episode 36 calendar girl

"miss gupta!"
he was standing there in his office, looking down at her. glowering, dark, unreservedly mean. then he spat out those two words.

khushi leapt out of bed. she'd been dreaming of him.

"hey devi maiyya," she exclaimed horrified, "har subha hame uss rakshas ka sapna kyon aata hai?" why does he come to her every morning? is this a curse upon the innocent princess? if that's the case, why is she rushing to get ready, go meet him? especially now, now that there's no valid excuse to? she resigned the day before.

khushi looks stricken when payal reminds her.
"haanh abhi humey uss arnav singh raizada ki shakal dekhne ki... koi zaroorat nahin hai," her voice drops wistfully on the last few words. her rakshas, and she won't be able to see him.

"ok... ok..."
he's flipping through the calendar shots and talking to aman. he turns to the third page, and she's there.

pause.
    
sound of breeze fades in, as he gazes at her photograph and the phonecall is forgotten. the swishing breeze envelops him, the only thing moving as he goes very still. soft piano notes, rabba vey comes in to join him in his reverie. he is locked, a prisoner of what his eyes behold. or perhaps his heart. memories of a woman in red shyly walk by, he wants more. his fingers move searching, he turns the page. camera goes closer, as absorbed in him as he is in her. a muscle twitches near his right lower jaw. he looks on, unblinking. his hair catching the breeze, playing with it gently.

what's happening to him? a gargantuan effort to control his helpless succumbing. he closes his eyes. a flash of anguish on his face. he really is trying to get a grip on himself. this whole thing is disturbing.

almost a minute and 10 seconds of no dialogues but it was as though a whole emotion came to visit and time had no idea what to do, it just stood quietly and watched.

what do you do when someone gets under your skin? when you have to do nothing, they will come to your mind unbidden. when you can do nothing, for what's done cannot be undone. a feeling that catches you unawares and leaves you in no state to think, to be in control, to breathe calmly.

jo tum mehsoos karti ho... jo main mehsoos karta hoon... a link is forming somewhere, an awareness making its claim. in two lovely sequences, episode 36 brings this feeling closer to us. the treatment is light, quirky, cute in one sequence, the way of the character. yet at the end, the look on khushi's face, something deeper there almost a yearning, and a delicate confusion. what is the matter with her? and for him, a sensual interlude with the woman whom he can't stop thinking of. alone he sits in intimate space with her. lost in a world of beauty and burgeoning desire. till the pain of it is too much.

di walks in and unwittingly saves him, jerking him back into this world and his ever present shell.

"di, mujhe khushi ki photographs dekhne mein koi interest nahin hai..." just as he wasn't interested to find out how she was doing after the guesthouse mayhem, now he couldn't care less about her photographs. perhaps anjali believed, or perhaps not. but the moment she left, he had to pretend he believed. and he threw the photographs away from him violently.

relationships and their meaning throughout episode.

a younger brother who became the mainstay of his crippled elder sister one terrible day, gathers her hands and says, promise me, you'll never believe you are less, for you are not, you are precious, priceless. "aage se aap kabhi yeh nahin kahenge ki aap lucky hain kyonki jeeja ji aapke saath hain... aapse bahut zyada lucky jeejaji hain, kyonki aap unke saath hain."
 
an underhand young man with ties he will not acknowledge is caught in the dreams of an older lonely woman, who sees in him a perfect match for her sweet innocent niece. little does she know that her niece dreams of a monster, or the young man she trusts is perhaps the last person to give that precious commodity to.

akash is caught in the problem being created by his sweet mother with all her desires for rich bahu. ostensibly because it's good for the girl, but is there a trace of self interest here, my dear hello hi bye bye? maybe you think you can grasp power more securely in the household with a bahu from a wealthy khandan? ah, the queen of kitchen politics is at it, the two men in her life perplexed and helpless. akash dreams of a lakshminagar girl in the rain. he is sweet, gentle, not a harmful bone in his body, and everyone walks all over him.

