parched

when was the last time / it rained... / and i was drenched /
parched am i, come / rain... / in torrents / unfettered unshackled untramelled... fall /
fall upon me / ignite me... / immerse me... /
parched am i, come / fall upon me unrestrained

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

vm… in the rain

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rain and rabba vey episodes

episode rambles 
fanfiction

heer oh

actors create another universe for us... take us to places everyday life sometimes has no access to. you, sanaya, took me to such a far away place in me, where there was so much fun and madness and beauty, and yes, sublime, intoxicating romance. three years are almost over since you got me there, and no, i still haven't returned to planet earth, to the mundane, the ordinary. no back to normal, no sign of it. thank you for that "kahin aur ek jagah".

how sensuous was this, how lovely.

episode 222 where forever lies

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heerranjha episodes
episode rambles
fanfiction

the balloon man

addictive, isn't it... watching barun chuck a balloon in that oh that's so barun way? would asr be decorating the house with pink balloons for his absolute heart throb, dil khi dhadkan, the girl with whom you could fall in love like that, yoon pyaar ho jaye? think not. actually, know not. but still it's a scene i have to watch. and watch. 

there's that "yoon" in it.

also wondering, did the makers have a little lopsided smile on while planning this? bet they knew barun was often called "baloon" on the forum. 

okay, the man's got copyright on all and every kind of slanted, lopsided, gradiented, bent, crooked smile. so, we must sue you on grounds of copyright infringement. off with it. 

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i p k k n d ek jashn

episode rambles

fanfiction

ek dhun i heard too

just now while watching ek jashn episode 1, i noticed a lovely rendition of a few familiar bars of rabba vey on this scene. it was peppy, young, brusque, energetic rather than romantic, not too bothered with sounding right, something asr-ish in its don't care. and a pretty nice variation of a favourite tune. liked it. wondering if raju singh was involved... sounded like it. the dhun went: ta ta ta tatatata-ta ta... ta ta.. ta tatattata ta... also reminded me of that corny but cute kkg ta-ta.

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i p k k n d ek jashn

episode rambles

fanfiction

episode 27 moment in time

           episode 27


                                                                                   "khushi"

"then love knew it was called love.
and when i lifted my eyes to your name,
suddenly your heart showed me my way."
~~~ pablo neruda ~~~


"khushi."
 
the first time ever he called out her name. in panic, scared, uncanny feeling of disaster creeping in. almost a prayer. and she opened her eyes. 27 became magical at that very moment amid all the rain, thunder, lightning, and collapsing scaffolding. he had quickly connected the dots and realised she was most probably stranded in the dilapidated building. in seconds he was in his suv, angry with sinha, rushing to find her, eyes gripped by worry, maybe a trace of guilt too. felt like the longest drive possibly, he screeched to a halt at the guesthouse, almost crashing into the building. he looked at the structure and his feet spoke before his mind did.

he ran.

inside only darkness and clutter, but no sign of life. when he picked up the bag and saw her phone, he knew she was around and alone. fear seized his senses. his eyes stilled, then lit up imagining perhaps the worst.
her name came surging out of him. a desperate call. then once more, decibel ascending. what had started the week before, that blinding awareness which wouldn't leave him alone, making him angry, mad at her... that seemed to add on an unnamed emotion. the man who had hollered "miss gupta!" that same morning, just let go of his inhibitions and called out to her, it seemed to me, from somewhere deep deep inside.

khushi... khushi. and a new journey began.

he found his way to her finally. when he forced open the door and looked at her huddled in a corner in the dark, he was beside himself with relief and tension, both filling him at once. a man of quick decisions and action, he knew there wasn't much time to lose, he went up to her and looked at her, then bent down catching hold of her hand, intent on taking her away to safety.

tear stained, mind fuzzy with all the terrible feelings of the day, first his screaming and harshly sending her away, then the horror of being trapped in a crumbling building, crying out for help while no one listened, she was beyond resistance or thought. or so it seemed.

he pulled her up in one urgent motion, she stood up as her loosened plait gave way and her hair opened. as he looked at her, her hair flew wild like the elements outside, framing her beautiful face, now storm tossed. a feeling of great force entered and permeated the scene. words from a very old song floated into my mind... kuch na kaho, kuch bhi na kaho... samay ka ye pal thamsa gaya hai... aur is pal mein koi nahin hai... bas ek main hoon... bas ek tum ho. yes it did seem like that. there was him and her, and nothing else in the whole wide universe. not even time.

he felt it. i wonder if she did. or maybe there was too much passion of another kind in her at the moment for this to register.

we cross infinity with every step
we meet eternity in every second
~~~ rabindranath tagore ~~~ 

they hurtled out of the room. and as he went ahead, she suddenly stopped. he knew something was coming. he tried to gather his composure, tell her he had no idea... but she was in no mood to listen.

