episode 246 tell me the truth

for a few moments, there was only heaven and earth and a feeling beyond time, a whole space in itself.

he would have to watch her jump and kill herself. she would jump, no matter how crazy she sounds, how disoriented and how flimsy her reason, a sudden fixation about lavanya and him now... but she would do it. he knew right from the moment she said all sorts of khushi things and left home that something was amiss...

chaliye arnav singh raizada, humne aap ko maaf kardiya... on hearing that, the comic sfx crow crowed, the handsome upright brow puckered further.

and he said what he had been feeling since her sweet wife attack began, "what the..?"

she looked shimmery eyed and satisfied... manna had come to her before she embraced death... his "what the." boundless dopeyness with frowning thinking gorgeousness that shall not be bound... what a perfect few minutes, even though i am aaargh about the ishtory.

but that flirty "go on, i forgive you" might have given him the weirdest warning signal. then he went to the room to find the biggest hint that all was not well, her stars were gone... and that letter... she is going to become a star she declared there, of course a bright and beautiful one. he possibly almost stopped breathing then...

but he is never one to sit still and let things happen. the episode changed rhythm and feel. urgency, desperation, panic entered. signs of a feeling all. 

he knows what this is all about, but where is she... he must act... and he must think... sanity comes from that. he had acted the night he had thought he would finally go crazy. and now too, he is out of the house in seconds, thinking, and running... the warning bells are ringing wildly in him... where is she. call her. ah, she receives the call...

 

and she is where? 

she instructs him to move so she doesn't fall on him.

what?

he turns, looks up...
horrified, phone still at ear, he yells out to... life.  "khushi!"

helpless, he is staring up, horror going through his head.

she is in a frenzied hyped state, she knows she is moments away from death...

don't move!!! stay there...

he is frantic, i am coming!... main aa raha hoon!

i am beginning to pick his panic. thin plot, small six inch screen on comp, repeat viewing... still i a feel the panic.

"lo... inhinka kaam kar rahe hain aur humey rok rahen hain..." see, i am doing his work and he is stopping me.

top shot of man running up stairs two steps at a time. contrast that with silly nonsense talk from wife, slowly pondering jumping off. the discordant note sets up its own crazy pitch, he is running, jumping over things, panicking he might be too late.

and they are on a terrace together once more.

"khushi!!!!" hand reaching out trying to stop her. will his reach fall short? how will he live if it does? he has tried his best to survive his mother killing herself... but khushi?

"what the hell are you doing... uttro neeche abhi!" get down instantly, his anger is here fueled by fear and panic.

"dekhiye paas mat aayie verna hum kud jaayenge!" don't come near me, or else i'll jump.

is this fair? if dragging her to a temple was wrong, is this also not that? yet, nowhere, not even once do we see this thought about later. and for all his rave and rant and music with swagger, he is the sweetest lover on earth... he never ever tells her what happened to him as he saw her standing on the ledge, never berated her for putting him through that.

"okkay okkay relax, main agey nahin aaoonga! par kyun kud jaaogi tum? what's wrong with you?"

the negotiator... that movie comes to mind... keep talking, keep the person engaged. an intelligent man, his dimaag to the fore, dil kept aside, to get the work done.

she says he is after her since yesterday to kill her.

"khushi, aisa kuch nahin hai!" there's nothing like that. just look at the actor, i can feel his every fear.

"paas mat aaiye!" don't come near... yes she is in that fey space, not quite here. again, seriously good understanding of the moment.

"main aagey nahin aaoonga... breathe..." hand up, hot concentrated stare... (of course, at "breathe" one viewer has stopped breathing. she is shallow. her heart just fell off the ledge.)

"ab saans lene ka abhyaas karne se kya fayda..." what's the point of doing breathing exercises now... dialogue writer is on a spree.

"okay take care, dammit!" as she almost falls off.

she is talking gibberish... "waise hum dar nahin rahe hain..." smiles... he is responding to every word move breath, eyes desperate, wondering how to get her off.

feeling things, breaking...

yeah, you had to get him to a place like this for him to erupt and at last let someone know what his "chot" was... the really larger than life ones have a spot within so tender, it is a blessing to be in their hearts... and when that spot aches... that chot... no one will understand, for they only see the strong big man, and no one really wants to see a strong one's crying place, makes us uneasy... we want heroes... bulletproof... invincible.

on a terrace he saw disillusionment and got his chot.

i am wondering how much he is hurting aching angry desperate crazy now, how is he holding up.

but he is a task focused man... thank g for that... his mind is working. like his gussa, it's his dimaag that has kept him going, nurtured him through hell.

she won't haunt him... nor lavanya ji... music is khushi style loopy... rhetoric and prosody lessons from college i recall... to highlight an emotion, a counterpoint is being used... there is nothing funny or cute about what is going on, just the opposite.

"lavanya ki baat kahaan se aa gayi?" huh! lavanya! asr is confounded.