"mujhe kya chahiye, kissiko parwah nahin hai," he mutters as he exits. completely oblivious of his desires, certain that the her boy will not even dream of questioning his mother's desire or choice, she counters "ee leo... aingree young maeen banke chal diya."
 
bua ji wants payal and khushi to observe teej, so they may be blessed with handsome and good husbands. just like shiv ji. an interesting outwardly imperfect male principle, with all that's perfection within, shiva. a sophisticated understanding of character in our mythologies and pantheon. however, i must say, these figures remain deeply patriarchal and troubling; women very often playing the role of consort, somehow not quite equal. which is why perhaps, what asr says to his sister touches deeply, becomes  even more relevant: never say, you're lucky because your husband is with you, many times luckier is he because you're there with him.

but back to shiv ji, for him today five women will fast.

khushi is almost as horrified by the prospect as by the dream. what, no food? "kya? hum khudse poochhe bina vrat rakh liya?" poor girl keeps reaching for the papad and jalebis, but bua ji seems to have a third eye.

payal is accepting of the inevitable, just keeping the peace, sympathising with her voracious eater younger sibling.

mami ji is in hell, in this matter exactly like khushi. she is sure she's going to become a kareena like size zero after this single day's fast.

lavanya receives a call from di, and pragmatic and focussed soul that she is, decides if giving up food for a day will get her closer to nani and therefore asr, so be it. "ok, la... tum jo kar rahi ho, woh asr ke liye kar rahi ho. aur yeh vrat toh sirf dieting ki jaise hi hoti hai. don't worry, yeh din bilkool butter ki tarah smoothly nikal jaayegi." poor girl, collapses at "butter," food food. but she ain't giving up, she will get it done.

and anjali is gorgeous in red, colour of her status as a married woman, her sindoor, fasting with devotion for her shiv ji like husband. he who never comes after promising he will. but she has faith. and she tells mami ji, he's never let her down on this day these three years. today, she trusts, it will be the same. bharosa. poignant on the lips of this gentle, loving, woman who walks with a tender hobble, makes you want to be there, help her, ease her life. that's what her brother does, that's what khushi will want to do some day. but her husband? watch out, make sure the diya flame is steady.
a phone rings away in a cupboard. bua ji, in the strangest fit in a while has decided shyam must hang around with the girls. a secret ploy to get him to open khushi's fast maybe. she's confiscated his phone. this isn't school, bua ji. anyway, the truant boy, manages to sneak out his nearest and dearest, the phonewa, and escapes to a corner to kootchie koo with someone.

teej, what will it bring to the celebrants? a hint here maybe, in this clever edit?

                      
                      
     
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episode 35 he is leaving

"nani...
main kissike saath zabardasti nahin kar raha,
main sirf itna kah raha hoon
ki apni zindagi mujhe apni tareeke se jeene ka haq hai...
kyonki main kissike jeene ka tareeke par kabhi ungli nahin uthata...
jab aap sab woh kar sakte hain, jo aapka man karta hai...
toh main kyon nahin?"

