Thursday, 22 March 2018

that first time

i was looking for the date when i first saw barun, in a tv soap, and the very first time i felt a funny kind of pull, a recognition almost. i had wondered then what was wrong with me, was i finally regressing? a soap boy who is introduced in the 31st episode, dropped out of several episodes, and me watching this weird thing with searching eyes, where is the boy. no real sign of the acting at that time and a fairly corny story. a soap called shraddha. i really thought i was more ridiculous than i thought i was and my "crush" days from school were here.
it was 9 november 2009, that's when i first saw him. in april 2010, my world rocked in a way i had never ever thought it would. for a year and more i floated around not quite registering reality... going through the motions... my first and only visit to the united states during that time... i lived on the surface without even knowing that's what i was doing... till one day i turned my head and saw a promo of this show.
i turned away and said, huh, rubbish. a few months later i was caught. it was as though this fellow was not going to be denied... i was dragged back into intense feeling and just simple joy, silly joy, sparkling attraction, things i'd forgotten.
through this show came so much back to me, and all of you, and writing... and just being a part of this huge humanity. yes, even that. i go from thread to thread, i chat with people from everywhere... i feel a strong blessing.
the wretched feeling, the rocked world remains and perhaps will always be there, but there are many feelings back in me. my daughter worries that first thing in the morning i run to the comp... i do... my tie back to life is here.
wrote this on 12 april 2012. for some reason am ready to post it now.
ps: just realised i never wrote the name of the show, teehee, do i really have to?



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  2. My dear writer!
    Reading your work I was quite sure you have read literature really well and I am right . Actually we both have been English Literature students and I have really enjoyed reading your work. Since a week I am hooked over to your blog and doesn't seem it's going to end soon. As I have said in my earlier comment, you are really one of the best. You should try writing your own original novel because I know you are well capable of it. Lots of love and warm wishes!

    1. hi anu, thank you so so much. delighted you enjoyed the blog so much. sorry, i have not been checking the comments, just saw this. oh i was a reluctant student, but literature does touch you in ways unpredictable even when you go to class determined not to pay any attention. what you say about my own novel... i am thrilled and blushing. some of us from the forum started an online magazine, do browse should you read this message. it's and my index is thanks again.