sometimes silence speaks more, much more than words. even though the words seem potent, loaded with meaning, they still don't quite achieve what some silences do. there were a lot of those silences in episode 32. khushi's wondering, slightly disturbed look as she clutched her jiji close. what was that? hadn't she just said, "jiji, girti hui imarat samhal li, kuch bhi samhal loongi"? i have managed a falling edifice, i'll manage anything.
"does not everything depend on our interpretation of the silence around us?"
~~~ lawrence durrell ~~~
or the one up there, where he looks into a story we can't see but we can feel his anguish about it, as though he doesn't want to listen. something to do with his mama and papa, he almost flinches at the words when di says she wished they were there for she can't handle all the anger flaring around anymore. his face hardens in an instant and his fist closes in a tight knot. the pain hits hard.
yet when he whips around to give his sister a harsh answer, he sees her face, its sadness and worry, he melts. a whole love story was written in just those swiftly changing expressions. i wish i could capture all of them and include here. his hands came and grasped hers tenderly, and he said the words just in case we hadn't understood, but we knew that all along, didn't we? "aap sab kuch ho, di. main aapki aankhon mein aansoon nahi dekh sakta." you are everything, di. i can't see tears i your eyes.
he will fight the whole world to bring back her happiness. (little does he know he will have to fight the most precious thing he's ever had to do just that.) she will make his kind of food to make him feel better. she knows he's feeling bad about too many things. what happened to khushi, what's happening with nani, their parents, everything, all she wants to do is make it ok for him. some soup might help?
siblings love in funny unspoken ways, even when they are rivals, even when they aren't always good to each other. ipk had a particularly keen understanding of this. which is why, when anjali started to lie to chhotey i'd thought we'd see something very interesting. it could have been that. a glimpse of it in the miscarriage scene, where she finally believes as she looks into the eyes of her brother standing outside. again, silence.
a beautifully crafted episode that seemed to me to be about name, identity, pehchaan, and an awareness that is refusing to go, in fact making quite a place for itself. from bua ji's "wah nand kissore," to mami ji's warning of "cantrobhersial" food, everything felt smooth and was intensely expressive, almost as much as barun's face.
payal was picking up the unspoken cues of worry and uncertainly from khushi and reflecting it back. she was happy with khushi's decision to resign, but still... if only they hadn't come to delhi. khushi counters without thinking, "nahin, jiji, dilli itni bhi buri nahin hai, matlab agar hum dilli nahin aate toh... toh..." no, jiji, delhi isn't that bad either, if we hadn't come here, then... toh ham arnav ji se kaise miltey? then how would we have met arnav ji? is that what her heart wanted to say? we'll never know.
he'd had a bad night, then all that talk about marriage with nani, and her little pull a bride out of a hat trick, he strode into office in a foul mood. how a man can change the whole energy of a place by simply walking through it, i will never understand. the grim walk in with inert eyes, reminiscent of the mazar entry, and the long steps carrying him out with a simple pause at the sight of dm, said more than most things he said today. especially about that awareness. it intruded even when he was rushing to see his di who had fainted. how much of a statement is that?
as if that were not enough:
"usska ek naam hai!"
she has a name.
just the day before he had used her name for the first time. once in reference, but twice directly, calling out to her, hoping she was there, alive, unhurt. then that wondering, "khushi..." as she let go on him. and today, he wanted her to be given the respect of being called by her name. why? he didn't care after all. all he wanted was for her to lose and go away. mera naam hai arnav singh raizada. my name is arnav singh raizada. the boy who'd rejected his father's name and taken his mother's proudly, knew the importance of a name. that it was identity. you mess with it, you are messing with the person's being. today he can't tolerate this disrespect for her.
somehow he was sensitized to her now. she mattered. maybe he was still worried about her. when he hears the giggling trio, something snaps in him. he lashes out. and lavanya's unthinking chamkili just pushes him over the edge. he gives pam and sim this appraising look when he walks in. did he see the completely opposite kkg in his mind as he looked at them? did he feel a little tired of this thick shallowness?
