a sense of asr

while the end sequence with asr in black dazzled and turned my brain to mush, this sequence, this moment, the quiet ponder in the dark, in the seclusion of his room, a room feeling curiously bereft, asr realising, connecting, feeling, assessing, planning and particularly this shot, was beautiful, played in me.


this is asr as he is. no mask, no public face. just who he is.


sort of reminded me of the man standing in the rain talking to himself in episode 24. sahi and galat he had pondered vis a vis this girl and sworn arnav singh raizada ko kissi ladki se koi faraq nahin padta. then he'd encountered faraq and done several things vis a vis that... some sahi, some galat... and today he faces that squarely... but this time he knows he is bidding for much more than right and wrong, he is prizing hamesha out of the grip of twelve days and an end.

 


episode 306 no shayad about it

episode 24 rain talk 

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a deal and its maker

everything will go the way arnav singh raizada wants it to go. when i met him first, he'd come to make a deal, and he'd made sure "sab kuch" had gone the way he'd planned it... there was a game in that deal too. one worked out ruthlessly by his dimaag. 

after a long time a sense of that deal making, that game, and that rampant desire to win again... this time it's all coming from his dil, his dimaag is still as sharp and focused on the prize, but now there's a smile in it, albeit a devilish one.

why did this episode's asr remind me so much of the asr of 6 june? like he'd come back, only now having met love... love that was determined that its aim, its nishana, wouldn't miss. an almost defeated "shayad" asr walked out... was that what triggered in him a return to who he essentially was? unfamiliar surely that feeling of not being in command of a situation. even during kidnap, he had to be the one in charge, no matter that he was bound, gagged, being beaten. but here she almost had him beaten... what ailed her? why couldn't he reach her... yet the moment he realised what it was, it was as though asr receded and waiting in him surged right back. 

thrilling to watch him ever since he shut that door behind him in his room, thought about things and then donned black to take on his girl... and no doubt it excited him to see her in red, the girl he'd felt funny things for when she'd worn that colour and he'd heard something in the air, felt something in his gut... 

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episode 306 no shayad about it

"koi faraq nahin padta..."
doesn't make a difference (who pays).

"faraq padta hai, humey aapka koi ahsaan nahin chahiye!"
makes a difference, i don't want any favours from you.

his jaw hardens, he loses it again, he'd wanted to ask her why she was so down, behaving mysteriously, lying about her aunt's health. now he whirls her around, for that sentence has cut deep.

"ahsaan!" that voice. "tum meri patni ho, khushi!" favour, he hissed out. maybe "obligation" is a better translation of ahsaan... you are my wife, khushi!

as they wrangled i again felt i was in the middle of something real. not a show.

the big fights in many of our lives happen over things that seem trivial at one level and yet they aren't. there's always some subtext, something being asserted without words.

looked at rationally khushi's walking out on asr after that clifftop and their fervent admission to each other about their feelings, seems silly. but that very love can make us do pretty stupid things at times. even things which are not quite right. he did something just plain wrong on a terrible night, she on a bright clear morning.

he is hellbent on making her part of his life, apologising in his way for his egregious remarks, especially about the contract. and she is determined to leave him because she figures di can's tolerate her and is unhappy seeing her, and that can only make arnav ji sad.. so how can she go on living there. and he's invoked the contract, she had thought that was no longer a part of their story. seems it was... so in thirteen days six months will be over and so will their marriage. but she's leaving him now... very interesting i thought that was.

while this six month marriage idea is very serialish, the tenor and thrum of this fight aren't. when someone is that close to you, there's so much love, there's often strange extreme friction. plenty of that now... and within it a bated thing, a physical thing... sexual attraction.

both are cleaving to each other, he holds her shoulder, she rages at him, he catches and whirls with her, she pulls away like she is coming close, he yanks her to him... they can't keep their hands off each other even if it is to show anger.

but this anger is like that word cleave. it has two sides to it, two meanings, opposites of each other. cleave can mean both to split and to join... reminds me of them and their state of emotion.

in the middle of violence, a man totally confounded as to why his wife is lying and a woman absolutely committed to not letting him know because she must leave him, there's suddenly the sweetest gentleness, when she says she needed to come here for a while, for a badlav... a change... it was zaroori.

a couple of sentences before that she'd said, i don't have to explain things to you... there's no need.. zaroorat for it. he'd yelled pulling her roughly "zaroorat hai, khushi kumari gupta singh raizada!" there is need for an explanation.

zaroorat.

need.

felt like a significant word here. it was about that very thing... the need, the zaroorat, for each other. a need that reached beyond all and every limit and barrier.

a beautiful moment when he tried to reach out. you should have tried to tell me once, "ek bar mujhe kahke to dekhti," he says... reminded me of something very similar she'd said on the bridge after he told her he knew of shyam...

but things kept on getting more complicated, they couldn't bridge the distance. a lovely moment as he stood with his hands resting lightly, tenderly on her shoulders.

perhaps the concern from her pati, his sheer insistence on being a part of her life, making her problems his, holding her, everything was becoming hard to handle, the feelings were destroying her resolve, for a little hint sneaked out before she could stop it.

