aur main... a vm / episode 296

aur main/and i? watch the vm here

a moving painful yet oddly beautiful time in the life of asr khushi and that pyaar. i made this vm a while ago. hope you enjoy it. 

how does this actor get to those emotions i wonder often. just minutes before take, he's horsing around, talking nonsense... in the offscreens of this episode he and sanaya are kidding about weird stuff including flatulance (gaaaas) if i am not mistaken... then he goes and does that incredible aur main scene.

the song... bezubaan 

mohit chauhan and priya panchal sing, rapping is by tanvi shah and dean sequiera. music is by sachin-jigar and bezubaan is written by mayur puri.

hai jo lahu mera, behta chala
my blood, it just kept flowing

dekho junoon mera, kehta chala
look at my madness (obsession), it kept saying

khaabon ka tha makaan jo dehta chala
it was a house of dreams that kept falling

bezubaan kab se main raha
i have been without a say (tongue) for so long

begunaah sehta main rahaa
innocent (without committing a sin) i've endured so long

bezubaan kab se main raha
i have been without a say (tongue) for so long

begunaah sehta main rahaa
innocent (without committing a sin) i've endured so long

no pains, no fear, no shouts, no beers
i wanna make my life peaceful and cheer
me, you, who wanna live here
so just let me breathe

bezubaan kab se main raha
i have been without a say (tongue) for so long

begunaah sehta main rahaa
innocent (without committing a sin) i've endured so long

bezubaan kab se main raha
i have been without a say (tongue) for so long

begunaah sehta main rahaa
innocent (without committing a sin) i've endured so long

khwab ka tere qissa hoon
i am a chapter in your dream

tera hi toh main hissa hoon
i am part of you really

mujhko na kar yun juda
don't make me separate from you

can anybody tell on me?
no! no!
you better not stop me
you better not flop me
from who i wanna be
it's my destiny
don't mr. sinner
here comes the winner
play on the bass up in the race
no pains, no fear, no shouts, no beers
i wanna make my life peaceful and cheer
me, you, who wanna live here
so just let me breathe
ka ka boom... ka ka boom... ka ka boom
ho...ya!

meri jagah teri nigaahon mein
my place is in your gaze

ho na ho main chala un raahon mein
there or not, i walk those paths

jo ladkhada gaya kahin
if i stumble somewhere

toh aaoge tum hi toh
then you're the one who'll come

thaamoge tum hi toh
you only shall hold me

phir berukhi... kyun hai mujhse
then why this indiffrence to me

kyun aise bhala ho mujhse khafa
why are you angry with me like this

bezubaan kab se main raha
i have been without a say (tongue) for so long

begunaah sehta main rahaa
innocent (without committing a sin) i've endured so long

bezubaan kab se main raha
i have been without a say (tongue) for so long

begunaah sehta main rahaa
innocent (without committing a sin) i've endured so long

...............................

i edited the song and the sequence varies.

episode 296 aur main

  

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naturally, no copyright infringement is intended. this is a fan appreciation video and there's no commercial transaction involved. thanks to all at ipkknd, mohit chauhan and the original owners of the material.

friday thoughts on episode 297... tycoon and the bag lady

he mahaepisode has taken me to inner places. how this whole thing started with a light, jaunty, a little westernised, romcom air and look where it's gone. without losing the initial freshness it's added more and more depth. we're actually going through a pretty real relationship with arnav and khushi. and in a setting we can identify with. curiously indian despite the english in dialogues, the man in waistcoat, the dhingchak accent. actually, as far as i'm concerned english is also an indian language.

can a multi-millionaire tycoon who is the lion in his den become a sweet, courteous damaad ji upon hitting super middle class sasooral with broken mirrors, leaky pipes, and squishy soaps? we know he can. we have seen such people. only diff, they don't look like asr or give us heart attacks with little almost uncalculated expressions in eyes, lips, stuff (have you seen how much his hands say).

and i was looking at khushi, returning to her sense of her own self after the harrowing days of kidnap, shyam drama, and now sister-in-law trouble. where do we go to feel like ourselves, earlier the mandatory once a year visit? the maika, of course. as bua ji resorted to her familiar loud love, the yelling, the sanka devi, the nazar utarna which actually many people still do, i could see khushi becoming khushi again. oh how much arnav enjoyed watching that.

some great insights and brill writing there. 

a man in the throes of an unfamiliar tenderness. a girl who is in no mood to be good.

love o so lightly, tenderly, haltingly.

it was wafting in the air. it touched everyone it passed. it was in bua ji's natkhat mood, in shashi babu's pleased eyes, in garima's smile, in nani ji's little toss of head to the rest to leave the lovebirds alone, in nk's delight. not a love locked away in a darkened room of uncontained passion, but a love that is so vast you can't hold it in, it just roams freely about, shows up wherever you are.

only after this, does the other love, the one in seclusion with untethered amore, seem right. seems part of a story, a nice long novel in fact.

i see so many things in each of barun's gazes, turns of head, curl of lips, walk, pause, every gesture. maybe i just read too much in them, even things he doesn't intend. that's the beauty of real communication to me, when the receiver starts adding her own layers. gives something back and the whole thing becomes much more than what it was when it started out.

of course, this is not objective, but can one be objective about love or while watching two people deeply in it?

sanaya's smile when she realises he's got her a gift was the cutest, then her little about face upon realising mister ji had delegated was cuter still. only sanaya could look as adorable as she did in that perfectly ghastly dress. there was a sense of my kkg of yore in its flakiness, don't you think?