she walked in all prepared to resign. and just inside the ar door, she stopped. her hands tightened on the strap of her bag. she's tense, she's gathering her will and courage. in her eyes, something more again. then she remembers. one of the most timeless moments in ipk. he is reaching out, holding her hand, pulling her up and rushing out, he's turning back to look at her. oh just hold it there. what's in his eyes. she's succumbing... he's looking at her, jaw clenched. the memories bring involuntary words to her lips,"devi maiyya raksha karna." devi maiyya, save me. of course, just then he stops in his tracks to look at dm sitting pretty on her desk. a long pause, he is obviously thinking of her. they miss each other, never making contact. yet a funny communication, a connection through devi maiyya just now.
"we know what we are, but not what we may be."
~~~ william shakespeare ~~~
pehchaan is one of the main motifs of ipk. to be who you are, to know who you are, to discover yourself. an individualistic slant in all its characters. as iconoclastic as its main protagonist, ipk sought to break stereotypes, and make us look into the heart of things. the makers were trying to communicate something they considered important. which is why maybe we were often presented with a character in a certain way, only to find later they were not at all as we'd imagined them to be. there was the issue of well rounded, lifelike characters, but also the element of "revelation" of each one. who would have thought, mami was capable of so much love and loyalty.
or la, just look at her. did we ever think she would become one of the most memorable characters of ipk, a character like her has perhaps never been seen in indian tv or films.
this what you see is not what you get, i felt was always more than just clever writing. it was very much driven by content and core thought. someone was urging us to look beyond the surface. and what's more, was treating us like intelligent people, who could figure things out. which is why maybe all those carefully crafted silences, and beautiful expressions and body language, and other signs and symbols.
reflections. for days we've seen them, on windows, mirrors, water. now a clear look at image, it's meaning, and the need to see oneself clearly.
"lucknow se hain, iss liye darke bhage nahin...
balki khud batane aaye hain ki yeh naukri humare layak nahin...humaari parvarish toh aisi hai..
humey sikhaya gaya hai ki sahi kaam karo...
aur poore atma sanman ke saath karo..."
i am from lucknow, i don't get scared and run away...
instead i have come to tell you, this job is not suitable for me...
my upbringing is such, i have been taught to do what is right...
and do it with complete self respect.
so just like him, she has been taught the value of being and doing "sahi." his life has been stricken by "galat," and that's one thing he just doesn't want to be: galat. wrong.
"rehne dijiya, aapko batane ki koi faida nahin...atma sanman toh unka hota hai, jinki khudki koi pehchaan ho...aur aapka toh poora din inki nakal karne mein nikal jaata hai..."
let it be, no point in telling you...
self respect only those have who have their own identity...
and your entire day goes trying to imitate her...
she retorts when sim cuts in,
"hum khud ko kuch nahin samajh rahe,
kyonki hum jaante hain ki hum kaun hain...aur hum jo bhi hain usse khush hain...par aap kabhi aine mein dekhkar khud se poochiye,
ki aap khud ko pehchanti hain bhi ya nahin...agar khud ko pehchan pati, yeh locket chhupakar nahin rakhti...aapke dil me jo hai usse chehre par laake dekhiye..."
i am not thinking myself to be anything, because i know who i am...
and whatever i am, i am happy with that.
but look in the mirror sometime and ask yourself,
whether you know yourself or not...
if you could recognise yourself, you wouldn't have hidden this locket...
what you are at heart, let it show... and see...
a brilliant set of terse lines that reflect her intense anger and personality, her belief in herself. in many ways she is the mirror image of the man she calls rakshas. and today, she is so riled by all the injustice that's come her way, she's calling off the game, and reasserting herself. khushi's journey of self discovery is as potent as asr's. this episode was telling in so many ways.
now we await the "cantrobhersial" thing. and please, may i have two nurses too, i faintiya gayi every time a certain someone walks in or out.
................
