be my ranjha be my heer

look at me
don't you know me or am i
for eternity your stranger
though across
the myriad skies
through vast unending universes
as time bends
and space complies
i walk toward you

in me through me beyond me and beyond
i walk toward you
won't you look at me?

it is i
i who am lost
i who must find
i who am found
when you look at me

far away in the worlds expanding
where reality meets a million other realities
there you and i only you and i
are
we are
for eternity
come near me here
look at me, won't you now?

and she asked him:

tumse jab jo bura kaha usska koi matlab nahin

tumhare saath jab jo bura kiya usska koi matlab nahin

iss pyaar mein sahi aur galat ka koi matlab nahin

sirf ek cheez ka matlab hai

main hamesha... hamesha... tumse.

tumse kya?!


if  i've said terrible things to you, 
they don't mean a thing.
when i've done terrible things to you,
they don't mean a thing.
in this love, right and wrong have no meaning.
if anything has meaning,
it's only that i shall always... always... with you.
 
with you what?


if you need to go right now and see this scene, it's episode 222 you seek. cheers. 

your junoon your karaar... a vm

......................

heerranjha episodes
episode rambles
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heer oh

actors create another universe for us... take us to places everyday life sometimes has no access to. you, sanaya, took me to such a far away place in me, where there was so much fun and madness and beauty, and yes, sublime, intoxicating romance. three years are almost over since you got me there, and no, i still haven't returned to planet earth, to the mundane, the ordinary. no back to normal, no sign of it. thank you for that "kahin aur ek jagah".

how sensuous was this, how lovely.

episode 222 where forever lies

......................

heerranjha episodes
episode rambles
fanfiction

episode 258 to love

a long time ago, when he was still involved with another girl, in fact engaged to her, he had forgotten everything and remembered only her. khushi. for she had looked troubled, distracted, fragile and brittle. like the pieces of the mug that had broken when she'd dashed against him by the poolside in her rush to get away from something terrible.

he had been angry, but then that was usual. then he had seen her eyes and everything had turned in a chaotic pulse beat to driving urgent concern, worry. what was the matter with khushi? why was she in this state? had anyone hurt her... then horror dawning... had her... had her... and no matter how much it hurt to say it he had asked if her fiance, her mangetar had done anything... did he do anything to hurt you? the flare of protective anger in his being, his eyes, the instinct to guard her, to not spare anyone who had hurt her.

she had almost said yes, almost told him what her fiance had done, but then she had fled.

leaving him worried, disoriented, unable to focus on anything. not his girlfriend even; he was unable to hide his feelings... he had openly shown his concern, his sister had noticed... so had his girl friend.

he had called her again and again that day. and finally when she'd picked up the phone, he had raged, "don't you ever, ever do this to me again... samjhi tum!!" the first time perhaps clearly saying... she mattered.

to him.

of course the layers of anger and his long nurtured defence, his fortress of indifference, and khushi's complete mental disarray at that moment had come in the way of a real delving into that unguarded statement of his.

"pata hai kabse phone baja raha hoon main... tumne phone nahin kyun uthaya...kitne pareshan ho gaya tha main" do you know for how long i have been trying to call you... why didn't you pick up the phone... i was so worried, he had yelled... then he had somehow controlled his ire and let his concern, his need to hear that she was ok come to the fore...

"khushi...khushi... talk to me..."

she had been dumbstruck... still fragile.

"tum theek ho?" he had asked his classic question to her, perhaps itself a semaphore signal, a telegraphic code of his vast emotion, his deep feelings for her. three little words.

