episode 186 to see and to hear

for di

the episode made me think a lot... it was funny how things piled up on one another and a certain picture of the so called "truth" emerged which the viewer knew was not true at all, yet in the mental and emotional state asr was in he just couldn't sense the lie in it.

right through the rest of ipk, we all expected that at some point there would be a huge reveal of shyam's lying... but that never happened. instead a feeling spoke its truth and the man said, i don't care, i believe in khushi... no matter what.

no doubt, in the beginning the writers had envisaged the usual revelation, otherwise they wouldn't have wasted time showing nk filming everything, especially shyam, at awkward telling moments.

but by dumping that route, i felt something more interesting got conveyed... at least to me. this whole thing of what is "truth" and also how does an emotion sense truth.long back in communications class we'd studied the famous japanese auteur akira kurosawa's "rashomon". the story was his take in a way on what is truth, is there an absolute truth, or does it always get coloured by the narrator's self interest, he/she a filter through which truth passes and gets altered.

i can't say i studied the film deeply, but that whole thing of four people narrating the facts visible according to their own needs and personalities was most interesting. kurosawa never did that easy thing of ending on a version that was supposedly the actual truth. it was left to us to surmise. even the one most likely to be truthful played a little mischief, but the ending had a sign of hope, which was kind of nice.

watching shyam creating a truth out of asr's misconception that khushi was part of the deception was really interesting. it was engineered cleverly... no loopholes really. by the end of the spinning of yarn, asr was completely convinced khushi loved shyam and was a threat to his sister.

perhaps in this perception of truth was his personal filter. the one of insecurity, of suspicion, sown at a tender age by a philandering father and the tragedy that brought. he was indeed too easy to convince. that worked for shyam.

later too, when khushi presented her version, i thought she was not being as honest as she should. she had the filter of mahanta... i didn't tell you about all these terrible things that shyam did, only to save your sister. really? was that a good enough reason, i thought... what would have come undone if you had told asr that his sister was married to a cheat? wasn't it only right to do so? and where was the astuteness or decency even in letting a loving honest woman remain married to a lout?

then there was asr's "chhap gaya hai dimaag mein."

in the end the truth was whatever it was, but two people's love made its way through the minefield of deceit and found each other. only to say, it needs nothing else.

i wonder, if khushi actually had been in love with shyam at some point, what would have happened to this story... ok ok, do not kill me, but i do wonder a lot about love and what it can or cannot do.

the other major thing from the episode that sticks in the mind is the unreal response of khushi.

started in 185, this strange response to a lascivious, clearly out of line, abhorrent lech who has dared to touch her.

her first "chhoriye humey," so calm... post that and pre that, lots of talk about all sorts of things, why? shouldn't she have started running away from the terrace much earlier? i would. and what she said after many things... the fact that had he been unmarried also she wouldn't have given a damn... shouldn't that have been said before?

why all that about the man who couldn't love a devi like anjali ji, how would he love someone.

one good thing, she finally realised, anjali needed to be told... again, no pondering the issue, no understanding that keeping quiet the first time was not correct.

and after all that, she doesn't feel the need to rush to a place of comfort... amma or asr. instead she is walking around looking lost, being "good" and hiding her troubles from jiji...

only thinks of asr when payal mentions akash and needing him. even then, no frantic urgency.

she has just been embraced and harassed by a creep. he has said unspeakable things to her. he even hinted he wouldn't want to hurt her twice (she never asked when was the first time). yet she is just a little perturbed, not going bananas.

i know how i'd react if that happened.the problem is i guess khushi was written by a man/bunch of men, who never quite understood women... certainly not khushi. and khushi was never conceived as a character on her own... always vis a vis asr. she was manipulated at will to reveal asr's inner self... rarely was she given equal status. she served a purpose. that's all.

story of our lives in a world that is intrinsically patriarchal. a really interesting woman cannot be conceived, created and nurtured here. i give all my regard and salaam to sanaya for keeping khushi alive and totally herself. even when i didn't agree with or understand some things, i almost always even at this point could feel khushi's inner self. her tenderness, her young fragile clean character. her beauty. that is thanks really to sanaya's acting, for script is being quite indifferent to her at this moment.

