"don't you ever ever do this to me again... samjhi tum?"
he is shouting into the phone, beside himself with worry. tense, fearing the worst... mind flying to terrible places as his repeated calls to her are going unanswered. would i panic like that for someone fairly incidental in my life... an essentially faraq nahin padta sort of entity? would i say, don't you ever do that... to me? he is shatir of mind but obviously the shenanigans of his dil are beyond comprehension now.
there are only feelings running wild.
two conversations, one at top of episode and the other as episode came to and end, were where it was all at for me. both conversations were had with khushi. in the first one, he succeeded in quickly hiding his feelings, and she was too perturbed, distracted to perhaps notice the glaring gaffes.
in the second one, he couldn't help himself; his feelings, his lowering of guard, his showing of faraq, everything was there... only for khushi. unfortunately he was saying it all to lavanya.
he is really like that only, to steal from the famous "v are like that only," tagline for v tv.
every word of the first conversation was classic. this is exactly how your long time lover or husband sounds when you don't pick up the phone for a day... she'd been gone longer in his estimate... an entire couple of hours. the feeling was so new, its intensity stratospheric, its proneness to jump to the worst conclusion worryingly high. today he thought she had been hurt or worse... soon this will make him think the worst of her.
"khushi, phone kyun nahin utha rahi hai..." why isn't she picking up the phone he muttered as he kept on trying. and when she did pick up the phone, that relief swamped him... he just lost it. all his emotions there in the words that exploded.
"pata hai kabse phone mila raha hoon main... tumne phone kyun nahin uthaya?" do you know for how long i've been trying, why didn't you pick up the phone?!!
she's taken aback at his vehemence.
"kitna pareshan ho gaya tha main," i was so worried, his voice is raw, real... he wanted to see, her hug her perhaps, make sure she was ok. yet her voice was all he could hold on to and she didn't say a word. that halted him.
"khushi... khushi talk to me..." silence at the other end, then his three little words, "tum theek ho? kahan ho tum?" where are you?
"hum bilkul theek hain. hum mandir mein hain," she said as calmly as she could, i am ok, i'm at the temple. her world was reeling and this extreme emotion at this point was perhaps too much to handle. she was begging dm to show her the way. weighing competing stories that affected all their lives, wondering how to work it all up to the point where she could reveal shyam's true face without harming anything or anyone.
how does an 18/19 year old cope with this? or does precisely this youth and its resilience itself work i ones favour ultimately?
he hears her voice and seems to breathe again.
"aapko fikar karne ki..." you don't have to worry, she starts but he has to cut her short. "fikar" a sense of care in it... and he can't let her think it was that.
"fikar ki baat nahin hai... mera matlab... itna sara kaam baki hai..." it's not about that... i mean there's so much work to be done... lame excuse, man yelling on the phone.
she puts the phone down after saying i had to go... there's so much going through him as he stands there trying to cool down, work off the worry. camera pulls back slowly, la stands in foreground... privy to a conversation and its effect she wished she'd never witnessed.
the entire middle of the episode was bloated with shyam. and begging for some right emotion from the mother and aunt of a girl they called their own. shyam used his usual ploys to try and get khushi to keep quiet. he hoped his "confession" would make them realise what a decent soul he was, he cleverly inserted worries about payal and akash's relationship, especially in light of the fact that payal's baraat had gone back before. love the way he goes for a volley of arrows, hoping something will catch someone... the faces were looking too determined and scathing... surely, someone? and an arrow found its mark. amma. and her fear of payal's shaadi breaking again. satisfied with his handiwork, shyam did some serious lopsided smiling and went off, off course a couple of twitches were added too for good measure.
notice how both hero and villain have lopsided smiles. one has us clutching our gut/heart, the other has us quaking/guffawing. naughty director was having a lot of fun at the expense of the ladkiyan... us.
thereafter, the tussle over the yes or no of divulging all to anjali. i missed asr for khushi at this point. haq hai tumhara... mujh pe. you have a right over me. possibly the only human being to give her that unstintingly and one who'd defend her rights no matter what. instead of begging titaliya's forgiveness for coercing and forcing her to say yes to shyam, buaji is all righteous rage and advice. and amma? the writers did her grave injustice at this point, or was there a peak into reality in her reaction?