"arey, wahi toh hai aapka asli gulaab." oh, she is your real rose. "matlab... asli pyaar," your real love. she is sad.

"aur hum... kaanta," she is the thorn.

"gulab... kanta... what the hell are you saying?" stop sounding so hot, your wife is about to jump for botanical issues... there is a bizarre craziness here which is pretty classic, weird me is thinking.

the kundli conundrum is revealed.

what? kundli? but he doesn't believe in such things. but it's true. never. it is.

"kyunki jo tum samajh rahi ho woh sach nahin hai..." what you are thinking is not the truth. nice. and we come to the whole issue of truth again. what he saw that night... he believes that is true. what she surmises about lavanya, she believes that is also the truth.

long time back a clever serial said... the truth is out there. the x files. and maybe the truth is really in mars or venus or the aliens have abducted it... for it is nowhere in what they think.

it is however absolutely there in what they feel.

"yeh sach nahin hai."

"sach hai."

what is "sach" really?

she has heard him talk to lavanya and come to a conclusion... just as he has seen her with shyam and come to his.

he cannot convince her now. and she will not be able to convince him soon.

similar situation, one handled with seriousness and drama, the other with lightness and melodrama.

both hurt the observer. almost as much.

marte hue insaan se jhoot nahin bolte. you don't lie to someone who is about to die. this has gone on too long. and death is not chhay mahine ke liye... okay?

"arrey aapko toh taarey mil bhi gaye," oh you have found the stars...

he couldn't let go... he ran with everything.

tense moments.

at last what is transpiring seems to reach khushi... she is looking at the man she loves one last time, and he at her...

you could have asked me once, then without asking any questions i would have moved out of your way... never occurs to her that she never was in the way... if he wanted la he could have had her.

in front of his eyes, khushi will jump... she almost does...

he is concentrating, he knows what he has to do... but surely he worries, what if he misses.

finally, he says,

"khushi, main lavanya se pyaar nahin karta,"... i don't love lavanya.

"and i think kabhi karta bhi nahin tha..." i don't think i ever did love her. how can you even think that.

and i will repeat this only once, i did not want to marry lavanya, and this is not the reason why i married you.

then tell me why did you marry me? why?

he struggles... too painful to bring these words to his lips. beauty of it is she has no idea, he has no idea that she has no idea... where is sach, go find it.

"aap unse pyaar karte hain... aur, hum..." you love her, and i...

the most beautiful pause in a crazy girl's tirade. yeah, you love him... and he, though you don't know, loves you. he stays silent, you talk nonstop... the hurt is so huge in both.

at the pause, this silent long stare by the one who dare not believe a word she says and so wants to...

a man and a woman stand looking at each other... the ridiculousness of the situation is overshadowed by the timeless question in both eyes... who are you to me, who am i to you... what ties us, what tears us asunder... this is not the truth. this is the truth.

a music refrain raju singh composed thinking what i don't know, but feeling all the right things, seems to hold the two together always

the ballad of asr and khushi plays out in sound and light... she is leaning against him as they dance, trusting, believing.

he is going to kiss er, it is diwali, asr can never forget.

oh you did kiss me by that pool, my first kiss ever and you were the one.

rabba vey touches the space between them as they stand, on on the ledge, the other on level ground.

the car screeched, the rain fell in cascades, i came and picked you out of harms way, i could never let you go... not even then.

your hand in mine i walked you out of the circle of lights... diwali... so much in that dark dark night.

do you know how lovely you look when you smile, i love to see you laughing, though you don't love me.

i put the payal on your ankle, did you tie me to yourself with it, why can't i let you go even though you hurt me so, you who are having an affair.

i remember your gentleness in a room far away, holding me, and so it is you i must run to when i need someone strong and always mine..

i couldn't hold you, but i wanted to soothe you, put my hand on your head and promise, i am here. hamesha.

 but now it is time. "hum theek hai. hum taiyaar hai." i am fine. i am ready.

he watched her without talking, without moving.

a conversation was had by forces beyond either, the powerful instinct within us, which asserts itself when our rational selves trip up...

she looked back at him one last time... he had never looked more helpless.

as she turned away...

he remembered their first meeting... everything welled up it seemed within him.

she had fallen into his arms...

she turned only to recall how she had run to him at the hospital.

he was ready, he was lunging forward, he couldn't let her go... neither dil nor dimaag could stand and watch while she did this.

a crescendo of shots and feelings and music. an end point arriving.

she closed her eyes... and most poignantly and tellingly khushi recalled a man marrying her. her man, arnav ji. the shadi that hurt her, the shadi that made her feel loved.

he lunged. she fell forward.

a scream. all went black.

he had caught her in his arms and fallen back onto the terrace floor.

how he held her said what his lips couldn't. there was too much hurt, too many emotions for that.

he had fallen with her like that and lain with her just the day before, hadn't he? under a shower of petals...

she realised where she was and began to struggle... he pushed her off...

anger pain madness in him mixing, whirling, a tornado catching speed.

fantastic direction... he walked away from her, back turned... the emotional upheaval arousing resentment.

camera work changed. another critical juncture had been reached on the road to eternity.

what the hell were you thinking!

he was going to tell her...

