truth was a mirror in the hands of god. it fell and broke into pieces. everybody took a piece of it, and they looked at it and they thought they had the truth.
~~~ rumi ~~~
it started with a fall. a big painful fall as arnav singh raizada slipped on something and lost his balance. it was chameli ka tel which khushi kumari gupta singh raizada had massaged into his hair the night before to make him feel better.
she looked on horrified, he raved at her. are you crazy? he asked the question not too politely. but she had put it on his head only to take care of him, showing that sneh nani ji had spoken of.
i wondered what was with that c oil thing. why out of the blue...
then came the beautiful reveal of a side of asr's personality...
the way he
loves.
how he would never let anyone he loved feel guilty, he couldn't,
he'd take the rap himself. it was totally (pronounced todally he he)
engrossing and my jaw dropped at the kind of nuances shading this
character. felt real... and sometimes, the karta type, especially those
who have faced severe difficulties at a young age can be assiduous in
their effort to make everything okay for those they love... to an extent
that you feel like telling them to stop. to accept, everyone can grow
up and face their own mistakes... but they do it out of gigantic love...
you can't hate that. especially in asr, who is completely non
interfering otherwise.
the episode puzzled me still. so we were being shown a lovely side of the gussa boy, but why, just to tell us how wonderful he is? felt empty.
as he stood before the mirror, and killed me with his looks, the word "pehchaan" to know someone, went through my head.
and i recalled the huskily delivered dialogue:"kitna bhi jaan lo, kabhi kabhi kissi ko pehchanna bahut mushkil ho jata hai..."
no matter how much you know some people, sometimes to really know them is very difficult.
when his di turned him toward his own reflection, told him a little bit about himself, said she realised his action showed how much he loved khushi, i thought oh, okay... so that dialogue is really meant for him... he knows himself forever. yet he doesn't... not really.
and then i realised nor does khushi. if lakshmi ji had turned around and articulated through her mehhh a simple question: why did you stay up the whole night, khushi, just because you're feeling guilty? would you have stayed up if you didn't think you were responsible for his condition in some way, would you have massaged that foul smelling oil into his long dark locks still? i am sure khushi would have said, "no", even though her heart would've answered something else. only the forlorn look on her face would have indicated things and we'd know how little she knew herself... or was willing to.
neither does he know his own self, his reason for doing things, nor she. both believe they dislike the other, and yet their actions say other things. she with down market chameli tel and he with elaborately set up lie by the pool, show and express the same thing...
love.
a love they don't "know" of, yet their heart knows and expresses, even without their knowledge. in his case, his sister pointed him in the right direction... wish lakshmi ji were as useful.
oil and freeing her of guilt were details, they could have been anything...
as long as they were tell tale signs of an emotion, of feelings they had, and didn't know how valid and absolute those feelings were. how they were driven by these feelings, acting on their compulsions.
something seemed to indicate a track change, not the physical one of shantivan to gh, but the internal one. now on, they will again and again let slip expressions of care, of need, of desire, of love without really knowing why they were doing it.
because both are fighting hard not to love the other. they have even before shown signs of those feelings, gotten lost in each other, confessed during holi and on a stage before all, but somehow you get the feeling, it's all getting deeper, more compelling and now it feels like a certain turn at road is being taken.
maybe i've interpreted it all wrong... but i like the thought, so am going to stay with it.
especially those three women in the colours of a traffic signal, a tongue in cheek hint at crossroads and a change?
fall. stop start go. natak, sab kuch natak tha. kabhi kabhi kissi ko pehchanna bahut mushkil ho jata hai. the episode was somewhere about all that. paas mat aana mere...
how he whipped it out. why? why didn't he want her to come close to him? was it getting too hard to handle? he wanted to do things he had sworn not to?
she sleeps standing up and snores. hai re nand kissore, since when did khoosie bitiya need such funny ha ha writing. with her penchant for comedy, sanaya can make almost anything light frothy zany... but even writing ishtyle has changed track.