"kahan ho tum!" he wanted to know where she was, what was the matter, was she alright... this is a man supposedly to whom she means nothing, koi matlab nahin, he had left no opportunity to let her know she meant nothing to him, she had no importance in his life.

then he had gone running back to his wall of don't care. no he was not at all concerned about her, it was the work not getting done that bothered him.

today again a phonecall has been made. it is he who is where no one knows. only one call, and everyone must be reached through it...

did he even know or think he would reach the one he really needed to now.

then or now, it was always her.

the faraq only perhaps is he now knows exactly why... kyun faraq padta hai. and going even further he knows... that is all that matters.

that she matters.

to him.

the episode moved not too elegantly but surely toward the call. there was anxiety building in khushi about the whereabouts of asr. she tried to pretend he called when di's worry started to peak, so unlike chhotey, not to call, even though she has left a message. nani caught khushi's lie.

khushi and nani's confabulations by the pool were overheard by masala mama, who ran to his cousin manorama, who slowly extracted the truth and spoke loudly so, most conveniently, di could overhear... and in this chinese whispers the main message managed not to get lost.

chhotey hasn't reached london, di cried... and the glass of milk fell to the ground.

an inauspicious sign no doubt.

all along shyam was seen noting the events, twitching, fretting.

foolish me thought then, he was not the big bad guy, just a sicko henchman. alas.

when matters were taken all the way to let's call the cops, shyam sidled out of the room pretty fast and seconds later the phone rang.

anjali picked up the phone as nani wondered who could be calling so late at night.

she said, "hello!" then her expression changed, she exclamed, "chhotey!"

swiftly, and just like with her brother, relief turned to anger, "chhotey, tum kahan pe ho, tumhe pata hai hum log tumhari kitni chinta kar rahe hain. tumne pahunchne ke baad ek phone bhi nahin kiya... ek message bhi nahi kiya, chhotey!" you didn't even call once after reaching, not even a message you sent, chhotey!

and we have the first new shot of him in almost nine days, after 251.

his head is bent, then he raises it and his face is sombre. almost expressionless. hair flops on forehead, the only sign that he is not in complete control, yet a certain poise.

"di, i'm sorry, main..."

and di butts in with an angry "sorry!"

khushi swallows.

"tum jaantey ho hum yahan pe kitna pareshan ho rahe hain..." do you know how pareshan we all are here...

pareshan... an echo of that conversation from episode 141.

"haan di main london nahin gaya, kyunki mujhe last moment par scotland aana pada..." yes, di, i didn't go to londsn had to come to scotland last minute.

now why did this feel so terribly asr.. find a solution, no matter what, don't hurt di, the fam... don't make them worry. i will get things done.. i am here...

even if a man is pointing a gun at him as we soon realise... mind is thinking.

when di says "tum theek toh ho na..." as someone who loves you would i guess, he replies with that cool that is asr...

"yeah, di i'm fine."

nani grabs the phone.

"chhotey, kaisan hain aap?" chhotey, how are you. her tears and smiles mingle as she tells him she will forgive him this one last time.

and that flicker of the eye, the slight hesitation... what will i tell her to make sure she is reassured, unconsciously a little vulnerability maybe in the eyes... he is so like her in many ways.

silence... then, "ji, nani" to her command to call no matter how busy with a look at khushi... brilliant acting by jayshree t i thought. also by daljeet, her body language when she realises it's chhotey, she sort of sits up, thrusting forward, life in her suddenly.

hello hi bye bye gestures that the phone be given to her, and she rushes in, "arnab bitwa, bhat you dooj?!!"

on the face of asr, a little frown maybe... it's his whacky mami.

"haan mami, bas woh," was there a slight smile?

mami's question about "isskatland se ka laane wale ho?" what are you getting me from scotland, gets the smiles going...

perhaps something feels normal... at last. it has been two days in captivity, no idea what's coming. he tied in ropes to a chair as we shall soon see. a man of extreme energy, strength, always active, suddenly stationery... bound. why am i thinking of samson tied. often a sense of a mythic hero comes by and seems to recognise something of itself in asr... and leaves a trace of it behind as it leaves.

yes, this time definitely a smile as mami prattles.

"khushi, abhi toh thoda muskura de, ab toh arnav ji ka phone bhi aa gaya," payal urges a her forlorn younger sister to smikle, now that arnav ji has called. she obviously can't bear to see khushi the ever sprightly girl in this state.