at last. after all that. everything that had transpired between them from the day they met. all his insults, his cruel behaviour, his inexplicable insults, his everything.

at last it all got to her.

and a rage more fierce than the elements outside broke. khushi let arnav singh raizada have it. no mr arnav singh raizada, you listen to me. she rode into him, lacerating in her fury, how dare he, how dare he do this to her. not just a minor this or a little that, your whole life is based on a wrong foundation.

magnificent gussa. asr had met his match it seemed.

she pushed him when he tried to hold her, she shoved him with all her might. her anger poured its lethal torrent, wanting to do permanent damage. in the end, he knew he had to act, if not anything, to stop her tirade, calm her down. and yes, his temper wasn't exactly languishing silently, it was rising at every word, every push from her. he caught hold of her arms and held her, determined to have his way. without words if necessary.

"never be afraid of the moments - thus sings the voice of the everlasting."~~~ rabindranath tagore ~~~

starting last week, it has been about moments. that have more in them than words or script can describe. everything is getting more murmurous with flutters of unknown unspoken feelings, instincts, senses. the sixth sense is at work and more compelling than the other five. the subtext is rich, richer.

today, three such moments. her name on his lips; the two of them caught in a space beyond time; the kindling of something in her expressed in wild anger.

when he saw her in her saree, then saved her and held her in the rain, something in him changed. he resisted, in his typical way. with gussa. but knowing she was in imminent danger, and he had put her there even if without realising, something in him shattered more. and felt more. the winds knew it. maybe even she did. let's see what happens tomorrow.

g.u.e.s.t.h.o.u.s.e.  e.p.i.s.o.d.e.s

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episode rambles

fan fiction

 

episode 175 a touch of turmeric

kahan khoyi hui ho, parmeswari?


where are you lost, parmeswari?

....

 
tum theek ho? tumhare gaal laal ho gaye... 


are you ok? your cheeks have gone red...



she starts, her bangles clink, she touches her cheek, worried.



hu..hum?


m..me?



theek ho tum!


you're ok!

... 

hamari chhoriye... hume toh lagta hai... aap bhi theek nahin hain...
... 
 forget about me, seems to me, you're also not ok

.

....



kahin... khoye hue ho?


are you... lost somewhere? 



main theek hoon, di.


i'm ok, di. 

175: the update

between the dupatta and the dori, did the poor guy ever have a chance? not that he was asking for one, pretty determined he seemed not to run away, even though he was a bit scared, oh yes he was. despite all the deep dark looks, the gruff demanding tones, the pull and the tug, he was a tad shaken, he'd never been this way before, and had no idea about the power of this feeling. this power is what would, strangely enough, make him err, then show him the path and take him to a happiness he'd never dared hope for himself, it would make him believe in life again. but for the time being the dori dupatta duo was busy making him flirtatious, angry, jealous, possessive, delighted all at once, and leaving him distracted and lost too. you had to feel for the man, hot and indomitable as he was.

and can barun sobti please try and look ordinary once in a while, might help the viewer focus.

it was her dupatta and her dori, interestingly, that played these games. not his tie and waistcoat. always something of hers would either seek his attention or stay back with him. some sort of knowledge in things bathed with her energy about where the future lay maybe? where she wanted to go, though at a conscious level she knew not? does this happen in life or is it just a way of telling a tale? no idea, but it gave a depth, a mystery to it all that i wouldn't give up for anything.

it was her sister that in a bout of haldi play pulled at her dori, the string that keeps her blouse secure at the back, and she ran off to the house where she'd been kissed for the first time ever, with a trepidation in her heart, but tied to duty, no idea the dori had come undone.

sisters were always important to their journey, in the happiest and most tumultuous ways. it was his sister a bit earlier who'd noticed that khushi ji was not quite alright after her bangle getting from chhotey's room. then she'd seen the triumphant, evil smile on her brother's face and known instantly something was up. this episode she would rope in nani ji to get these two together and play a lovely trick on her brother.

that life would play a trick and make her the cause of terrible things in this very "kuch toh baat hai" relationship, did she ever imagine.

it was not only that asr loved his sister and she was the reason he still bothered with life, he smiled, hoped, wanted. he'd told la way back, as long as di is happy that is all that matters, keeping the rest of the fam happy was not important as far as he was concerned. politically incorrect, but honest. and chhotey was equally important to di. she would do nothing to hurt her brother, would shield him from everything if she could, and she wished him only happiness. yet she would be the reason for him to feel terrifying pain and commit wrong. did she ever imagine that?

