i am a khadoos type, i rarely cry while watching anything.
i actually felt tears spring up and release as i watched the first few minutes of this episode. a young man, totally bludgeoned by life, trying his best to cope, to be responsible, do what needs to be done... cope, survive... a grandmother who has faced the hardest thing a mother ever will. the death of her child that too by her own hands... a young woman who never understood why life did what it did with her life, now expecting a child, looking happy and hoping her scum of a husband would come by, she loves him that's all... a woman who made a mistake at a very young age overhearing what transpired as a result of that mistake... her daughter will soon marry the boy whose life she may have damaged permanently... life blowing by and human beings trying not to lose their moorings... hold on somehow.
barun sobti was absolutely brilliant in this moment. yes, dadi did bring some good things to the show. and jayshree t, the matriarch, the one who has always tried to keep calm no matter what, dealing with all the undercurrents and explicit rifts. a tender touching moment, when lips that never look anything but sure or devastatingly sexy, suddenly tremble a little, a head turns just a bit... nani... he's just trying to put all of this behind... and a grandmother stroking the tough young man's cheek, for a moment it's okay to be just her child, her little chhotey... and that totally inspired, when does one have the chance at so much happiness at one time.
these are people who have lost... a lot. they know happiness is rare. it can never be taken for granted. they value what happiness comes their way... no wasting of this precious thing. it's a blessing. they have known what it is to rend and rip and not know how the next day will come, how it will be faced. this is an ordinary hindi serial, without any melodrama, to deliver such depth in story, connect with life in the most real unfettered way, despite awful gaudy colours and sets... what to say.
adding on.
as i watch the battle between dadi and grandson, i note they are nothing like each other. opposites really. from different planets. she ungrowing, unevolved, holding defensively onto a position, incapable of anything else.
he evolving constantly, headed for the next, nothing defensive about him. a human being who will grapple with this thing called life with all of himself and face every consequence.
i have seen him warring with his other grandmother but they always seemed hewn from the same rock... she had that thing to evolve in her... always. she had taken a maid servant into her home as a daughter in law and despite her caustic words, loved her dearly, didn't interfere with her freedom to be who she was, however much she may have liked her daughter in law to be somewhat different. she encouraged enterprise, didn't balk at the idea of equal status for men and women, allowed her servants near the puja room, even one of a different faith. and she had a song in her heart. she was a survivor, a doer... one who took her responsibilities seriously, however difficult.
between the two grandmothers i thought ipk said, there are ways and ways of being buzurg... elder. of believing you are owed respect and your voice matters.
he was happy after so long... allowing his own happiness to matter, wanting his sister to be happy as he always had wanted. after all that has happened at last a chance at it and now dadi says this.
"kya karne ki koshish kar rahin hai aap? dadi, aap uss ghatiya aadmi o iss ghar mein lane ki soch bhi kaise sakti hai!" what are you trying to do, his voice is tense, bated, anger underlying... how can you even think of bringing that lowdown man into this house...
"chhotey, shant ho jaiye!" chhotey, calm down pleads nani, caught between her love for her grandchildren and her duty to an old friend, the one supposedly with more right, the paternal grandmother. an elder who has never taken responsibility and shirked everything is being given the time of day only because she is from the father's side... patriarchy and its ridiculous norms have a field day here.
asr has actually brought this up asking his dadi, where she was when they needed her. yet, sheer upbringing and respect for elders and family makes him explain why he will not go along and will absolutely oppose her.
"main usse di ya unke bachche ki aas pass bhi nahin aane doonga..." i will not let him near di or her baby.
dadi calls shyam anjali's jeevan saathi, her life partner, using the word garima had used a while ago... shyam is apparently anjali's bhavishya, her future. a stodgy scared egregious mind which needs to adhere to social norms and hasn't got what it takes to refuse to take nonsense. she is supposed to love anjali dearly, but she will not love her enough to believe her granddaughter need not live with a philanderer... it's just a small mistake. she has the same attitude to her son's womanising... patriarchal excesses are kept raging and healthy through women such as herself... women who believe they are the lesser gender so must take whatever comes their way. so, yeah, she may look poised and calm and talk with a lot of "hum" and what she will or won't allow but she is a weak irresponsible person. and she is galat. never sahi.and nani... openly and clearly saying, it's not khushi or payal's fault, it's damad ji's fault. a damad ji she indeed had loved much. but if he is galat, he is galat. bas. no wonder her chhotey feels so much like her. how did a woman who spent years being a cabaret dancer in hindi films, figure devyani raizada out so well and conveyed such a deep convincing impression despite stiff heavy wig and stiffer heavier make up. fabulous acting by jayshree t. here she is struggling to bring order, play peacemaker, yet not take the wrong side.
