episode 383 jaa rahi ho... the first take

"jaa rahi ho?"  are you leaving?

did you hear the magnet in that quiet voice? how it pulled her over.

"hume jana hoga... arav ke liye." i have to go... for arav.

on that second part of the sentence, i felt my heart break a bit as her heart began to splinter.

two actors who have pulled out all the stops, no limits whatsoever, when it comes to bringing asr and khushi alive. i am fortunate to be with them every day.

"tumhe kya laga, tum chup chap chali jaogi aur sab theek ho jaayga?"

what dd you think, you'll go away without saying a word and all will be well?

what an understanding of khushi's character there by her creators, the writers, the dialogue guys.

"khushi, let's say yeh sab sach hota... toh chhorke chali jaati mujhe?"

khushi, let's say all if this were true... would you have left me?

rabba vey...

that's a question love asks, all love asks at some point or the other. because the difficult, the unbearable, even the impossible to bear happens. and if it is indeed love, that word "too often profaned", then it grows, it expands, it takes a long deep breath of pure oxygen and feels its feelings, its truth. and it stays.

khushi's arms going around him convulsively said that, though her words were: "hume nahin pata... hume kuch nahin pata." i don't know, i don't know anything.

the conflict in her heart about fairness to asr's other tie, as important as hers, in those words.

"mujhe pata hai. agar tum koshish bhi karogi, khushi, tab bhi hum alag nahin ho sakte. arnav aur khushi humesha saath rahenge." 

i know. even if you try, khushi, you can't leave me. arnav and khushi will always be together. 

in the quiet of an embrace and the lilting rabba vey strains, my arms tingled, my heart melted, i breathed easy. that was a man who had truly and utterly submitted to love and knew what it was. his lover is yet to make the journey all the way, but she is nearly there. that's why at the end...

"tum aise kaisi ho sakti ho?" how can you be like this?
"aap ki wajah se." because of you.

last night in a letter he'd told her how she had made him more, better, fuller. her short four word reply seemed to say the same.

i fell in love with this love story a while back. never have i ever followed a serial before as my friends on the forum know. there was an understanding of this indescribable emotion, compulsion, called love here i'd not seen elsewhere in a while. it was classic and contemporary at once. it believed and was unafraid. it sang, it danced, it took extraordinary leaps and turns, it struck deep with the lightest touch. asr and khushi kumari gupta were so lovely, i could barely breathe when they got going. barun sobti and sanaya irani showed pyaar for their profession in a way that made you want to hug and hi five them every time they got it just right. which was practically every time.

i fell deeper and deeper in love. should have guessed it would be challenged. all pyaar has its dushman, its dukh dard dastaan. why should my love be an exception. it wasn't, starting mid feb all sorts of things started to happen, yet there were always huge bits of great writing and unforgettable acting. whoever wrote asr and khushi managed to remain true, with minor hiccups, right through. of course, barun and sanaya became asr, khushi without holding anything back. this level of commitment to and oneness with character is found only among the greatest thespians portraying famous characters. i found both in a telly show. unbelievable. wonder if fifty years hence asr will bring to mind an image, the way captain kirk or spock does. i think it will.

and now the dard/dushman factor just got raised a few notches.

but i, with a "hume nahin pata... hume kuch nahin pata," am still here. this episode, ipk seemed to hold me and say: i promise, main sab theek kar doonga.

oh that slightest hint of a sly smile on sheetal's lips when he said : stay! and strode out. poor sheetal, she actually thinks she's got him where she wants him.

i just adored asr's confrontation with sheetal. her same old, it was a dark and stormy drunken night story, his what the and frown abs rejecting the whole thing, khushi's beautiful growing up into acceptance of a feeling and not judging him for having a child, his buying time to sort things out now that he has her assurance that she will be with him always (he needs her and never denies it from the moment he has acknowledged his love, in life too love asks just for that, okay i do sound mushy), the beautiful music over asr hugging arav (i felt he made a silent promise to the child to set things right), his words to arav: you are not alone (asr identifies with this boy's sense of being alone, it was his akelapan too that engulfed him till khushi came into his life and we heard him say as much to her the previous evening), enjoyed all of that and more yesterday. the family scenes, the structure and design, just about everything touched me and worked for me.

i don't know how things will evolve. funny, now it seems gul is out to destroy the man she imagined and made. creator, destroyer, the one and the same, something almost spiritual there. barun sobti, whatever may be happening out there, has never let me down in my deal with him. not a single instance, in more than 380 episodes where i've felt, he didn't give it his all. and the same with sanaya irani. in fact, most of the cast. there's a lot of beauty in that itself, for me.

so i watch. till asr is barun and khushi is sanaya and they are together. jab hum door hotey hain tab bhi paas hote hain. yehi hai pyaar. when we are far from each other, even then we are close to each other, this is called love. yes, i know i am being prepared. i am.

that's why i can still love.