"maine yeh sab lavanya ke vajah se nahin kiya... okay?" i didn't do all this because of lavanya, okay!!

"jhoot mat boliye..." still child like, angry. don't lie!

"main jhoot nahin bol raha hoon..." i am not lying.

then tell me why did you marry me.

memories of the other terrace in the dark... here in broad daylight. claustrophobic, maddening.

"har pal yeh sawal hume khata rehta hai..." every moment, this question eats into me.

he remembers what eats at him.

"hume sach jaanne ka poora haq hai." i have every right to know the truth.

he is shaking with anger as she says "chhor dijiye anjali ji ko..."

a million memories of shyam and her, in fragments in sequence no sequence and of him marrying her, crowd and ignite.

"kyunki main tumhare aur shyam ke baare mein jaanta hoon..." because i know about shyam and you...

sound pulls us into the vortex of emotions and feelings of that assertion.

"jaanta hoon ki tumhare aur shyam ka affair chal raha hai!"

i know you and shyam are having an affair.

"issliye ki maine tumse shadi."

that's why i married you.

he was holding her even then, when he told her she was just a low down home wrecker, a girl who is having an affair with a married man. his sister's husband.

his tense taut body seemed to want to hurtle into her. and she stood stunned.

here between heaven and earth and far away from the sweetness of pink walls or any other safety, any shelter in fact, here between life and death... despite body double, strange story line, apparently many problems during shoot, in fact some backgrounds are i think superimposed... they made primeval contact again. a man, a woman, an emotion.

and was there a story angle in there somewhere? just as the thought of her being in love with someone else drove him crazy...and made him do something he never would have otherwise... only for her; so did the thought of him loving someone else drive her crazy... and she did something she would never do otherwise? only for him?

i decided to read it that way. 

though writing would not say that later. in fact he would tell his sister he did not love khushi when he married her. yeh sach nahin hai, i will hear myself say. but what is truth after all. and whatever it is, it isn't here. it is out there.

......................

because you don't 
have a character episodes
episode rambles
fanfiction

 first thoughts on 246

mere paas maa hai... ek jashn episode 2

i was looking at a part of the episode where i thought i'd liked barun's voice. something of asr was in it. which is when i heard the word.

my breath did a leap, my ears pricked up. what was that he said? no, he couldn't have.

i rewound and heard once more. then again.

yes, there was no mistake.

he had just called his mother, "mom."

 
in my mind, a young man standing feet apart, looking up at an old mansion. shehnai playing.. a boy, a bride, a woman running, gunshot.

maa.

flutter of pigeons' wings.

in quick flashbacks i recalled key scenes where his mother had been mentioned.

kya... kya meri maa mujhe dekh sakti hai.
can... can my mother see me?

aaj se tum meri maa ki bahu ho.
from this day you are my mother's daughter in law.
chauda saal ka tha mein jab meri maa ne suicide kiya. my mother committed suicide.
i was fourteen years old when my mother committed suicide.

arnav singh raizada... he had rejected malik, his father's family name, and taken his maa's name.

she was never mom. she was key to the character of asr, her life and death had absolute impact on his evolution, she taught him to have values, a conscience, he never ever could really come to terms with her death, a part of him winded and damaged ever since... she brought to his heart sukoon, serenity, peace... all of which taken at a very tender age. that dark brooding man of the first episode of ipk was like that because of maa... not mom.

maa... echoes somewhere close by when you think of asr.

khushi came and touched him with her powerful innocence, her sanka, her beauty, her gentle soft kindness, some part of him lying locked for years, had to open. and in seeped a feeling he hadn't felt since the death of his mother. a sukoon began to find its way back again. his heart opened and received its touch.

how can anyone take that name he has for his mother lightly?

meri koi maa nahin, meri maa mr chuki hai.
i don't have a mother. my mother has died.

some part of me takes the hit pretty badly when things sacrosanct to ipk are played with. i know one should not get so involved. yet one does.

i wish i could ask writers why this diluting of character, of script, of the entire nature of ipk. i understand young people need to be attracted.

but weren't they always attracted? hugely? and lately in russia and the middle east too? despite dubbed voices?

then why this playing around?

mom?

let me go back and check again, because i still can't believe it... yes, he did call her mom.

just before he said that, a couple of moments alone with his plants. something in me sighed. always good to see him with his garden. he is without armour here. no public image, just as he is... and so very gentle. or at times violent. among his plants, the gardener feels free... and in sync.