he had never felt love for a woman, he could even now only call it a "faraq" but he knew he just wanted her, khushi, in his life, and she was in his heartbeat and he'd never hurt her. yet he did. more than perhaps anyone ever had. did he ever imagine that.

these ironies of life. these twists and turns that seem to come out of nowhere and try us and our feelings in ways unimaginable. they made pk just plain beautiful.

had he just loved anjali but she not loved him back with equal strength, and been involved in that budding feeling of his the way she was, the night of doom would have not had the pulse it did. had he not loved khushi with that desperate need, and the innocence of a man who was in love for the first time, had he not been so mistaken thanks to that, had he had even one rational thought and asked pertinent questions, and not have done what he did, would they have ever known the power and passion of this love? would we?

how would they realise the essential nature of pyaar... jab jo bura kaha uska koi matlab nahin... jab jo bura kiya uska koi matlab nahin... iss pyaar mein sahi aur galat ka koi matlab nahin... bas ek cheez ka matlab hai... ki main.. hamesha.. hamesha... tumse...

how would we be reacquainted with the core of it all. you know it is love, when nothing matters but that love.

in a way shyam played the game that would show them the ultimate truth, beyond all and every misunderstanding. that they loved each other, no matter what. krishna's messenger he was too really, the one with the ugly face.

dupatta, dori, turmeric paste anointed 175, lots and lots of ishara of what might come. oh the two sisters in the night and the tears that somehow weddings trigger, amid that khushi's little speech, "bas ab rona mat, jiji... ya phir tum ro lo, kyunki phir hum bhi ro denge, shadi se pehle hum apne saare aansoo baha denge, taki bidaai ke waqt, na tum ro-ogi... a finger points to her lovely elder sis, a determined little girl not gonna cry... aur na hum."

now don't cry, jiji... or you cry, then i'll cry too, all our tears we shall weep before the wedding, so that when it's time to leave, neither will you shed a tear... nor i.

we instinctively know the opposite of that will come to pass.

yes, there were many hints like that, and maybe in the crafting of those, something suffered. 175 felt somewhat directionless, its pace not quite right, and shyam seemed to have a view of all that was happening anywhere and everywhere in rm, without moving an inch from where he was.

dhak dhak sequences between asr and khushi however. some with a little help from nk, krishna's good looking resident rep with a double role as a little sparkle in an old widow's drab world. some deadly asr khushi scenes thanks to di though she may not know. she brought in the whole bangle thing after all. unfortunately, not enough reaction shots from asr, we were given the same frame taken at the doorway in the morning again and again. took something away, perhaps they had no time to shoot so much.

the state of mind of asr and khushi, i felt that was the most lovely thing in this episode. look at her after he's just kissed her. her first ever kiss. she the good, small town girl, who'd never let anyone other than her husband do such a thing. what would she do, slap him maybe? no.she looks shocked, upset... then with an endearing moue pushes him away, not so rough, like a "jao bhi tum" in a sweet hindi movie way. she's flustered but not furious. and off comes the dupatta in a swirl released from his hand. nice direction... reel in, now out. she moves back.

"maine kaha tha na, nahin kar paaogi..." told ya, you wouldn't be able to... says he, daring her. he does want that kiss from her. she looks troubled, lost even, what was happening to her... and runs off without a word.

a pause on him... he seems to be feeling a bit better, a thoughtfulness.

 

of course, then he has to descend with that conqueror smile, and she must panic, and be so completely lost in thoughts of her first kiss back at home that buaji would have to shout, "kahan khoyi ho, parmeswari?" and jiji would echo, "kahan khoyi ho, khushi?"

 

and in ipk style, at end of episode, after he has got the kiss he'd longed for and it's having an impact he wasn't prepared for, it would be his di who'd come and say, "kahin? khoye hue ho?" what's up, brother? are you lost somewhere?

a state of mind established and a neat tying in of the two sisters with it.

the dupatta and a haldi morning.

turmeric with its bright insistent colour, considered pure, purifying, important for many reasons in hinduism, is present at hindu weddings with a whole ceremony devoted to it. amongst bengalis "gaye holud" is a major part of wedding. turmeric paste is applied on the bridegroom by his mother, aunts, cousins, in a happy noisy function with plenty play. a bit of the paste is touched to his body and mixed with turmeric paste that will be sent by the groom's family to the bride's home for her ablutions and haldi. her trousseau from the groom's side will accompany it.when in a huff and looking gorgeous, ticked off with her teasing, asr handed her his tray suddenly, grabbed her dupatta and wiped the haldi off his face, this was what i was most reminded of. his paste on her, exactly as in gaye holud. that night surely they had to be married.

