Monday, 12 December 2016

the chance of a kiss


the chance of a kiss. the words popped into my head one night. seemed like a title and i realised i had to do something about it. it was time to write. here's what that name took me to. another few moments in the life of asr and khushi. hope you do enjoy. please do leave your comments, and i usually reply to comments so please check later. thanks for reading.

 
 

khushi had to go shopping today. teej was coming and nani ji had said she must go and pick up a nice saree for herself. it would have been fun to go with jiji she thought, but payal and akash were away on a holiday in los angeles, leaving mami ji rather miffed.

"ee bolly-ood ke logan agar holly-ood banna chahe toh kaisan hum suttupiya rahen? coming lakshminagar aaato riksa going lax phur phur phlying... isse kaliyug na kahe toh ka kahe... hello hi bye bye!!! hooonh!"

(these bollywood people, if they want to be hollywood types, then how can i keep quiet. come from lakshminagar by auto rikshaw and want to fly to lax, if this isn't a sign of terrible times, what is... hello hi bye bye!!! hooonh!)

khushi grinned as she remembered mami ji's ire, and tossed some chana into her mouth. okay, so shopping by herself, that's what she had to be resigned to. di was away in management class, and arnav ji would never go shopping for sarees with her. though how she wished... she tossed another bite of crunchy crisp slightly salty chana into her mouth and paused to enjoy the taste.

a true connoisseur of the humble chickpea here... its freshness, its faint musky aroma, its crusty then melt in your mouth feel, lingering, spreading, blending on the tongue, the palate, the taste releasing with tiny bursts at each bite and melt...

okhhh.

khushi moaned in delight... this was just wonderful, so wonderful, the best feeling ever...

well, maybe just one other feeling was better.

what.

khushi's eyes flew open. arnav ji's kiss. khushi struggled with this unsettling thought in the middle of the morning. she was thinking of him kissing her, while eating chana. was this a good sign or a bad sign? what was happening to her?

but before she could get into a proper tizzy, there came the flurry of dhak dhak. how to think of her terribly crunchy, musky, mmman, and not get...

stop it! she admonished herself, those are chana words, arnav ji isn't like that, he's... and jump cut to ears flaming. what was happening? her ear lobes felt a heat rising. then came goosebumps up her shin. she hopped in frustration, rubbed her ears hard.

chana chana chana, she told herself, think of the chana.

and she heard the phone ring... ah, something to save her from these crazy thoughts, she grabbed the phone and pressed it to a rather hot ear,

"haylo?"

"khushi!" it was him. her hand shook.

"ha-haan..." worry lines started forming on her forehead... why couldn't he understand, this was not the right time to call her, laad governor really.

"tum theek ho?" came the abrupt question, worry making his voice huskier, grainier; it clung on to her ears, brushed against her ear drums, she felt its touch, its concern. she started to reply but realised she couldn't find her voice. it had plunged deep down somewhere.

"hmhm hm..." she cleared her throat and managed a trembling, "ha-aan... kyun?"

"ok, just something i felt... mujhe laga tum theek nahin ho..."

she tried to say something smart and funny and heard herself gurgle unintelligibly...

"bye," he said softly.

khushi almost moaned out loud. raksha karna devi maiyya, she said, "theek hai," instead.

when she put the phone down, she knew what she had to do.

run.

no more procrastination. she picked up her bag, her trusty cloth jhola with its long handle that slipped over her head and its roomy easy pouch, and dashed out of rm, calling out to nani ji as she left, "nani ji, hum saree leke aatey hain..!"



(nani ji, i'll go and get the saree!)

as she ran out of the gate, mohan the driver followed her, "khushi ji, hum aap ko le chale?" shall i drive you, khushi ji? he could never figure out why the wife of one of the richest men in the city always preferred to race out and hail her own three wheeler.

khushi stopped in her tracks. she was about to decline when an image flashed in her head. she in a yellow green saree, and arnav ji nuzzling her neck, her ears, from behind, blowing on the errant tendrils of hair; she squirming, expectant, wanting a compliment from him, almost passing out at the sensations aroused.

and then he was saying, "iss saree mein tum bilkul..."

"bilkul?" deep breathing on.

"bilkul dilli ki auto rikshaw lagti ho."

in this saree you look exactly... exactly like the delhi auto rikshaw...!?!!

hey devi maiyya.

was nothing safe from this man.

first chana. now the auto rikshaw. how would she live like this?

she turned and meekly followed mohan to the car. arnav ji had bought her her own red beetle, flower vase with fresh flower every day, sometimes she drove it, especially when she and jiji went to get some chaat from bengali market. but today she was not in a state... no, she opted to take the family car instead, mohan ji at the wheel.

when she entered the upscale boutique at connaught place, there was that rush to serve her which she was still really really uncomfortable with. arnav ji had showed her a very nice english film, yes just to please him she'd watched it too. it was called "pretty woman, " and there he'd pointed out a scene where the hero... kitne sundar aur susheel the woh bhi, sorry salman ji... haan, the hero had taken the heroine shopping to the same place where they were rude to her when they thought she had no money, and how they flocked around her now, now that she was with him... 


(how handsome and decent he was, sorry salman ji.)

arnav ji had been stroking her hand, doodling on her wrist, and she was having trouble focusing, then he'd casually leaned over to whisper to her, "see? no need to get worried if everyone wants to serve you, khushi."

she'd felt his warm breath on her hair, her cheek, a frisson of anticipation in her. okhhh.

khushi pulled herself together. he was back. even entering a shop had become a dangerous activity now.

"nahiiin!" she shouted to herself, don't give up, khushi, don't give up... you can do it... you will not think of him any more today... you won't let him take over your thoughts like this...

with a determined thrusting up of chin, khushi walked up to the sarees section and started to look for one. the young girl who was assisting her was kind and eager to help.

"what sort of saree, madam? for any occasion?"

"haan, woh teej ke liye..." 


(yes, for teej...)

"okay, what colour would you like? something in red maybe?"

something in red? nooo. he liked red.

"green, phir? or yellow?"

what was this? had he placed spies everywhere... just to remind her. that was it! that arnav singh raizada... how dare he... wait till she got him!!! khushi checked her bout of sanak and got back to reality.