"mujhe shuru se hi paudho se lagav hai.. yeh baat nahin kar sakte na... kissi ko chot nahin pahunchate."

i have had been close to plants from the very beginning...  they can'tt speak you know... they don't hurt anyone...

barun always makes"chot" sound poignant, concentrated, beautiful. (he may not mean to, but that's how i hear it.) it's always all of asr's chot, his elemental pain. perhaps even more cataclysmic that the pain of being born, being torn away from one's mother, one's home. this one was given when his mother was wrested away from him... he standing there helpless.

mom ko bhi paudhe bahut pasand the.
mom also liked plants a lot.

his mother loved plants, maybe he sought solace here, feeling her presence among the green... they were alive, growing, something he associated with his mother that was here, bursting with life... not dead. visceral connection between asr, maa, paudhe (plants), chot, not speaking. they're very giving by nature.

he clearly identifies with them... like him, they cannot speak. and perhaps like him, though he doesn't know it, they are giving. and most vulnerable, tender, loving his voice, when he says, they don't hurt anyone. he has been hurt too much, i think.

and now, writers hurt him more. i am wondering why the one who doesn't/can't speak has been chosen as the narrator. i'd have thought khushi would do the job far more believably and naturally. and we'd giggle merrily along while he snarled and snarked and was incredibly loving in his ajeeb way.

mannat ki chabi has come up. darga too, and lucknow.

i am a bit confused by the sugary dialogues aimed at cute. wasn't the usp of asr karwa karela? we adored him like that. even when we said we didn't. for we knew his heart was shining clean. and that gussa made him him; also rather sexy the way barun did it... his whole frown, turn of head, body language, ohhhohoho.

nature doesn't disappear because you live with the love of your life. thank you for the gardening shot. the only thing that felt real... ipk.

asr does not play sweet games with hp where hp seems to have the upper hand.

and if i may say, however nutty she may be, khushi is not a demanding, tantrum throwing sort... she will make him suffer a bit but not act in this attention seeking manner. she is a fun mad cute pagal, who is crazy about her arnav ji... baat aapki hai. this whole thing is reminiscent of asr's birthday episodes. not among my favourites.

we are told all is well with shashi ji and the sweet shop thrives. a bit predictable really. that promise of completing "adhoori kahani" being tackled with heavy handed vengeance

nani ji calls on cue. another cute convo. i think asr needs to be rescued.

and no, he doesn't say "panga" (episode 1) nor "chatka" nor anything that sounds so lacking in "aukat."

ripping off that dialogue everyone knew back then.

"mere paas shashi ji recovered hai, mannat ki chabi hai, panga hai, chatka hai, tumhare paas kya hai?"
i have a recovered shashi ji, the mannat key, panga, chatka... what do you have?

"mere paas mom... enough!"
i have mom... enough!

 eyes go still, light reflects off clear pool like irises, shoulder thrown back, bereftness descending over face, a quiet meditative voice, slightest rasp in it, crisp delivery, "mere paas maa hai."

hamesha.

credit to salim-javed for the unforgettable and much quoted "mere paas maa hai" dialogue from deewar.

..............................

ps: in episode 1, he said khushi stole the scooter. i thought the scooter belonged to her, their family... the name of their shop is on the spare tyre cover. dear writer, please take a little interest and write, in your rush to complete the adhoori kahani, are you losing the essential story... wholly?

on the tyre cover, the name of khushi's babuji's shop: sattwik mishtanna bhandar. didn't understand that story of stealing the scooter. okay, went and saw again as a friend said she stole it from teh man she called kaka ji... she said, "kaka ji, hatiye!" as she almost banged into him, he said, bitiya arre are, just exclamations, maybe that was meant to convey she had swiped the scooter. i didn't get it. also she seemed to know how to ride and later i don't recall any talk about this. in episode 2, everyone at home was instantly alert when they heard the sound of the scooter, i took it to mean, they knew it was her... because it is her scooter. anyway, i may have got it wrong.

......................

i p k k n d ek jashn

episode rambles

fanfiction

go find your gussa, asr.

 

......................

i p k k n d ek jashn

episode rambles

fanfiction

the balloon man

addictive, isn't it... watching barun chuck a balloon in that oh that's so barun way? would asr be decorating the house with pink balloons for his absolute heart throb, dil khi dhadkan, the girl with whom you could fall in love like that, yoon pyaar ho jaye? think not. actually, know not. but still it's a scene i have to watch. and watch. 

there's that "yoon" in it.

also wondering, did the makers have a little lopsided smile on while planning this? bet they knew barun was often called "baloon" on the forum. 

okay, the man's got copyright on all and every kind of slanted, lopsided, gradiented, bent, crooked smile. so, we must sue you on grounds of copyright infringement. off with it. 