"iskatland se isskiretwa leke aao... kaisan ho tum?" mami's talk continues.

he is silent. onto aakash who takes the phone from his mother with a "zara mujhe ..."

asr's face is impassive as he lies to akash in a confident voice... aman doesn't know of this deal.

then a slight hesitation, "l-listen main, shayad touch mein nahin rah paaoonga.." i may not be able to stay in touch. asr is making sure his fam does not worry.

the reception here no good... don't tell di... "phaltoo mein tension lengi..." will be tense for no reason.

"di ka aur..."  a "k" is stuck back of his throat wanting to rush out... "khushi ka khyal rakhna."

take care of di and khushi. a thickening of voice... he may never see them again and be able to do just that. his duty, his desire only to take care of these two people... he knows at this moment, this may never happen again.

 

the piano trills, my heart again flips... why so much sincerity, mister... why should you give such a convincing take... you are just a tv actor, plus you are doing double shifts as you shoot for that movie of yours. you are tired... just give a take and go... not that your telly serial will be judged at cannes or anything. but no, you got to do it just right... right?

then akash surprised him, without asking, "achha bhai aap khushi ji se baat kijiye..." okay, speak to khushi ji...  eyes widened and gleamed ever so slightly.

rabba vey rose.

seemed as though this bit all creatives had woken up for.

khushi looked struck by a terrible emotion... she took the phone and walked away from the rest.

this phone somehow precious beyond all now, her path to arnav ji.

he waited as if to hear her but she said nothing, at last he got ready to speak.

he closed his eyes, pursed his lips, a streak of emotion unsettling.

at last he called out, lips  trembling a bit, unsure? what was it...

"khushi" intimate, special every time, an appeal, a connection.

and the gust of wind rose.

her eyes said she had heard that call. after so long, her name on his lips. she had probably despaired wondering would she ever hear it. how he had called her in her dream... but now he was here, just across that line.

camera closed up on asr's face... a vulnerability now certainly.

hearing his voice a dam broke and tears came... she had been saying again and again all will be well while filling up with the worst fears...

now he spoke to her...

he listens carefully, the breeze does its thing... it seems to wrap around them and create a separate space, somewhere outside this given physical reality for them... "yahan na sahi, shayad kahin aur ek duniya hogi, jahan tum... aur main kabhi alag nahin hongey" ranjha's words had painted a picture of a world elsewhere where he and her would never be separated... the wind seemed to create just that.

he struggles to say something, she grabs the phone with her other hand too... him, that's who she wants to hold, the phone is just a proxy... she is trying to keep him with her.

"kh.. khushi i'm fine, main theek hoon.. okay..." a breezy voice, level, yet urgent and strangely palpable, as though it is murmuring against her skin...

he's rushing a bit, he wants so much to make her feel alright... he knows she is collapsing... he just knows... what a simply gorgeous understanding of an emotion. i wonder who wrote this bit.

sensitive writing all of a sudden after a while, felt so good,.

"please mat ro..." please don't cry. he sounds so sincere, almost close to tears himself, my legs feel weak and this is i don't know how manyeth time. i feel like a fake marketeer "talking up" a product, but really this is so product worth putting every bit of your money on.

she sobs silently.

rabba vey.

he waits, then,

"khushi bas... bas stop..." a little asr command.

she cries away.

a  slightly impatient asr head turn, "khushi, rona... band karo." stop crying.

why do his lips look so tender, why do they tremble a bit... asr? what's up.

and the melody sweetens, softens, sings a bit, his heart wants to say something... "khushi, main..."

his mouth opens but the words are not there yet...

"khushi, main... woh..."

he must say this... he must.

she weeps, she senses he struggles... but she really has no idea why...

he waits, she grabs the phone in two hands again... hmm hm hmm hums rabba very

and he says it...