"nahiin, i'd like to see that sky blue saree, and that one, the pale pink one..."

she took the sarees and went to the trial rooms. the rooms were part of an enclosure beyond a glinting curtain made of tiny mirrors. as she parted them, a tinkling of glass... how pretty she thought. just like the sound of my bangles that day when arnav ji was so worried for me, those lovely orange and red and gold bangles he bought... she began to smile at the memory, and again a rush of desire...

ohhh she was missing him today. she wanted him. no point in denying this any longer.

oddly enough, she felt tears sting the back of her eyes.

she swallowed.

yes, there were times she felt so alone without him. almost empty. she wanted, no, needed him to be there. to touch her, to hold her, to kiss her... fill her with his energy... that incredible energy of arnav singh raizada. her eyes closed, she felt her body give. she was done with fighting this. she sat down on the plush single sofa in front of her, her body slumping.

the sound of bangles again.

bangles? no she wasn't wearing so many... it was the curtains.

she looked up.

and there he stood, his hands still holding the curtains he'd just parted, looking at her.

beautiful in his crisp white shirt, charcoal gray waistcoat, grey slim trousers, and that smart fitting jacket. but most of all beautiful in a way only he could be.

khushi blinked. this couldn't be happening. arnav ji had an important meeting today about a big deal, he couldn't be here. was she dreaming?

she blinked again.

but he was still standing right there, looking at her, his eyes searching her face for something.

"aa...aap?" khushi said faintly as she stood up.

he walked in and the curtains settled back... that sound again. he came up to her and let his arms slide around her gathering her close. mmm warm musky aroma, khushi's hands went up his chest up up all the way till they met behind his neck, her fingers curled around his hair, playing. silky, thick hair... she grabbed a handful and tugged gently. his head came down as though waiting for that signal, brown simmering eyes closing in...

at the last instant he jerked her close with a swift movement, and let his lips swoop down on hers. hard, insistent, forceful; drawing a drop of blood from her soft tender quivering lips. she enjoyed their crunch, the salt on her lips from the blood... and waited.

in time the lips grew gentle, tender, exploring, maddening... lingering... his kiss grew deeper, teeth nipping gently, tongue tasting, playing...

she held on and loved every moment of this heaven. this is what she'd wanted from the morning today.

"aap chane se bhi achhe hain..." you're better than chana... what was she saying?! why couldn't her tongue have some control? now he'd say "what the?" then look upset, then he'd lecture her about her inability to give in to the moment, then she'd get mad at him, they'd fight, he would say "enough!" she would storm out...

the kissing however didn't stop, he was still nibbling at her lips, then he half opened his eyes and whispered as he plonked tiny kisses in between words, "what? really? better than chana? are you sure, khushi kiss kumari kiss gupta kiss singh kiss raizada kiss?"

she realised the last two kisses had been her kissing him back.

again tears stung her eyes. what was wrong with her! but really, this man, her arnav ji, how he made her feel. bet even that handsome rich man didn't make his pretty woman feel like that. or ranjha his heer, or majnu his laila, or raj his bobby.

"aapne bobby dekhi hai?"


(have you seen bobby?)

"what the..." oh, she had managed to reduce him to that after all. she smiled.

"bobby? who's bobby?" he seemed more perturbed than necessary. did he think bobby was a man? someone she...?


"aap bobby nahin jaante? toh kya jaantey hain aap? it was my amma's first hindi picture, she was almost 6 then... amma says it was the hit film of the year. raj kapoor ji told the most dhamakedaar love story in it... and there was rishi kapoor ji as the hero and dimple ji..."
 

(you don't know bobby? then what do you know?...)
 

"khushi, what's the point?" but his voice was a bit less tense... he had thought bobby was a man...

"nahin, there's a song there where bobby, the girl, says if a tiger comes, she will protect her raj ji and tell the tiger to eat her instead..."

"a..a..and...?" his eyebrow went up quizzically.

"a..a..and kya? main bhi..." she was irritated at having to spell it all out, why wasn't this man romantic at all... no "ishara" he understood.


(and what? i too...)


"tum bhi, what?" he asked innocently, but a lopsided smile had started taking shape...


(you too... what??)


"i'll also tell the tiger to eat me, instead of you... samjhe aap!" she said in exasperated tone... what was the point of being from lucknow and so dry and matter of fact. it must be that business shizness school he went to... that harvard or whatever.

he couldn't control his smile any more... that funny rush of love he felt for this decidedly strange girl... he held her tight and said, "think i'd let him?..."

then after another slow heady kiss, "but something i didn't understand today... why is it that i kept feeling i had to kiss you, till i just had to, i left the meeting as soon as i could and came looking for you... and you know i had a strange thought about you in a yellow and green saree, you were looking..."

"like a delhi auto rikshaw?"

"uh hun, absolutely beautiful... sexy, i wanted to..."

sometimes words are superfluous, thankfully arnav singh raizada the unromantic had a pretty good idea when.










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episode rambles
 
 
 





Friday, 9 December 2016

a fairytale romance

        the lovely texture is by Katelyn


hi everyone, this one's for a friend's birthday, we decided to give her a happily ever after party since she loves fairytales and i think the gust of wind took me on a merry ride. out traipsed a crazy story, albeit a romantic one. hope you have fun. do leave your thoughts, likes, comments... always love to read the reader's pov. thanks for dropping by.