......................

i p k k n d ek jashn

episode rambles

fanfiction

ek dhun i heard too

just now while watching ek jashn episode 1, i noticed a lovely rendition of a few familiar bars of rabba vey on this scene. it was peppy, young, brusque, energetic rather than romantic, not too bothered with sounding right, something asr-ish in its don't care. and a pretty nice variation of a favourite tune. liked it. wondering if raju singh was involved... sounded like it. the dhun went: ta ta ta tatatata-ta ta... ta ta.. ta tatattata ta... also reminded me of that corny but cute kkg ta-ta.

......................

i p k k n d ek jashn

episode rambles

fanfiction

episode 245 a character she did have

i saw the episode yesterday, made edits, went through the usual things... work and stuff, and just now thought i'd sit down and write. when i asked myself, what i wanted to write about, the first time in all this while since we started watching ipk, the answer came clearly... nothing.

so this is a very short, teehee aisa bhi hota hai, take from the most longwinded one on the thread.

only one thing i do really want to say.

they done 'er in. kamlesh was right, someone was out to get her.

the gupta house track could have been spectacular, if they did not play the way they did with khushi's character... and found another way to show the growing ease and intimacy between asr and khushi.

in a different milieu and away from a large household with its formal ways and demeanour, yes, wonderful things could have happened.

these here are very very capable writers... yes, they get a little "inspired" by movies. also, they borrow as and when they need from that common pitara of ideas that serials of indian channels seem to share. but they actually told a pretty good tale and with extreme understanding of character and the nature of love, romance, wild attraction and super acidity.

they are writers of great ingenuity even... some of the things... aah like a fine movie at times.

but i have no idea why... they went gloopy sweet and pink wall at gh. lost that ken.

saddest of all, they damaged khushi. the pen is mightier than the shears, the knife, the screw driver, the noose, even asr.

i came to this forum when midnight after midnight i watched the sudden chaotic change in rhythm in a perfectly fabulous character and could not bear it... i needed help.

after more than two years, i feel exactly the same way about khushi during this track.

it was just plain wrong.

barun said once that this was, as happens in many shows indian, a story with an accent on the male protagonist. but actually he was not quite right; indian serials, unlike indian films are the opposite of that ever since ekta decreed so and the likes of parvati and tulsi invaded our living room.

a strange woman, cast in shades of tradition and hues of so called modernity came into being and has primetime in her stranglehold ever since. she in some way is supposed to be us... what the.

of course, we do get a bit of respite from our "mahaanta" from time to time, but only the akbars and the rana prataps of this world or the panch pandav get to shift focus from the great indian bahus and betis.

a really strong male character, a mere mortal at that, is a rarity i think in our soaps. which is why asr was so precious and of course, his traits, main mar jawaan.

but khushi was gorgeous too... not just to look at, but as a differentiated, clearly thought out, zany yet rooted character, individualistic in her own way. khushi gave me hope.

gh track played with her in the most unkind way.

sorry, khushi would never do such a ridiculous thing: watch kamlesh and decide asr wants to kill her. then imagine mind numbing scenarios, oh suddenly is she brainless twit utterly. nahiiin, writer did not, and i underline that, solve the problem by getting amma and bua ji to comment on her state of sanka again and again, even asr's sweet gentle concern and is she ok killer lines did not do the trick.
would khushi really go kill herself suddenly like that? and even in that the ridiculing doesn't stop... the terrible hand phone sequence.i may love asr, but i absolutely stood by khushi too. i am not into rituals and hey dm ways, but when she did it, it felt lovely and right... mainly because both writer and actor knew who she was. i knew jalebi cannot be made without fermenting the batter, but i let it pass because the character and jalebi had essential vibe, yeah, essential, samjhi tum?!

she had a complete personality. she was spicy and hot and intelligent with just the right amount of goofiness. it was so natural. she had a modern mind... she was far less a"hum" and far more a "main" than most girls in our shows. she had her own ways of tackling things and she fought for those. she was tradition loving, but never old fashioned. her approach to working in the initial episodes, to taking on new things, not fearing... aaah lovely girl.

she made mistakes. who doesn't.

but she was no fool.

after the wedding, when the road ahead did not look that clear... a suddenly spiked khushi was perhaps what they felt would catch trps, giggles, and give all a break to think what lies ahead.

might have even worked.

but the writing was just not sensitive or right. i wonder who lost touch with khushi and how.

i cannot imagine the girl who was standing with a phone on a ledge ready to jump off as the girl on the bridge later.

even "kis mitti se bani hai" does not save her. not for me. not if i am being honest with myself.

sanaya did brilliantly from bridge through kidnap... and because i just did not want to remember what i had seen here, i decided to let it be. but a funny kind of damage to the character was done and that never would get fixed. in fact, they kept shoving her around as and when they felt like it. sadly.

also this casting middil kilass as the good guys and the rich as baddies most insensitive, yikes, save me from these erroneous ideas... stereotypical and vapid they be.

okay enough talk.

love is  a demanding thing... and i do love ipk... so it's okay, will take the tamasha and go on to what's next. as i do with lub in real lifewa.

gh track might have been brilliant though. all the actors did their very best. i am grateful... and taekwondo queen, kahin aur ek duniya hogi where you are allowed to kick and punch the h out of your macho husband no matter which bed you two share. no amnesia by your creator there.

stray thoughts:

er 'scuse me, he is putting up clothesline for this house... where is my asr, where have you all hidden him? and sorry to be so terribly shallow but if he is the kind who always yearned to fix clotheslines in his in laws' home, then toodloo pip pip, asr, me go love another guy.