"khushi, i love you..."

the volume is  a bit higher, the echo clearer.

but no one put anything in the eyes... that was all him.

her eyes widen.

on his face the most open vulnerable look... not since the day he was missing his mother and buried his face against his sister, this lack of mask. an open expression. simple, true, no game, nothing... a man in love on a phonecall to his beloved holding her close in his heart, telling her he loves her, bas.

at last the undercurrents always flowing below their conversations were heard and said clearly what it was he had really said with every shut up, get out, tum jaisi ladki, seatbelt, tum theek ho, don't you ever... ever do this to me... samjhi tum, koi matlab nahin... and most of all with mujhe faraq nahin padta. 

khushi main...

khushi main woh...

khushi, i love you

......................

kidnap episodes
episode rambles

fanfiction

episode 222 where forever lies

look at me
don't you know me or am i
for eternity your stranger
though across
the myriad skies
through vast unending universes
as time bends
and space complies
i walk toward you

in me through me beyond me and beyond
i walk toward you
won't you look at me?

it is i
i who am lost
i who must find
i who am found
when you look at me

far away in the worlds expanding
where reality meets a million other realities
there you and i only you and i
are
we are
for eternity
come near me here
look at me, won't you now?


jab jo bura kaha uska koi matlab nahin.
 
the sets were pretty tacky, the costumes over the top. story was slipping away, suddenly, perhaps only for trp, a "chemistry" moment was devised; fairly outlandish lines written and a competition presented which certainly no billionaire/millionaire/harvard educated tycoon would take part in... two young actors, now working for nearly 11 months nonstop, often 12 hours a day, barely any time off, who could feel the tensions of the production house, the pressure for trp, the unhinging of the script they'd done their best to communicate, and who knew exactly what was not quite it about this moment, decided to give it their best anyway. and so instead of me rolling on the whatever and laughing my head off as i saw this sequence and heard the words, i sat transfixed and watched them again and again. sanaya weaving a fantasy world with a twirl and a float of dupatta, a dip in the voice, a smile, a question in the eyes; barun walking straight into the crazy fantasy, leaving all hesitations behind. only then would all this work, and we'd believe in that other place, the "kahin aur ek duniya hogi jahan tum (divine pause) aur main (surrender in the voice)..." and of course the "main hamesha hamesha tumse..." a sentence left incomplete, just like his "faraq padta hai kyunki..." would have us in a state forever. mad thought: once upon a time in tele serial land kyunki belonged to a saas, now it belongs to a hot young businessman and the ultimate non saas bahu serial, a gorgeous romance, an epic tale of love and uff that chemistry.

nani, ranjha male tha, toh costume bhi male hi hoga na...  khushi ko stage pe jaane kyun diya? nani, ranjha was a guy, so the costume will also be that of a guy, won't it?... why did you let khushi go to the stage?

when episode started, it was asr, bristly and impatient, fed up with this silly show thing. nani, of course, relentless in her pursuit to get grandson closer to his wife. and now a concern for the hated one just as nani had hoped to provoke. the girl who brought happiness into the home... nani had a feeling for her...

he's horrified when nani holds the dark jacket of ranjha's against him.

khushi waits. sanaya lovely in red gaudy costume. filmi, punjabi lungi (am i right?) inspired heer outfit.

announcement is made... nani ji is still missing.

she is pushed onto the stage... we are about to see khushi do her darti hai par karti hai thing... ad libbing desperately. trying to keep an impatient and uncouth audience engaged. seems in ipk, no one other than the cast had any manners... ridiculously rude guests came home, attended parties and shows.

"r...ranjha..." she calls out loud and clear..."ranjha?"

she whips around, turns her back to all, starts praying and eating. one moment heer, next moment khushi... sanaya calibrating beautifully.

hum heer hai aur aaj hamari shadi hai! i am heer and today is our wedding. laughter all around... she's defeated. too many fumbling attempts have failed.

a shadow floats in on a gust of wind. this was for me the most breathtaking moment of the episode. that arrival on stage... a man committed to his wife. always there. the rest of it was lovely, but this is where my heart leapt and i smiled and felt a sense of sanctity... and utter excitement.

yeh koi business deal nahin hai... ek stoopid sa competition hai, this is not a business deal, he'd told his grandma, this is a stupid competition... yet he is here.

hey hey the song, their song, starts to hum... unable to stay away like him.

there never was any choice, was there. ana toh tha hi... he had to come. why do some people pull us to them like this... defying all thought, all logic? arnav singh raizada, tycoon, arrogant dude, who thinks this is a stoopid sa competition... he is here, dressed as ranjha to save his wife from becoming a laughing stock.

his wife whom he hates.

hey hey hey, heyhey hey hey is all i can say.

applause all around, hecklers take a break. phew.