"oh is it 4.35?" said the candle stand, "then it must be time for a story."




once upon a time on mount jalebi where all the gods frolicked and showed scant feeling for humans, there lived a wondrous goddess called devi maiyya.

since the challenge of uttering four whole syllables was too much to face on an ongoing basis, everyone on mount jalebi, and please don't confuse it with mount olympus or kailash... yeah, as i was saying, everyone on j-hill called her dm.

dm was not fussy, she was creative and really kind, so she allowed the dm appellation to stick and didn't throw fire and brimstone at anyone... gods, goddesses, souls hanging around to be reborn, gnomes, fairies, elves, angels, sprites, minxes, trolls, unicorns, nymphs, even mere mortals she spared.

she preferred to spend her time, all her time in fact, on creating the universe, which was her job, rather than sweat the small stuff... even if goddesses don't really sweat. that's for those hoi polloi down there on earth.

anyway, even though her compensation package did not include a fat bonus or a multi billion dollar severance package, she liked to work with all her heart and head, her dil and dimaag, as it were.

that day she was busy making an ideal mate, for dm deeply believed in ideals, mates, and that thing called love... romance.

i say thing, because dm had no way of knowing what it really was or experiencing it first hand, since love was only available as a feature to humans. the kit included it. but alas none of it for the gods. since they had the elixir of life, manna, amrit... they were not privy to love any more.

well you can't have everything, even if you're a goddess.

sorry, what was i saying? yeah, so dm was making a mate for happy. happy was a hot favourite of dm's, a beautiful young minx who had drifted back to j-hill after a brief stint on planet miraga as a sanka devi. dm had noticed, happy hadn't left all her sanka deviness behind. well sometimes a trace of an existence stays with you, lingering on, embedding. not a bad thing really in this case, dm smiled... it made happy even more fun, that note of sanka... pity, no exact translation in j-hillese for that word.

dm waved her four arms in the air and in seconds a beautiful forearm appeared. dm drew in her breath, that looked great... soon a man took shape. he had dark hair, chocolate brown eyes, a fabulous forehead, dm particularly patted herself on the back for that widow's peak she had designed for him, and oh yes, nice hair cut. he also had a sharp straight nose, finely sculpted perfect lips, great hands, a lithe wiry body and those forearms... where it all began.

dm smiled at him and he smiled back at her sweetly, looking grateful.

dm called happy and said, "happy, my dear one, i have made you a perfect mate, now you must go to earth and do your round there together..."

happy grinned and clapped her hands and said, "a mate?!! oh, dm, you are the best, please may i see him once? just one look, before i go off to earth and meet him there?"

"of course, my dear," said dm kindly, "there he is... i have called him a sweet rakshak for now... we'll name him something later."

"ooo," cooed happy, happily, "a protector, that too a sweet one... let me see..." 

happy ran toward the newly made human and peered at him. he smiled at her gently and held out his hand, "hi!" he said politely, and murmured in the sweetest tone, "you are so beautiful, who are you, lovely princess?"

happy gazed at the human stunned. he was perfect to look at and he spoke sweetly. so sweetly. so... no... too.

too sweetly.

and he was too... too...

perfect.

happy could feel something happening to her... her sanka was rising!


happy gawked at the human, she couldn't bear it a second more, she turned away haughtily without saying a word and leapt onto her scooter, she had to catch dm before it was too late.


image

j-hill was a maze of forgetting and remembering really, a bhoolbhulaiya some called it. after a good spin all over, and making sure she forgot nothing, happy found dm at last. she was sitting with her pet pigeons and eating chane as in chickpeas.

happy rushed to her, almost choking with anxiety, looking most troubled.

"what's the matter, happy?" asked dm, "here, relax... have some chane..."

happy grabbed the whole pack and started wolfing down the goodies, she said breathlessly, "i am sorry, dm, i know you love me and you especially love the balushahis i got you from ishash planet during my existence there, but you have to do something... i can't go to earth with that... that... that... a.. sweet... what the... that asr!"

"asr?" dm frowned, "who? oh you mean that wonderfully perfect, not a single flaw, absurdly handsome, polite sweet human i have created for you?"

"exactly!" happy came in, "absurdly! that's it. he is too perfect, dm, not a single flaw!! hai re..."

dm held up her hand, "no, happy, don't complete that sentence, that's someone else's line, we can't steal other's lines here, we respect copyright... ok, so you're saying..."

happy moaned, "he's also too, ugh, sweet! i can't take sweet mates... they're so... so..."

"sweet?" offered dm, seeing happy floundering around for a word.

"yes, dm..." happy made a woebegone face...

dm said, "ok,  let me see how i can improve upon your asr..."

"my asr?" happy grimaced, "nahiiin!" and she sped off.


peter pan and wendy disney movie gif

dm spent a few more millennia, well it might have been three years and two months and two and a half hours also, since exact estimates of time are often hard to get from the powers that be... you know a thing can take, 15, 28, 42, 76, whatever days or years or as i said millennia.

anyway, to cut a long spiel short, dm finally called happy and said, she had done some adjustments. she had eliminated the sweet factor. in fact, she had made sweet taboo for him... no meetha, bas.

she had also upped the opposite taste... bitter... in him.

and to tackle the too perfect issue, she had done something, she asked happy to see if she could spot it.

"spot it?" happy asked, "how?"


  • live the fairytale april showers gif

it had started to rain in j-hill. dm made a circle in the air with her hand and lightning lit up the sky, thunder was heard...

"how now brown cow..." laughed dm, "perfect condition to check if my engineering has worked... go out in the rain and i am sending him..."

happy loved rain, she ran out... but again to meet that asr... oh no, please don't let him be all smiley and cutesie, she prayed.

she stood in the downpour waiting. he appeared magically from exactly where she wasn't sure and suddenly she was being lifted up, he was whirling away with her... whoa... was he saving her?!

oh no... dm, he is still sweet.

happy was thinking this when he set her down, his hand gripped her shoulder, he stood looking at her as water cascaded all over them.


happy stared at him. what was that? something felt different. his eyes? yeah they were steely, inert, scary almost... not warm and friendly any more.

and his lips? they were no longer perfectly symmetrical. no! they dipped down a little on one side... the right side... as though dm had rubbed a finger across his mouth, tugging an edge out of its confined perfection.

there was a shadow on his cheeks too; a stubble, neat, trimmed, an air of danger about it, none of that smooth good boy cheek. this was bad boy.

happy felt her heart do a sudden lurch. dhakdhak something went. what was that? she must ask dm.

but yes, she had spotted the non-perfect touch... oh those lips.

happy looked at the man again; why was he staring at her? then before she could ask him anything, he gave her one short sharp push.

happy practically flew backward. gosh, the guy was nasty.

she began to grin. yesss... dm, you have made my mate just right. perfect, she thought.

not a sweet rakshak... he is a sexy rakshas. a...s...r. my asr.








dm was watching happy and asr's antics from an invisible perch.

"hmmm," she thought, "looks like the revisions are working... but slight problem, if he is not a nice uncomplicated man, how am i going to make sure they meet? in fact, all that bitterness in him, he is sure to avoid women... love, romance. i made him not even believe in me, so he won't come to me looking for advice... i need someone to be around them, making sure they get the point... come 'ere," dm called out softly...


and out of nowhere came a gust of wind, swirling, swishing, sashaying.

