd said yes.
so where's your rajkumar, had come the prompt reply.
and a helicopter had appeared in the clear blue sky.
it's night now and the prince and princess have been stymied by the the story taking a turn for the common.
suddenly the least maudlin man you could imagine goes into a fit of endless tears and sentimentality and remembers a conversation with his maa. what could be more pat.
it had to be a lesson learnt from his mother that would make him take the right decision. i wonder was such childish writing necessary... and if there was a valid reason to show how his relationship with his mother helped him resolve things, surely it could have been written with more thought, not this obvious little interlude. it had to be rose, it had to be thorn, he had to show gussa, she had to tell him don't blame the rose for the action of the thorn. he had to call her "important." and she for exactly what reason who knows had to tell a kid about those you love how you must never hurt them. tiring. also i didn't like the actor who did maa, the little boy was not too bad though.
on the night of the terrace, his sister had spoken to him about how he must treat the people he loves, never hurt them. at that time too, it had felt slightly forced.
somewhere along this phool kanta conversation i felt, ah so, khushi is being compared to the rose. i wonder who he is then... maybe he is always the little prince, the dreamer, who so loved his capricious rose.
i was touched however by what he remembered as he drove. the execution was not pretty, but as his mind went through the sheesh mahal moments, the that heart rending maa filled the screen, and soon it was his other key memory.
the moment that changed his life.
khushi falling into his arms.
something still tugs at my heart when i watch him remember this at key points in their love story. that fall... it was such a cataclysmic event in his life. one he had never planned for or known what to do with... he had tried to walk away coolly from it... but no.. it had started something that brought him here to this instant in his life.
in a series of flashbacks, all those tumultuous unforgettable moments:
he whirls away plucking her out of harm's way as the rain falls incessantly.
he is bringing her home after saving her at the guest house... he stares at her hand holding onto his collar. such an unknown feeling must have assailed him then, one he didn't understand at all.
"toh kya woh sach mein taarey ban jaatey hain?" so do they really become stars, he is asking her of his parents. a rational man who could never believe in fanciful ideas like people becoming stars after their death, yet something in him couldn't hold back that day as he ached and she spoke of this thought... he needed someone to touch his pain and soothe it... he let her do it through a conversation that would seem downright silly otherwise... she knew he is not one to believe in such things, she knew what he really was asking for... baat yakeen ki hai, she had said, it's a matter of belief. kya woh hume dekhkar khush hai, is she happy to see me... he had asked that without thinking. he needed so much to believe in something, believe his maa was there somewhere...
he remembered opening her teej fast.
then she was yelling at him... where were you and why are you standing there so quietly. he had asked, you were worried? mere liye? for me?
haan, aapke liye! yes, for you, she'd said angrily.
"khushiii" he had shouted after an ambulance speeding away, fearing she was in it, she was hurt.
for a moment a voice he wanted to blot out entered his thoughts and reminded him, that other woman was garima.
but the mind is a funny thing, it takes you where perhaps your heart really wants to be.
he remembered bandaging her finger at a temple... covering her ring finger with his care, his concern, even if he had no idea why.
he was pulling a shard of glass from her wrist... he could never bear to see her hurt.
he remembered putting the mangalsutra and sindoor on her. and then leaving her at the airport as she said, baat aapki hai... faraq padta ... because it's about you, it makes a difference. she'd also said she wouldn't be able to breathe if he should leave.
he had known she was in the next room when he was kidnapped. they had hugged that first time, she had protected him from being cut by a thorn, taking the scratch herself...
she was telling him, "hume bharosa hai, aap pe, aap ke pyaar par..." i have faith in you and your love as she let him make love to her.
again it's his dadi telling him who khushi's aunt is... yes, he is torn.. the past has a hold over him, as it has over anyone else...
but his present calls him with a powerful call. it tells him how much he is a part of this, and of his own free will.
he remembers seeing lallan flinging khushi off the cliff.
the day he had feared he had lost her forever.
she's falling, she calls out, "arnav jiii!"
she falls, "arnav ji!"
a distance is swiftly bridged.
"khushi!"
he calls out and swerves as he had once at a terrifying moment.
at the mandap, khushi hears his call... she murmurs, "arnav ji..."
do such things happen? perhaps they do, even if the colours are tacky and the story is too thick... but when two wonderful actors meet and create a reality, everything within it becomes possible.
he swerves, losing control of the car. this is a very serial moment... he will die i think for a second.
she runs in green and pink like the first time she had run back in sheesh mahal. were the two shots intentionally similar? to set up echoes and eddies in the mind, make us experience things more intensely. layers of visuals playing in the head?
rabba vey rises, searing.
he swerves again... nk catches khushi stopping her... he crashes
on a black screen, khushi calls out, "arnav ji."
the cascade of scenes from their lives was of course a device used before... for me somehow it does work when the flashbacks are chosen with understanding. then they take you into a deeper reach of the emotion, a parallel journey. you sense the shape and structure of their relationship, you feel its embedding in their lives, you know there is no longer a question of not being with each other... they are always with each other... they are in each other.
his only memory was of sheesh mahal, now khushi's thoughts fill his heart... he has said before how the moments spent with her slowly started to push aside the bad, and became more real, became meaningful... she added meaning... she was all that had meaning... he wanted nothing else, he needed nothing else.
yet today, he must struggle as if to choose.
but really, is there any choice really?
camera pulls back... trolley shot? the horn blares. he lies unconscious, head on steering wheel. i am tense again. but then his eyes open
"maa..." the first word from him
i didn't like anything about the way khushi's reaction was portrayed and the entire scene there, with hysteria and melodrama taking over everything.
but i was glad for two things.
the flame in the havan kund did die. in normal serials that is it. end of story, hero won't come. but here no such thing happened. khushi lost hope as she is so into such signs and symbols... but he did come. a nice touch there.
this was a love beyond signs and symbols. beyond even hate. beyond oneself.
and nani ji never lost faith in him. she was the only one who dealt with the storm in a plausible way. with dignity and emotion as her character would. she was hurt, but she didn't lose focus... she knew what mattered today and what was right. and perhaps she saw a bit of herself in khushi, whom she had practically chosen for her chhotey. she also knew her grandson... he will come, she said and hugged khushi.
"umeed naahin khoiye... chhotey aa jayenge, aayenge zaroor aayenge," don't lose hope... chhotey will come, he will certainly come, said beautiful nani ji.
i did cry like a fool.
but the girl with vishwas was broken. she began to walk away. her mother screamed out, calling her back.
"amma?" she turned and began to walk back, then she felt the tug.
a hand held her dupatta.
the director decided to leave us hanging from a cliff with slippery fingers. but i had seen the look in his eyes... and i really didn't care.
......................
fanfiction
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