"laad governor safed kameez pe jalebi ke daag ki tarah hain... haar nahin maante!" laad gov is like a jalebi mark/stain on a white shirt, refuses to accept defeat. dialogue writers are trying hard to keep things interesting.

suddenly khushi is almost 23, just two months short of it. okay, whatever.
yeah, someone clearly intended to kill khushi. she should have just run away from the script.

and full attendance demanded by khushi at funeral. even salman must be sad... sweet. just that i am fading.
 
it felt good to see asr looking mean and unconcerned. aww.

......................

because you don't 
have a character episodes
episode rambles
fanfiction



one more edit, just like that.

 

episode 244 to kill a crazy wife

favourite se shuru kartey hain. 

i was watching the episode, slightly wan, pretty sure i would not really feel it much, when things started to pop out and pull at my thought and heart strings. despite several rounds of pretty nasty yanks, the dori that ties me to ipk had not been snapped, not even slightly damaged. i watched khushi walk into a place full of pink and red and orange and yellow flowers. she was in red, she looked thrilled. did anything else matter.

once there was rangoli here to welcome him, now flowers of many hues... so pretty. and the gardener was somewhere around no doubt. there, she had spotted him.

this allusion to a garden and a gardener, always moved me. somewhere perhaps ipk was about growth, about birth. about a seed being planted, quite accidentally that would become the most beautiful of trees one day, bearing fruit and flower, giving shade, staying strong in the face of wind, rain hail storm.

usually seeding involves some injury to the earth where it will be planted. was the snapping of dori that? a sudden cleaving... a cut through... a taking in of something that is encoded to grow. to flourish, to bloom and to take all the seasons of life and live and say i am life, i am love, i just jolly well am.

she looked like a lovely red rose... was he her gardener too? as she was his sunshine?

there was layer texture beauty and plenty "decoding" opportunities in this garden. 

she is entranced by the sight and walks up to the man who waits offscreen... there was this perfect catching of the scene by both actors. it's a fantasy, a dream, with a sexy humour horror twist to it. complex. can easily lose the sexiness and become slapstick. but that chin lifted little devil smile on barun's face and her flustered response to that made sure you never missed the slightly hot slightly cool sexiness of it all.

in her harried state, khushi rushes about thinking her man is plotting many ways to bump her off. the one she has a day dream about sees him as she knows him to really be inside... in earlier sequences like this he is the awful arrogant tycoon.

but here, he is gardener.

one can see the growth of a feeling even in the way she dreams of him... and there are some really fabulous ones to come. in fact, we show a lot of ourselves in our off conscious mind, subconscious state, don't we?

"yeh sab tumhare liye, " all this is for you, he smiles.

i was taken in the first time... thought maybe the guy is feeling so bad, he is wanting to make her happy. and once she had done this too, so maybe he is closing a loop, quite an ipk thing being that.

"aap... aap muskura rahe hain?" you are smiling? ah, so she has noticed the smile and enjoys it.

"haan! kyunki aaj main bahut khush hoon...tumhe kuch dena chahta hoon..." yes, because i am very happy today... want to give you something. barun's voice was intimate yet energetic and just plain lovely.

"kya?!" what?! a hesitant lost little thrilled kkgsr.

"ya! tumhare liye ek surprise hai. apni aankhen band karo." aww that ya!... close your eyes, says the man of her dreams, surprise awaits.

"bataiye na kya hai, gulab?" tell me what, roses?

and in comes the villain hamming hindi mobhies ishtyle "gulab ke saath kante bhi hote hain..." with roses you get thorns too. very hindi film dialogue, masala hindi film at that.

okay i am giggling. this whole thing makes no sense, but what the! there's the two of them acting supremely corny, not being good, not being holier than thou, not thinking, not feeling just being and in their dream garden.

eden. eden it is.

"gulab tumhe mil gaye, ab kaanto ki baari..." you have got the roses, now it's the turn of thorns.

sleazy lowered voice by actor enjoying the drama element. and out come shears. drama queen opens eyes wide, reacts... over reacts. nice pitching. nice music. nice framing. all those fresh flowers and the counterpoint: happy mean killer.