"go!" murmured dm to her special envoy, "go to earth with them, make sure they know their mate, their love, is around the moment they are within a two mile radius of each other. and don't be too silent about it... that happy talks so much, she may not hear, and asr is going to be yelling shut up get out samjhi tum often so may miss you if you're too subtle. swirl away long and insistent... and take along a song with you..."

gust of wind said he'd do his best, but two miles might be setting an unrealistic target. since he wasn't a god, he'd go for a hundred feet of each other type of awareness. that mehsoos.

dm said, "fine!" and quickly disappeared. she had to visit a certain raju singh in his dream and get him to write a song. and she had to apply for copyright protection, these days those guys at disney were merrily whacking all her ideas. happily ever after? wasn't that clearly a swiping of hamesha? dm had planted hamesha in happy and asr's love. and there never was a time anyway, 4.35 pm or otherwise when those two were not lovers.

when she returned, she found happy waiting for her, eyes shining. dm decided she'd put that shiny thing on her permanently.

"yes, my child?" she asked, "what's the verdict?"

happy ran and threw her arms around her goddess, "i love you, dm!"

"but how will i know it's him when i meet him on earth?" happy asked.

"you'll know!" smiled devi maiyya, "pata chal jata hai."

"and what will be my name?... his name?" said happy, totally excited now, all set to go to her next existence.

"what's in a name?" said a brit sounding voice from the wings.

dm raised an eyebrow, "oh that will from stratford, i feel like stealing all his lines, if only i understood what they meant..."

"hey devi maiyya, meant nothing, koi matlab nahin..." happy said with a whimsical smile and prepared for her journey.


dm bid both her children farewell, gust of wind rushed along after them. the  pages of the calendar fluttered in the draft, dm's eyes fell on the date.

29 may.

what a blessed day, she thought.

"remember, all the world's a stage..." muttered that brit sounding voice.

"oh, will..." said dm eating chane, "maybe it's time to free you."


and so it was that a week later on 6 june, upon a stage a girl called khushi kumari gupta appeared and spotted a man in black called asr. the moment she saw him something in her knew this was it... she whispered "hey dm, raksha karna!" though why she said it she had no idea. seems what dm said was true, pata chal jata hai.

gust of wind got busy and made her trip on her dupatta and she fell into the man's arms. while perched there, her eyes moved to his lips and got stuck.. that pulled down right corner, the imperfection... why did she feel she knew it? dhakdhak.

he got a jolt in his heart, though he didn't think he had one... that sweetness, her eyes, her lips... why did he feel he knew her... she was some tum jaisi ladki... she had turned her back on him and walked away, he would never let her do that again...

it was a strange meeting, and the mystery of it could never be solved...








anyway, khushi kept saying she wanted to love a prince but really it was her rakshas that excited the h out of her. he yelled and screamed and pushed her and pulled her and told her she meant nothing, koi matlab nahin and faraq nahin padta, i hate you dammit.

she was delighted and replied, hum bhi aap se i love you dammit.

and they lived happily ever after. 



this was the true story of how asr came to be the khadoos he was, and why khushi never ran away from him nor hollered "redemption!"... as told to the author by the gust of wind.




epilogue
(a friend asked: what about that scar on the eyelid, any idea?

an epilogue had to be written, it was no doubt what dm wanted.)




while dm was instructing gust of wind, happy was getting somewhat restless to see her a... sweet... rakshas. she snuck into his resting place where he slept in his cocoon, as we all have to before we are sent to earth. and there she stood looking down at him, obviously smitten.

even as she watched him a strange feeling overcame her and she couldn't stop stuffing jalebi, those crumbly, sweet orangey things that grew all over j-hill, into her mouth. then on an impulse, she leaned over and gave him a soft quick peck on his eyelid... the left one... then ran away, not wanting to wake him up. he'd surely snarl and thrust her away, maybe even yell. oh, the thought thrilled her as she tripped off.

asr didn't stir, but on his eyelid were left three tiny, almost invisible, bright orange crunchy crumbs from that peck. and as in all good fairytales, the crumbs did their trick, three little dents got marked on the eyelid and no one, not even gust of wind, could guess their purpose...

but every time khushi saw those dents she'd feel a funny urge to lean close and put her lips to them; and every time asr saw jalebi, he wanted desperately to kiss the girl whose touch he seemed to remember, a girl who'd kissed him in another life he was sure. even though he was khadoos and not supposed to believe in other lives and things, but what the, he could still want that kiss.

neither ever told the other about these weird thoughts. only rabba vey knew as only rabba vey does.

who's rabba vey, did you say? oh that's the one that stays in every thing everywhere, and is the very is of it all. when dm visited raju singh she whispered the word in his dream. he woke up with a start unlike the sleeping asr and rubbed his eyes frantically wondering what was that. his left brain said, rub away! his right brain leapt up and cried... no! not rub away, it's...

rabba vey!




no no they are not laughing their guts out at the corny lau isstory... that's happily ever after trapped in a gif, a bit like eternal love it is.


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all gifs other than the ipk ones are credit to tumblr/uploader



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episode rambles
 
 
 



Thursday, 8 December 2016

a monsoon story





the river stretched far into the other side, the waters were deep and rippling, a rush in its current. the yamuna was in full spate, heavy rains had filled it to the brim and beyond, the embankments on either side had been breached a few times.

no, not the yamuna of the arid delhi summer this; a monsoon yamuna bursting with fecundity, burgeoning with life, flowing expectant and full toward sangam, the meeting.

khushi sat on the grass watching the river glisten. it was early in the morning, sleep had eluded her all night, she needed to get away and sit by herself and just be. she couldn’t explain to anyone her restlessness, her longing, her feeling of being empty.
 
who would understand what being away from him for a month felt like; someone she hadn’t met or known till less than a couple of years ago, and now? she didn’t know him… really? she thought. why did it feel as though such a time had not existed? ever.

when he told her he had to go for a couple of months to his office in new york, she’d been disoriented, confused. go away for two months? but… ? she had no idea what running a large business in the ever electric, ever fretful international fashion industry meant. her father’s mithai shop in lucknow had been there for nearly three decades now, it even provided a decent income, not huge, but enough… yet rarely did it impose such demands on the owner.