payal is her husband's biological daughter, khushi is her sister's only child, when push came to shove, she seemed to take the side of the one born to her husband... was there a touch of looking after number one by her instincts? perhaps being middle class, the horror of yet another broken marriage for her daughter was too much to bear, she didn't even feel her other daughter's turmoil, her state of mind. she felt no rage against shyam for doing this to her child... just that fear of shame in payal's life stalked her.
no one thought of khushi's feelings.
finally, payal stepped in and said, no way, jose... shyam hangs. a clear headed, straight forward sort of girl, with a quiet courage, a fierce love for her sister who came, lost and little, into her life years ago. a girl of a certain stubbornness too... she could have gone far.
as i was thinking this, they cut to this scene. too shatir director/screenplay writer... one ladki stopped thinking immediately.
he sits at his recliner working, remembers her dashing into him at the poolside... tears, helpless, silent... a slow close up... a world of feelings in his inward gaze. she is on his mind, constantly.
as his fiance watches, he picks up his phone with a distracted air and fixes a meeting for the sixteenth, the day he is to get engaged. she is shocked. she tries to nudge his memory... fails. then he gets it.
the ultimate, "oh shucks" expression as he turns away... soon there's a layer of remorse.
"tell me the truth asr, kya tum sach mein bhoole the... ya fir tumhe koi faraq hi nahin padta..." la can't just let this pass, she keeps seeing things and the warning signs are too many to ignore. she decides to check out the scene... tell me, asr, did you really forget or does it not matter to you anyway.
"nahin... it's..." he's not himself at all... feeling strange... this engagement that he called upon himself... "it's not that... i'm really sorry... woh itti saari cheese handle karta hoon kabhi kabhi kuch pata hi nahin chalta..." no really, it's not that, i'm really sorry, i keep doing so many things, sometimes i just don't know what i do...
"itti saari..." was this just by chance or deliberate? the only other time i have heard asr use the more colloquial way of saying itna or itni was during that terrible and beautiful fight of first august. "itta aasan hai tumhare liye?" usually he'd say "itna" or "itni." maybe this was just barun slipping into easier pronouciation, but worked like a dream... a telltale slip indicating his heightened emotional state, the so rigid and precise world of asr not that much in control?
he knows this is all wrong. he walks away and with his back to her, his classic stance, he starts an apology that will lead to the realisation of a truth by lavanya... though still a tad unclear to him (slow boy, in matters of dil).
"main janta hoon ki jaane anjane mein maine tumhe bahut chot pahunchai hai..." his mind was so on khushi, not yet disengaged from her... i know, knowingly and otherwise i've hurt you a lot.
la looks up, surprised.
"woh iss liye... but that's because... iss liye kyunki mujhe kabhi pata hi nahin chalta... it's because i never really know... par phir jab realise karta hoon... but then when i realise it... i really regret it.. i ... i really do..."
la is smiling, beginning to walk toward him...
"bahut bura lagta mujhe... par main kuch kabhi jaankar nahin karta, khushi, main bas..." i feel really bad... but i never do anything knowing what i'm doing, khushi, i'm just...
khushi. la hears the name and seems to freeze. he still has no idea what he's just said... he carries on, la can't stop him.
"main bas aisa hi hoon, shayad main..." i am like this, maybe i...
la has to make him stop. for her sake. for his sake. she puts her hand on his shoulder.
"asr, it's lavanya." that's all... that's enough. more effective than a moral lecture, a diatribe.
he turns around... shocked at himself... at the whole thing.this is one of those unbelievably beautiful scenes of ipk which makes it a classic. a man in love, completely unaware that that's what it is, is making a confession of his shortcomings to the woman he loves, little realising it is not her but his fiance standing there listening. when he is in such deep emotion there seems to be only one person he reaches out to, whether she is there... or not.
sublime insight into a state of mind. and of course, barun sobti's acting leaves you shaken to the core. this is a real man talking here... a soliloquy so beautiful, it would get etched in our minds... "main bas aisa hi hoon," words that would become quotable in no time.
...............................
fanfiction
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