(while i am a bit nutty about bags, her point re utility of bag vs cost has to be given thought. my hubs will send phool chandan and jhola bag to ms irani should i come around to her point of view.  and that's the only fault i could find with asr yesterday, you never tell someone esp your beloved wife how much the gift cost. dear writers, did not like that, not from a polished self made man.)

loved the bark at the end. poor boy, suffered being sweet the whole day. just one thing, at some point he needs to thank nk properly for doing what he did for khushi. hope writers remember that. still missing mama ji and though one must never think of such things, the sudden disappearance of masala mama perplexes.

sigh, monday please come.


(written straight after first watch on the crooner thread in india forums... i had liked the episode much more than i did when i saw it later, when i knew where all this would finally lead us. but the first thoughts remain valid in a way and there are times when during a viewing i feel all these thoughts.)

"do laakh?... aap ko bhi loot liya!"

watch vm love is in the bag here

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episode 300 how angry is your love

ab dikh raha hai? can you see it now?

tumhare liye hai. it's for you.

hume nahin chah-. i don't wan-

khushi, yeh tumhare liye hai. khushi, this is for you.

teeth gritted by now.

he has bought her a gift, chosen it himself, had it wrapped, everything done the way she said she wanted it... but she doesn't want.

he even tries to control his temper but she is adamant. he leaves. he is angry. and is he hurt? does anyone care?

another meaningless dialogue about him trying to buy a smile. is that what khushi reads? is this our vishwas girl? where is the writer, has he too lost something money can't buy?

and what's with this friction that is beginning to tear asunder instead of lighting a fire. ipk was about essential man woman friction, that which causes conflagration. in which both are willing to scorch and burn and plunge in, finally letting their egos turn to ash and meld forever.
oh that sweet half smile when she starts unwrapping the gift.

humey ye nahin chaiye... i don't what it, she said again.

but why? he was flummoxed and asked a very logical question.

khushi, tum isse mana nahin kar sakti...  khushi, you can't refuse this. what did he put in his voice just there?

pehno isse. wear it. now in full asr mode again, do as i say asr, hot exciting, demanding, maddening asr... don't tell me she didn't want to instantly fling her arms around him and...

the man who loved her as she was... don't change a thing for me... tried to change himself for her. tried to go gentler, do things her way. but she never saw that.

alas nothing felt real about this moment.

aisa kya ho gaya ki tum smile bhi nahin kar sakti? what has happened that's so bad that you can't even smile once?

when a beast loves he is sweeter than a prince, but we chase a prince we cook up in our heads and never can let go of.

maybe we like to push him to being a beast again.

asr went to nk and raved, enraged by the way khushi had spoken to him.. itna gussa aa raha hai, i am getting so angry...

gussa through clenched teeth, tears in my eyes, yes yes asr, come back... be you. anyway, no chance of winning anyone over till you become unrecognisable. oh the pressure to change, never be you. and all you did was rave rant scream shout then fell hopelessly utterly in love... didn't khushi? of course, she did.

would the khushi you knew want to change you? she who would invite you to yell scream... never back down and always sense you with funny instincts?

if you're worried, relax... your word.

this is just the achchi bahu monster taking her over. but, some day, somewhere, she will be back... even if not consistently, but in memorable patches...so hang in there and keep the anger.

he threatens to hamesha ke liye end nk's saansey...

but my saansey are almost ceasing at what the girl with a voice even i can't recognise any more is saying.

yeh sab baat ka koi matlab nahin, all this means nothing. really, why?

because di is angry, mami ji isn't happy with her, jiji aur jija ji ke beech anban chal rahi hai, sister and bro in law are a-bicker, toh phir hum khush kaise ho sakte hain... then how can i be happy.

er, says very puzzled viewer, where is the connection.

i am missing something here... so it's okay to be cruel to the man who is trying everything to please you for not understanding this?

aside: many girls are brought up to believe to think of yourself, is a selfish thing. many boys are too. but i know in my culture a girl is practically trained to believe it is good and beautiful to think of others but never of yourself. in fact, if you show any signs of liking let's say, jewellery, sarees, things, if you wanted to have someone make you happy, you were sort of shallow and not really it. eternally grateful to writers for the character of mami... not in too many shows will you find such a character being endowed with any positive traits, but here mami was loved, and people sensed the good in her, her fierce love for her fam was deadly. it even beat her campy crazy taste. and she was lazy, yet nani loved her... ah that felt so good. because all the time women are presented as objects of utility... there to take care of things, be useful. mami chose to be useful in some ways... and not. no one loved her less or judged her because of that. but back to khushi, when you are always told to think of others, you possibly don't even know which desire of yours is valid, which is a sign of selfishness... no practice in examining your own needs... so in a way i get her mixed up state. and i so liked how asr kept asking her to be happy, exercise her right over him... there was scope for a stunning journey within khushi going all the way to understanding what her place in her own life was... thanks to this beautiful love she felt. just as she made him get in touch with his sealed off heart, brought light and hope and desire for something for himself back to him, he could have been the catalyst in her life too. the initial khushi in fact had even streaks of a feminist i thought, and asr had practically no gender bias... but the whole panbdering to television fare's achchi bahu imperative messed things up.