"khushi, meri zindagi mein jo bhi hoga, sab tumhare saamne hoga... mujhe har kadam pe tumhari madad ki zaroorat padegi... are you gonna be with me?" 
 
"hamesha."

khushi, whatever happens in my life, will happen before you... i need your help at every step... are you gonna be with me?

always.
 
was someone talking to me? or am i being ott and filmi like someone we know.

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episode 383 let's say

i can never tell which of these two moments makes my heart stop quicker. both seize something in me.. make me pause, make me feel the power of that thing we call love.

the first was of course, "jaa rahi ho." when khushi tiptoed out of their bedroom, i was shocked. she had just told him a couple of scenes before that, she'd be with him "hamesha." he'd asked her for that assurance, quite unlike him, but he had. hamesha was obviously being played up, because soon there would be a demise unthinkable.

but in story telling this strange jump to khushi walking out on asr for aarav's sake, after the hamesha promise that too, because she has decided aarav needs him... what sense does this make? would khushi behave in such a way... is it even a solution? i was thinking all this and more as the scene progressed. sanaya was intense and shaken, but something just didn't gel. it was absurd. you don't walk out like that... and yet, i did think of that first scene of kramer vs kramer when meryl streep sits talking to her son who sleeps, before leaving him. 

tears flowed freely down helpless cheeks, she walked back as if unable to leave, she stroked a beloved cheek and kissed the man she loved. he slept deeply through it all... his lips set in a straight line, his breathing easy. she turned to go, because she had decided she must. 

 

a sudden something, a widening of her eyes. her hand went to her neck, her dupatta... 

she turned around and there was his hand holding her dupatta, not letting her go. the dupatta i guess had to be there in this moment. he was wide awake and looking at her. 

barun sobti's acting at this point was just beautiful. not a word was said, not a muscle moved. just the look, that sliding of the eyes all the way to the suitcase at the door, then the moment before he spoke. everything was in that. especially that fraction of time just before he decided to open his mouth...

and say three little words. a world in them.

jaa rahi ho? are you leaving?

it's not easy to choose words for asr, that economy of expression native to him, that preference for direct, unfussy words, his innate cool... in the midst of a wife abandoning one in the middle of the night, secretly, what would a man say? what would asr say?

the dialogue was deadly... it's delivery even more lethal.

no wonder khushi collapsed. i did too.

an almost hypnotic scene of connecting, of melding, of becoming one followed. quiet, elegant, deep.

and he said the other dialogue that makes me go a little crazy.
"khushi! let's say yeh sab sach hota, toh chhorke chali jaati thi mujhe?"

i want to yell and weep for this man... khushi, let's say all this were true, would you leave me and go away? that "mujhe," always, the "aur main?" the tough guy who so needs to be loved, never abandoned... not again.

 

the love and need in his voice... the sheer surrender to his love. and even more than that, a very very very pertinent question of a life mate. if things get tough, if mess happens... will you just leave me?

what does loving really mean? being there when all is fine? or being there no matter what? especially when nothing is fine.

a magnificent question and dialogue i thought that was. worth a true ponder. let's say, aarav were his son; let's say, he did indeed have an intimate relationship with sheetal and a child was born that he wasn't aware of; then what... should khushi leave him?

and what if the roles were reversed... what if, khushi were in the same place as he is, would he leave her?

i loved that question... it asked one to examine what is really meant by love.

then he held her close and said, "mujhe pata hai... agar tum koshish bhi karogi, khushi, tab bhi hum alag nahin ho sakte... arnav aur khushi hamesha saath rahenge..."

that breathy voice. sigh.

i know... even if you tried, khushi, we can't be separated... arnav and khushi will always stay together.

again that hamesha... and despite the gorgeous delivery, the voice, i know asr doesn't talk like that. this scene was shot as part of the asr death track. i won't grumble... i won't leave.

thoughts

~ i so liked the way he tackled the aarav is his son issue. direct and straight to the point, first he told his wife what he had to, then he charged into sheetal's room and asked for an explanation, demanded answers. very asr-ish. he will always face a thing straight on, no prevarication and unnecessary waffling. and please no coyness, if i went to bed with you, i'd remember. 

"lekin mujhe safai chahiye, khushi!"
but i want an explanation, khushi!

dna report or not, he needs to know.

"agar kuchh hua hoita toh mujhe pata hota.."
if something had happened i would have remembered.

hahaha exactly... nicely said, so unhindi soap.

"yaad hota... aur agar nahin tha toh tumne mujhe kyun nahin bataya?"
i'd have remembered... and if i didn't, why didn't you tell me?

a simple question to sheetal.