"aap ghar jaiye... terah din mein sab kuch theek ho jaayga..." you go home, in thirteen days all will be fine.

and for some reason, the shatir one did not connect the thirteen days instantly to the contract.

was it fuzzy writing or maybe arnav singh raizada was so confounded by his wife's behaviour, he'd been trying continuously to understand things, he knew something was just not right, but all this tension and to and fro and khushi behaving not at all like herself had worn him down. whatever it was, he did not instantly get she spoke of the contract.
 
beautiful flow of confusion love wanting... you know you can tell me... humey chalna chahiye... from anger to remorse to sweet gentleness and a sadness spilling over...

"bua ji pareshan ho rahi hogi..." bua ji must be getting concerned, she said in a flat voice. then the step back, out of his arms. so so poignant. a quiet, sad khushi.

... acting writing direction all on cue.

and for the first time ever he seemed totally lost."hain, nand kissore... sab theek toh hai?" is everything all right called out bua ji on seeing the two of them.

"shayad."

perhaps.

that despondent reply... one of the saddest things i've heard.

the arrogant, cocky, sharp tycoon, who took charge of things, who knew exactly what he'll do, especially when things got rough, wore a note of defeat.. almost... today.

he'd tried so hard, but he hadn't been able to reach khushi. he had no idea what was really going on.

shayad... maybe... no that is so not this man. i felt terrible for him.
 
that "nothing" moment

 

he left bua ji's place looking lost, but then as khushi went to close the door, he stepped smoothly back in surprising her... tell me khushi, what's the matter, he asked, i'm with you. oh h sweetness of the most divine kind. she looked like she would just cave in and leap into his arms, instead she did a classic woman thing... "kuchh nai" nothing is the matter replied she in a small voice, eyes desperate. oh when a girl says "nothing" in that girl way. he knew things were really really bad. beautiful note to the scene, writing and direction and acting again lovely.

soon though he realised exactly what she had meant by thirteen days and resolved to change her mind.

his way.

but before that a simple absorbing sequence, as he stood quietly in his room followed by a fluid almost dance like pacing in his room thinking and feeling things... that old habit. a gentle deliberateness... he is strategising... planning... and the room felt particularly lonesome tonight reflecting the yearning of its owner maybe.

 

there was something intensely expressive about the way he walked in and let the thoughts come. i noticed a lot happened at doorways in this episode, a familiar ipk thing, some sort of significance there no doubt... 

he heard in his mind three separate conversations...

"tum meri shart manogi


mujhse shadi karogi


aaj


chhai mahine ke liye"


you will accept my conditions
you'll marry me
today
for six months



"hume jaane dijiye..."


let me go.


"tum nahin ja sakti...


apna contract todkar kaise ja sakti ho."


you can't go, how can you break your contract and leave...



"aap ghar jaiye..."


 go home... in thirteen days everything will be fine



it was like a little story within the larger plot.



he recalled his harshest moments with her, and her most helpless ones... he hadn't given her a choice both times, and perhaps for the same reason, because he couldn't let her go. 


"isiliye woh ghar chhorke gayi hai... kyunki shadi ka contract..." that's why she's left home he thought aloud, because of the contract... 



nostrils flared, jawline went rigid, but there was that need in the eyes... the director went for understatement.


a miserable khushi counts the hours...only twelve more days...

"ek aur din beet gaya... ab bas bara din aur, usske baad hum arnav ji ke patni nahin rahenge..." one more day is gone, now just twelve left, after that i won't be arnav ji's wife, she moaned. 



cut to a man gearing up for the next course of action... the "shayad" completely gone from his demeanour.



"bas bara din... mere paas bara din hai tumhare dil phirse jeet ne ke liye!" just twelve days, he thought, i have twelve days to win your heart. the deal maker wants to win... but just her love, her heart... 

having cracked the code, he is now getting into the plan to destroy all opposition and get his wife back. i liked the fact that he did the whole thing as asr would, not just any sweet lover boy.



there is claw and cleave and win and lose in this thing. he is entering the game. he is enjoying it. 