adrakwali chai shuruwat. why am i thinking this is interesting. and please... no wonder the man drinks coffee. give him some fine darjeeling in a bone china or porcelain teapot... tea leaves steeped not boiled.
three women in the colours of traffic light in the kitchen... khushi is stop... anjali start, payal go... hmmm, there's a change being signalled i felt even as i watched. a happiness... junction maybe? or am i imagining this because i know what's coming.
something nice about the kitchen at rm, i always get a good feeling around here. and there have been just too many nirvana bringing scenes here for me not to forget, this is sacred ground.
in akash's room an abnormal emotion... a little girl feels an infatuation with a much older cousin. might have been terribly interesting if they understood this emotion well and portrayed it. as it was, it was un.bear.able.
and someone tells me, pilleejh... what was that love and cute stuff... luv kush? suddenly, in front of a kid and ma in law, the love birds are in full trill... seemed strange. and what's this love is a four letter word thing. then of course not to be outdone, along comes mami and teaches a nine year old to call her bhabi, sorry "bhabs", kbt. not the best place for a child to grow up i am thinking.
because no one bothered to work on the payal akash story or characters, somehow this sudden injection of lovey dovey felt awkward. the undercurrents made me uncomfortable. and if so much in love, why can't he tell his mom not to call his wife kbt? some day nand kissore no doubt will explain all this to me.
chhotey walks with news paper, a very tired and unwell air... was barun beginning to flag around this time?
"di, main theek hoon" di, i am fine he says, exasperated curt.
"theek toh hogay hi na jab tumhare biwi ne raat bhar jaag ke tumhara khayal rakkha hai..." di is sugary sweetness and happy, of course you'll be fine, your wife stayed up the whole night and took care of you.
a long look, a certain unhappiness in chocolate eyes, an anger most beautiful in its quiet smoulder...
"ab yeh mat kehna ki tumhe pata nahin hai," now, don't say you didn't know, continues the smiling elder sister.
"pata hai, di..." he knows and he is not happy.
but di is delighted because she was a bit perturbed by stories of swami, wondering why her sis in law was using her advice about how chhotey needed to be shown love his way so strangely.
and she tells her brother how pleased she is that he has chosen such a perfect girl for himself... and again it looks like her words will have the reverse effect.
he recalls khushi covering him... her look of concern, a song rises in his heart. he remembers... "humne kaha na dhyan se" oh i recall him saying it to her just the day before... yelling.
a set of memories. a beautiful sequence, perfectly put together by creatives, i can feel tears gather even while i pause and make caps and go back for an interrupted viewing.
he looks away and back again as if thinking, a bit in pain even... something dark gathering to him...
okay, the first time round i had no idea what that faking was all about.
"chai?"
the best things in life start with a tea, so did this sequence. he sat reading and frowning, she was all contrite and careful with a cup of adrakwali chai made with all her concern for her arnav ji.
he looked up and di's words about his jeevan saathi came back...
he slowly folded the paper, a dense, thick with emotions look on his face and a tiredness... arnav singh raizada was getting ready for something.
after a pause, decision made, he slapped the paper on the table and got up swiftly all set. direction and acting laudable here. to understand a moment and to interpret with this intensity with minimum words and action and paraphernalia, wondrous.
"aap ki dawai," she is gentle. as he took it from her, his expression started to change, a little smile there, a turn of head...
"swami nahin kahogi?" won't you call me swami? a slightly mocking, maddening air was here, in the look, the voice...
she noticed the change instantly.
"kya?"
"not bad, after all mera idea kaam kar hi gaya..." not bad, after all, my idea did the job...
and the man revealed a ridiculous plot to get back at her. really? i thought that first time, is that really how asr is? he would do all that just to teach her a lesson? maybe he isn't the man i thought he was... maybe the writer was having a particularly bad day and frayed nerves had led to fickle writing.
"ji?" khushi is lost.
with a major look at me i am cool stance and husky, leisurely, i am on top of this game voice he drawled,"i think, ab toh tumhe bata hi sakta hoon..."
think i should tell you now...