  
"everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedom - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
~~~ victor frankl, man's search for meaning ~~~

this is the one thing, arnav singh raizada does ask for himself, the right to live his life his own way. everything that was his right by birth has been messed with. a father who didn't do "sahi" and all its consequences. asr never shirked, never shied away. he did everything he could by his di, nani, family, everything for them. nothing asked for in return, but this one thing.

yet nani, out of that love of hers, his caretaker and guardian since he was 14, was not ready to give in. she had sensed that her chhotey hadn't chosen the right girl, and she was going to get her way, get him away from her, for his own good. haven't we all heard this story many times before, in our very homes? this too is love. just that it doesn't see that it is time to let go.  later he will say, "maaf kijiyega nani, par aap bhi bhool rahin hain, ki jinki zindagi ke faisle aap kar rahi hain, woh bade ho gaye hain." in our culture, elders are always accorded a special respect by virtue of their age. he doesn't defy that, but he points out that there's a basic fallacy in the approach nani has taken: she hasn't understood that those whose lives she wants to make better and as their elder has taken decisions on all these years, are now grown adults. capable of making their own decisions.

beautiful, classic counterpoint. a wonderfully crafted scene that left me breathless, from the point that he hears nani has refused food and enters her room.

first a tentative, "nani?!" then sitting by the matriarch whom he too loves completely, "nani, aap theek toh hain?" akash joins him with "dadi, kya hua, aap khane pe aa jaiye," and a  scene of family ties, bonds, concerns expressed through body language; grandsons leaning on either side, grand daughter, daughter in law, son, all arrayed around. everybody gives a damn for this elder. she is special to them. and as we watch we can't help but notice, how much asr gets from her. at times mirrors of each other, in their stubbornness, their turn of phrase, and their ability for big love and deep conscience.

when she says she isn't eating. the grandson is perturbed, trying to cajole, "nani, yeh kaisi zid hai?" but nani is not to be coaxed, and a battle of words ensues. slowly the temperature rises, the pressure increases.

everything takes a turn for calamity on nani's, "aap wahi kar rahe hain jo aapke pita kiye rahe hain." being compared to his father in any way is intolerable to asr. he can't take it. still he tries: don't bring him into this, this is about me. no, avers nani, this is not you, this is your father's blood talking. that does it.

when nani, not realising where asr's feelings are spiraling to, continues: he did as he pleased and his mistakes ruined our home, i won't let this happen again in this home; a suffocated feel in his expression, a lethal coldness. and the words, "toh theek hai... main hi iss ghar se chala jata hoon... aap se door... iss ghar se door... sab se door," he'll punish himself and go away from his family if that's what will solve the issue, but he will not compromise on the premise of living his life his own way.

with her wisdom nani might have checked the damage and turned the tide, but this was not to be. she pushed on. next button. so, where will you go leaving us, to that lavanya kassyap? he had probably never thought that, why probably, certainly. this whole, okay i'll leave home so that we can all live in peace came as a reaction to escalating pressure. when nani said this, he was too far gone... his anger wanted release. he said, yes i will go to her. "haan ussike paas jaaonga..." with more emphasis, "wahin rahoonga..." and the final hit, "usske saath."

the whole world stopped breathing. including me.

(the word "usske saath," brought memories of 1 august 2012. he's telling khushi, all she has to do is come back to him... mere saath, mere paas. something terribly sensual in the way he says "paas, " "saath," possession, ownership, belonging in there.)

you couldn't blame anyone and you couldn't stop the mayhem. this and the following two sequences on the subject were some of the best in ipk. the level of acting by all was commendable. di, worried, perplexed, desperately looking for a solution, shocked at what's transpiring. nani, absolutely in character, her anger ricocheting off surfaces, glittering. asr, unable to stop himself from picking that anger up and reflecting it amplified, getting deeper into a terrible moment. notice how he turns away on those final words.

so characteristic. can't be cruel looking into the eyes of those he loves. they need to be shut out. the man who looks you in the eye and speaks, when he turns away, he knows he is saying something he really shouldn't. but his nature won't let him stop.

in his room, as he packs, a sudden stillness. he hears his nani accusing him of being like his father. unbearable. and after days, his dreaded memory flashes. his sister, he, a gunshot, a trapped scream "maa". he will not live where he is compared to the man he will have no part of.

before the mirror he stands looking at himself, questioning, looking for resolve. nani and he were like reflections of each other just a while ago. now he faces himself. no, he is not like his dad. a decision is taken, his movements quicken, he turns, reaches his wardrobe, swiftly packs, picks up his bag, and out. he is leaving.

a riveting scene. barun sobti said more in this dense scene minus a single dialogue than all the words he said this episode. packed with nuance, body virtually speaking, conveying all his feelings; as he looked immersed in thought while packing and then pulled himself upright hearing nani's words, that jerky, focussed way in which he packed, that waiting to get a hold of himself before his own reflection... who would have thought this was just a performance, and he but an actor of asr. this man was asr. i was rapt as i watched him. brilliant is the only word that seemed to fit.

an important episode, here we heard asr spell out his philosophy of life really, vis a vis others. respect for others way of life and respect for his. that's all. level, undemanding, fair. there was also a cry many of us have felt in us as we became adults and those who cared for us couldn't see it: i am grown up now, old enough to make my own mistakes.

there was also a shade of the individualist sixties' rebel. deep, emotional, intense, and willing to take action if his way is not respected.

so many shades in just this situation. i have to say there was something utterly sexy in the way his concern changed to assertion, then anger, losing control, resolving to stay with his decision, packing and leaving in that energetic, young turk way.

but di was at the gate. and when her voice hardened, chhotey had to listen.