"tumhe lagta hai ki tum bahut smart ho.. lekin.. shayad tum bhool gayi ki main arnav singh raizada hoon..."

 you think you're very smart... but... perhaps you're forgetting i am asr.

i want to give loud whistles at this whistle deserving salim javed style dialogue. could have been corny as h but again barun makes it cool, cute, exciting all at once.



"aur iss baar sab kuch mere tarike se hoga..." and this everything will happen the way i want it to.



his music played, gentler though... a man in love...

khushi dreamt of him again. again it was money talk. the girl has a problem with money, some sort of insecurity maybe... in a funny kind of way, it was money that brought them together... her promise to slam before him 25k for the repair of his suv side mirror.



"hum aapke ek ek pai chuka denge..." i will return every cent of yours, said she to the smiling demon before her as she clutched the burden of cash, her debt, on her head. 



"egggzacktly aisa hi pahle bhi kissine kaha tha, khushi kumari gupta... singh raizada..." someone had said exactly that once before, quipped mills and boon hero rakshas.



maybe she can sense him already... she can guess what he is about to do... 

of course, next morning when i saw asr in his office, i knew the man was not only out to win, he was out to kill (primarily me). arnav singh raizada had decided he will ruin khushi's neat plan with immense pressure re house, rent, bua ji's home, etc. he had also decided he'd completely nullify her resistance with his sheer good looks. everything needed to cut the deal, disarm the opponent.

don't tell me he had no idea of how good he was looking in that black grey combination, also that slightly loose tie.



she wore red, he black... she was angry, he cool... all asr, and the loving got going with some good old raving and ranting.



at one point he said "aaw" head tilted back, eyes hooded... i had to copy that forever.

she's never coming back to ask for madat, help.. she gritted out.



"kuch bhi karlo, khushi," you'll have to come back that too before the contract ends, he thought to himself with a satisfied air.



the contract became as though a game between them... i liked that. the thing that was the most tricky part in their relationship, a ridiculous contract of a six month marriage which only happens in tv land, the writers decided to use as a means of cementing their tie further, something smart in that.


the episode had a beginning full of confusion and attraction, a stunning one word middle... shayad... and then an end full of heat, bait and attraction. was a breathtaking watch.

bolo... i'm listening.

er breathing suddenly difficult.

 

couple of thoughts/irrelevant asides:



~ so babu ji was getting better. then what happened?



~ mami ji said, "no hello hi turant bye bye detectibhgiri kareka padi, manorama..."  he hello hi, quickly bye bye, must do some dective-ing.

~ me as perplexed as mami ji about anjali. why is she talking to herself... maybe her bluetooth is on? really that setting up of anjali surreptitiously talking to shyam was done ineptly.


~ "bed side humri..." mami ji said this side of the bed is hers... remember pala?

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in red and black... 306

he was out to get her, wasn't he... bet he knew the effect his man in black and in deadly playful mood was having on her... i so loved the interpretation of the scene by both actors... a mills and boonish thing and a bit more... that push in it. and the priceless subtlety, that layered, murmurous thing. their eyes said many things.. sanaya's slightly choking, incredulous look at her pati in full blown asr form... part of her angry, part of her sliding off and dunking into that old familiar attraction...
red and black... an obvious combination, till barun and sanaya make it anything but that.

bolo... i'm listening.

er breathing suddenly difficult.
 

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that feeling so zaroorat... 306

    a palpable constant need a zaroorat hai! and that heartbreaking shayad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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306 first take

from crooner 1.9 what you will

much ado about nothing?

strangely enough, that resonated, priya.

i am fairly certain i don't need another wedding for them; in fact, seems a bit unromantic if anything. a huge fussy wedding between cool and jhalli. they need hatke stuff if any more nuptials are required. bet man in black won't let it happen any other way, specially if you consider his current wooing technique.

good morning and good too see crooner 1.9, priya. i was delighted yesterday when he asked her, "what's the matter?" and she said, "nothing." remember that one from crooner? oooh that's such an adorable utterly man woman thing. and you only say it to a man you've come to accept as your own, what say.

will wait for your post and update here later. me happy happy today.

adding on. 

when bua ji asked if everything was ok and he stopped in his tracks, pausing for a long moment, with unbelievably a hint of hopelessness in his eyes and said in a low tone a flat "shayad," i felt a sadness making its way within me.

the mind is a funny animal, i instantly recalled in school this guy used to say, when a woman says, "no" she means "yes", when a woman says "maybe", she means "no". today i thought i heard that "no" in a man's "shayad".

