somewhere here was the point when it hit me.
he has reached the terrace door. he pauses, thinks, smiles and turns toward the door. what a moment, he is all set to tell the girl he gives a faraq for... why it makes a difference.
one swift move and the door is open and he stands there, half smile on his face, so eager and confident of his next move. he has seen her going toward the terrace... she is here just here, he's come for her. what a moment in the life of the fractured and broken asr... a boy who was robbed of his trust, his faith, his everything on another night of a wedding.
but tonight he will claim his life, his heartbeat, back from that calamity, with a beautiful thing called faraq.
he'd been delayed on his way to her, his sister needed to have her wound bandaged. ironic isn't it, the woman whose words had made him decide he had to tell khushi about this feeling right now, because of her he is held back, and will witness something that wouldn't have transpired if he'd made it to the terrace on time.
but finally he does look the way he'd seen her go and say, "aaj main khushi ko batakar rahoonga... mujhe kyun faraq padta hai..."
today i will definitely tell khushi, why it makes a difference to me. goosebumps. the voice dips at mujhe kyun... and becomes completely a thought within.
and he is on his way, his sister looks at him: something in his way, his walk, says this is no ordinary job he goes to do... she'd told him jao kaam khatam karke ao... go finish your work. he is so ready to do that.
then a crash echoes.
gust of wind lifts its head... how cruel that sound tonight, it used to tell him she's here nearby... and look what it shows him now.
he's confused, what's that? then shock begins to seep in along with a knock out confusion... what is he seeing?
crash of thunder...
slowly the eyes register the emotion rising in him... he is seeing this he can't believe... the moments which will be etched in his mind, indelible. "chhap gaya hai dimag mein, mit nahin sakta."
music reflects the inferno beginning within...
he stands speechless watching this unbearable picture...
what a sight to behold. khushi clasped in shyam's arms.
what did he see there i wonder... his father betraying his mother... di's happiness ending... his love plastered against another man's body...
did he for an instant feel the way his mother might have felt? did he empathise completely in that instant? did he think of ending it all?
somewhere he began to die... you could see it in his eyes. the man who flew to rage at the slightest, spoke not a word, he just stood there dumbfounded, emotions entering and killing him bit by bit.
there have been many debates about the irrational behaviour of his, why didn't he ask her, etc. isn't that the normal thing to do? but was there anything normal in that moment? especially for one who had stayed in his shell, his fort faraq nahin padta for years and was about to make his first tentative move to come out. that too because of what happened to di and what di said... oh how delicate his state of mind. how extra rational his feelings... the always rational asr had never felt this before.
and in that very moment, of course, life had to strike.
"hum sirf aapko chahte hain, khushi ji, hum ranisahiba ko apni patni nahin mantey..." shyam's declaration rends the night. i only want you, khushi ji, i don't consider ranisahiba to be my wife...
zoom to the man at the terrace door, where she'd stood one day and seen the truth of shyam, he sees what seems to be true and yet is anything but that. in it the seeds of a lie that will snuff all truth out. almost.
the structure of this episode was almost musical... pathos and tragedy at its core...
a sound effect... an inflection point, a note that hits his mind and heart.
he's shocked further, his eyes show that... calibrated... layer by layer horror descends.
another gust of wind blows through the barren night...
his eyes move a bit as though he is trying to piece this thing together.
"aur nahi iss shadi ka humare liye koi matlab hai... humara yakeen kijiye, khushi ji, hum sirf aap se pyaar karte hain aur bahut sara pyaar karte hain..." shyam is unstoppable, this marriage has no meaning for me, believe me, khushi ji, i only love you and love you so much..
imagine, he had to hear that.
it rips through him... a beautiful visual device shows his state...
crack of thunder, world crashing around him.
another note that finds its mark.
drums. and why do they remind me of that gunshot?
it is a nightmare unfolding, a new nightmare. this time it happens right before his eyes and within earshot. he knows every detail of it... who will die this time?
she pushes shyam away... he waits... maybe hoping to hear something that will feel ok, make his world stop rocking.
"koi matlab nahin hai..." doesn't mean a thing, she seethes.
"kuchh bhi nahin, khushi ji... sachi," nothing, khushi ji, shyam avers, really.
the most damning words leave khushi's mouth now...
"agar aap ke liye yeh rishta koi maine nahin rakhta to aap yeh shadi tod kun nahin dete... chhor dijiye anjali ji ko..."
if this marriage means nothing to you, then why don't you break this marriage... leave anjali ji!!
and perhaps that's when he finally dies.
this is the girl who means all to him...
at last the thunder and drums stop and emotions flow. he shatters. and shatters some more... on a turn...
as his face told a thousand stories of disillusionment, of killing hurt, i realised i was not just looking at a gorgeous sexy man... i was looking, as i said when i started, at an actor.
i sat up on my bed, the word thespian went through my head... his was a rendition of the classic greats... a simple turn and all the feelings in the face, in the stance of the body... as it's been ever since he's known he must tell her... faraq kyun padta hai.
and his sister did tell him... no matter what don't let her go. so how could he?
a wonderful episode constructed with great care. so many layers. apart from that magnificent terrace sequence, where a nightmare returned, the episode had a dream in it, a confession, and some beautiful bonding and dialogues.
the inter-cutting used between asr on the one hand taking a decision and walking with a happy purposeful air and shyam shocking khushi on the terrace and then inundating her with crazy talk of love, was thrilling.
let's talk of anjali and asr. a brother and a sister connect, sister says key things about loving and losing people.