this is the woman around whom his place of hope and happiness is built. she is indeed his world. otherwise it is bleak inside, hurt, crying. he has hardened to withstand that. his laughter is in her smile. he will do whatever it takes to guard her against harm. protect her happiness.

the agnostic's hand reaches out swiftly to keep her diya from blowing out. he insists that she have juice, because he's done research on teej and knows this is allowed. research? as he did later on every ritual he didn't believe in but was important to the love of his life. and insisted things be done the right way. strangely cute is our mr arnav singh raizada.

no wonder someone is not happy after raving at him. and around her hovers the the man who is in reality the "galat" man, who says, god has given us eyes in front so we can look ahead, but something tells you he isn't free of the past. in whose, "asal baat toh yehi hai... zindagi mein jo bhi karo... apne hisaab se karo. apne marzi se jeeo aur hamesha apni dil ki suno," somehow doesn't sit right. sounds platitudinous, perhaps even selfish. his phone games continue, as does his bid to get close to khushi.

two young men speak of the right to live life one's own way. how different their paths to this right. the themes of sahi and galat, exploration continues.

when i see this man, many thoughts and references come. today, frank sinatra's unforgettable "my way" and my favourite robert frost poem, the road not taken:

two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and sorry i could not travel both
and be one traveler, long i stood
and looked down one as far as i could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;
then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim,
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that the passing there
had worn them really about the same,
and both that morning equally lay
in leaves no step had trodden black.
oh, i kept the first for another day!
yet knowing how way leads on to way,
i doubted if i should ever come back.
i shall be telling this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and i,
i took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.

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nani... i'm not forcing anyone to do anything.
all i'm saying is, i have a right to live my life my own way...
because i never object to anyone's way of living...
if all of you can do the things you wish to...
why can't i?

episode 40 water of love

"reclaiming the sacred in our lives naturally brings us close once more to the well springs of poetry."~~~ robert bly ~~~

i do not believe in rituals, but there was something sacred in those moments up there. and their interludes were indeed poetry, saying like great poems much more than what's apparent to the eye. you had to listen with your heart.

not too many television shows bring this level of communication. for this i really thank each and everyone involved with this show. i've been thinking about 40, and there's a conch shell blowing through it, and red rising, a man walks before all with a woman in his arms, taking her responsibility, making her his own, being hers. but neither he nor she really know it, perhaps that's the beauty of it all.





"the secret and the sacred are sisters. when the secret is not respected, the sacred vanishes. consequently, reflection should not shine too severe or aggressive a light on the world of the soul."~~~ john  o'donahue, anam cara: a book of celtic wisdom ~~~

i have no idea what the soul really is or if it exists at all. but something other than the material does indeed fill our universe. it was in his eyes, his arm around her so gentle and caring, his hand reaching out to support her head as he held the glass of water to her lips. "khushi... khushi..." he called, a bit beside himself with worry. but her last words to you had been harsh and full of accusations about the kind of man you are. yet, you look at her with eyes that only worry and care.

she hadn't kept a fast willingly. but it was someone's will. he wasn't meant to open her fast with the first drops of water, but looked like something or someone had meant it to happen just that way. sindoor smeared them both by a holy tree where wishes hang on ties full of faith. by shiv parvati's temple, he completed the task entrusted to husbands, and she drank the water before remembering to protest. 108 years had parvati waited for shiv to come to her, there was a sense of their fulfillment in those seconds that he held the glass to her lips, and she let the water flow into her.

when she had had her fill, her focus restored, she was upset with him for ruining her fast. but i wonder, khushi, would you have just taken a glass from a perfect stranger then and drunk something without knowing what it was? or is it that your senses beyond the counted five knew this was no stranger? knew he was to be trusted? knew that water was to be given by him and none else?

water. one of the four elements. and the elements play a central role in iss pyaar ko. not by accident surely, the name of the larger than life, riveting man around whom this story revolves, is arnav, ocean. water in the end is perhaps the most assertive element of all, dousing even fire. and since we are talking about shiv, can't help but remember it was in his locks that he captured the waters of ganga and then let her flow. of water and its shore, happiness, a tale unfolds. and their ebb and flow toward and away from each other is mesmerising as ever.

he comes to her, she rests against him, she resists, and turns away. again a spell. no, it isn't time. stay still, be with him.

instead of thanking him for saving her, she of course berates him. since when do lovers have to behave within the bounds of normalcy. so off she goes. he is upset, "mujhe nahi pata tha ki tumhara... tum behosh ho rahi thi," "i hadn't realised that you (were fasting, perhaps he meant to say)... you were about to faint..." she stalks away, but in seconds she's dizzy again.

 
he comes yet again to catch her. swiftly, forgetting his anger, her unreasonable words... everything but...

they have the right it seems to be mad at each other and save and be saved by each other too. only one relationship i have encountered that's like that in life. grimly, he tells her "pehle do kadam chalna sikho, phir mooh kholna," first learn to walk a couple of steps, then open your mouth. children shouldn't open their mouths. oh, he is angry. was there a little reference to her yelling at him the other day?

this time, no letting her go. he holds on. she's shocked, then her eyes change, they wonder, they wander. her hand clings to his jacket, his hand firm on her shoulder. the spinning has stopped yet they stand. and time pauses to take in the scene. he's looking at her, angry, but rapt. her hand was on his heart. what did it hear?

"i have always been fascinated by the ocean, to dip a limb beneath its surface and know that i'm touching eternity, that it goes on forever until it begins here again."
~~~ lauren destefano, wither ~~~