"jab mere raste ka kaanta hatega... tabhi toh mujhe milega... gulaaab," when the thorn in my path is removed, that is when i will get... rose.

okay barun is brill here, i am thinking i need to see gabbar. snap. the shears shut and she is shocked.

we have seen him with that same instrument before, angry... happy... and that wondrous one where he bled and ...

girl screams.

and a few other things that spoke to me.

the episode started with trademark asr "what the!!"  and despite the story going toward an absurd suicide attempt, i felt elated. they had worked hard on the brand architecture of asr, and oh how every little detail had become precious. no matter how easily such things can become cliches. barun had kept endless "what the"s fresh starting with the first one in the episode where he sees her under the desk, am i right about that?

his not very tycoonish bag has a hole. seems it's the rats.  

the sweet interaction with one besotted in law apart, i wondered if the chooha in question was really shyam. he had bitten hard, was ready to make a hole in the coffers of rm and one in asr's safe too.

when asr hears of the choohey, his 

eyes widen, funny music starts, i am thinking, now if this were really asr, he will fly into a fabulous rage.

instead cheeks blow out a bit,
"what?"
eyes catch a little fire.
"yahan, sach mein choohey hai?" there are really rats here?
salman and aunty look at him...
"oh mujhe khushi ne bola tha lekin mujhe laga tha ki wo mazak...?" i thought khushi was joking.

some come out at night... garima ji is sweet and helpful with information. teehee.
 
and a little relief registers in a tiny barun/asr moment, the eyebrows leap up but just that little calibrated bit that they need to... he is going to try and stay real through the cutesie script... try and keep asr alive, not get into major over done expressions.

suddenly i think, could any actor give that angry, upset, disgusted, yet, deadly check out stare while supposedly covered in cow dung and water being sprayed all over him. what does this man think when he gives these shots? i think his eyes never lie... they show exactly what he thinks.

the men who come to collect credit card dues from shyam laugh at him... shyam may live off his wife's family money, but how dare anyone make fun of him. his beizzati he cannot take.

he is mad at saaley sahab for making everything shift to sis's name... "koi humey iss tarah zaleel nahin kar sakta", no one can insult me like this. he vows, this must not happen again. 

a good entry to his mind. a reason for kidnapping and extracting money even..

so he is the rat, all set to bite the bag that has the money.

nice bridge to bua ji and asr and rat medicine talk. "bahut hi bade chooha maarne wali dawai..." med to kill a big rat. yeah he is skulking in rm, asr... go look.

of course khushi thinks it is her. an enjoyable sequence thanks to decent acting.

interestingly, both girls are in red. the lion's wife and the rat's wife. kahe nand kissore. shyam puts grease on the rails to stop wife from moving out of her wealthy fam home.

there is a killer on the loose here and a wife in red he wants to harm, if necessary kill. he has tampered with her shoe even... a curiously conscience less man.

ok, kamlesh, i am succumbing to your superior might and making an edit. salman was better i must confess, even though he is not my hero. 

a stray thought:
why is akash growing a stubble? is this an rm requirement? since the main stubble is away, his second in command must provide one, otherwise the air in the halls that brush against a fine bristly cheek feel deprived? 

phangurrling ainvain:

"woh chai tumhari nahin hai... yeh hai," that tea isn't yours, this is, says the alert man. okay that "yeh hai" sounded so aaargh gorgeous.
"kyun?" asks khushi. exactly... my question too, why?... so surprising and gorgeous. what are these undesigned gorgeous moments for. must be to kill me. this is a conspiracy.

happiness:

nani ji after a long time, and beige walls too... 
 
one track mind:

apple. in asr's hand... he wants to eat it. knowledge, tree, snake, uff. garden of eden. 

temptation. maybe that is what it was all about today. 

and if this is the killer on the loose... aaj fir marne ka irada hai.

......................

because you don't 
have a character episodes
episode rambles
fanfiction

episode 243 a man's reach

arnav ji takes care of his own... he is the best pati in the world... her voice echoes in him, around him.

he wakes up...

a poignant scene as a man ponders his action, possibly feeling terribly trapped. a tenderness for the woman who sleeps beside him fearless of consequences seems to come over him.

her voice in his ear, his heart, his inner spaces that have been lying dark and untouched for so long... he can't bear to see me in tears... he never lets me do anything by myself...

"arnav ji duniya ke sabse achhe pati hain..." arnav ji is the best husband in the world.

he stands at the window looking out... a habit to look outside, escape the clutch of four walls. this is what he does at home too, at the french windows he stands and gazes at the water, at the sky... out... there out there somewhere lie the answers maybe... a thinking man, an intelligent man, in a quandary like he had never expected in his life.

sleep in his eyes, he stands wide awake.

the crescendo of voices return, this time he hears his mother in law, the lady he calls aunty and cannot bring himself to call mother, but whom he has grown to respect and like and who treats him with understanding, tenderness. he knows a mother's heart is sensing things and feeling discomfort. maybe arnav singh raizada doesn't like this part of this conundrum too... an upset mother is never a part of his plans, though that is what this plan of his has wrought. 