i thought she was angry with him... okay got it. but no. this is acchhi bahu, never does anything for herself, has no personal needs, all is done for others, mahanta attack. but even then, how is it his fault? if that is the case, that you can't be happy while all are not, why not tell him that? maybe he will get it? how is rejecting and hurting him making things better? what thinking is this.

aur hum arnav ji se naaraz bhi nahin hai. and i am not even angry with arnav ji. huh? okay i need to go...

but wait... what's this? hum woh sab kaise bhool sakte hain? how can i forget all that.

so, khushi, take a lambi saans and tell me, are you upset with asr... or not?
are you sad only because the whole family is not in a very happy state? or are you also sad because arnav ji was so brutal and unthinking? please can you take out that little toy heart your writer has put in you and kiss it once, so it can become a real heart... and then tell me what you feel?

kuch cheezen kabhi badal nahin sakte lekin kuch cheeszen toh badli jaa sakti hai na. some things can't be changed, but some things can be changed, isn't it?

if anyone understood that, do explain to me... what miserable waffling in the name of writing.

and now khushi is busy interfering in everyone's life to make them happy. only asr's happiness is of no value. lovely.

she is talking of akash going on a honeymoon in the middle of all this? while she can't even be happy with her husband's celebration of her bday?

how sensible and sensitive... this time i understand akash's irritation.

he and payal argue, he refers to khushi minus ji. a fabulous opportunity to show khushi can make mistakes and she needs to grow up, realise...

i liked payal's mat karo, khushi, ab aur kuch mat karo. don't do anything, khushi, nothing more.

i noticed it was all about khushi's hum. me.

hum chahte hai... i want.

khushi is so stuck on her chah, her desire... again, something to look at.

suddenly anjali wants a beta bilkul like her shyam ji, a son exactly like shyam ji. kaun galat, galati kiski hai aur sach kya hai... who is wrong, what is true. this search for the truth and talk of it, i always found intriguing in ipk. ironically, it touched the ad of ipk too... what was the sach behind the shut down, what was the sach behind barun's departure, what was the sach of the original story... ultimately all that mattered was our pyaar... and we stayed, perhaps bigger than vishwas was pyaar. nah, not perhaps, it was.

poor nani. i do feel for this character and jayashree t was marvelous at being nani. a strong woman who was firm in her beliefs and principles, who had seen much and who loved deeply, she had taken the responsibility of keeping her family together no matter what... and even now, she had to tend, had to bear... had to be there. again, who took care of her? nani and grandson pay the price the strong often do. no one realises how much they yearn to be loved and cosseted too... maybe that's why lakshmi ji had to be there? so so precious to nani. a seemingly funny choice, the incongruity of lakshmi ji always a cause of mirth, a comic thing to this choice of pet no doubt, but a perfect fit, because she spoke of a character, shaded her. nani loved her, and felt her pets love for her.

acene at the great huge siting room where so much happens, how often we have seen them here in many different frames of mind and state of awareness. the scenes from the day he married her in my head... he had grasped her hand somewhere near that spot where two chairs sit now. today they approach each other in the middle of a situation that neither can quite get a grip on.

asr sees khushi looking down and sad. he turns away with a dammit, still mad at her. she too looks away, humey bhi unhen nahin dekhna... i don't want to see him either. they both dash into people. and that mirroring we see in ipk often gets going.

nannav, yeh jo love hai na, it's fully blind. nk says that thing which has been oft repeated in the annals of pyaar... love is blind.

yes, it is. you can only love, in your way, to the extent you can... and if you happen to be the one that loves more, you will be a tad more helpless before that love. will that make you lose ultimately? i don't think there is any winning or losing involved in this thing. sometimes, there isn't even much joy... as now... but there it is. asr is angry with her insensitivity, yet can't help but look at her.wise nk says, you can get really mad, but yeh jo lau hai na mere bhai, iss lau ka tum kuchh nahin kar sakte. you know... this love, you can do nothing about this thing.

asr complains that khushi drives him mad, now nk. but the moment nk speaks of romantic moments... he does get lost in them.

the fall, the ripping of a dori, the pearls...

ya, dekha dekha yaad karte hi tumhare chehre pe kaisa romantic look aa gaya... see, the moment you recalled such aromantic look came over your face, nk said smugly.

i loved a thinking man, rational being's "excuse me?"

and then he spoke of her dreamily, of all the horrible things that happened. great use of contrapuntal scenario/dialogue and emotion.

nk is horrified... is this a love story?

ha, my man likes that... energy and determination rushing back.

nk leaves, asr is in loopy happy khushi thoughts.

