a
little smile and an intent gaze, undercurrents of hunger. a hand
clutching a collar, lips slightly parted coming into frame. a memory
kept safe in my head. the moment became rabba vey.
my
heart skipped a beat as camera panned across the face, the beard was
prickly, the eyes had a smile, the lips wanted to reach... rabba vey was
all my mind could think. her hand was holding onto what it went to
naturally every time, her lips had started to part...
script
dismal, sets, set up, everything messy, i have been upset ad irritated
with what was going on for a while. but put these two actors together in
a frame, and everything tumbles, spins, becomes something else.
will be back to update later.
update
two
people looked into each others eyes, they smiled. a moment stood
breathless for an instant. she threw her arms around him... he turned
his cheek toward her and moved his head closer, a profile shot of the
two in each others arms tightly clasped.
the ugly transition
device swished them away as still shots began to fall across the screen,
wafting, whimsical, drizzled with memory, like autumn leaves. i felt
tears at my throat, behind my eyelids.
it was an ending not made
up of never before scene stuff. those devices, that timing, the idea,
all may be pretty ordinary. yet, it hit the spot and filled me with a
sense of sheer beauty. of intense longing.
peechhe se shuru
kartey hain, then... let's start from the back. just as the man had said
with that funny clever look in his eyes.
"ek baat kahoon, khushi?" he asked softly yet in that crisp way of his. shall i tell you something?
she looked at him wondering what was up.
that
delivery of "i love you dammit"... possibly my best moment in jashn.
asr's lips curled slightly, incredibly attractive it was... a smile, a
glint in the eyes, and barun took i love you dammit to its next level.
as he has again and again with fairly stilted dialogues he is pretty
much stuck with, what with asr being the man of few words he is and so
in love with his expletives. so much that if he says i love you without
at least a what the or a dammit or a shut up, we just don't believe him.
mark of great acting to me, to be able to take something that
can easily become a mannerism or cliche and just give it an
effervescence and energy that makes it new and breath catching again.
that
first time he had raised his voice to a rare high shattering the night
and saying it with the raging frustration he felt. she accused him of
not understanding that many things had meaning... like rituals... and he
had told her what really had matlab in all of all this.
it was
the night he had started his mission peechhe se shuru karte hain in
observing wedding rituals. khushi, tum kitni intelligent ho, he'd said,
just before tripping her up. loving loving eyes, shining bright. khushi
had been too bemused to notice she was being tricked by her shatir mate.
now
he dropped his voice to a new caressing decibel... a quiet in it, an
owning, a tenderness, and said the words. i don't remember this
particular feel to his voice, it touched some place in me, made me stop
and go a little nuts.
khushi again had that awed, bemused
look... his love you dammit the most precious thing on earth for her.
and tonight she just flung her arms around him and showed it. that night
too she might have, but he had gone away... and it took her a while to
process her thoughts.
there
is a lot of talk of loop closing, etc., ever since ipk ek jashn
started. i have not sensed that in the obvious sort of dialogues about
babu ji, di, etc. but just for a moment here i thought, was that a loop
coming to its natural close there? a far away night and two people in
love but things not yet totally resolved... and here now, after the
growth that only time allows, the ease only sustained togetherness
brings. i was almost as livid with khushi that night as him, but then
she had suddenly got the point, completely. had he returned, she'd have
done possibly what she did now. that's why maybe it was one of the two
most special things he had done for her that she made him recall earlier
as she played her game of love.
i felt happy for asr, for khushi. that was such a difficult night.
as
he said the words, rabba vey wafted in gently... raju singh... i wanted
to meet him and thank him for this lyrical piece that lingers in the
memory, makes me start and connect every time.
she embraced him
with joy and wished him for their anniversary. she was smiling and
delighted. he had that quiet sort of air, as if holding the moment
close... in his mind's eye, perhaps the girl on a ramp for an instant.
the scene changed to a shot of them standing together in each other's arms.