and i want to loft asr high and dance with him that he did not put up with dadi's nonsense in the name of elder and respect beyond a point.
he set that point. teehee.
and told khushi, no need to put up with this.
i am surprised khushi was shown to be so meek and desperate to get dadi's approval. i can understand her basically not wishing to upset an elder, but the extent to which she was shown to go. again a part of that achchhi bahufication, i guess. good daughters in law never say anything to their elder in laws, no matter how wrong they may be. this is a sign of being a good woman. such women will keep our family, our society in fact, running smoothly. will someone please place dadi on a cliff that i may push her and be a bad woman forever.
and to anyone who says this is to do with khushi's fragile inner being, her being an orphan, her being a lover of tradition, and stuff, i say... i don't agree.
actually, i think khushi would have found a way to tell dadi she was impossible... the hell she has been through and her basic strength of character would have made her tougher, also the now yellingly and lagi shart-ly expressed large giving love from her arnav ji, who says, come take me, exercise your right, huq hai tumhara, pause, thrust lip, mujh pe... oh all this certainly nourishes and strengthens her. i don't think she'd be in a state of quake perpetually at the mere thought of the nasty woman.
"i'm sorry, dadi, lekin aapke iss bat se main sahmat nahin hoon," asr takes a stance and refuses to yield, i am sorry, i don't agree with you, dadi.
every time i hear asr's "main" i feel a strange thrill. a sense of himself in his "i" that feels glorious, an owning of all that he is, and a bold facing of this life as it is. i shall have to quote from a poem that i have not read fully nor really understood but that "main" makes me want to read,
i bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass i love,
if you want me again look for me under your boot-soles. you will hardly know who i am or what i mean,
but i shall be good health to you nevertheless,
and filter and fibre your blood.
failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
missing me one place search another,
i stop somewhere waiting for you.
~~~ the last lines of walt whitman's leaves of grass ~~~
a
sudden vulnerable note in asr's voice, "dadi, try and understand,
chauda saal pehle jo hua, usse bhulane mein hme bahut time laga tha...
jab hume laga sab theek ho gaya hai tab usne di aur hum sabke saath
beimaani ki. he cheated us."if you want me again look for me under your boot-soles. you will hardly know who i am or what i mean,
but i shall be good health to you nevertheless,
and filter and fibre your blood.
failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
missing me one place search another,
i stop somewhere waiting for you.
~~~ the last lines of walt whitman's leaves of grass ~~~
"filter and fibre" my blood... sigh. and i hope i do see him somewhere in someone or many ones, waiting for me.
took them years to mend after what happened fourteen years ago, and just when they thought things are getting better, shyam cheated them. you're just healing and along comes another attack on your sense of normalcy, of decency, of goodness. in itself shyam's action is deplorable, but given the situation, it is completely chaos causing... both he and di can spiral out of control, the displacement and breakage caused by shyam's infidelity much more than it might have been if both were not touched by betrayal already.
in a flash i get why he had to be so out of control almost in a whirpool of pain plunging to hell that night. why he was so thrown by that sight on the terrace... he had just been mending. only just. no, he was not shatir that night... just human.
and yes, khushi bore the brunt of his relapse... he of all people knows that well and wants to make up for that act... so this marriage with rituals, which means nothing to him.
before his eyes is a beautiful scene drenched in red.
"aaj... aaj di kitni khush lag rahi hain..." today, di is looking so happy. and then words which he never would have said just a short while ago... this is the growth of a man touched by love and returning to belief. a brave man who is willing to take those hard steps.
he says, today, we must forget the past and move forward, because the past is not worth remembering.
i feel bad for a young son who saw his mother played with, then her death.
today everyine is happy, i am going to be mama. how poignant... sheer hope there in a man who had seemed devoid of any. "main mama banne wala hoon..." my mind picks up anjali's voice on a stricken night saying "tum mama banne wale ho..." and again today a strike is ahead.
di will be mother... and i am getting married... so please... and he ends in classic asr words and style.
"let us be."
garima has overheard this entire conversation and her heart is breaking... he wants to forget. she decides, she must not rake up the past then... we know that is impossible, but i guess human beings try and tell themselves something can be done even if they know it can't, because they want to protect those they love.