"pagalpan aur madness toh hai, jahan khushi ho wahan pagalpan aur madness toh hona hi hai..." there's insanity and madness, but where there's khushi ther has to be insanity and madness.

didn't quite like that. too too too pat. episodes back, that "pagal" after the success of the getting payal to admit her love for akash, or the pagal of holi, or the pagal hai par cute hai... they were all lovely. this one was asr with artificial sweeteners. not good in ad, not good in skd.

okay, he has hit upon an idea to get her back to her smile... that's it! purane moments. 

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episode 299 the rose and the potato

a wish at 5 to 12.

a man watches his wife silently, as she lies in bed, eyes closed.

he walks up and sits by a girl he can't live without, how much he would like to wish her on her birthday but the communications lines are down, short circuited.

no matter. he will try... again and again and again. he's a doer, he must keep trying. never say die.

a whole attitude to life, almost a philosophy gets expressed to me in that relentless trying by arnav singh raizada. might be just a birthday going off track and the scenes may be cute and funny or irritating and silly, but the story to me is that of a man who doesn't give up easily. in fact, ever.

again that sign of a man who engages directly with life and does all he can to make it work. much later, khushi will talk to him about bhagya, fate... he will feel wretched his sister had such a miserable life despite his best efforts. but i feel, that lecture needed a strong end line... that a human being tried his/her best is what it's all about. in that lies truth, beauty, even prayer perhaps. because no matter what bhagya might strike us with, we take responsibility and make effort. that is our duty. we are not just flotsam and jetsam in an uncaring, indifferent ocean of life where our existence has no impact... in that case why try anyting.

i love this character for reminding me of that basic need to always be at it. never give up.

i am watching khushi, lying there, eyes closed, pretending to be fast asleep. i know at one point i am going to get really irritated with her behaviour. and even not fathom it. but before that i try to just feel her feelings. she is a hurt young woman, no idea perhaps how to handle this whole thing, even her own feelings, mixed up and wretched and not being able to forgive and forget.

i will make every excuse i can for khushi in my head, because that love still feels real, even if writing is forgetting its role.

his hand comes up, in it a single red rose. her favourite flower. he had not been able to give it to her, but he will do so. rabba ve plays as he places it with something akin to devotion by her head, on the pillow. she is the one he has allowed in and she resides deep within.

he swallows hard looking at her... his hand finds its way to her, to tuck her hair away as he has ever since a night in a building collapsing... maybe something in him started to break and tumble that very night, the wall, the fort of indiffernce... gently the hair is tucked back.

ashko se kah paaoon na... kyun dard hai itna... the song goes in the background.

"happy birthday, khushi..." he is moved to tears by a feeling.

"i wish tumhe iss duniya ki saari khushiya mile." i hope you get al the happiness in the world.

a kiss on the forehead, lingering.

she was awake but she feigned sleep.

and she wept for him, but couldn't relent. what are these mixed up emotions that eat into us?

he stayed thoughtful, a little quiet... again being tried by this bedard world.

the he got up and left.

i am sure like scarlett he must have thought... tomorrow is another day.

tomorrow came on a plink plonk happy funny note. the episode had to be moved away from the intense heaviness of the previous night. this is a daily soap, audiences will possibly not accept to much of sadness at a stretch.

nk is the ultimate positive upbeat feel good character. he is consuming vast quantities of cake and poor asr has been roused first thing in the morning by the interfering love guru.

so rahi thi? he is shocked to hear that khushi slept through the much expected and insited upon wishing.

haan, admitted asr.

"nannav... what the..."

came nk's quick reply. cute... but do i really like it?

when nk tried to tell asr he was just not getting it right, the man said something i did like.

"woh so rahi thi usski problem hai, meri nahin..."

that she was sleeping is her problem, not mine.

a bit of a boy with an attitude here rather than a man who is all attitude and frantically fab attitude in this whole nk coaches asr in wooing his lover phase. it was light, but not really plausible. i can't quite see asr needing help in this department. or maybe he has a penchant for madcaps, we know he does love one, and so just tolerated nk... let him go on.

"main tumhari bakwas yahan khada hokey kyun sun..." why am i standing here and listening to your noonsense... the man had to exclaim and shove the plate with lodas of cake against nk's stomach

barun's body language was riveting as always.

the much repeated and liked, "lambi saans andar lo aur lambi saans bahar phenko..." take  a deep breath in and exhale a long one, dialogue came up.

a couple of silly jokes... i get the feeling nk with his wacky but yet normal personality, a young man from australia, with views that most of us can easily identify with, connected us to the world outside shantivan and a soap. he was our ink to the real world.

the making of great effort to achieve an objective continues.

poor man goes to nani all boyish and soft, he says, "actually mujhe mujhe kuch chahiye..." so sweetly. hmm, maybe he doesn't want gran to guess. but gran sure suspects something when the mathura aloo poori request happens. and he clearly says he used to come for his summer vacations to delhi... so he could not have studies in a school in delhi for years together, he must have joined at fourteen and studied only a few years here.

anjali is down, it's monthly check up day, and her shyam ji ain't available. maybe she will ask chhotey?

how do sleeves of blouses become short the moment you are sad?

tension at the breakfast table... mami akash payal triangle is looking gloomy. kkgsr in angry vein, though she had tears in her eyes after fudging him the night before, again avoids him and does not sit next to asr. nk starts interfering cutely, plonking down beside asr. nani says graciously she has made breakfast, mami spoils the fun asr looks at wife, worried mami's caustic remarks will hurt her. akash just sits there.