"kyon
khwaabon pe tere saaye hai..." why are there shadows on your dreams,
the words of the song entered on a perfect sync point.
dissolve.
and the memories fell.
the
jashn has been about so many rituals and customs of a love between
viewers and a show. khushi had demanded her pheras, we had perhaps
insisted that much was left, as crucial as pheras, that closure.
i
don't know. i was actually ready for a new proper season of khushi and
asr. instead a marketing strategy, like that not too sexy remarriage
came my way. lots of rituals, without much heart were observed. from
what the, to laad governor, to asr gardening, and all the remember this
and remember that. as if we can forget.
i sensed a lack of that wizz thing in ipk. ken. mistakes can be overlooked, but something was just not there in the script.
you
could practically see gautam hegde sorting through the "it" things of
ipk and adding them in... he even managed to laugh a bit at us i
think... while watching mami and asr, i had the distinct feeling, in
fact. everyone knows how much we love asr in shades, so a particular
sneery fun i guess in putting him in "googles" and making him look
doltish. it was as if they were pushing the boundaries to see how much
we'd take... a little test being conducted by the dekhna hai to dekho
man.
and really asr just didn't feel like himself. the
entertainment mafia, vijay soni, aditi gupta, amit puri... names i
didn't know... people who didn't know ipk had made this series... they
perhaps had not yet touched the dil of it all and were still trying too
hard with the dimaag to work things out.when episode 8 began and the all
apologetic asr and too cute wife in umbrage khushi brought in the first
minutes, i almost gave up... even though barun looked wonderful and
sanaya is lovely (not very khushi) in some shots. everything felt off
and trying too hard to be all about love, too pointed too stilted.
then
something happened as khushi finally opened the door. that straight to
her without a word and a bear hug (somewhere reminiscent of khushi
running to him in the warehouse in that first real hug of theirs)...
something began to feel different that moment on.
and the way she held him, with that full smile... ownership and happiness mingling... no saaye on her khwaab any more.
he
gave her a saree and she actually wore it. i wanted to leap around
saying that's a first that's a first (another loop perchance?).
saree
was not what he might have chosen, but she looked lovely anyway. and
the nose pin was back... felt like i knew this girl despite the
sleeveless and the snazzy hair do.
and he in that blue... indu's
"boarding school blue." really, how does this man manage to look so
dashing and asphyxiation causing in such things.
he was about to
get angry, ah a ritual observed. and she arrived... his eyes lit up. he
told her to close hers, she said but how will i see then? he replied on
cue, main hoon na. current idiom, very popular i think ever since shah
rukh khan movie. but his "trust me..." oh so totally his. khushi walked,
who wouldn't.
he
told her to open her eyes... "pasand aya?" like it? he asked looking
at his thrilled with kitschy decorations and fake stars wife. she just
turned and kissed him. natural, flowing, no pause no dither. i love
seeing khushi physically aware of her husband, her lover. this is
beautiful, long overdue... i was one of the very few i think who didn't
like chhoti si duniya cuddle and sleep one bit.
that whole chhoti si duniya idea felt unreal. suddenly dragged in.
it
felt all wrong. you can't sleep next to this man with a happy come let
me hug ya my teddy bear look. they had just been together for the first
time the night before, definitely her first time with any kind of sex..
and they were so much in love. i'd loved the way he had pulled her
suddenly to him...
the shutting down of khushi's sexuality, her desire and ability to express it i had always struggled with in ipk.
so
happy to see her here. yes, this man loves you beyond belief and you
him, when you come close, when you touch, there is nothing ugly about
it, it's just how it should be and that's why it's a thing of beauty...
oh
h why do these two have such incredible vibe. what is this chemistry,
where does it get born, where does it grow... kuchh rishtey ajeeb hi dor
mein bandhe hote hain.
the thing between barun and sanaya that
has been endlessly discussed, i will not try to decipher it. from that
moment he started walking up to her it was there and no matter what
they'd have done then onward, i'd be a goner i sort of knew. once more.
yes, the whole feeling of them once more. also indecipherable. was it happiness?
"waise,
arnav ji," she said playing with his tie (i thought of lavanya and that
same sort of shot back in 14 or 15) lovely this intimacy... "aaj aap
bade woh lag rahe ho..." you're looking very that today.
"woh kya..." what.. that. why did his voice have to almost disappear at kya giving me a hollow feeling in the stomach.
"woh"...
wasn't that always the word for "woh aurat?" that woman? his father's
lover, the woman because of whom his maa killed herself? how negative
that word in ipk... but then again, it's also "woh baat..." memories
come rushing.
"woh matlab woh!" she... walk forward, he... right into her... isn't that haldi? my knees jerk a bit, this is madness.
"woh
matlab... kya?" soft playful voice. woh mean what? means... matlab? no,
asr, iss pyaar mein sach ya jhoot ya woh ka koi matlab nahin...
she tries to turn away, shy... he of course pulls her back... "woh matlab kya?"