"pehle yeh batao ki poori raat pareshan rehkar kaisa lagta hai?" first tell me, how does it feel to be worried the whole night?
i thought well, he had had restless nights because of her, so had he really put on an act? no, no can't be.
"kaisa laga bina galti kiye guilty feel karna..." how does it feel to feel guilty without having done anything wrong?
"chalo woh sab chhoro..." oh, let those be... the playing continued.
pull out to a long shot, slightly from below, a lovely zany angle by the poolside, a return to asr...
baiting his quarry...
"yeh batao ki mujhe kitte dinon se jaanti ho?" tell me, how long have you known me?
tea cup is set on the table. an audible sound like a punctuation mark.
he turns back to her.
"well, dino se kya farak padta hai..." well, what difference does time make... voice growing huskier, more combative, he completes, "kitna bhi jaan lo, kabhi kabhi kissi ko pehchanna bahut mushkil ho jata hai... right?"
and he reveals... "kal raat mujhe kuch nahin hua tha... main bilkul theek tha..." nothing happened to him, he was fine.
a shocked khushi looks at him. while an equally shocked di looks out through slats along the corridor upstairs...
he grabs her hands before she drops everything, "surprised, haan?" that instinct to protect, to save, never stays down.
uff that little got you smile, asr is so back. i want to smack his face yet let him come even closer to me than ever before...
what was this game being set up i wondered.
he circled her... i had my meds, i wasn't hungry and to top it all (up?!) i hadn't fainted.
he took a step closer threateningly... "sab kuch ek natak.. natak tha..." everything was a charade. voice low and intimate and jeering.
a nod and, "understand?"
apparently he did all this to settle a score with her.
as always he looked away while lying. i was perplexed, but i didn't read that sign. i was equally taken in.
capable of downright meanness this man, i thought.
"aap natak kar rahe the? aur hum itne pareshan jo hue.." you were acting and i was so worried... khushi is confounded, shocked.
"oh..." pause, "tum pareshan ho rahi thi?" oh you were worried?
and a palat... a classic asr look back with a mocking smile...
aap kitne chaalak ho... you are so clever.
chalak nahin... shatir. after all, i am arnav sigh raizada... not clever, intelligent/brainy, after all...
this time while watching, all i could think was: how tender is this man.
he walks away on asr tune. so desperate is he to assert himself over those wayward feelings of his, to take the equation back to distant, cool, apart. he possibly can't deal with it otherwise.
"di!"
his sister hauls him to her room and tells him she knows why he did what he did.
a beautiful sensitive interaction between an elder sister and a younger brother, two people who suddenly found one terrifying night, when their lives were shattered, everything scattering like those pearls in the first episode, that the two of them had each other and really nothing much else left. they had walked away with a picture from their home, never to look back again...
hansel and gretl came to mind... their father led them to a dark scary forest and left, the trail leading back home erased... nowhere to go but wherever the path leads. only each other to trust, love, and care desperately for
"khushi? khushi ko kya?" why does his voice touch another plane whenever he mentions her... like a string ties her to his heart?
and she takes him to the mirror... a beautiful sister.. i wish i had it in me to show my brother who he really was and what ails him...
mirror mirror on the wall, who is the the most spectacularly loving of us all...
she clearly told him that his action simply said he loved khushi a lot, and how much even he perhaps can't fathom. "aur kitna... yeh toh shayad tum bhi nahin jaantey, chhotey."
yes, he didn't know, didn't know that no matter what, even if she was with another, a cheat, a liar, anything, he could not not care for her... he couldn't bear her suffering, that is all he knew... har baar he would step in any way he can to make her world secure.
he whose world had tumbled and there was no safety net, nothing to save him, he would not let his loved ones ever suffer, he will do whatever it takes... a primary urge.
a primal urge.
what he would do to protect his sis, he would do for khushi. he had no idea how important she was to him already, as important as di, in fact.
perplexed, he stared after his sis, and turned back to the mirror... what did he see there? his sister's voice floated, even you don't know how much you care for her, again he remembered khushi's concern.
into the mirror he looked, to see his heart maybe? what was happening to him? he remembered his feelings watching her so close and caring, he remembered his lie.