she had looked at him with troubled eyes. he had smiled back, leant forward, flicked her nose, and murmured, “you’re coming with me.”

she’d felt light and frothy for an instant. every time he did such things, she felt a quick dart of happiness inside. she had smiled back shyly and watched his eyes light up. she wished there was a way to catch these moments and put them in a box and keep them on the shelf where she hoarded her treasures.

she’d shaken her head and said, “nahin, arnav ji, hum nahin ja sakte…” he’d scowled darkly and retorted “khushi, shut up.”

right now she wished she could put that instant in her little box too.

she pulled at blades of grass as her mind wondered and the breeze played with her hair. the morning feeling in the air calmed her taut nerves. she had not felt it was right to go away from home for so long. this was her family, plus amma and babu ji were there too. payal and akash were in america. di was not yet feeling that strong. no, from whatever she understood of life, she really couldn’t go away just because arnav ji had to. that would be irresponsible.

someone had to stay here… khushi gave herself all these long lectures and finally asr relented. he did leave though.
khushi sighed. she could feel herself swallow raggedly, a frazzled emotion wanting to well up from within.

why, devi maiyya, she thought, is it so tough? she spoke to arnav ji every day. there was a nine and a half hour time difference, which meant when he woke up it was tea time for her, and every day her eyes strayed constantly to the phone around then. he’d be happy to hear the iphone which he’d bought her just before leaving she’d now grown practically addicted to… checking the time in new york on the world clock. he liked to call her usually the moment he awoke. his voice had a little sleepiness in it often, and it made her want to wrap her arms around him and pull him close, let him linger five more minutes before the day got going. really he worked too hard, she thought.

they did speak a few more times during the day, but then there were some days when he was too busy to linger over chats. just this thursday he’d called when it was midnight his time and morning hers. he sounded so tired. when she asked him what he’d had for dinner, he was distracted and muttered, “nothing, khushi, where’s the time to eat?”

she’d felt so terrible she couldn’t eat lunch that day. mami ji was shocked, “phati saree, are you pheelings aalright? tum khana naat eating? sun rijing in the baste…”

(torn saree, you feeling alright? how come you’re not eating, did the sun rise in the west today?)

she had kept herself busy, tried not to mope, but somehow, she never felt complete, whole, all there. like something was missing, all around, all the time.

khushi looked at the river, now stop moping she told her frayed self, look, there’s a boat, wonder where it’s going? are they fishing?

again a sigh.

today was going to be hard.

her eyes stung with tears. she remembered the bells ringing. she remembered a tense voice, a hand rough and merciless on her wrist… she was numb, in shock, he was relentless… 

hey devi maiyya, raksha karna. why is today so bleak? why can’t i pull myself out of this mood? chal, khushi, bas kar, ab jaakey jalebi banaate hain… theek hai?

(come khushi, now enough, let’s go and make some jalebis, okay?)

she got up slowly and made her way back to her scooter. yeah, she’d insisted she needed one, and after some arguing, he’d bought her a brand new one, refusing to buy the second hand scooter of bedi ji’s she’d suggested. he had checked the helmet himself, driving her crazy about the right kind and the right way to wear one. he’d also bought her a car, just because he felt she would be safer in one. a sweet red beetle.

she remembered her first time on the scooter. he had wanted to come along, just to make sure she was ok, she hadn’t been on a bike in a while. she remembered his arms going around her waist and holding her tight. her concentration had gone on a long wild flight at that. he’s shaken with laughter and teased, “khushi, kya kar rahi ho? told you, you can’t ride a scooter.” that did it. she’d wrenched her concentration back out of his clutches and shown him he was wrong. they’d had ice cream at india gate, actually she’d had two ice creams while he’d watched.

she smiled at the memory. oh arnav ji, where are you? a gust of wind rose as she started her scooter and seemed to pick up her thought.

gust of wind. she felt it and again thought, oh arnav ji, aap kahan hain?

when she got back home, nani ji was up and just a bit worried, “khushi bitiya, aap kahan the? aap theek hain na? amma babu ji?”

(khushi bitiya, where were you? you’re okay i hope? your parents??)

“sab theek hai, nani ji, main yun hi…” khushi smiled slightly trying to reassure her… nani ji  had started to feel like her own grandmother. she hugged her.

(everything is alright, nani ji, i was just…)

“bitiya,” nani ji hugged her back and then said, “come, get ready, we have a pooja today you remember? special day…”
khushi swallowed hard and went to change. somehow, it was impossible to put her mind to choosing the right clothes, matching the bangles, bindi… oh what a chore, she thought as she picked out a saree. right in front of her was a yellow one. hadn’t she worn a similar saree when he’d told her he hated her? and she’d said, she hated him too? because he wasn’t fit to be loved?

she felt as if she were suffocating.

she rushed out, outside by the pool, by his plants, and took deep breaths… she stood with her eyes closed, willing herself to recover, calm down, take a hold of herself. 

arnav ji, why didn’t i go with you?

she stood there bereft, shoulder drooping, today of all days…
then she felt something call out to her, she frowned slightly. what was that?

without really knowing why, she turned around.

he stood there at the french windows, staring at her. what was that expression on his face? why was he looking so tortured?

why was he… wait… was she dreaming? he couldn’t be here.
then he opened his arms wide.

and all she could do was race into them.

here, not here, reality, dream, whatever. she wanted arnav ji.
“aap hume chhorke kaise ja sakte hain? how could you leave me and go away, i can’t live without you, main aapke bina jee nahin paaoongi, ” she was crying and holding him tight.
his arms cradled her, “shh… shh… khushi, my darling, khushi, chup, stop crying, i’m here, see?” his breath caressed her cheek, she hadn’t felt its touch in so long. she wanted to hold it and never let it go anywhere.

she looked up at him at last, his eyes were alive and shining, his lips on hers were hungry, desperate. she held him even closer and kissed him back without shame or restraint. 

for long moments, the pool waters lapped and the breeze rustled the leaves and they kissed.

“khushi,” he whispered, standing with his forehead against hers. 

”arnav ji,” she sighed.