of course, the acting by barun was superb once again.

main dekh chuka hoon... main sun chuka hoon. a shattered man, trying to bring order back. then the devil goes into his terrible dance... khushi ji hamari... whatever.
a few things from the episode.

khushi's voice rises seemingly exhorting shyam to leave anjali, a terrible echo magnifies the sound.

asr is breaking.

he turns and walks away.

so he doesn't hear the truth. he walks away, every shot getting imprinted in his mind. "chhap gaya hai dimag main," happened around here somewhere.

he sees the maniacal shyam grabbing onto her. he's imploring, "hum sirf aapko chahte hain, khushi ji. hum ranisahiba ko apni patni nahin mante... humara yakin kijiye, khushi ji, hum sirf aapse pyaar karte hain aur bahut sara pyar karte hain!"

i only want you, khushi ji. i don't consider ranisahiba my wife... believe me, khushi ji, i love only you and i love you a lot.

and khushi is saying those damning words...

his world is turning upside down, he is on autopilot, complete crisis time, he needs something to make him think... feel.

poignantly, he traces the same path back, the one he'd taken with so much hope.

on the terrace, shyam is nonplussed. shyam thinks she means leave anjali... i'll marry you. he actually grabs her cheeks again, khushi doesn't move, she just looks at him horrified...

then comes... now i know what a terrible man you are, aap kitne gire hue insaan hain. now? i am thinking... so you didn't know this when he got engaged to you while being married to anjali, when he lied for months and hoodwinked your entire clan?

finally she says what she might have said earlier if life and rather whimsical, opportunistic writers hadn't decided to play this game.

"aap shadi shuda rahe ya na rahe, hum aapke zindagi ka hissa kabhi nahin ban sakte..." whether you are married or not, i can't be part of your life.

and then her angry retort, "aap kya shadi todenge, aap kya anjali ji ko chhorenge, hum toh kehete hain unke sukhke liye unko aapko chhorna chahiye."

you'll break the marriage, leave anjali ji? i say, she... for her happiness, she should leave you.

perhaps a little too late khushi understands the simple undeniable fact. anjali would be better off without this sick man. alas... too late. what's done cannot indeed be undone.

at long last, the words which in a better written screenplay would have come soon after the laying of filthy hands on her, "mat chhuhiye hume, aur na bhi kabhi jurrat bhi kijiyega."

don't touch me, and don't you ever dare again.

payal is looking at gifts, khushi walks in disturbed, remembering shyam saying ever since they met in lucknow he's been obsessed with her.

she is in a state but payal is clueless... then khushi forgets her troubles for  payal... i wonder how this is even possible. and it is only when payal mentions akash and says that once she sees him she'll feel better, that khushi realises that's what she must do... meet arnav ji. her reactions are a bit off key.

but asr's reactions are  beautifully crafted, well understood and brilliantly enacted. he is alone in his room wondering what to do, breaking to bits. he recalls the many times he's trusted his sister's husband, and shyam has shown overt love for his wife.

for asr shyam was a father figure almost, a place of trust. smashed to smithereens once more...

he remembers his di doing arti of shyam. shyam carrying di... the images keep flashing. di introduces "iss duniya ke sabse achhe pati" to khushi. he's giving them matching watches, and the loving words around these moments.

and he flings his tie, takes off his jacket... as if he's suffocating.. anger pain hurt all melding and screaming. he is reaching for his familiar friend. gussa. without it coping is impossible.

he sits on his bed and the dreadful picture of shyam holding khushi, speaking of his desire... her shrieking, "chhor dijiye anjali ji ko..." a close up, a new rage rising... tears in his eyes. what a nameless glut of emotions.

he says "di, i'm so sorry, mujhe maaf kar dijiye par yeh baat main aapse chhupa nahin sakta... chahe aap ko kitni bhi thes kyun na pahuchen... mujhe aap ko batana hi hoga..."

forgive me, di... i can't hide this from you, i must tell you, even if it hurts you terribly.

character... i think. the guptas played the game of the weak with that lethal information re shyam. they hid the truth.

yet a young boy whom life had left for weak, vanquished, but who showed "himmat" and got up and fought back, claiming his place back, who chose to be strong, no matter how broken his insides... he grew up to be a man that acted from the position of the strong... no need to hide anything and not tell di. he knows it will hurt her immeasurably... but he will do it.

something to learn in that.

straight forward... no game... no excessive to and froing about the good and bad of a thing... his instinct says she must know.

in the meantime, shyam knows he has failed and ranisahiba is in his arms again. while khushi is running around looking for arnav ji, a certain sense of urgency just not there. "di!" he's changed for the wedding. i see his clothes and my heart contracts... we are here... the bride groom from mount vesuvius, mount etna, mount pinatubo and all other volcanoes combined is here.