"devi maiyya tum dono ko hamesha..." may devi maiyya always.

the atheist feels the yearning in a mother's words, she invokes what she believes in the most to bless her child and him with happiness forever.

the sound layers and what the director chooses to show are interesting, like the visual layers in flashbacks... it says things about what he reacts to, how he reacts, why he does what he does. the night of 15 february, valentine's day still at ipk, when he had screamed into the night, also a carefully chosen audio file. now too.

he is extremely moved by the conversation between a mother and her daughter.

rabba ve...

she turns and shivers under her blanket.

he comes sensing something, sees her and switches off the airconditioner. a simple act... but it shows perhaps what many larger gestures and gifts wouldn't.

you can feel the love all around... too bad neither have figured it out, or it's gotten hijacked by a night.

as he lies back he has made a decision, he looks at her. he wants to hold her hand. i get palpitation even typing that... so much in the performance.

i had felt earlier that the beast lay night after night next to beauty and seemed to ask, will you marry me?

this is the man who perhaps as he had walked up to her on the verandah just outside had hoped to be the best pati one day only for her, only because she had made him want such a thing even. when he said "bas karni hai," maybe he had felt a joy he never ever had and wanted to express it with his characteristic cool sexiness, playing with her, teasing, flirting, stealing a kiss and somewhere in the middle of that they would find and take over hamesha.

in his smiles, seen very rarely, and usually because this girl who is a bit crazy has set it off, he seemed to give hint of what all fantastic dreams lay in his heart. the one that beat with hers.

arnav singh raizada is not the best pati in the world and that does hurt him.

his way of trying to deal with the conflicting demands of the situation is to go gentle on her it seems, just let her be, stop berating and bashing her, and maybe in this his heart finds a little peace, a little happiness. and so we find a suddenly more tender man that moment on.

of course, this is around the time that writers decide to assassinate their favourite girl and leave her maimed for life. sanka is a superior, fine, perfectly distilled and matured in huge vats of feeling of life and character thing.
what was unleashed on us from the moment her eyes opened was not that at all, it was a clear indication that human beings were no longer in control. aliens had taken over.

"hum bhag na jaaye iss dar sa pakadke rakha hai hume..." so that i don't run away he is holding my hand. yes, he is worried because you may get abducted by creatures with three eyes and horns, green in colour who have made off with the writers, silly.

she tries to free her hand... he wakes up startled... "khushi!" on his lips. for a second all seems normal again. i feel my heart go into tremors.

once he was up, the game started again. she must not know what he is feeling, ah the guarded one. not too trusting of people and love... she gets no answer as to why "maine band kiya!" the ac.

as he leaves he turns, music lilts... palat palat ... ddlj moments everywhere.

from my first time here in this episode, i prepare myself, okay she is going to lose it now and so will we with that "ar 36 k". ah, so many speculations on the forum, in crooner, everywhere back then. alas the writer was just playing with us and trying to please aliens.

a little detail about the man, he has bad hand writing, why does this excite me? on the other side of lunacy, mami is chasing ghosts with binocs and book... how about garlic and cross, mami ji, let's make this into twilight, what say.

thankfully, a voice to bring me back

"khushi!!"

why must every call sound so terribly sexy and like he needs her from deep inside.

"aur haan, tumhara kaam ho gaya ho toh meri diary wapis rakh dena..." and if you're done with it, please keep back my diary in its place. so terriby sweet. he knows she is messing with his stuff, but he is okay with it... progress progress..

i think that is all i can take of this episode.

one thing only really moved me... that waking up, getting up, standing at the window and pondering... then turning, assessing, taking a decision of some sort and coming back to his wife. duniya ke sabse achhe pai is not really an aspiration for him. he does what he does because this girl makes his heart race, she matters. he hurts her, loves her, craves her, berates her, wants her not for some trophy but because that is all he can do... she is part of him. he is tired of resisting and he really does not want to be a nasty terror to her... he wants to pull her dupatta and kiss her on the cheek, wants to push back her tendrils, wants to catch her in his arms and swing her high, wants to tell her something, bas karni hai, wants to hold her hand.

i was always touched by something going on at ipk that was deeper than what you saw on the screen... anyone watching diwali will feel the thick layered thing in it... it pulls at your gut, your most physical instinct, your heart, your brain, your mind, the emotional... almost the spiritual plane in you... and then goes ahead invading and entering spaces in you that i didn't even know existed.

this happened with me often while watching. the entire night scene was humming with the heard unheard whispered murmured conversations.

wrote this on my facebook page yesterday when i posted these edits.

i am aware that in still shots sometimes you can capture a moment that seems to have much more than what it does in reality. but in ipkknd as they moved about often doing pretty regular serial stuff, somehow there was always a deeper unseen level that you could feel all the time. another conversation, something that murmurs and whispers in you even when you are trying hard not to let it effect you. loved it.

“ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp,

or what's a heaven for?” 
~~~ robert browning, andrea del sarto ~~~

......................

preeto and a wedding episodes
episode rambles
fanfiction