episode 68 hold me, kans.

tell me you're not feeling what he's feeling. 

after watching episode 68, i was a bit surprised at my own response. i remember the first time i saw it, being completely enamoured of the krishna story telling by khushi. leaping around, on top a table one second, basket on head the next, everyone watching mesmerised, nature reflecting her recounting, crack of thunder, gust of wind, sound effects on cue, a feeling of ballet and dance drama, a play within a serial... the story of a father taking the eighth son of his wife to safety through calamity and miracles, his own uncle waiting to kill him... his protector... sheshnag... the behemoth serpent. oh i have heard this story so many times as a child, but nothing beat khushi's telling of it. sanaya irani, a zoroastrian, possibly never heard this story growing up, yet who'd believe this was not a part of her, so innocent her khushi, so into the moment, ready for the birth of little krishna. excitement gleaming in her eyes, even lavanya's complete lack of knowledge and interest not bothering her. 

i was really looking forward to it, thinking that would be the high point of my 22 minutes of therapy. but somehow, while i enjoyed it, it didn't give me the zizz i remembered. happens i guess, even the best of scenes loses a bit of its glory as time goes by.

but not a bit seems to have dissipated when it comes to watching asr. in fact, i feel he is getting stronger every watch. that shot of him walking into the house, and sensing her. how corny if i describe it to someone. yet, how absorbing if you happened to look at the television at that moment.

we call it acting, but with barun it seems to be a case of becoming. i am not a television watcher, nor a major movie buff... yet this young man's portrayal of his material just takes me to another place. which is why i come here even now, why i joined something called a tv serial forum in the first place.

saw him years ago in shraddha. thought he had something about him. but the serial was too raw, too clumsy to really show us the qualities that ipk and asr finally brought out. i now go back and watch scenes from shraddha, bhph. he actually becomes swayam khurana in the sketchily drawn character, and then the better drawn but still not all the way there shravan jaiswal. have a feeling  in all three cases, i include asr here, the actor really filled out and completed the character. of course, guided to a lesser or greater extent by the writers and directors, but the final push came from him. when i see swayam, i see this element more and more now. it always fills my heart. i can feel the ah growing inside. a certain sense of satisfaction.  one might even call it happiness.

yes, hot damn sexy he is, and terribly awfully attractive, but what keeps me here, has me in withdrawal, is that becoming. an example in the shot above. i could feel what he felt.

he was sensing this girl. and somehow the flying strands of hair, so filmi and the language of another era of film making, the gust of wind swirling, studied pause in story telling, everything felt natural, normal, perfect. lasted a few seconds... made the episode for me.

the phone rang and she picked it up. her hello got a rude "kaun?" why were his eyes so bright, did he know that at her very thought he came alive? sanaya had the perfect come back, "kans??!" a really clever actor, she is one of very few women actors that i've seen who really has a sense of comedy. she seems to not be "acting" at all when doing this kind of thing. deadly timing, at times sharper than barun's. if only our serials had a space for an intelligent, cool female character. this eternal bahu playing, traditional, modern, whatever but clearly labelled and marked "bahu" or wanna be bahu, most tiring. especially for a pretty scary bahu like me. some day i would like to see these two together doing something totally different and opening up the world of characters some more for me. 

"di ko phone doh!" that rough, abrupt grating thing in his voice. i could dunk it in a hot cup of tea and eat it up happily. my perception and sensory abilities do crazy stuff around this fellow's work.

khushi is eating again. this time to get some courage, if not equanimity. she makes it to bravado, tries to talk to him. he of course is witheringly rude. my knees are turning to water.

have a feeling so are hers, only that her experience and sheltered life with very staid views of what's a good man, etc., just don't let her understand this is not kans, this is the man whose flute she hears, who rings her bell. again across episode played nat khat nand kissore. who is kans, who is shyam, come ons, tells me tells me, he seemed to ask us all.

when khushi thought she had the upper hand, she tried to go into the offensive with a nicely twisted, turned, "suna aapne," eyes narrowing, voice getting testy. but before she could warm to the themes, a clear "beep," he's switched off the phone. one of the sexiest things i've seen in a while. ah this mistaken notion that sexy is taut muscles, bare bodies, visible skin. all some people have to do is switch off he phone with a certain look... fully clothed in, far away from object of desire, surrounded by loud, loads of not considered very sophisticated marigold garlands.

little krishna was in a seriously playful mood today, so he made sure some of his favourite butter fell just where he knew two people would cross each other's path. i will digress for a moment, have i ever said before how proud i am of the creatives and the mindset of this household that rahim chacha, clearly not hindu, is often seen handling food for the temple, entering the prayer area, etc.? no heavy discussion on this theme, but this clear message that one can value tradition and still be open minded, not segregating people on the basis of cast, creed, religion, gender, i love it. nani ji was truly a woman who deserved to have a woman's day. this character made me super proud. dadi was her opposite... forget someone of a different religion, she wouldn't let a "servant" in to prayer space. she obviously knows nothing of meera, "mohe chakar rakho ji, " her song to krishna. somewhere, we are all serving, all servants of the eternal... that's the ultimate job meera seeks. as you can see krishna is playing with my mind too.

but far more engaging, the rabba vey he has organised. asr walks into the house, khushi walks out of the kitchen, again lavanya becoming a cause of her reaching asr just then, just there. both know the other is nearby, only not exactly where. and two people stride toward each other at right angles... she slips on bal gopal's stolen butter and lands in kans's arms. another pretty ridiculous to describe, but impossible to look away from or not feel, embrace. drink to me only with thine eyes, and i will pledge with mine (to celia by ben jonson). i sat and got tipsy watching the two, a smile easing onto my lips. i mean, shouldn't i be reading shakespeare or something or maybe saving the world? at 53 surely there's a nobler pursuit. what can i say? i was happy, hope that counts in some way toward all good things.

then that yellow veil floated down.

 
why, i wondered. later when akash came and proceeded to look sweetly smitten he clutched a yellow material in his hands. why, again i wondered. maybe yellow has some meaning, something to do with ties... yes, of course colour of haldi (can't say that word now without thinking of a cheek coming close, stubble in nat khat mood)... and haldi is an essential part of wedding. or maybe, the director simply liked the red/green/ yellow colour combination. needs a ponder.

he was mad at her, how lovely. and was about to start of, "tum..." but di interrupted them and they went their own ways. but when khushi asked di to give her a mo, he just had to turn back and look at her. for. no. reason.

maybe that look back got him even more gussa. when talk of khushi staying back started, he appeared out of nowhere to just insult her for no reason, "overtime ke double paise offer karo... shauk se rukegi," offer her twice the money in overtime, she's stay back. 

khushi was in no mood to take it, so hurt though shew as, she shot back via anjali, everything can't be bought with money.

yeah right, har cheez, par tum. not everything, but you...

this is full frontal attack. she has riled him... neither she knows why, nor he... but she can feel it, and he, oh yes, he can so feel it.

......................

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