di had put that haldi on him, "yeh kaam bhi ho gaya," this work too is done, she'd said in glee. and what work it does in turn.the haldi meeting happened at the doorway, an utterly public yet curiously private spot. their spot. almost as knowing as the poolside. they've met here at every stage of their journey, they've felt many different things standing here. today, he practically claimed her as the chosen one when he took that dupatta in his hand without permission. and did she yell at him for this transgression? no. just like with that kiss, this intimate, brusque move was somehow hers to own as well, as he owned her.

hotness himself and sunshine are at the doorway, face to face, taken aback, yet completely hooked.

there he stands, haldi on cheek.

she notices the yellow paste on the impeccable visage and laughs.

he glances down at his cheek, at her. cool, irrritated look, very irked, "hasna band karo," stop laughing, says asr. how did barun make that sound sexy not silly?

miss sanka, till now so worried about the kisser, forgets all in her chance to giggle, or is that a relief from those other feelings. she tries to keep a straight face. bursts out again.

he ain't liking it.

"gaal pe haldi lagake, aap bilkul cartoon jaise..." with that turmeric on your cheek you look a cartoon... er, khushi, this is asr, doesn't take kindly to being laughed at you know.

cold look... "stop it," he cuts in...

beat beat beat beat.. music in...new one again. such a novel situation this.

eyes narrow.

she covers her mouth to control laughter.

he has had enough... hands her his tray, picks up her dupatta, wipes his cheek before she can even blink.

she's shocked. he wipes once more.

"see? ab hassi ruk gayi," see? now the laughter stops.

there is just so so so much in this little moment. a little boy who wants to shut that little girl up. an arrogant man who hates being laughed at and loves to win. a young woman who thinks she hates him but does she? a lover who believes he has a right over the one he loves. and a whole haldi ceremony. a paste that touched my body is now on your dupatta, the piece of cloth that covers you, protects your body from unwanted gaze. a touch of turmeric that says you are mine.

if it was henna yesterday, today is turmeric's day, night will belong to vermilion.

there was "a" on her palm, now he's on her dupatta, the keeper of her respect... soon he will be in her sindoor, always hers... hamesha.

he grabs his stuff and leaves. but before going, a palat. a typical look back. just to taunt her a bit about that bet... oh he wants that kiss. but...

"khushi ji!"

it's nk once more. he with his camera and the never to be utilised footage.

oh wow, the bride's sis, the groom's bro, a bit of haldi here and some there too, why khushi ji, were you playing at your home too? the exuberant nk is filming everything and talking nonstop.

asr is looking irritated. nk is insisting she come in, she demurs, then again she notices an angry young man, and plays her game. she smiles brightly... nanhe ji, ok i'll come with you.

the angry man starts to smile as they leave. oh he knows madam is doing her thing, she's as much in this thing as he is. divine heavenly flirting on... i need some now.

the dupatta and an unholy moment.

she's in akash's room when someone pulls her dupatta. it's shyam. he's apparently trying to wipe the haldi. the sickening feeling of this whole thing. the man who knows the shastras, who takes vows with his wife before fire and god every year, who is loved and trusted by every member of his wife's family, yet who lusts after a girl in the most flagrant amorality ever, and transgresses with thought and action, he trying to wipe away an almost sacred mark made by the one who adores her and loves her with beauty and innocence... something so obscene in that.

creatives hit the right note of horror here. this to me was more egregious than all his ether pouring and killing ranisahiba twitches. equaled perhaps only by him making jalebi to appease her.
how khushi snatches her dupatta away and leaves despite his manipulating words. the jalebi she rejects with even more vehemence almost not caring who sees her doing this... most unlike her. her revulsion of this man that instinctive. i do wish though sanaya had nuanced her acting in the jalebi scene. when you're in public and need to show such a feeling, it's hard, yet it can be done with a little more subtlety i'm sure. there was no way others at the table wouldn't have noticed those looks... which is why only nk picking on it came across as weak to me.

the dori scene.

nk and khushi are in the sitting room, di has told her to choose some bangles for the wedding that are there.

he comes, he sees, he grimaces. "mujhe ek coffee do..." in a dark mood he goes and sits with the two, pretending not to care, busy with phone.

but she sees the look he gives nk and started the game again... so cute and happy with nanhe ji is khushi ji.