“do you know what day it is, khushi?” his voice had an undercurrent of tension.

“yes, i do,” she said simply, “it’s the day we got married.” 

she felt a grip on her wrist, her feet going up the temple steps, her dupatta trailing on the floor. he dragged her up the steps without looking at her even once, and flung her in front of devi maiyya’s graceful moorti. the winds howled, her tears streamed, her eyes went from his rigid face to a plate with sindoor and a mangalsutra lying before the deity. as she stared speechless, he went and picked up the necklace of black beads and gold and came back. his eyes were burning with anger, with hatred, with something torrid and tearing, he put the mangalsutra on her without a word.

then a pinch of sindoor was thrust upon her maang, her parting in the hair… married, she was married. to this man with violent eyes. who said this was a farce, for six months only. the bells clanged wildly, the night crashed around her head. she stood there numb. once he’d put that sindoor on her maang, she knew she was married… whether he hated her or adored her. there was no going back.

her arms reached out for him again, “arnav ji,” she clung to him, eyes shut. and at last the tears came. for so long she had kept a check on them. they flowed, warm and unstoppable, drenching his shirt, soaking through, on his chest, his heart. the monsoon had arrived at last. and it carried her to her meeting.

he lifted her up and took her to their bed, he sat with her on his lap and just let her cry. his arms held her, his heartbeat told her he was there.

when her tears abated, he wiped her eyes gently with his pristine white handkerchief. 

”how could i do that to you, khushi?” he asked. how he wished he could completely erase that night. he could feel the roughness of his hand, the ruthlessness in him, he could see a fragile bewildered girl just standing there helpless as he took away all options from her, as he beat her into submission by threats that he knew she couldn’t ignore. he wanted so badly to hurt her. “how could you!” cried his heart and shattered each time after it said that. all he knew was he had to do what he had to do.
yet he could see her vulnerable eyes, her resplendent beauty, however hard he tried not to. 

something in him roared, “you’re mine, mine.” something else screamed, “you’re filthy, dirty, vile.” and yet he had to put that mangalsutra around her neck. his hands were steady and determined, and his heart felt a jolt when the sindoor touched her parting. he didn’t believe in such things, yet he felt that jolt. rubbish, nahin hai asr ke seene mein dil… there’s no heart in asr’s breast.

he took a long breath and gripped her tighter.
“how could i?” he buried his face in her hair.
as they held each, their breathing eased. both seemed to settle a bit. it had been so long since they’d felt each other’s touch. in that itself there was peace, there were answers to difficult questions.

“i so missed you, khushi… i had to see you today…” they were lying next each other they both realised, no longer sitting, he held her fast, his shoes were still on, and her sindoor was smeared across his shirt front, where she’d buried her head and cried. her eyes lingered on the crimson blotches on the white linen, she nudged forward and pressed her lips to his bare skin, just above the top button.

“arnav ji, sometimes maybe things happen the way they do because they have to happen that way?” she was playing with his shirt button… “i used to dream of my wedding and how everything would be, but… it didn’t happen that way…” she looked up, he pushed back a lock of stray hair from her forehead.

“did you do that in the guest house the night you came to save me from the storm,” she asked suddenly, a memory seemed to trigger somewhere.

“yes, khushi,” he was taken aback at this jump to another topic suddenly.

“aap ne uss raat pehli baar hume khushi kahke pukara tha,” she smiled and snuggled a bit. you’d called me by my name the first time that night. asr was perplexed, what was she trying to tell him?

“arnav ji, when we met did you ever think we’d be here one day?”

what a strange girl she was, he thought and couldn’t help but smile.

“khushi, what are you trying to tell me, stop saying strange things.”

“ajeeb,” she said, and laughed, “hum sach mein kitne ajeeb hain.” strange, we are really so strange.

“did you really think it was only for six months and not a marriage at all?” she asked looking him straight in the eyes.
he remembered the jolt.

“no… no. i thought, ” he ran his fingers through her hair and grabbing a bunch of thick curls pulled her close, “i thought, you are mine, mine… i also thought you were a terrible woman.”

“but you couldn’t not be with me, hai na?” she breathed near his mouth and gave him a searing kiss.

“khushi…” he could feel desire rising.

“i felt terrible, i wanted to hit you, hurt you, i had no idea why you were doing this to me, but you know, arnav ji, when your hand went round my neck and you put on this…” she touched her mangalsutra, “i looked at your face… and all i saw for an instant was my husband. mine… mine.” she repeated his words and hugged him close and just lay there.

somehow there was no need to say things any more. he took off her churidar kurta slowly, she unbuttoned his shirt and undressed him with a terrible need. she so wanted to lie next to him, feel his skin, know he was there. they made love till both were exhausted and fell asleep.

when a river runs in full spate its beauty is of another order. no one remembers how dry and barren it had been just a while back, how narrow its spread, how brown and muddy the islands that erupted in its centre even at times, for the lack of its life force, water. perhaps it is these unpretty days of the river that hold up its beauty even more. make us marvel at its surge and strength, its gleaming ripples and sure gait. it seems to know where it’s going, without there having to be maps and compasses. an instinct carries it along to the right place. a river never gets lost.

***

that evening he said he wanted to take her out. she dressed with care in a red saree with matching bangles and a tiny sparkling red bindi. she left her hair open the way he liked it. when she came before him, he thought time had flipped and done some funny dance, that first time she’d worn a saree in his office and he had stood and stared, unable to look away… it all came rushing back.

he grabbed her hand and said, “come!” in that half tender half imperious way of his. out by the poolside, he made her sit on the deckchair and sat on the floor before her.

khushi recalled the look on his face when he’d slipped a payal onto her ankle one night, and him blowing so so gently into her eyes that day when she’d managed to rub some dust into them. arnav ji, do you know how often i have sat here and spoken to you this past month? but i think america is too far away, shayad aapko sunai nahin diya… she was talking to herself.

“no, khushi, i heard you every day,” he said to her as he lifted a hand and kissed it.

“haan?!!” she looked at him startled. he’d read her thoughts again.

“ha-an!” he grinned that lopsided grin of his, and she felt something on her wrist.

she looked down to see a beautiful gold kangan on her wrist and even as her mouth started to form her trademark “o” the other kangan was slipped on smoothly by a pair of expert hands.

she stared at the two perfect bangles, gleaming solid gold.