"kahiye, saale saab, hum toh bas..." shyam is all sweet smiles but again i notice the meaninglessness of his words. why this lack of care in dialogues?

but no need to waste time on that, someone keeps pulling me in with his magnetic performance. a fist is clenched, a music starts... asr is back... the tears are not for public consumption.

then comes the ominous walk down... the meeting.

"mujhe aapse kuch baat karni hai..." i need to talk to you, animosity in every pore.

he bursts into a room, shyam behind.

what's up, saaley sahib, you look upset... shyam is trying to be normal. oh aabhas, why this aimless pitching?

"main janta hoon..." the cool in the voice. i know, says asr... the one who doesn't really know.

shyam thinks it's about the engine, the tampering with di's car.

"aisa bhi kya jaante hain, saale saab," what's it that you know, bro in law. and he rushes to the mirror. both in the reflection now. a funny parallel world.

"mein dekh chuka hoon," i have seen.

then what hurts him badly to say, "khushi ke saath dekh chuka hoon," seen you with khushi.

shyam is stunned... searches for the right response, sliminess magnifies.

he reiterates, i've seen you on the terrace with khushi.

shyam has the temerity to suggest this might be a misunderstanding.

ah, misunderstanding. our one and only mu, come let me seranade thee. somehow i hated hearing the word from him... of course a nice irony there.

"mujhe koi galat faimi nahin hui hai..." i have not misunderstood, says asr.

his face is set so differently... stone like.

"main apni aankhon se dekh chuka hoon aur apni kaano se sun chuka hoon.. so don't even try. safai dene ki koshish bhi mat karna..."

i've seen it with my own eyes, and heard with my own ears... so don't even try... don't try to explain...

he hurls the words, his arm swings out, finger aggressively pointed at the enemy. of course, at this point indi dies... just look at him.

with that the entire scene takes a turn and shyam goes into mode rumplestiltskin. in that now nasty now nice vein devised freshly by the directors. frankly, it was silly and rather tiresome...

wish they'd thought more clearly, not wasted some of the finest scenes.

especially since asr was at peak interpretation. how could you do this to my sister...who thought you greater than god... you cheated on her.

shyam smiled... he could sense asr's weakness... di!

"i am not gonna spare you, jo ki hai uski keemat chukani padegi... itni asani se jane nahin doonga... na aapko... aur naa hi uss khushi kumari gupta ko..." i am not gonna spare you, you'll pay for what you've done... not letting you escape so easily... not you... not that khushi kumari gupta.

the madness has begun...

shyam guesses khushi's reality is hidden... and starts the talk of hamare aur khushi ji ke pyaar... bataiye apni di ko...his and khushi's "love", challenges asr to go tell his di... for a moment it looks like asr won't.

what you and khushi have got together and done to us... he is seething with hurt, revulsion, anger, protectiveness toward di, so much.

"aap ne aur khushi ne milkar jo humare saath dhoka kiya..."

shyam asks him to respect the feeling he has for khushi.

at shyam's heinous "khushi ji humari zidagi ban chuki hai," khushi has become my life, the eyes close... the heart cannot bear it.

there's only one thing between him and khushi, screams shyam, and on a devilish grin, he utters, "raanisahiba!"

all of it is like the rings of chakravyuh, a coiled snakelike thing, falling fast and smooth and trapping the honourable warrior. he who has entered the formation but has no idea how to get out.

with that last echoing word (episode started on an echo that would lead to hell and closed on one which shut the door, the quarry was in), the darkest and direst moment of the night began to take clear and present shape.

for khushi









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