"nanhe ji!!! aap ko kaunsi pasand hai, nanhe ji... bataiye na... hum wahi pehnenge..." tell me which bangle you like, nanhe ji, i'll wear that.

how well our khushi ji plays this one. and she is out to make him jealous, don't tell me it's just to bug him because he bugs her. all woman, a young girl, when near someone.

bangles drop...she bends to pick them up, and because that dori was not tied, a smooth expanse of ivory skin is visible, nk notices and begins to lose himself somewhat.

he was sipping coffee, looks at nk, understands in a split second what's up. an ebony anger explodes.

his fist balls. off comes her hair band, hair swishing and falling to cover her back... covering her nakedness.. protector predator lover. and a sharp jolting reminder of their first meeting, the snapping of a dori, a girl untying her ribbon, letting her hair cover her nakedness.

nk embarrassed, looks away. khushi is upset, give me back my band.

seems to bring himself back to this moment somehow from that anger.

just because i'm not saying anything about the "shart wali baat" doesn't mean you can do anything, says kkg.

"main kuch bhi kar sakta hoon..." i can do anything, retorts asr. but he is really angry with her now, forget about matching me, you are not aware of anything half the time, what you're doing, what's being done to you, nothing registers with you.

he is mad at her.

but the dori will intervene, she will learn thanks to nani ji, that he'd not touched her just for the heck of it. i also think she was so angry about the hair band because of some left over sense of violation from the shyam incident. she was very fragile, and somehow this knowledge that he'd tied back her dori, made her feel whole and clean again, he was in her mind becoming her protector perhaps.

a happiness came over her when she heard he'd done what he had and she went on a kissing spree... almost rampage, like an elephant in must almost, just wanting to break all barriers and kiss kiss kiss, till the right cheek was reached and that brought her to her senses in a moment of shock.

hume maaf kar dijiye... why did she seek forgiveness?

a shell shocked asr... a happy twosome, nani and di.

mami ji had miraculously disappeared during the "cut"  and shyam had appeared, but then by the pool anything can happen, bit of a rabbit hole this in our wonderland.

and back we all came to that doorway.

she stands clutching heart.

he comes and holds the door blocking escape.

memories of the character dheela day.

she turns slowly to face him, she can't quite...

hoarse, low voice, "kya kiya tumne abhi..." what did you do just now. so much desire in that dense guttural voice.

she looks up.

stock shot, stern face... haldi still on cheek... slip shod.

she calls on filmi mood to get her courage up.

"haan toh... hum toh sirf shart poori kar rahe the..." yeah so, i was only doing it for the sake of that bet.

the fabulous back across which stretches the jacket. he draws back a bit, "toh yeh..." so husky and cloudy like cream swirling in coffee, "shart ke liye tha?" so this was for the bet only?

clearly he is not believing.

a look under lashes, a worry, a lie. "aur nahin toh kya... aap shart ke baare mein bhool gaye kya?" what else, have you forgotten about the bet?

"really... tumne yeh sirf shart ke liye kiya?" he asks again.

she's coming undone a bit now. just like her dori. and too much may be exposed. ting ting ting oh these feelings.

she insists however, yes...

ever so softly he leans forward and puts a hand on the door again.

"tum theek ho? tumhare gaal laal ho gaya..." are you ok? your cheek's gone red. her bangles clink, she touches her cheek, worried.

"hu..hum?" m..m..me?

"theek ho tum..." are you okay?

the tension is built to a sweet high. my stomach is going places.

and she wades into it with all her courage, why are you asking the same question again and again... "aur hamari chhoriye... hume toh lagta hai... aap bhi theek nahin hain..." and forget about me, seems to me you're not ok too...

she's hit the nail... he moves back... unsettled he is...

and music just loves running around and over this delicate, delicious moment brought on by dupatta, dori, and that doorway.

henna, turmeric, dupatta, dori, vermillion, doorways, not that these things have not been used in serials and films before, always loaded with symbolism. in fact, more often than not, all this feels so cliched, they only get a shrug from me. but in ipk, they took fairly stock things and explored them with a freshness... like a poet uses an age old word in an all new way. always with the "heavy" was a delightful, heady "light," a burst of youthful energy, something real. some of it was certainly in the concept, the writing, the direction... and a lot, in the ones who executed before the camera... in their acting.

she goes home to iron the newspaper, then pack her own clothes instead of jiji's (again hint hint), her thoughts losing their way in him, that kiss... he sits with his laptop, trying to immerse in work, unable to concentrate, a kiss keeps coming back, two in fact, between him and her, and her and him... he drops files. are you khoya khoya, asr? i'm ok, indi.

t h e  l a g i  s h a r t  e p i s o d e s

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