if he hadn't said "shadi kar raha hai," she wouldn't have said "theek hai" this evening.
she stood there watching her father in agony, breaking up, then she let a dream go. this man meant more to her than anyone, and when the only other man that had mattered said she meant nothing to him, what was left to think about, dream about.
an obscene man had won the evening. perhaps because a man of conscience did what he never should have... run away scared. but we are not creatures of should and ought only, we are human, fragile in a million ways, often doing "how could you" things. and arnav singh raizada had done just that.
the repercussion of that doing was now on the two. in smartly designed parallel scenes their dear siblings try to find out if all is as it should be. and are the two happy. khush. anjali and payal are close to their younger ones, they can sense them often. something tells di and jiji that these two are not ok.
the decision was taken in haste... jaldbaazi. clever use of same words in both scenes. the writer is not taking sides. both his protagonists are feeling equally wretched. in their own way.
"kahin tumne yeh faisla jaldbaazi mein toh nahin liya na?" you didn't take this decision in haste, did you, asks di.
his mind flies to a girl with silken lips, curious excited eyes... how he still wants her.
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"chhote, hume batao... tum khush toh ho na?" chhotey, tell me, you are happy arent't you?
he swings away, not prepared to go there.
"of course, di." bad liar.
"main khush hoon." i am happy.
di is happy, prattles on about the dither when you decide on marriage, talk of jeejaji...
"chhotey, jab faisle dimaag se nahin dil se liye jaate hai na, toh sab achha hota hai." chhotey, when decisions are taken with the heart and not the head, then all goes well. poor girl. if indeed all decisions of the heart were so right would hers turn out to be so off the mark?
maybe a comment on the importance of both dil and dimaag in life. asr has both. so does khushi. just that each thinks the other has one part missing. or maybe a comment on the inevitable... fate, destiny, call it what you like.
anjali had chosen shyam. and look what he did with her loving trusting heart. a situation full of the tragic element of life... here she is going on about how terribly happy she is with her man... and there he is getting engaged to another woman. later, he will use this very loving generous nature of hers to get money out of her to buy his engagement ring for khushi. digusting.
and look at poor khushi's state. the only man she had ever loved as a woman loves a man, felt dhakdhak for, in just one evening, he'd taken her to bliss then thrown her into the abyss of the door slammed shut, the this means nothing, and now in a situation where she must consider others before herself, she is getting engaged to that man's beloved sister's husband.
then there's asr. mute, unable to explain his fears his pain, hurting everyone, khushi, la, nani, di with that utterly wrong spur of the moment decision.
sometimes things just happen the way they happen, nothing seems to be able to stop it.
"tumne yeh faisla dil se liya hai na?" you've taken this decision from the heart, haven't you? payal asks khushi.
"batao na, khushi, hum tumse kuch pooch rahe hain, kya shyamji wohi insaan hain, jinke saath tum apni poori zindagi guzarne ke liye taiyaar ho?" tell me khushi, is shyam ji the one you want to spend your life with?
jiji, i have decided now, and did you see how happy everyone was. to her that matters most. to him too only his sis's happiness is of importance... but this time even that didn't figure.
"aur tum?" and you, payal persists.
"hum? humara toh naam hi khushi hai." me? after a painful pause and struggle within.. why my name is happiness. both lied beautifully, one even managed to smile and act cute.
payal's continuing questions, are you sure? didn't rush into it, did you, etc., took khushi to the memories of the poolside, a man she had wanted to experience...and from a very young girl came a philosophical take on the evening's madness.
"kuch cheeze bas yoonhin ho jaati hai... bina soche... bina samjhe..."
some things happen just like that, without thinking or understanding...
payal is not listening, she goes on, but buaji wants an engagement quickly... are you ready?
engagement... and she hears him say, "main lavanya se shadi kar raha hoon..." i am marrying, lavanya.
his cheek rests on la's hair in her memory. but he's looking at her... he watches her as her tear falls. khushi remembers, face growing sadder, hurt, puzzled, bleeding within...
rabba vey.. and his most hurtful words cascade... ending in koi ahmiyat nahin... you're of no importance.
"jo bhi hua hum use bhoolne ke liye taiyaar hain..." whatever has happened, i am ready to forget that, she answers payal.
i am prepared to forget... not i am prepared to marry. this marriage is just for her family, her babu ji.. if only she knew the truth, she would possibly kill shyam with her bare hands
payal has no idea what khushi is saying, of course.
"aur waise bhi ab hume wahan jan hi nahin hoga..." anyway, i am not going there any more.
what are you saying, khushi...?
she is going to start afresh.. and this is the best way... so that had really been her decision. a young girl... her inner energy for life, for tomorrow dictates a choice. no sad sack, pillar hugging and crying heroine she... naya daur... new phase. a modern contemporary streak in our desi girl.
like that idiot she loves. the one who is standing silent, feeling tortured within but determined to get the better of this hold on him she seems to have.
"devi maiyya hain na, woh sab sambhal lenge. dm will take care of everything." how badly khushi needs her god now. when life feels particularly terrible, dark, hopeless, we turn to the eternal and say... this is all in your hands now... take me through... sambhaliye. some day, he will come back to do what was his duty... but for now there's dm. always.
a key drops out of a bag.
"zara suniye..." she remembers that day at the dargah...why were some meetings so unforgettable?
"aap ki mannat ki chabi gir gayi." your mannat key has fallen.
but he hadn't made a mannat. maybe the key had a mind of its own and decided that he needed something... someone?
"yeh kaisi chabi hai, parameswari," what sort of key is this, parameswari, asks her bua in her usual scold love way. you've kept it as though it's the key to a treasure.
ah, a treasure... khazana... more, actually.
"kuch nahin bua ji... " it's nothing, bua ji.
then let it go..."phenk do isse." did she hear a cold, wintry voice say... "phenk do."
the payal has done its work. now it's key's turn.
..............................
ahamiyat and bandagement episodes
episode rambles
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