"chahe jo bhi ho jaaye" fumes dadi, "hum wahi karenge jo sahi hai!" she'll only do what is right.
sahi galat... right wrong... constant pondering on these in ipk. a feel of a canvas where individuals, humans, are pitted against the huge phenomenon of hurtling life that doesn't observe any traffic rules, it just speeds through taking all with it. some of us get crushed along the way, some hold on and weather the passage. nani and asr refuse to get crushed, standing firm and strong. they do falter at times. he is almost shaken to the point of almost being uprooted and flung to the ground, run over... but he holds on. he also learns to take a hand and allow it to soothe him. ooph beautiful.
almost in tears to his nani he says, "nani, main sirf apna dard... apna dukh.. mamma... unki shadi ki problems...unki death...main bas unhe bhulane ke liye..."
never have i seen him this tremulous... a boy whose tears got choked and blocked within. with so much hope he comes here today and so is that much more vulnerable i guess.
i was only trying to put my pain... my sorrow... mamma (oh he calls her that like a young one, not maa)... her marriage... her death... i was just trying to forget and for that...
and nani stops him with a hand on his cheek, loving him.
"chhotey," she whispers with a smile through her tears... "aap bilkul theek kahat hai..." what you say is absolutely right.
"aaj aap ke amma babu ji hotey na toh woh bhi yehi chahatey ki aap aapan zindagi aapan tarike se jiye..." if your parents were alive today, they'd want the same, that you should live your life... your way.
"muskuraiye, chhotey, muskuraiye," smile, chhotey, smile.
you are getting married, you are going to be an uncle... "itti sari khushi kahan milat hai ek saath?" where can one get so much happiness at once, says the one who has been oft visited by complete sorrow.
grandmother and grandson look toward the scene of happiness. a moment of triumph i feel.
but still i sense triumph in the character, in his fearlessness, in his sense of sahi. some day, his di will have a child i feel sure, and shyam will be vanquished i know. yes, there is life and its preponderance maybe, but even life or fate if you like to call it that, is admiring of a brave clean human. in its own way it will relent, because his intentions were pure, clean. when he hurt khushi so terribly, he perhaps wrote into his own story the failure of his mission... but because he did what he did without malice, only in pain and with a sense of duty, i get the feeling life will not disappoint him.
asr has set up security check.. and shyam must find a clever way to get in, so we have heavy duty of lawyer damad ji, now as drummer. would have been funny, if it did not lead to the macabre.
shyam is the shastra spewing, pure hindi prone, always respectful of elders, "good" boy... and asr the baddie. that is, in our world. gosh, asr even is an atheist, and shyam so god fearing.
yet who is the real man here... and who the real cretin. who has faith, who doesn't. who respects elders, who shams. who loves, who lusts. funny twist, they even made asr play the drums later. what is with the writer and drums? or is he remembering the nataraj and his dumaru, whose sound is that of creation.
i know that is not the case, yet, ipk keeps taking me to these larger than life images.
shyam notices her shoes are off.
asr mutters, "yeh mera ghar hai," this is my home, i don't have to take anyone's permission to go anywhere.
nk recalling akash's mehendi tries to pull him back.
nani takes a step forward again and says, this time mehendi shall be open to the boys (if she hadn't, fandom would have hired assassins to get her, being a wise woman, she relents and gains our undying love, shatir nani).
"great!" grates mills and boons man after stunning me in tragic hero mode. shatir arnav ji.
"dadi ji, you rock!" says nk, choosing english wisely.
"everybody loves bhai!" akash quips, maybe akshay's slight envy seeping out.
shyam does his thing in anjali's room... he had left stuff under the bed... huh?
glass shards. check. mean look check. inordinate accent on this character of late. what is happening? is the director sensing rightly shyam needs to be impactful.. balanced against asr... yet story makes him so silly. shyam was never a real antagonist of asr, he might have been if the writing took him to that place, but gradually, he just became a melodramatic caricature and that too of half men, a little man. yet, sadly i guess in life these little men trip up the giants. perhaps because the deep big sincere clean ones have no idea of the depths such men of no conscience, no content, stoop to.
"attensson pilleejh all oph youj, ab godh bharai ki hui bye bye aur mehendi ko hello hi," hollers my sweet mano.
anjali recognises her shyam ji. or so she thinks.
and what does your name begin with, you wonderful man in crazy jodhpur and bandgala looking regal?
lg for laad governor, but of course.
"oh i forgot tumhare naam mein bhi a hai na? khushi kumaaari guptaa--aa..." i forgot, your name has an a in it too, doesn't it... quips m&b hero and instantly heroine is puddle recalling a scene. uh huh, this rasam also they've been through already. check.
hey hey.
......................
fanfiction
No comments:
Post a Comment