“arnav ji?” she looked at him tremulous… what was he doing?
“khushi,” he lifted both her hands and drew them close, right up to his heart, “i know everything about that night was wrong… i know you don’t like apologies, so i won’t apologise, i just want you to know that i loved you… even though i hated you. and i did want to celebrate the first anniversary of our wedding with you. together. you and me.” he bent and kissed both her wrists first. khushi literally felt pain melt away.

were these eyes that violent that night?

he turned her hands around and kissed her on each palm, slowly, taking his time, then he laid his face on them and sat quiet.

“please come to new york with me.”


***

as the plane rose higher, she sat still gripping his hand, her stomach felt like it was emptying and rushing up at the same time.

“tum theek ho?” a pair of creamy brown eyes were looking at her below a severe frown. the sunlight streaming in through the window made them sparkle more. how terribly grim those eyes could be sometimes. but she liked them even when she hated him. she almost smiled.

the plane banked and as she felt the tilt she grew nervous, her eyes went quickly toward the window, what was up? and there below she saw the yamuna.

a skein of silver in the mid day sun, how well it knew where it had to go. “hum aate hain, yamuna ji,” she thought, then turned and laid her head on his shoulder. her kangans made little sounds as they touched her bangles when she moved.

she heard him sigh.












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episode rambles
 
 
 






Saturday, 3 December 2016

arnav ji goes to sasural


 
a r n a v  j i   g o e s   t o   s a s u r a l


the kick landed right on his stomach. he jackknifed up on the bed, "what the!" he exclaimed in agony.

clutching his stomach he looked around in bewilderment. what could have hit him like that? was someone out to kill him?

then he noticed her leg on his lap. huh! what was khushi's leg doing here? before he could grasp at an answer, a fist came and hit him hard on the shoulder...

he turned and stared at khushi. it was her. she was kicking and punching him. what was this? some sort of bizarre khushi kumari raizada... singh gupta revenge plan? he snarled at her viciously only to realise she couldn't see it.

she was fast asleep.

asleep?

his jaw had just begun to drop, when her right leg swung out from somewhere unknown and struck his shin sharp.

"ow!" he exploded, grabbing his shin with both arms and rolling in pain. khushi flung an arm around him and held him tight, he could hear the faintest, softest, "mmm, arnav ji, chhoriye hume!"

(mmm, arnav ji, let me go!)

the pain seemed to glide from his shin to somewhere near his heart, all around it, and gripped tight. he closed his eyes, feeling the blow of her soft utterance and the weight of her lissome arm across his chest.

he let go of his shin and put his palm on her arm where it rested against his heart.
"khushi!" he whispered, a helpless sound in it tonight.

she decided to roll away just at that moment, all the way to the edge of the narrow bed. he was beginning to sit up to pull her back, when she moved at mercurial speed once more, rolling right back and slamming hard against the length of his body, her back to him.

his arms reached out in reflex. she pressed back against him and her elbow flew backward jabbing him in the ribs.

"uggfhffh!" was all he could manage. then before any further damage was done, he slipped his arms around her from behind and held her firmly, pulling her even closer.

"come here, you crazy taekwondo queen, and stay still, samjhi tum!" he whispered, a little anger in his voice.

his shin was really hurting. her size was deceptive, all that samosa, chana and poori eating had obviously built brute strength in his sleeping beauty. he peered at her innocent features evocative in the moonlight. a malfunction in the heart region occurred instantly.

he swallowed.

his hand accidentally brushed against her belly... it yielded to his touch, cushiony and soft.

something leapt in him. he closed his eyes. how would he survive this night?

he breathed out very carefully and opened his eyes, and concentrated on the bright pink mosquito net. maybe it would work, take his mind of... things.

pink mosquito net? what the.

she punched him on his quadriceps. deftly.





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i wrote this for blast from the past thread 24's main post. the episode 234 first time in bed together scene is one of the most curiously erotic scenes between asr and khushi with all its hitting, bashing, anger, laughter, undercurrents of desire.







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episode rambles

Saturday, 19 November 2016

no media, please. ... an asr khushi one shot




"no, aman, complete media ban... that's it... what?!! main ne kaha na, nobody, no newspaper, magazine, channel.. no a no b, no z... no one. i want complete silence for a while. please make sure that happens." he finished his call abruptly, picked up his jacket, shrugged it on smoothly, and turned to leave the room.


"khushi!!!" he called out, obviously in a hurry, "khushi, where are you... i'm getting late!"


"thahriye... ek minute, ek minute," she rushed in from across the pool, her aarati plate in hand, responding to the impatience in his voice. the grain in it changed at every turn and twist sending all sorts of tremors through her. and it added to her breathlessness.


"okay okay... relax," he said when he saw her in that state... "i'm only getting a bit late, no need to get that hassled." 


her breathing audibly hitched. did he have no idea what that "ralax" did to her every time?


"wo... n.n.nahi, arnav ji... just that... ok, aap bahut mahatwapoorn kaam ke liye jaa rahe hain... hume aarati karne dijiye, asha hai ki aapko poori safalta mile..."


("er... no... you're off to a very important meeting, let me do an aarati, wish you complete success...")


"ok," he said with that indulgent look which always came into his eyes when the women of his family appeared with their aarati plates, lamp lit, and loads of love in their eyes. especially, these eyes... his cooky, crazy, totally her own person wife. he always felt a flip in his heart when he thought of her or saw her. 


he stood obediently, head a little lowered as she raised the plate and made the mandatory three circles around his face, then she dipped her thumb in the red vermilion in the little silver bowl and went to make a "tilak" on his forehead.


his hand came up swiftly and gripped her arm... "khushi, stop!"


"kya?!!!"


"don't put that! i can't go to a meeting with that!"


"kyun nahin? issme kharabi kya hai..."


("why not? what's wrong with it?")


"kharabi... khushi, why don't you understand!!!" his voice grew urgent, irritated, gravelly, "this is a meeting with the world's largest luxury and fashion house... i have to look the role... aur waise bhi, you know i don't like all these things..." he pursed his lips, clearly annoyed.


"par yeh bahut bada kaam hai, aap ko bhagwan ka aashirwad.."


