are you there or a dream i dream
as hope deserts as light does dim
in my dark and wretched
tired bedraggled parched
annihilated being a heart it beats
for you have cried tears in silence and
i have known what i had anyway known
even when i did seem
not to
or pretend or fake or dissemble
or feign or hide or mask
yet all along
it was this and more of this alone
khushi, i love you
are you there or a dream i dream
are you here where i hold you in a fist
caught tight, in memories banked and
stored in my atom and blood
playing back holding me lest i slip
dreams... reality... what's not ours
come, touch me
and let me rest my heart
episode 263
"kaun hai ee log," who are these people, asked manorama watching the cc tv footage on the video player. asr left with four goons.
and soon after, ransom or firauti came up. kidnap was clearly mentioned by khushi... and mami ji got ready to sell everything she had for "handsome" as in ransom. writer had a nice inspired second and perhaps laughed a little at the followers of handsome who by then were ready to do anything for him... and they were certainly not keeping quiet on the forum and elsewhere.
it's been a week since he's gone. if he's been kidnapped, mysteriously no ransom has been asked for.
"bhat eej moteebhj?" asks mami ji. a smart question. one more that would never be answered. anyway, like asr i have decided to love ipk without insiting on anything being proved or substantiated... given in before a higher emotion... lub.
and just to tell me not to ever ever lose hope come a few exquisite moments.
almost halfway into the episode, there's hard reality on one side; and a man in ropes with a dream in his heart on the other.
khushi has just said that no matter what she will find out about the four guys who have kidnapped arnav ji and a slow cross dissolve to asr lying prone, weak and wan it seems...
when a gust of wind and something awaken him... again that visual hint of connection between the two.
his eyes are incredulous, lips break into a slight smile... so tired he looks.
camera goes across his back and reveals what gets his eyes shining... it is she. she sits there in yellow and green looking up at him...
hey hey... the wind blows steady... another world it creates again.
as he gazes at her a little confused, not quite sure what to make of this, energy pours into him, he smiles... sort of, head lifting..
no double, no triple... it's them together after a long long time.
"khushi..." he must whisper her name... in it is life... is hope... is love
is his reality.
his hand reaches immediately... a grasp of heaven, a worn out man seeks. always ready to fight back, not give in, take the little hope held out to him.
a beautiful poignant gesture, she looks at his hand, it can't reach where it wants to...
he looks at his hand almost shocked as if he has no recollection of it being bound...
the brave free man...
her tears flow at the sight of the ropes...
she looks at that stopped hand...
a terribly helpless moment... asr is defeated?
he has to ask.. "khushi sach mein tum ho?" is it you... really.
it's perhaps never a matter of truth or false, but one of faith, belief, vishwas. extra rational. like her stars is she to him at this moment it seems to me... he will believe she is here. and in that itself the strength he has lost in the years of living locked and stricken. holding onto only the hard realities, the here and now... money, power, things that this world understands... he has fought back with that... but this one needs more. it needs the power of a dream. a palpable one. one he can touch. his hands are restless to catch it and keep it.
so tired, parched...
the sweetest smile, "mujhe laga koi sapna hai..." i thought you were a dream.
as her hand... free... easily moves and goes all the way up to his cheek, he turns his face, holding his cheek out to feel her touch... first time since he has told her that he does love her... khushi, i love you.
how much his mind and heart must be yearning for her right now.
a fantasy, a dream seems to be here... loving him...
"yeh sapna hi toh hai, arnav ji..." this is a dream indeed, says the beautiful girl with tears and a magic touch.
and she's gone... he is alone.
bereft, barren and dark is his world once more. perhaps as it had always been till she fell in that outlandish moment into his arms.
he is lost but again his fist clenches tight, he looks down at what his hand opens to reveal is in it... a pink pompom...
seemed again a part of her had found a way to latch onto him... dupatta, jhumka, gota edge of kurta, now pompom... how much she had beseeched him not to go at the airport. she had snatched away his ticket and passport. seems when he took it back from her brusquely, along had come a dark pink pompom and settled into his pocket for the long ride ahead.
clutching it, a sign of the jhalli mad girl he loves, he survives on a hope.
the emptiness in his eyes.
mat jaiye, she had said.
she had taken care of him at night... held his hand over a huge rangoli... moments of his lover breathe life into in this hour of despair. he has smashed the picture... he is flinging her on the bed.
the memories fill him with pain.
she is outside the airport, he is striding in... the last time they met.
it's been more than a week. mami ji is convinced even the dhobi can't be trusted... writers use mami ji to go to the point where khushi starts thinking shyam may be a suspect too and the chase begins. he has asked some man to be brought to some mysterious place, khushi no doubt will follow him.
......................
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