"arnav ji?" she's surprised... shocked... maybe a little confused.

"ranjha." he is dead sure.

one simple word and it says everything the way barun delivers it. i am here... i will always be here... whatever you need me to be, i'll be... as long as i am alive, no one can harm you or hurt you...

aaj hamari shadi hai, today is our wedding the writer had made heer say, are we going to see a wedding, a commitment ceremony, a little "hatke", a little ipk, through this heer ranjha tale?

and a quiet husband wife moment, lovers moment, haters moment...

communication, us against the world.

a voice in submission and simple in its trust... trust, i remember all the trust exercises you do before acting in anything. it is all about that one thing, isn't it?

when he tells her... khushi, mujhe ek line nahin aati hai, i don't know a single line, nani ji sent me... tum kuchh karo, do something... he puts complete trust in her. in some part of him, he always knew she could be relied upon.

kuchh bolo! say something, his voice is urgent.

"uh!" she's still gawking.

aur jaldi bolo, khushi, and say it quickly, khushi!

at that "khushi" she seems to get it and, her expression resolves, her eyebrows dance... "heer," she replies.

both ranjha and heer are here.

jissko jee jaan se chahte hain... jab usse nazron ke saamne paate hain... tab aankhe bolti hain... when the one you desire with all your heart is before your gaze, then eyes speak... his eyes are indeed talking... zuban nahin... not the tongue. she smiles, eyes brimming with that feeling.

yeh hum jaantey hain... yeh aap jaantey hain... iss mein sawal wohi kartey hain jinhe pyaar kya hai uski hawa tak nahin... this i know, and you know, and those who ask questions are ones who know nothing of love. at last khushi gives it back to the rude audience.

jo tum mehsoos karti ho... jo main mehsoos karta hoon... his words play in my head... what you feel is what i feel, what you know is what i know... because maybe we are somewhere become just one. even though nothing seems to say that on the surface.

a beautiful moved expression on anjali's face. a sister who loves her brother and wants to see him happy... a kind of love that is pristine and sacred too.

arnav ji, hum jo shuru karenge, aap woh poora kijiye. arnav, what i will start... please complete it. isn't that what life partners do? how lovely the choice of words around love and being always together.

today heer ranjha are getting married...and the tableau begins.

jisski baansoori ke dhun sunke... she is telling her tale and krishna peeps in on a flute dhun... he turns to watch his beautiful lover, his tormentor, spin her yarn...

jisski sirf ek nazar se mujhe khud ka hone ka ahsaas hua... just one look of whose made me understand my existence as me.

his longing surges as he hears her words... does he want them to be true?

jisne mere liye har sitam sahe... who accepted every torment for me... and heer does a khushi nautanki move...

beautiful, the strokes go deep dense at times, then break on a light note... varying, lifting me to each of the moods...

aur jiske liye maine har sitam bhula diya... and for whom i forgot every torture... she carried not a single grudge, letting it all pass... he knows she is somewhere telling their tale even if not consciously or maybe that's how he sees it for that feels like their story to him... he is getting lost in it. funny thing is, so am i...

jisse main bahut waqt tak milti rahi aur jisse... main bahut waqt tak juda rahi... whom i kept meeting for a long time... and from whom i was apart for a long time...

bahut waqt.

a sadness in the air...then she lifts it with... aaj ussi ranjhe se meri shadi hone jaa raho hai... today, that very ranjha am i to be married to.

another twirl.

main... kehne ko heer, lekin dil se ranjha... i... though i may be called heer, but at heart i am ranjha. again that concept of oneness.