tears well up in her eyes. why? where do they come from? from a place of sadness? or of feelings that confuse her, that just ask to flow out and feel the sunlight, the air around? to breathe, to grow?

she steps away, and it's ebb again.

but the mind keeps flowing toward each other. the eyes won't rest till they see what they desire. heads turn, gazes shift, a current of awareness keeps khushi and asr firmly tied to each other, on a day that is all about making and keeping ties.

beautiful direction and emotion play. and completing the episode many nuances of story.

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"anjali ji, aap ki thaal... shayad galati se khushi ke paas aa gayi thi."
 
anjali ji, your platter... perhaps by mistake it khushi picked it up. 

something of anjali's is with khushi by mistake. payal returns it to anjali, perhaps an indication that she will play a major role in rectifying khushi's galati.

"maaf kijiye, anjali ji, par pata nahin kaise yeh aapki amanat hamare paas aa gayi."
 
forgive me, anjali ji, don't know how, but what belongs to you was left with us.  

pata nahin kaise... don't know how. this is so true of shyam's involvement with khushi. she didn't know the man found her attractive, she didn't know he was married, didn't know he was married to anjali. but khushi will keep anjali's "amanat" safely, as she says later, make sure it is returned to anjali. poignant, and truly sad for both the girls, this ungodly switch. if only it were just about a thaal.

"kabhi kabhi bado ki baat bhi maan leni chahiye."
 
sometimes, you should listen to what the elders say.

finally, akash opens his mouth. his dream girl, his dupattewali stands there, his di has conspired to keep her back for the diya lighting, and now when it looks like there's a possibility of the sisters staying back here for the puja and there's much yes... no... around it, the boy can't hold back anymore. he says what he has to. ooops, did his only mother hear his words?

"aur humka blouj ke pay-ttern bhi bahuthe achha laga... ekdam aircondisioned... jharokedar."
 
"and i like the blouse pattern a lot tooo... absolutely airconditioned... with windows."

how to leave without paying tribute to and giving respect to one of the best "dialogue givers" in the show. lavanya didn't know what she got, a compliment or a censure. but mami seems quite determined to keep la happy, after all she might solve the problem of arnav bitwa's inconvenient bachelorhood. and since both are so good at giving "pets names," maybe another hot jodi is about to come together today in this very temple.

"aap janti hain na aapse kitna pyaar karte hain."
 
"you know how much i love you, don't you?" my first big peeve since show started. why this tacky "disguise" of shyam's voice? surely, with the hints dropped piling higher than khushi's mountain of jalebis, we all kinda knew who the guy was. poor anjali, waits there with full faith. so terribly dependent on this man, who perhaps by marrying her gave her a sense of herself. born with a disability, she was fragile enough, then had come the shattered incident at sheesh mahal. and though we see the visible signs of that tragedy in asr, the seemingly happy anjali remains fractured and fragile inside, her husband her crutch. i see chhotey and yeh as her two mainstays. if either is taken out or messed with, anjali will feel the impact.

 
sfx: breeze swirls and rises, then envelops all...

did you hear the breeze over those first moments of episode as he stops her fall, pulls her close, lifts her in his arms and gazes at her? how full of thought, emotion, music. calling out to the ocean, tying water to the heavens above, heart beat to heart beat. some of the best dialogues in it, just listen.

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photobucket played a nasty trick. blocked all our images a few days back. said, it wouldn't release them till we paid hefty subscription fees. this was a free photo sharing site. i had to come and edit new pictures and share from imgur instead, on many of my posts here. still working on it. while watching again, i realised how compelling these two actors are. you can't stop wanting to cap a moment or turn it into an edit capturing just that feeling in it. ended up making more and more edits. i loved this one which i'd made a while back.