("but this is a huge task, god's blessings...")


"khushi," his voice had grown a little cold, "i've told you many times, i believe i make my own life... you know i don't believe in what people call god. i have never stopped you from doing what you like... don't you think there should be some understanding of how i see things. especially because this meeting is so so important?"


contrarily enough, though she absolutely did not want to see him leave in a bad mood, wanted him to go feeling calm and strong, she felt angry and couldn't stop herself from showing it. "theek hai, aap jaiye phir, hume aap se kuch nahin kahna," she blurted out and stalked off


("fine, go then, i don't want to talk to you.")


"khushi..." he tried to cajole her with a softening voice, but she was adamant, face resolutely turned away.


he looked at his watch, he was going to be late... he had to leave now. again he pursed his lips, this time a note of helplessness.


he walked up to her from behind, when he was really close he bent down and placed a gentle kiss on the the nape of her neck, "wish me luck," he murmured against her skin, and before she could turn around, he was gone.


did my breath stop for a second, thought khushi. she could feel tears sting her eyes sharply. why, why was it always like this with them.


***


it was late when he got in, she was almost asleep, the room was dark except for the dim night light in the far corner. he walked in, careful not to make any noise. but she'd been worrying about him... that meeting, she had to know how he was feeling after it. was it good or was he despondent? beaten? eyes still closed, she breathed out slowly and started to listen for the signs. if he were not upbeat, happy... oh, please no... don't let that happen... don't even think like that, khushi... achhi achhi baatein soch (think good things)... this is too important for arnav ji... and she listened.


she heard him pick up his change, go to the bathroom... gargle, brush... he must be having a quick shower now, then the silence as he toweled himself dry, changed.. and the door opened, a sliver of light hit her eyelids, she grimaced involuntarily.


"khushi?!!" he whispered.


she stayed silent, eyes closed.


she felt him walk over to his side of the bed, get in. then a rustle of bedclothes as he shifted closer to her, very close, she could feel him exhale somewhere near her ear.


her breath began to change... growing faster. arnav, uff why can't i be calm around you.


"khushi..." he whispered right by her cheek, "you awake, baby?... okay i will whisper because you don't want me to know you're up... you've been fretting the whole evening, haven't you... and praying for me? sitting in front of devi maiyya... talking her into making sure i succeed?'


her eyes flew open... how did he know!


"i know," he said as though hearing her thought... then he kissed the eyelid nearest him lightly, a smile on his lips, "i know you can't ever let me go like that... you made up with me in your mind, said you'd try and understand how i saw things, then missed me like mad, looked at your phone thinking you'll call me... then thought, no, i don't want to disturb arnav ji, he needs to "focus" now... sorry khushi, i keep saying these strange words... but you know..."


she couldn't let him go on like this, she raised her hand and put a finger on his lips, "shhh, aap jaise bhi shabd istemaal kartein hain, theek hai... yeh aapka tarika hai... par...?" the question she really wanted to ask...


(shh, whatever be the sort of words you use, they're ok, it's your way... but?...)


he kissed the finger she'd laid against his lips, and grasped her hand in his drawing in to his heart. then he caught hold of her by both her shoulders and swiftly tugged, landing her on top of him...


she was startled, eyes widening, squeal of "arre!!!" escaping her lips, and she saw his face...


head thrown back, he was smiling hugely, that drugging, utterly male, take on the world smile of his, his chin thrust forward, the stubble as always perfectly shaved, and even in the half light, his eyes shone like bright jewels of a rare chocolate hue, swirling cognac, brown earth drenched in rain. she felt a shiver run through her. he was so beautiful when he smiled triumphant. this is how she always wanted to see him. 


she let her hands slide up and cup his face, looking at him wishing the moment would never end.


he caught her eye, quietly he said, "we did it."


before that could sink in, he was up in one quick motion with her, carrying her in his arms, "yes!!! you and i, we did it, my darling sweet paagal khushi kumari gupta singh raizada."


"kya?" she squeaked as he started to twirl  around with her...


"kya? khushi? that... wo... for which you prayed... the deal is done... it's ours... we succeeded, khushi... your prayers, my focus... came together and got it done..." he was laughing and talking in a rush. 


to watch arnav singh raizada enjoying triumph in business was a pleasure of a very precious kind.


khushi started to grin. "kya!!!" she exclaimed in delight.


he sat down suddenly with her on his laps and nuzzled her neck, he whispered "kya kya karna band karogi..., " and laughed at his nonplussed wife, lover, life, "you and i have pulled it off, and baby, there is no such thing as my success for me any longer... okay, i can't say filmi things the way you like them, but jab se tum meri zindagi mei aayi ho, it's become our world, not just mine... no success of mine is possible without you... and it is always our win... always."


"hamesha," khushi stroked his hair, his nuzzling head, eyes closed, just enjoying him "win..." she was smiling...


he picked her up again without a word and took her outside, by the pool on the recliner. up there the stars twinkled. he lay next to her and watched them for a second, then turned and kissed her deep on her lips, long, slow, wandering, searching kiss.


"er, so did you put the tilak on my photograph?" he said suddenly just as she was about to drown in all sorts of sensations.


"kya?!!!" she yelped, "aapko yeh bhi pata hai?"


("what? you know this also?")


"yes, my ziddi, pyaari, completely lunatic biwi, i know that too... and i know a few other things as well," he winked suddenly, her eyes grew saucer like, lips forming that "o" that was all hers, "want me to show you?" he said as he reached out and touched her flat belly, sliding his hand up to her waist.


the pool, the garden, the skies watched silently. only butterflies fluttered. hush, don't tell anyone anything, asr has banned all media for a while. 


***


the news broke a week later. ar had tied up with the world's largest luxury house and would be opening boutiques around the world. the news was a complete surprise to the industry. no one had heard that the powerful conglomerate was in talks with anyone in india, let alone ar. how had this young man pulled it off... media started all its speculation, cogitation, analysis, prediction, projection, gossip... aman got a bonus and a break. 


and the young man concentrated on further refining his knowledge of certain things.

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hope you had fun. wrote this one in 2013 when something was on abort barun and the media... can't remember now what it was... or maybe, we had not seen him for too long and were missing him in pagal vein. the story marks that, i guess. thanks for reading.









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