"unhone jhoot bola," he lied to me. she paced. back in form, just as he had wanted, he hated seeing her down, guilty, contrite... no, khushi always as khushi is.
she read this whole thing as a nasty mean ploy and decided to give him more of what he can't stand. chashni sweetness, mega show of love, swami...
it is possible to know someone forever and still not know them really.
the episode puzzled me still. so we were being shown a lovely side of the gussa boy, but why, just to tell us how wonderful he is? felt empty.
as he stood before the mirror, and killed me with his looks, the word "pehchaan" to know someone, went through my head.
and i recalled the huskily delivered dialogue:"kitna bhi jaan lo, kabhi kabhi kissi ko pehchanna bahut mushkil ho jata hai..."
no matter how much you know some people, sometimes to really know them is very difficult.
when his di turned him toward his own reflection, told him a little bit about himself, said she realised his action showed how much he loved khushi, i thought oh, okay... so that dialogue is really meant for him... he knows himself forever. yet he doesn't... not really.
and then i realised nor does khushi. if lakshmi ji had turned around and articulated through her mehhh a simple question: why did you stay up the whole night, khushi, just because you're feeling guilty? would you have stayed up if you didn't think you were responsible for his condition in some way, would you have massaged that foul smelling oil into his long dark locks still? i am sure khushi would have said, "no", even though her heart would've answered something else. only the forlorn look on her face would have indicated things and we'd know how little she knew herself... or was willing to.
neither does he know his own self, his reason for doing things, nor she. both believe they dislike the other, and yet their actions say other things. she with down market chameli tel and he with elaborately set up lie by the pool, show and express the same thing...
love.
a love they don't "know" of, yet their heart knows and expresses, even without their knowledge. in his case, his sister pointed him in the right direction... wish lakshmi ji were as useful.
oil and freeing her of guilt were details, they could have been anything...
as long as they were tell tale signs of an emotion, of feelings they had, and didn't know how valid and absolute those feelings were. how they were driven by these feelings, acting on their compulsions.
something seemed to indicate a track change, not the physical one of shantivan to gh, but the internal one. now on, they will again and again let slip expressions of care, of need, of desire, of love without really knowing why they were doing it.
because both are fighting hard not to love the other. they have even before shown signs of those feelings, gotten lost in each other, confessed during holi and on a stage before all, but somehow you get the feeling, it's all getting deeper, more compelling and now it feels like a certain turn at road is being taken.
maybe i've interpreted it all wrong... but i like the thought, so am going to stay with it.
especially those three women in the colours of a traffic signal, a tongue in cheek hint at crossroads and a change?
fall. stop start go. natak, sab kuch natak tha. kabhi kabhi kissi ko pehchanna bahut mushkil ho jata hai. the episode was somewhere about all that. paas mat aana mere...
how he whipped it out. why? why didn't he want her to come close to him? was it getting too hard to handle? he wanted to do things he had sworn not to?
she sleeps standing up and snores. hai re nand kissore, since when did khoosie bitiya need such funny ha ha writing. with her penchant for comedy, sanaya can make almost anything light frothy zany... but even writing ishtyle has changed track.
adrakwali chai shuruwat. why am i thinking this is interesting. and please... no wonder the man drinks coffee. give him some fine darjeeling in a bone china or porcelain teapot... tea leaves steeped not boiled.
three women in the colours of traffic light in the kitchen... khushi is stop... anjali start, payal go... hmmm, there's a change being signalled i felt even as i watched. a happiness... junction maybe? or am i imagining this because i know what's coming.
something nice about the kitchen at rm, i always get a good feeling around here. and there have been just too many nirvana bringing scenes here for me not to forget, this is sacred ground.