"manorama aap bhi toh ee ghar ki bahuria hain, aap kahe naahin phinger liphatiya karat hai," aaah nani in full form after a long time.

manorama, you too are a daughter in law of the family, why don't you lift your fingers ever?

he offers khushi the potato, grabs her hand, she pulls away... hmm, the man who does, keeps at it. alas, nk spoils the fun... khushi doesn't eat.

why why why i want to rant at the ever more petty young woman. attention seeking behaviour really.

"thanks, nani, bahut accha tha," with a little smile, the grandson thanks his beloved nani. lovely. she made the effort, he must acknowledge, even if the ploy failed. opposite of petty, this fellow.

he walks away, ire rising and also determination, "main vada karta hoon tumhe aisa surprise doonga jo tumhe achha lagkar hi rahega," promise you, will give you such a surprise, you'll have to love it.

tenacious.

as he dictates the message to be written on a card, anjali walks in.

"to my dear wife, khushi kumari gupta singh raizada..." she hears it and the madness starts in her again.

the moment he sees di however, it's "let me call you back later..." and he is with his sister. but she has heard he is again thinking of his wife. again that sense of being abandoned, she says it's fine and leaves.

and after a long time that music of tension, chaos and heartbreak...violin strings pulling out an emotion.

satsang talk is on. why is kkgsr always in this nan..n..ni ji stammer mode? what's thi? another achhi bahu thing, you must speak with asense of trepidation which will then be seen as tender sensitivity and the right way for bahu to address elders. i need to scream at somebody. really.

in a room staring at laptop, man waits with surprise. green shiny wrapper... arrrgh... wrapper aesthetics challenged show. she walks in, he has hidden the gift below the washed clothes. another raizda wives preoccupation, sorting clothes and folding. constantly.

a nice eye thing, he looks expectant.. she notices that and is then hesitant...

she sees the pack, again some pretending and walks away.
exasperated... he still tries once more.  places the box in a more prominent place. she of course does not see it... not.

finally it gets to him. with an "enough!" air, an angry man with pursed lips and flaming eyes stands with pack in hand. and blocks won't give in wife's path.

"ab dikh raha?" can you see it now.

they really are like kids at times. that ease around each other. leg pulling, irritating. he had to stop all play so suddenly... maybe that's why he had to meet this young child woman, ber eating, talking to self, unpredictable, jalebi making, pagal angry girl. perfect playmate.

sometimes, nothing may make sense or even be very sharp writing, but when a man looks at a woman like that, that's all that keeps me there. there's a whole story in just a look at times. with all the tension drama conflict plot and denouement. 

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episode 298 blow out

di, yeh... maine mangwaye hain. di, i ordered these.

tumne mangwaye hain? you ordered these?

aaj wo... yes, today...

hamare liye? for me?

he was a little unsure as to how to handle this, his sister thought the red roses were for her but he had bought them for the girl whose birthday he really wanted to celebrate. he was wooing her in fact, dammit. trying to get her to be happy, forget the fight and the bitter words of the night before.

then anjali hugged him, and a tenderness came over him as he felt her in his arms... she had been in such a bad shape...

a hand went up to stroke her hair, his face showed his own need to see her well... almost seventy episodes later, as his di suffered terribly in a hospital he actually enunciated these words... when di was a little happy, i would think all was alright again. today he simply let his expression say it. he let her illusion remain. 

haan, di, aap ke liye. yes, di, for you.

and with that he just hugged her, held her in his protective arms, made her safe again. every relationship has its place and need. he faced a challenge not unfamiliar to most of us. when, though his heart absolutely yearned for someone he loved and he had bought something as simple as her favorite flowers for her on her birthday, he just could not give it to her.

because at that very moment, another love needed to be cared for, given strength. and his beloved stood right behind watching the whole scene, clearly understanding the problem and approving of the choice he made. yet, in his own way, with only his eyes to tell her exactly how much she mattered to him and who he wanted to give those roses to, he said, of course he knew whose favourite flowers these were when his sister presumed he meant her. khushi's smile, which had peeped out already, became slightly bigger.

i liked the communication between asr and khushi here. the only thing that said what the in the head, was that message that asr just couldn't have written. apart from its tone, he never called khushi "aap". 

i guess birthdays are about relationships in many ways. payal, who had also been trying to celebrate her beloved younger sister's birthday without much success till now, waylaid her when no one was around, holding her gift behind her, hiding it. khushi rose to the bait instantly. the girl obviously loves her birthday and a whole set of rituals are observed diligently by her family to mark it.

wasn't it on payal's birthday, when she had plans of organising a little surprise party that the man who was now looking at her with an ocean of love in his eyes had been instrumental in drowning her in a deluge? of an awareness that seeped through and poured all over and drenched the mind and body. and then there was the rain, of course.

a lovely little prattle between sisters.