"di, aap kabhi mujhe maa ke tarah..." di, don't leave me like maa... asr's fear lives close by within. the very thought of di in an accident had him highly agitated, when he saw her alive but hurt, that old fear of losing people came charging...
i am here with you i will never leave you... i am here, i promise never... promised his di.
he hugged her tight again.
anjali let the words come from her heart: when the car was going off, i thought i might never see my chhotey... sabse badkar humare khud ke zindagi se badkar humare liye tum ho. you mean more to me than everyone else, even more than my life.
"chhotey, yaad hai uss din hum tumhe kya kah rahe the... ki kal ka koi bharosa nahin hai... kal kissi ne nahin dekha... aur kal hi kya... aaj ke baare mein bhi kissiko kuchh nahin pata... iss liye jab, kabhi dil mein kuchh aaye na... jaise aaye... waise bole dena chahie... varna shayad... har pal poori tarah se jeena chahiye, chhotey, kyunki pata nahin chalta kaunsa pal akhri ho...
aur hum jinse sabse zyada pyaar karte hain.. jo hamare sabse kareeb hota hai usse kabhi jaane nahin dena chahiye... kissi bhi haalat mein... aur kabhi koi baat bahut bewakoofi wali bhi lagey toh bhi sir... sirf apni dil ki sunni chahiye."
chhotey, remember what i told you the other day... that who can depend on tomorrow? who has seen tomorrow? and why tomorrow, who knows even about today...
oh that last line so prophetic.
and so she'd told him, whatever comes to your mind you should say, the moment it comes, say, who knows what might happen... and when the last moment might come...
and those that are close to our heart, we must never let them go, no matter what. even if something feels foolish, we must only listen to our hearts.
i did feel the dialogues got a bit heavy and daljeet struggled with the words, but while they were meant to augment plot, there's important meaning in them and i rather enjoyed the thoughts.
as he left his sister's room and she made her way to the terrace, they did one and the same thing. they dreamed of each other. remembering tender moments. when they'd yearned, and felt, and wanted each other... what if i lost you, wrap me in fairy lights, oh i want you to kiss me, i want to kiss you, come hold my hand, and let me undo your hair... a swirl of memories where two young lovers smiled and waited with bated breath for that special moment when it would all come together. she thought he'd called her to the terrace. he'd seen her headed there and was ready to follow her.
lost in her world of dreams, she waits for him... he walks to her... and a hand approaches her shoulder.
alas the trap had been laid by a knave, who was determined not to let her go without telling her today. irony again... shyam too was waiting to confess his love. and he too was going to do it today itself... just like asr. and he will say things that really asr must have meant to... from the day i saw you in lucknow i fell for you... day and night i think of you. i love you and i love you lots. shyam said that to her? poor girl... it was an evening that was fair to no one. not asr, not khushi, not anjali.
when she feels the hand, her eyes widen... she turns slowly with lowered gaze all ready for her lover, she lifts her eyes and freezes in shock. it is shyam.
asr climbs a flight of steps...
and he sees his di coming down... he decides to fix her bandage.
on the terrace, the horror story has started to unfold. shyam is adamant that he loves khushi. she is shocked, repulsed, affronted.
"khushi ji, hum jaantey the aap humse milne zaroor ayengi," khushi ji, i knew you'd certainly come to meet me.
"aapne woh likha tha?" you wrote that?
"toh aap ko kya laga?" so what did you think. a play in shyam's voice. his cunning, knowing side on display at telling points. a psycho dimension is being accentuated in his character. he knew khsuhi would think that note on the mirror was from asr.
this device of a cold voice alternating with holier than thou sounding "good" shyam voice and lover like "desperate" shyam voice is used often in this sequence, and abhas has worked hard to create a more complete picture of this character, give it a believably lunatic and scary rim, but somehow, it never did get me. the acting lacked something. consistently. only in the very beginning did i really find shyam interestingly portrayed.
as she goes to leave... he yanks her back... "nahin"... he insists she listen. in his tirade a warning, don't make me hurt you again. so there was a reference to babu ji... possibly to be picked up later, but it was finally lost.
the saddest thing is that while khushi is horrified at the sickening claims of shyam, angry and disgusted, she completely misses seeing who comes to the doorway.
she is so concentrated on shyam, she has no idea what's happened just to one side of her.
the man whose confession she waited for, came, saw, and was devastated.
with that her dreams and his dreams crashed and turned into a living nightmare.
"chhoriye hume," khushi.
"nahin chhorenge, hum aap se bahut pyaar karte hain..." shyam.
"humne kaha chhoriye hume!" khushi.
if only asr had walked in at this point. but he didn't.
.....................................
the terrace episodes fanfiction
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