ranjha ranjha kehte kehte diwani hui... i have gone mad saying his name... lekin aaj... but today... and she twirls again... happy now... main bahut khush hoon.

she is a consummate actress... he is moved by her act. she is khushi, she is heer, she is the woman he can't live without...

she smiles... lights dim... and sanaya moves to one of the most haunting scenes of  ipk, her hand goes up to portray a mirror. she speaks looking at herself, a bride to be, completely immersed in thoughts of her lover.

i don't know how much to dress for my ranjha... he swallows... if i look into the mirror, it is him that i see.

shadi ki mithai... aaj main zahar bhi kha loon toh bhi meetha lagega. wedding sweets... today if i have poison even it shall taste sweet.

the legend says, heer was given poisoned sweet to kill her before her marriage to ranjha...

so much poison had entered khushi and asr's life. he'd tried to hold it all in him, but it had burned her nonetheless. that is love i guess, there is poison in it, but you still have it anyway... love and death, somehow always intertwined... but a death that seems to want to take us out of here... to eternal life...

khushi, bata dena kab aana hai. khushi, tell me when i have to come in, he says as she comes close.

thodi der main... in a while.

aur phir... and then? 

phir aap ke zindagi ke sabse achhe aur ranjhe ki zindagi ke sabse buri ghadi aaygi... and then the happiest moment of your life and the worst of ranjha's will come. she says it with relish, a dash of anger there.

matlab? meaning? he is genuinely perplexed.

she smiles and gives it to him.

hum mar jayenge... i shall die. he's shocked. he hadn't expected this.

he is not good around anything to do with death of a loved one. it shatters him, scatters him, he can't deal with it. he certainly can't jest about khushi's death. a childhood incident comes to mind perhaps? in an instant he is in a terrible place.

yeh hume kya ho raha hai... ranjha... ranjha?  what's happening to me, ranjha... ranjha? khushi is getting into a convincing heer is poisoned act.

she lies on the floor. a tension.

then he speaks."heer..." fear in the voice.

asr is making it up as he goes along. he sinks to the floor by her... "heer"... and urgency gathers.

utho, heer, get up... break in his voice, tears storming... he can't bear this, is it only an act? those tears?... the pleas come as tears threaten to drown every word.

heer, ek baar aankhe kholkar mujhe dekho... heer, main tumhare bina jee nahin sakta, open your eyes and look at me once, i can't live without you.

a rush in his words... his fears... barun is making it all real...

melodrama is a trap lying close by, how deftly he bypasses it and ranjha and asr blend and yet remain separate...

tumhare bina ranjha kuch nahin hai, heer... without you ranjha is nothing, heer.

a voice rises in the background on a plaintive note, seeking upward. this is a carefully created sequence... set aside from the normal place of action and even time... meant to convey many things.

heer, main tumhe chhorkar chala gaya... apne man ko behla raha tha... ki mujhe koi faraq nahin padta... par tum toh janti ho ki main tumhare bina jee nahin sakta? i left you and went away, trying to fool myself into believing it makes no difference, but you know i can't live without you.

he always was dependent on her knowing without having to be told... perhaps that's why it hurt so much more, that she... she could be in another's arms

jab jo kiya... jab jo kaha sab bhool jaao... bas wapas aa jaao... aaj kissi aur cheez ka koi matlab nahin... kissi jhoot ka, kissi sach ka... whatever i have done or said, forget them all, just come back, today nothing else matters, no lie, no truth...

nothing matters, truth lies beyond all that in a place where love lives eternally. unsullied and untouched.

bas ek cheez ka matlab hai... only one thing matters.

agar tum nahin to main nahin... if you're not there then nor am i.

tumne hi kaha tha na, heer, ki heer ke bina ranjha ka koi wajood nahin? agar heer hi zinda nahin hai to ranjhe ki zindagi ka koi matlab nahin... you'd said, hadn't you that without heer ranjha has no existence? if heer is not alive, then ranjha's life has no meaning.