he looked tired, confused. the usual swagger missing completely. i had never really seen him like this. the day both the women left him alone, he still had resolve in him, and he acted immediately to make things ok; brave, confident, karta that he is. but this was a different pain, one he hadn't felt before.

he had tried so hard since that fight that night. everything he could, sweetness, light, food, gifts, happy birthday declaration, flirting, old moments, flower bedecked path, whatever he could think of. he'd even taken nk's advice! he was gentle, tender, understanding, as much as he could be, trying to keep a grip on that temper, his best friend; to a point where we were clamouring for him to go to work, be more asr. but for her, anything.

then she left to go to bua ji's and he'd made four trips to see her on the same day. he just wanted her so badly. he loved her so much and longed to hear she'd accepted him as her husband.

but now she'd told him to go away. after telling him she didn't want him to pay bua ji's rent, no favours please. he was shocked, he thought he had a right to worry about her family. after apologising to him for lying, she'd said she just needed to get away, for this that and a bit of change. when he asked so lovingly why didn't she at least try telling him this. instead of tea, she threw a memory at him. remember how you were on my birthday? his face fell. go away, she said, everything will be fine after 13 days.

he was perplexed. what was this now. there were no explanations, she insisted he leave.

even at the last minute he tried, he came back in and said, i'm with you, tell me what's wrong. and she said, nothing; as women have said to the man they love for centuries. only and always when everything is wrong.

two beautiful lovers at such a strange crossroads. how will they reach each other.

soon enough i saw the effect of this separation on khushi. five minutes to twelve she'd lain silent, unyielding, to his poignant overture of love on her birthday. five minutes after twelve she sat forlorn and said to devi maiyya, one more day gone. just 12 days and i won't be his patni anymore. sadness, tears, panic almost in her eyes. won't her saansey stop if she should cease to be what she is essentially? his wife.

some loves change us. they demand we mend our ways, bend backward, show how much we love if we say we do. and some loves set us free. they let us be, let us breathe, they know we aren't perfect, but yet that feels perfect, they delight in us being us. they get us instinctively, they know when we are we and when we are not.

maybe khushi could sense he was trying too hard, maybe she didn't really want him to be who he was not. how thrilled she was when he played his prescription for kiss trick, and delighted at his ramanchi kiss, his i never lose a shart. she actually had to tell herself to focus. funny girl. look at her dream, he is all asr, chucking money at her, laughing at her meanly, oh how she loves him just like that just so bad boy.

thank the almighty for grandmothers. finally he realised why she'd left home. at last he had a clearer goal, past that confusion, realising the meaning of "nothing". and thankfully this time he decided that only one man could handle this challenge. raizada, my name is arnav singh raizada.

goodbye sweetness, hello sexy. welcome back.

and gosh, what have you done to your smile? thud. go away, got to write.

he is back, peremptory, unsympathetic, imperious, mocking, and in black. she's mad at him again, stomping into his office gorgeous in flaming red. demanding he explain his reason for withdrawing the cheque she'd categorically refused, snatching his phone from his hand when he talks to someone while she yells, making it quite clear without knowing that she has this huq... on him.

all their familiar storm and thunder music is on. "if music be the food of love, play on. give me excess of it..." from what else, twelfth night.

he has, as mami ji said, "one two," 12 days. this time it will all go as he thinks it will, well almost all for he has been true to himself and "it shall follow as the night the day," as polonius said to laertes in hamlet, if memory serves me right.

for me the epiphany at the the end: can't bear to see asr in "shayad" frame of mind. howard roark laughed. arnav singh raizada smiled. o yes.




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 a few thoughts.

this is one of the most beautiful episodes ever in words, action, thought. i could right a song on that stepping back by her out of his hold on her shoulders, leaving his arms empty, still, surprised, yawning nothing he holds on to while she stands stiff, downcast.

anjali is either cheating and meeting snake on the sly or going a bit crazy, either way, trouble. no prob, bring it on.
the week has been full of hints and things, eager to see what it's all about. as long as you tell me a story well i don't fear the monsters in it.

bua ji's dukhbhari dastaan snores, then mami ji's filled with what? kind of like our lal chhadi, something about her, there's a sense of right and wrong i can't not like. so cute that call to payal, i'm scared of ghosts and have been in mami ji's state many times.

priya, the second part of that howard roark confession that's what i want for our lovers, wedding or no wedding. for that is the physical manifestation of real love, love that laughs at the boundaries of time and space.





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