"stay!"

i had to faint at the coolly flung monosyllable.
 

~ sheetal's dialogue had a blanked out portion... was this another sign that story was changed suddenly? i get the feeling part of this episode belongs to the earlier track. the scenes had a lack of continuity in them... why would asr have to go twice to sheetal seeking the same answers? and that obvious bad fit... one moment khushi is promising to stay forever, the next she is leaving.

"kaise batati tumhe, arnav?  agle din tumne itni asani se phone karke kah diya... it's over... mujhe realise hua... shayad tum" blanked out bit and jump to, "nahin tha!"

"how could i tell you, arnav? the next day you said so easily on the phone that it's over... i realised... perhaps you..." and a jump to, "wasn't there!" 

~ i also liked the way asr empathised with a kid being tossed around in the storm of life. while the overly sweetened, posited on sacrifice (that much misunderstood and abused achhi bahu trait) feelings of khushi for aarav feel tv-ish, even bizarre. his assertion on the other hand, "wahi karenge jo sahi hai" we'll do what's right... nice.

 

"i promise, main sab theek kar doonga!" as always, he promised everyone, he'll set things right... the need to be on top of things... to make his loved ones comfortable, as though always in some way compensating for all the damage brought upon life by the one who should have made everything all right.

but now, touchingly... there's "as long as tum mere saath ho"... as long as you're with me. her support, her saath he needs. a big change in the i can do it all mr raizada."tumhe kya laga.. tum chup chap chali jaaogi... sab theek ho jaayga?" what did you think, you'll leave and all would be well? a most sensible question, yet said without anger... understanding the pagal ladki he loves perhaps? 

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jashn brings a thought

a stray thought on pyaar prompted by jashn.

even though this is all a bit nightmarish, maybe there is a lovely thing about love in it.

maybe i feel a bit like asr on that day when he realised khushi had had a paternity test done to see if he were arav's father. i had wondered on that day, how he could get so incensed one moment and then let go of it so easily. how could he not remain angry beyond belief. how it didn't get severely in the way of his relationship with her .

we all felt khushi's anger, misery, sadness, horror, terror, every feeling when asr did what he did on that night of their wedding, and we said to ourselves we understood why khushi went into her chaotic ott frame of mind post that... even though i really never could get that reaction. i felt her bludgeoned, suffocating, terrified, bereft and broken heart and thought her reaction would have been different, but never mind. so khushi did things not very khushi in that state of mind.

imagine the lack of trust shown here, with this paternity test. and the invasion of his being... something of his, a hair most likely, is taken by his wife whom he loves beyond himself... and given over to a lab to see if he is lying about his relationship with an ex-girlfriend, if he has fathered a child with her.

he got livid. then he just worked off his anger. as i watch jashn, i think i am getting why he could do that. this was no new relationship in his life... this was not when he had just begun to feel his faraq as with the night of the terrace and shyam and mu (oh famous mu), this here was a man who had been through much in life, then found a beautiful person, been through a lot with her and now was in a place of ease in his heart about their love. needing her, knowing she is part of his breath... just committing to her... no matter what.

a long relationship, a confidence in it, a clear and present need. a vital need.

he is a sharp man. he understands khushi and her mind... he knows she doesn't really not trust him even if it looks like that.

she is hassled and is doing silly stuff.

but he knows her heart has no malice, no wrinkle, nothing but love for him.

and that love he can't live without.

so the man who had judged her upon seeing one sight and hearing one sentence from her and who couldn't bring himself to ask anything that night far away... just raved and then got over the paternity test like that.

he also forgave her for bringing shyam back... even though yes, he did get angry and held on to the anger a bit longer.

when you love and if you are smart, you know that love is important. keep that in perspective when you assess a thing.

however traumatic, however wrong, galat.

"iss pyaar mein sahi aur galat ka koi matlab nahin... bas ek cheez ka matlab hai ke mein hamesha hamesha tumse... "

what his heart (the wise one) had blurted out way back, now is absorbed in his being... matlab only that love has. hamesha hamehsa...

so, yes, ipk barun sanaya everyone's galat hurts and makes me gussa. but i am not standing at the terrace door... i am not new to this loving.

it's been a long time with ipk... a relationship not unsure and small.

this egregious act by all at ipk will be over. my gussa is already finding a shore and calming... it's not often that you find love you can't name. pyaar sabse bada indeed hota hai. oh i just missed la.

got to love a show that can even dream of and actually get away with a la. hey asr, remember how good looking you were? try not to smile so much, okay. half si smile... that's when you give dhakdhak and khushi falls flat for rakshas. got it? (okay i am talking to nonexistent people again, all is well.) 



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