her irises move... she has to respond to all that is there in his voice, his words... she'd been lying still... he had gotten carried away... thinking that she was gone... at long last i understood that... so every word he said was what he wanted to say. had to say... he could not live without her, it was as simple as that.

as she breathed... and he calmed a bit, the beautiful lines... their reality is what it is... but yahan na sahi, shayad kahin aur ek duniya hogi... jahan tum.. aur main... kabhi alag nahin honge... even if not here, perhaps there is a world somewhere where you and i will never be separated... so rumi like these thoughts.

this is asr talking... all emphasis, inflection breath pattern that determined man's... 

i will eat the poison that takes you... take me to you... to that place where we will never be alone. yes, asr will take the poison, whatever is her lot he will accept as his. he bites into the sweet and plays the last sequence of the story, now letting go, falling toward her as he too goes where she is.

jab jo bura kaha usska koi matlab nahin... jab jo bura kiya usska koi matlab nahin... iss pyaar mein sahi aur galat ka koi matlab nahin. whatever terrible things i have said, mean nothing... whatever terrible things i have done, mean nothing... in this love right and wrong have no meaning.

voice broken, deep, giving, honest... goosbumps on my arms again.

music has moved to rabba vey.

bas ek cheez ka matlab hai... ki main... hamesha hamesha.. tumse... only one thing has meaning... that i... always always... with you...

his eyes close, a sentence is left unfinished.

last strains of rabba vey.

she opens her eyes... feelings in them she had not felt for a while.

at last he opens his eyes and she must ask, were you saying something? a tender hopeful moment. she would forgive him everything if he'd only say what he had started to say.

uh, kya? er, what?

no, he is not going to say it... back to reality he comes. and all its anger. its hurt. its arrogance. its broken hearted wretched feeling.

he helps her up, holds her hand, takes the bow, both looking gorgeous together... i didn't care none of this made any sense.

but he was not going to give in...

  
while checking for the dialogues, i happened to notice the date of first telecast, 3 april... the man in my life and i started dating officially on that nice april day in 1983. serial drama moment. this would be a good time to make the camera focus on my face and his repeatedly. i called him to tell him about the date, "do you remember the scene with heer ranjha, did you see it?" i asked... but before i could finish he cut in, "oh of course, the one where they wore costumes hired from maganlal dresswallah!" apparently, it's where nani ji got her pink costume from, and such things once seen are burned in the memory... never ever to be forgotten. i am still rofling, let me check if that name is the right one. inbhestigationia kareka padi.

it was motilal dresswala... close enough to the famous maganlal. this being ipk, guess it had to be moti or one of krishna's many names.

he'd walked away but in the dressing room, a feeling catches up with him.

while smartly fixing his sleeves, his eyes fall on her earring...  he had left earlier, but now his heart wants to stay and linger and touch and have. he reaches for it almost mesmerised and holds it... and lifts it up, looking at it with a need, an anguish, love and something exploding. a man in love, a man in a terrible quandary, a man hurting.

so much in that one gesture... 
and she sees him there  like that...

she knows yet she needs to be told. layers in both of them, inner, inner still, at so many each embedded in the other... yet one needs to know, the other won't tell.

she reaches for her earring, he passes it to her... yes, he was holding it in his hand, he is not going to deny it but he won't say what she wants to hear. he can't... he looks at her with so many things in his eyes, and then he turns away.

she tells him to not turn away when she is addressing him, what he expects of others is now expected of him. he can't turn away like that. a wife demands her right... shows her huq, behind that a lover pleads, tell me tell me that you love me forever.

but he won't. that was not him, that was ranjha. no, she roars, that was you, arnav singh raizada. he can't let her break him like this... he thrusts forward aggressively, no that was just me doing this whole thing only for my family... do you understand?

the aggression hurts her, drains her. leave, she says, leave, like you always do. a beautiful woman wanting to hear the words that make her feel like herself. a beautiful man who walks away thinking he can... heer and her ranjha. ranjha and his heer.

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