in akash's room an abnormal emotion... a little girl feels an infatuation with a much older cousin. might have been terribly interesting if they understood this emotion well and portrayed it. as it was, it was un.bear.able.
and someone tells me, pilleejh... what was that love and cute stuff... luv kush? suddenly, in front of a kid and ma in law, the love birds are in full trill... seemed strange. and what's this love is a four letter word thing. then of course not to be outdone, along comes mami and teaches a nine year old to call her bhabi, sorry "bhabs", kbt. not the best place for a child to grow up i am thinking.
because no one bothered to work on the payal akash story or characters, somehow this sudden injection of lovey dovey felt awkward. the undercurrents made me uncomfortable. and if so much in love, why can't he tell his mom not to call his wife kbt? some day nand kissore no doubt will explain all this to me.
chhotey walks with news paper, a very tired and unwell air... was barun beginning to flag around this time?
"di, main theek hoon" di, i am fine he says, exasperated curt.
"theek toh hogay hi na jab tumhare biwi ne raat bhar jaag ke tumhara khayal rakkha hai..." di is sugary sweetness and happy, of course you'll be fine, your wife stayed up the whole night and took care of you.
a long look, a certain unhappiness in chocolate eyes, an anger most beautiful in its quiet smoulder...
"ab yeh mat kehna ki tumhe pata nahin hai," now, don't say you didn't know, continues the smiling elder sister.
"pata hai, di..." he knows and he is not happy.
but di is delighted because she was a bit perturbed by stories of swami, wondering why her sis in law was using her advice about how chhotey needed to be shown love his way so strangely.
and she tells her brother how pleased she is that he has chosen such a perfect girl for himself... and again it looks like her words will have the reverse effect.
he recalls khushi covering him... her look of concern, a song rises in his heart. he remembers... "humne kaha na dhyan se" oh i recall him saying it to her just the day before... yelling.
a set of memories. a beautiful sequence, perfectly put together by creatives, i can feel tears gather even while i pause and make caps and go back for an interrupted viewing.
he looks away and back again as if thinking, a bit in pain even... something dark gathering to him...
okay, the first time round i had no idea what that faking was all about.
"chai?"
the best things in life start with a tea, so did this sequence. he sat reading and frowning, she was all contrite and careful with a cup of adrakwali chai made with all her concern for her arnav ji.
he looked up and di's words about his jeevan saathi came back...
he slowly folded the paper, a dense, thick with emotions look on his face and a tiredness... arnav singh raizada was getting ready for something.
after a pause, decision made, he slapped the paper on the table and got up swiftly all set. direction and acting laudable here. to understand a moment and to interpret with this intensity with minimum words and action and paraphernalia, wondrous.
"aap ki dawai," she is gentle. as he took it from her, his expression started to change, a little smile there, a turn of head...
"swami nahin kahogi?" won't you call me swami? a slightly mocking, maddening air was here, in the look, the voice...
she noticed the change instantly.
"kya?"
"not bad, after all mera idea kaam kar hi gaya..." not bad, after all, my idea did the job...
and the man revealed a ridiculous plot to get back at her. really? i thought that first time, is that really how asr is? he would do all that just to teach her a lesson? maybe he isn't the man i thought he was... maybe the writer was having a particularly bad day and frayed nerves had led to fickle writing.
"ji?" khushi is lost.
with a major look at me i am cool stance and husky, leisurely, i am on top of this game voice he drawled,"i think, ab toh tumhe bata hi sakta hoon..."
think i should tell you now...
"pehle yeh batao ki poori raat pareshan rehkar kaisa lagta hai?" first tell me, how does it feel to be worried the whole night?
i thought well, he had had restless nights because of her, so had he really put on an act? no, no can't be.
"kaisa laga bina galti kiye guilty feel karna..." how does it feel to feel guilty without having done anything wrong?
"chalo woh sab chhoro..." oh, let those be... the playing continued.
pull out to a long shot, slightly from below, a lovely zany angle by the poolside, a return to asr...
baiting his quarry...