"woh matlab..." khushi awkward... "cute..." nose slightly scrunching, a beautiful delivery by sanaya.
man
is pleased. he likes to flummox her with his sexiness (maybe he's
settling scores for what she did to him way back when she had appeared
in red and completely befuddled his brain), he loves to hear her say
he's hot... cute. i like the story of relationship and that essential
physical stuff in it here. refreshing for hindi serials this straight
forward flirting and togetherness. no parivaar and parampara talk. just
man, woman, moment.
and yes, memory... their first rabba vey... she his woman in red. now again.
"tum
bhi!" you too! he said it in that cool way of his, no mush... and
handed her a super mushy red rose. but somehow when they do this, it
seems fine. she gazed at the rose, another signature and maybe a closing
loop, with joy. his mother was always a part of his story, his love,
everything asr, wasn't she? in the most treasure worthy way. he would
know how to take care of a woman he loved you felt, he had the
sensitivity despite being a rakshas and totally impossible at times.
then
writer forgot story and we remembered that the janamdin rose had been
discussed before. no matter. i was still grinning. he was so all male
and completely out to get his girl with that... "toh tumhe pata tha,
huh!"
for some reason, she mentioned the bangles and lavanya ji. a
very obvious "loop close," totally unnecessary and force fitted i felt.
but then as she started some other story, he said... another
favourite..
"shhh!"
had
he not touched his ear too i'd have heard the music. a bit overdone and
cutesie that ear business... and the hearing of a "dhun" he'd heard.
filmi... but again mind stopped working as i heard hey hey, her bangs
flew a bit, a look in her eyes, talkative girl transiting to breathless
woman.
cross dissolve to his face... he held her hand and put it on his shoulder... eyes only on her. camera mesmerised. space shifted.
and
they drifted to a world of their own. there were bubbles falling and
looking extremely cheesy there but you really couldn't see anything but
them... and feel that extraordinary vibe.
i
could almost guess what he'd do before he even did it... he would dance
with her... he was always dancing with her maybe, from that very first
day... for a couple of minutes, there were no words. just the two of
them dancing, simply, happily, a couple on their anniversary with a rose
in their hands, all dressed up and feeling happy. asr and khushi, in
two twirls and a fall and catch a universe preserved.
camera
moved over his profile, on it a faint mark of red... her lipstick, her
kiss. she who brought colour to his life. she who dared to break through
is fort faraq nahin padta, she who was his red, his asli gulab. for
whom he'd set up all the tacky all the naqli just to see her happy, keep
her dreams alive.
he
made her sit and came back with a necklace. he had to put it on for
her... i loved the shot of khushi sitting there looking like the
mistress of all she surveys. a young fragile but inordinately strong
girl had come to his and my world with her gutsy ways, her spirit, her
pureness, her sanka, her jhalli style... who knows what lies in store
for us in life... but somehow you wanted her to win, always succeed, get
everything she may have even forgotten to want... as she sat there, she
looked like the happiest girl in the world. it felt good. and that shot
where he walked behind, only his cuff and jacket sleeve visible, a
sense of almost power there... the two of them together. the kind of
power that is beautiful, edifying.
a not particularly classy
necklace was followed by a definitely tacky cake with tea lights minus
holders around it, then cake cutting, feeding each other.
and
again khushi hugging him. saying throatily, "thank you, arnav ji." was
that a tad too grown up and sophisticated for khushi? maybe... or maybe,
she purrs like that inside when he's near and it gets hard to be jhalli
any more. ha, who knows. the man said, "ek baat kahoon, khushi?" and he
said what he had to say. she went back into his arms and wished him
happy anniversary... the transition came.
the falling leaves drift by the window
the autumn leaves of red and gold
i see your lips, the summer kisses
the sun-burned hands i used to hold
since you went away the days grow long
and soon i'll hear old winter's song
but i miss you most of all my darling
when autumn leaves start to fall
words
of a song by nat king cole that i've heard from a very young age and
has many memories floating around and through it, especially of a dance
with a man i will always love... memories indeed fall like those
leaves... and keep us alive, cherished, nourished... and make us believe
in hamesha.
kyun khwaabon pe tere saaye hai/dil kyun kyon hai tanha mera/kyon khamoshi hai zubaan meri/ashkon se kah paaoon naa
kyun dard hai itna/tere isshq mein/
rabba vey rabba vey rabba-vey-rabba-vey
......................
fanfiction