kya chhupa rahi hai? what are you hiding?

tumhara sar. your head.

she wants her gift, loves that leg pulling on her bday... khushi is looking happy and herself. the gota on the saree gets special attention. (how come that saree too was never seen again? another bday ritual, maybe?)

tum hamesha hamesha hamehsha hamesha hamesha khush raho. may you always always always always always be happy.

payal makes a fervent wish for her sister. hamesha. it was always about that. especially today. 

i feel bad for deepika pansare, a good actress, she portrayed an interesting payal, a girl who was quieter and more composed as compared to khushi, but who had depth, integrity and who was capable of thinking with clarity, she even had a steely determination, clear sense of right and wrong and tried to tackle all problems head on, facing them and often viewing issues in a rational, intelligent manner. and she never ever sounded preachy or achhi bahu, managing to look like a real person despite the mandatory tv bahu ridiculous saree, makeup, open hair. in the opening scene of ipk, she was stunning i thought, later in her simple churidars and low key make up with that quiet, lovely air, and surprising little bursts of humour, she was a girl i really liked. there was an intensity in her, a potential one sensed.

she also had a protective, tender, unquestioning love for her sister. a lot like asr's feeling for his di. the sisters shared a strong and sparkling tie, how they had dreamed together back in the early episodes. payal never knew how key she was in her sister's marriage, but then again, it was thanks to payal, that the two had met in the first place.

chaliye chaliye, miss kkgsr ji, chaliye... let's go, let's go, miss kkgsr, let's go.

miss kkgsr... cute.

it was nk's turn to wish bday girl. she was delighted with his gift, which was really a promise that he said he'd be her friend... hamesha.

she also said, she didn't mind at all about the roses. to bring a smile on someone's face if asr did it, how could she not like it? she liked his gesture very much.

asr had to hear that, in a touch of heavy, hindi serial direction, and quietly fall apart. poor chap, just wants to see her feeling upbeat and pagal.

when she walked into her room, there was darkness, and then lights. this was no dream from another day, it was actually happening, all those beautiful fairy lights hanging in clusters. she smiled. she must have guessed what was afoot.

i loved the lights, the look, the feel of this sequence. actually, i fell for the man woman thing by the poolside. that's where he had to set up a lovely surprise for his wife of course. though he had informed nk such things were cheesy.

but only asr could make cheesy downright knees knocking hot, i had no doubt. i even liked the cake, nothing fancy, perhaps ordered from this lady who does special ones from her home. khushi saw everything. khushi liked everything. her man's efforts were not lost on her. and i bet she wanted to have him wish her, make her cut that cake, feed it to her... you know all the bay stuff.

behind her, from the dark a man came out,  a curious apprehension in his eyes...

against the blue of the night and sparkling little yellow lights, his brownness was even more stirring... dark chocolate ganache in the after hours.

she gave him a sweet little smile... though she sort of kept her distance. i got the feeling she wanted his wooing.

then bag talk started. fur coat came up... ah, the cause of first rabba vey. maybe they should preserve it in a museum or something, orange juice stain and all.

forget it... bag ko bhool jaao...

the man said in asr vein, not smiling so much any more. instead, focused, goal oriented asr. okay, the little roughness in the voice, the clipped tone, the determined air, i just have to swoon.

birthdays can put funny pressures i think and the unexpected, not at all longed for can start to happen. some sort of crazy dance between two people that really is all about do you love me, show me how. it's an intimate thing... with most wives always complaining that he forgot or in my case, he never forgets but this angst in me around some sort of expectation.

key word i hit. expectation.

from the one you adore... because you want to be his most loved one... esp on that day. your day. oh i loved it when khushi raved about it being her birthday not his. and smiled with him when she planned her revenge. mosquito coil of course took me straight to the chaise longue and the canoodling warring lovers. i fell breathless into the pool when he commanded her to blow candle, saying i have set all this up and you jolly well will do as i say, celebrate, woman. that forced cake cutting, only asr ha ha. and the heavy duty won't give in, while my eyes are saying all sorts of things and my anger is showing love for laad governor, only kkgsr.

the expected janamdin things happened but in a slightly unexpected way.

i am weird i guess, to me all of this just said: super sexual tension, major pyaar.

the party included candle blowing, cake cutting, cake eating, and additional surprise delights like finger jabbing, wrist grabbing, force feeding, a dammit, a step forward step back (which was short but real sweet, intense), eyes going from anger to adoring, birthday tantrum, and a most unique way of joining hands to celebrate.

however, sorry, that whole i don't want all this...

nahin chahiye humey bina matlab ki banawati cheezen. don't want all these meaningless, pretentious things...

pretentious? meaningless?

that was a senseless one. and very hurtful. okay, she was still mad at him and needed to be appeased. but this was churlish and ridiculous.

and it said, alas, to me... she really did not understand the man she loved at all.

which is funny, because she seems to understand other things pretty well, like why he gave his sis the flowers.

very weak writing. if they wanted to prolong the tension, there were other ways i bet to do it.

by the end of the show, khushi just started seeming totally insensitive. her love for asr hardly coming through. pity.

