she
had needed him to say as much to her, maybe she had no idea but this is
how he said i love you, i can't live without you... maybe she needed
the words then, so she had pushed him away and said, so what.
seething, he had brought her back home, again going to pieces when her bangle broke and a shard lodged itself in her wrist.
he couldn't afford to lose her. she had become vital to life. to living.
while
writing on 178, the "what if i lost you?" episode, i'd felt his
desperation. life without khushi had already become impossible to
imagine. a para from that take:
'as
though the whole story of love got told in that one violent, vehement,
exclamation on a dark road. a plea in it, a declaration too. don't leave
me ever, i can't live without you. this point on that part of the story
will be told, there will be a "khushi" connecting heartbeats, a silent
near death by a terrace treacherous, madness, mayhem, even hate... yet
the journey will go inexorably to the subtext of "what if i lost you?"
"don't ever leave me. main tumhare bina ji nahin paaoonga."'
and
yet, he had stood there watching on that terrace as she had been held by
another. a part of him had felt, this was it... he had indeed lost her.
that
feeling perhaps was separate from and more intense than any other
feeling he'd had at that moment. i remember thinking, for a moment then
he reminded me of his mother... dying inside the way she did when she
realised her husband indeed had another lover. yes he was asr the
brother watching catastrophic betrayal, but even more at one level he
was the new, besotted lover full of hope, dying a terrifying death.
khushi was gone forever. he had lost her.
funny
thing about love though, it is not easy to erase from the heart. even
if your lover is false, even if your lover is unfair, sometimes even if
they murder, they maim, they cheat on you. neither he nor she could
snuff out that feeling, no matter how much they suffered.
228
continued from 227 on the theme of kkgsr trying out her new strategy to
destroy him... kill him with expressed love. delightful acting by both
sanaya and the red clad angry young hero.
she
laughed in green as he seethed in crimson, his whole family enjoyed a
little leg pulling of the mighty one. he sounded utterly cute
complaining to nani... look what she's calling me! what? swami! snigger
snigger around the table.
frankly, that was not at all asr, but barun managed to keep his asr despite the cutesy. i said "phew!"
he
charged off looking hot, managed to get a white shirt (yes yes yes)
from akash who had arrived with yellow roses for one of the most
embarrassing characters in ipk... he rushed off to wear his shoes, for
once they were polished, wonderful.
and she planned yet another little game. it was meant to be light and fun and irritate him further.
that was all.
when she held his chin without thinking and pulled him close, she had no idea what this might lead to.
he looked up, taken by surprise, saw her leaning so close, then she made contact.
forehead to forehead.
complete
contact of a powerful centre of energy, where the teeka sits... a
potent symbol in hindu thought. the area between the eyebrows where we
put our bindi, a little dot of colour, is also considered to be the
sixth chakra, "ajna", the seat of concealed wisdom. the bindi represents
the third eye... a mystical and highly esoteric idea of an invisible
eye that has the power to perceive beyond what the eye can. and it sees
things that ordinary sight is not able to. (information from the net,
but most hindus have grown up hearing about this concept.)
she
dragged him to her this time. and leaning over him, laid her
forehead on his. their bodies touched, where the third eye resonates. a
mytical element to this touching.
as
the moment caught them in its clasp and took them away from all that
was here, she began to lift her head, while he stared at her as if
seeing her for the first time. and in their inverted lines, profiles
almost flowing into each other and fitting, another concept of opposite
forces being interconnected and interdependent came to mind, the yin and
the yang.
but
had there been not even a single mystical connotation, the moment and
that touch were still profound. for an instant, both became who they
were before the terrace ever happened.
a man and a woman who loved each other. who couldn't live without each other.
a moment of intense awareness. all non essentials fell away.
they stayed there, not moving, almost not breathing.
then
a single word escaped his lips, guttural, resonating with the longing
that was in his eyes that day he thought she had left... and the passion
of the explosive "what if i lost you?!"
"khushi."
that was all he said.
i
felt his desire, his love, his melting into her, his call to her soul,
his immersion in her, and his heart beat... now inextricably connected
with her name.
she
felt all of it too, she stayed there unable to react, to move, getting
lost. then she pulled herself up, still disoriented, wanting him as much
as he wanted her. and once more returned to the here and now and the
game that must be played.
all
the fun and play that followed was engaging, but at the centre of the
episode somehow was that one simple moment, its effect radiating out in
ripples across the rest of the action.
one
more beautiful thing in that contact, that connection... the
transference of colour, from him to her. this time it was a perfect
bindi, red and vibrant, as though she had branded him and made him her
own.
as
though she is colouring him somehow, helping him find his colour, feel
it, wear it... lovers always influence each other, the best ones do it
positively, taking each other to new levels of life and consciousness...
again and again their colours will mingle. in the guest house, it had
been a cut and blood red, later sindoor and later still a spot of blood
from her on him that would not go...
haldi on her dupatta, her being almost, he had rubbed. the future holds heady play of mehendi and haldi...
intimate, sexual, sensual and even mystical this exchange of colour...
he
in the meantime skipped breakfast and lunch, not even gila gila pusta
was consumed. funnily, in reality too he looked a bit thin and
drawn somehow, maybe this is around when ipk started telling on barun's
health; but he didn't fail to have my dhadkane increase in that shot
with the spider web like graph on him. i did notice too not one other
guy working in ar is anywhere near good looking.