"yeh batao ki mujhe kitte dinon se jaanti ho?" tell me, how long have you known me?
tea cup is set on the table. an audible sound like a punctuation mark.
he turns back to her.
"well, dino se kya farak padta hai..." well, what difference does time make... voice growing huskier, more combative, he completes, "kitna bhi jaan lo, kabhi kabhi kissi ko pehchanna bahut mushkil ho jata hai... right?"
and he reveals... "kal raat mujhe kuch nahin hua tha... main bilkul theek tha..." nothing happened to him, he was fine.
a shocked khushi looks at him. while an equally shocked di looks out through slats along the corridor upstairs...
he grabs her hands before she drops everything, "surprised, haan?" that instinct to protect, to save, never stays down.
uff that little got you smile, asr is so back. i want to smack his face yet let him come even closer to me than ever before...
what was this game being set up i wondered.
he circled her... i had my meds, i wasn't hungry and to top it all (up?!) i hadn't fainted.
he took a step closer threateningly... "sab kuch ek natak.. natak tha..." everything was a charade. voice low and intimate and jeering.
a nod and, "understand?"
apparently he did all this to settle a score with her.
as always he looked away while lying. i was perplexed, but i didn't read that sign. i was equally taken in.
capable of downright meanness this man, i thought.
"aap natak kar rahe the? aur hum itne pareshan jo hue.." you were acting and i was so worried... khushi is confounded, shocked.
"oh..." pause, "tum pareshan ho rahi thi?" oh you were worried?
and a palat... a classic asr look back with a mocking smile...
aap kitne chaalak ho... you are so clever.
chalak nahin... shatir. after all, i am arnav sigh raizada... not clever, intelligent/brainy, after all...
this time while watching, all i could think was: how tender is this man.
he walks away on asr tune. so desperate is he to assert himself over those wayward feelings of his, to take the equation back to distant, cool, apart. he possibly can't deal with it otherwise.
"di!"
his sister hauls him to her room and tells him she knows why he did what he did.
a beautiful sensitive interaction between an elder sister and a younger brother, two people who suddenly found one terrifying night, when their lives were shattered, everything scattering like those pearls in the first episode, that the two of them had each other and really nothing much else left. they had walked away with a picture from their home, never to look back again...
hansel and gretl came to mind... their father led them to a dark scary forest and left, the trail leading back home erased... nowhere to go but wherever the path leads. only each other to trust, love, and care desperately for
"khushi? khushi ko kya?" why does his voice touch another plane whenever he mentions her... like a string ties her to his heart?
and she takes him to the mirror... a beautiful sister.. i wish i had it in me to show my brother who he really was and what ails him...
mirror mirror on the wall, who is the the most spectacularly loving of us all...
she clearly told him that his action simply said he loved khushi a lot, and how much even he perhaps can't fathom. "aur kitna... yeh toh shayad tum bhi nahin jaantey, chhotey."
yes, he didn't know, didn't know that no matter what, even if she was with another, a cheat, a liar, anything, he could not not care for her... he couldn't bear her suffering, that is all he knew... har baar he would step in any way he can to make her world secure.
he whose world had tumbled and there was no safety net, nothing to save him, he would not let his loved ones ever suffer, he will do whatever it takes... a primary urge.
a primal urge.
what he would do to protect his sis, he would do for khushi. he had no idea how important she was to him already, as important as di, in fact.
perplexed, he stared after his sis, and turned back to the mirror... what did he see there? his sister's voice floated, even you don't know how much you care for her, again he remembered khushi's concern.
into the mirror he looked, to see his heart maybe? what was happening to him? he remembered his feelings watching her so close and caring, he remembered his lie.
"unhone jhoot bola," he lied to me. she paced. back in form, just as he had wanted, he hated seeing her down, guilty, contrite... no, khushi always as khushi is.
she read this whole thing as a nasty mean ploy and decided to give him more of what he can't stand. chashni sweetness, mega show of love, swami...
it is possible to know someone forever and still not know them really.
......................
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