and that whole he does not know how to say happy birthday... a suddenly thought up story with no meaning, just to create five episodes. whereas the can't say sorry was highly plausible, given the man's personality; and melded beautifully with the story.

c'mon, let's cut the cake...

at least candle toh bujhao, dammit!

stop there right now!

since all these beena matlab ke cheezen mean a lot to me, i'll just be happy with the poolside romance. aww he put the fairy lights because during new year she had this sort of lights in her room. or is it because she just lights up, no fairy lights up his whole life.

even when she is being mean and a brat.

anjali made kheer, brought it up, gatecrashed the party, saw her brother and his wife together, realised it was her birthday, went fairly ballistic, especially about the roses... at last she knew whose favourite they were. in anjali like anger, she chucked the flowers. she recalled scenes of khushi and her shyam ji in various situations. did she feel perhaps, khushi was taking away both the men she loved and needed from her life? her two mainstays?

she had instinctively known who was the stronger of those two men and clung to him. just the day before she had asked him to make life as it used to be before. he had held her, rock solid, reassuring.

did she feel horribly insecure and turn totally petty because of that... how could you forget everything, chhotey? you'd said i was your world, now when i am in this state you are having fun with your wife.

it all sounded terrible.

yet, had the acting been a bit more nuanced and the direction a little less obvious, including the too pat under dressing and flat colours, i may have still understood this.

it's a crazy state of mind, extreme insecurity. not only asr, she has lost her parents too in a tragic way. and ever since childhood, her handicap has had its own effect, its own cruel play, making her feel all sorts of things that those who don't limp can never understand. chhotey was her anchor, then came shyam ji... things seemed to be better. she reached out for happiness but not too boldly. she did her pooja and path, pacifying the gids, seeking protection, praying nothing should go wrong.

then everything did go wrong.

somewhere i can identify with that broken fragile feeling. even its hysterical, almost vicious questioning of her brother's right to be happy.

but khushi's almost equally vicious rejection of asr, i will never get.

you forgot everything, anjali said of the man who remembered every single thing and tried his best, even if in his laad governor asr way. 

"if you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?"
~~~ t.s. eliot ~~~

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episode 297 bagged (vm)

watch vm love is in the bag here

she was a clear bright untouched innocent girl with a definite streak of whimsy... maybe a bit of lunacy too. she was sunny and warm and happy and she loved from her heart, no, from the bottom of her toes with every bit of her self and soul, even those reserved for jalebi eating frenzy. she couldn't bear to see anyone hurt. and if she loved someone and they were in any sort of trouble, she was prepared to take all their woes herself and fill their lives with happiness. she would go to any extent to make sure those she loved were not hurt. and she did it all with the lightest of touch and a fey air and an optimistic heart that had the power of vishwas. not for nothing was her name khushi.

he was a guy who had been robbed mercilessly by life and had shut himself from the heartlessness of this world. he had set out to restore his sister and his broken lives, trusting only himself. working hard, working relentlessly, depending on his dimag, amassing power and wealth, the two things he reckoned the world respected, feared and did not mess with.

they met. they clashed, they hated each other, they bristled around each other, and then one day she said, yessir i put mango juice in your shoes... because i didn't get orange juice and he smiled.

cut. through.

something happened to his heart, you could see it in his eyes. arnav singh raizada could perhaps resist everything on earth, but not miss khushi kumari gupta's sanak. i have always felt that mad streak, that innocence, that complete pagal thing was what got him bad. if she were merely a good girl with a big heart, he may have cared for her, admired her. if she were gutsy and strong, he'd have respected her. if she were beautiful, he would have desired her... but she was all of that and she was sanka devi, titalitya. how not to be smitten by her, huh.

i like that also because then character design had meaning. that sanak had a role.

a slight reversal of roles now. he is doing everything he can to make her happy, because he has hurt her. of course in asr vein, it was, "main tumhe wapas paa loonga", "but i will bring you back, tumhe wapis jeetke rahoonga", he has said he will get her back and make her part of his life, he will win her back. a little win lose has to feature of course.

he is willing to go to lengths he wouldn't for anyone else. they had had the most horrendous of disagreements. she wanted to leave him. he was doing all he could to not let her go. in the middle of that, he realises it is her birthday and he had not even know, in fact he had gone raving and ranting to her aunt's place to threaten her and bring her back when he was tartly informed by bua ji.

she was really angry and upset with him. and for some odd reason it had been decided that he had a huge problem with wishing anyone happy birthday. murphy's law... that is the only thing she wanted from him. which would make her happy, bring a smile to her lips... all that he wants is to see that smile back.

in a mahaepisode, almost 42 minutes were devoted to showing many things, mostly with an accent on humour, his efforts to wish her, to buy her a gift, to bring her back... to win her back.

she was having none of it. sorry, if you can't wish me, i am not going to thaw.

so he did all sorts of things including eating a tonne of poories and following bua ji around like a lost child... was this asr?

while it was a pleasant enough episode, nothing really touched me...

except for one scene.

and i have to say only sanaya irani could look as fetching as she did in that fairly ghastly velvet tent.

cut to the scene.

he happened to hear khushi and bua ji talking in the room while he washed his hands outside... again that broken mirror, perhaps a reminder that things were at a point of breaking... he peered in and found bua ji insiting on driving evil spirits away with her hot dried chilli technique and khushi in a fit of sanka at her cuckoo and loving best with her favourite aunt, talking nonsense and being jhalii sankadevi.

as he watched her, his whole world seemed to fill with sunshine.

there's nothing he loved more than to see her happy. happy and sankafied, that was like three scoops of icecream with a cherry on top. she brought sweetness to her diabetic's life. a sweetness that overpowered the bitterness of his world and made him smile.

and he did. i just shook my head at the beauty of this simple moment. could have been soppy and sugary, but was not. you could feel his heartstrings give way... especially when he broke into that smile. you could feel that tender love of his for this beautiful girl. his eyes went mellow and loving, his smile was the sweetest ever. she was the most precious thing to him, he'd do anything to keep her safe warm happy feeling loved and far from the bedardi of ad. just one scene... and all the discomfort i had been feeling was set aside. because this was what it was all about. this love. the essential connect of asr and khushi that went way beyond right wrong good bad who is better who is worse.

and how he loved her. especially, when she was unselfconsciously and completely khushi. he'd look at her, she often not even aware of him or his gaze, and fall for her... pagal... pagal hai par cute hai.

as for the bag, well she had him nicely properly and rightly bagged. while on the b word, asr i don't think would ever tell her the price of her bday gift, though that doh lakh produced much mirth and the actors were all rather good in that last rm sequence. also, couldnt they have found a slightly nicer looking bag? i do understand khushi's point about the long handle... a girl has the right to be particular about her bag teehee.

and sorry, asr definitely would not call khushi "aap", nor write such a foolish message. so the red rose scene is deteriorating to tearjerker stuff, very forced.

back to the scene that got me... barun sobti, sanaya irani and abha parmar were spectacular in it. they worked to create a feeling that is so precious, you feel like putting it away somewhere safe, taking care of it yourself. i am sure they didn't even shoot at the same time. in fact the physical gap you can sense. but the emotions just come through flawlessly.

sanaya as i mentioned looked utterly lovely and khushi. interestingly barun was looking a bit down and dank today, but that was good, because despite that, asr did shine... said what good actor i was watching. and uff the slightly oily, a little too long flying hair... hawa mein udta jaaye...

as i watched him i thought of the other times i have seen him in that smitten or about to fall flat state... and a vm pretty much suggested itself. i hope you like it. it's not too long and i have not added any jalebi swirls to it, a simple straightforward piece. about that happiness in the heart...

 
thought

i did feel pretty bad for the guy at the way khushi who wouldn't hurt anyone made him suffer over his gift and hit back at him. i liked that in a way though, because it said to me she had a certain ease in her relationship with him, she could show her anger if she needed to, or her hurt... everywhere else, khushi never shows her tears, her own needs. in a milieu where girls are constantly taught to, exhorted to, made to, fit in and never think of their own individual needs and aspirations, this always being pleasant and caring of others never of yourself becomes the way i guess. it happens in many places, not just middle class gomti sadan india.

... but he and she had a different equation from the beginning. something they shared with no one else. he would take her angry outbursts and modify his plans, though making sure she got some hell in the bargain... can't imagine anyone else getting away with the things khushi did when it came to this khadoos. no one would dare to tell him anything, but she would. and he never expected her to fit in, be less... in fact, he wanted her to take her "huq" and fought with even his dadi over this. i found his asking her to claim him as hers and exercise her right over him very very moving. and essentially all he wanted was to see her smile.

watch vm love is in the bag here

hona tha pyaar
a beautiful song by atif aslam and hadiqa kiani 


hona tha pyaar...

love had to happen

hona tha pyaar...
hua, mere yaar...

love had to happen 
and it did, my friend (lover)


hona tha pyaar...
hua, mere yaar...

love had to happen
and it did, my friend



aaye nazar, chehre hazaar

i did see thousands of faces


hona tha pyaar...
hua, mere yaar...

love had to happen
and it did, my friend

hona tha pyaar...

love had to happen



tere dil ke shehar mein... 
ghar mera ho gaya..
ho gaya...

in the city of your heart, 
got my house... 
just did


sapna dekha jo tune,
wo mera ho gya...
ho gya...

the dreams you saw, 
became mine... 
just became mine



doobey to yuun... 
jaise ho paar...

we drowned as if
it were the shore... 
(did i get that right?)


hona tha pyaar... 
hua, mere yaar...

love had to happen
and it did, my friend

hona tha pyaar...

love had to happen



thaamey dilo ki baahein, 
hum aate saalo mein... saalo mein...

holding the arms of our hearts... 
in the years that came


paaye jawab humne, 
tere sawalo mein... 
sawalo mein...

i found answers in your questions... 
in your questions


khwabon ki dor... 
tootey naa yaar...

this thread of dreams, 
may it never break, my friend



hona tha pyaar...
hua, mere yaar...

love had to happen and it did, my friend

hona tha pyaar...

love had to happen




no copyright infringement intended... all material belong to original owners. 

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episodes of aur main

episode rambles

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