Tuesday, 8 September 2015

epiosde 199 finding happiness

there were two elder sisters in our story and today the one least bothered with almost stole the show. "woh kya hai na, khushi yahan se gayi tab bahut dukhi thi," it's just that, khushi was very sad when she left home... it was payal speaking on the phone to her sister's husband. her own jeth ji...

because no matter how extreme or crazy her sister's actions may be or seem to be, payal couldn't love her sis less, couldn't judge her... couldn't sit unconcerned if she felt khushi was not happy. she had to act, even if it meant upsetting people, which she hated doing. now she'd made a call to khushi's husband, worried because khsuhi isn't picking up the phone and she'd left an hour ago saying she'd meet arnav ji at the temple.

at bua ji's place as everyone rejected khushi, berated her, refused to accept her apology... payal stood aching for her now acting even more sanka in her sadness pagal sister. when amma advanced threateningly toward her, payal rushed in and broke up the confrontation. managing in a way she always did... feminine, caring, sincere, ready to face the music for khushi.

deepali pansare was unfailingly so good as the sister who was quieter, calmer, but who had the greatest vibe with khushi, whose heart softened every time she looked at her slightly nutty beautiful younger sister. elder siblings often have motherlike protective instincts, payal always seemed to have that for kkg.

always jumping in to save her, not let her be misunderstood, with it's not her fault. even on the day her wedding broke. even on the day khushi's walking in with her brother in law, already married, and set up utter pandemonium.

deepali and sanaya painted a powerful image of siblings most attached to each other. physically completely unlike each other, one tall, lissome, fair, fine featured, city like; the other shorter, a little stocky, darker, with large expressive eyes but not the finest of features, more small town... they were a beautiful match on screen and they had lovely chemistry, a girl thing about them... deepali, a little younger than sanaya, playing her elder sister with aplomb, having caught the pulse of payal perfectly.

in this scene, as she spoke to asr, who grew increasingly more worried, her voice was wonderfully projected. a whole world of love concern worry fear and tenderness in it. gently handled scene, lifelike feelings.

she was used as the vehicle to bring the news of khushi's leaving home to asr... but she did it with so much heart and that slightly lost air in her voice, i had to pause and stare. ipk really was about love... all of them very very precious.

"bas khushi ka khayal rakhna..." just take care of khushi.


asr sits by the pool, in a foul mood, working. the tension is palpable and when he slams down the laptop cover it's not unexpected.

the phone rings... it's a call from payal...

i love the brisk way he addresses her always calling her payal. and the two of them have chemistry again. there's always that respect in each one's eyes for the other. of course, he has seen her fiery shut up get out side when he brought khushi home unconscious one night. maybe that's why he likes her? knows, the girl is tough and caring and couldn't care less who's rich or not. despite being the terror he is, funny how, he always liked women who could stand up to him...

the call ends.

i wait for it to come... and after a couple of seconds it did.


soft. gentle. searching. a name mingling with his breath. he has told himself he doesn't care... but who's tell his heart.

he is instantly almost panicking, something going haywire inside.. payal has communicated worry and a state of mind... for an hour she is out, she has not called him, that's a lie she told her family. he knows she is under a lot of pressure.

he gets up swiftly.. it's clear he must go and find her.

on the night he had forced her to go with him to the temple, he was in turmoil emotionally, breaking, and as always what had stepped in to harness him had been his gussa... rage.

it always took over his mind, he stopped thinking, he acted in a state of fury. and this time the gussa had been so potent, its damage had to be great, spread wide, hit deep.

"there is nothing alive more agonized than man / of all that breathe and crawl across the earth."
~~~ homer, the iliad ~~~

agony has been clenching hearts since the terrace. it's power great, gut wrenching. two people are trying in vain to act normal when nothing is normal really. nothing.

khushi tries not to weep, but tears keep springing up. then she clutches at her defence, her gorgeous sanka, her upbeat zizz, but it doesn't come across as smooth and flowing, instead jagged and edgy it underscores pain, leaves one feeling riven. sanaya was of course wonderful finding her khushi in that terrible state. not for a moment did she become generic tragic heroine, all along khushi. the voice, the jerky movements, the expressions... all of it sanka devi, parmeswari, after an encounter with rakshas.

and here, the man who hates her is gripped by terrible feelings at the news of her disappearance. he must find her.

just then walks in his sister, giving directions, demanding stuff... while he assures her all is well, he will not do what she asks of him. he must rush. small scene, said much... typical ipk. no need always for storm and thunder to convey feelings of scale and depth.

a phone call. then a man getting edgy, worry growing.

"nahin, di, kuchh nahin hua, sab theek hai..." no, di, nothing's happened all is well.

"sach?" really?

"nahin, di, sab theek hai... in fact, main abhi khushi ko pick up karne hi jaa raha hoon!" no, di, all is fine, in fact i am just going to pick up khushi.  a white lie. not really asr, but he is not quite himself...

where is khushi?

beautiful sequence again of a man frantically searching for a woman. impatient and angry in the car... near her house he walks around looking tense, talking to absolute strangers, asking if they've seen her... 

"pick up the damn phone, khushi, kahan ho tum?" where are you where are you where are you, khushi... dammit damn... because i hate you...

he's losing his mind almost... "ussiki type ki jagah lag rahi hai..." looks like her kind of place he declares at one busy intersection of lakshminagar plenty little shops and people and the hum and drum of life and of course...

bangles.. chooriyan.

creatives neatly use recall as a device... layers of bangle memories, in him, in us. just now when he had brusquely dumped her close by her bangle had broken triggering a play of beautiful sparkling memories. they draw that moment right up to here, closing a loop, a feeling of reaching destination in it. he stands looking at the bangles... 

a pointless conversation with the vendor... she's not been here... 

does he really think she would come buying chooriyan now? he's not stupid, so maybe it;''s justs his need getting communicated here? he jst wants to see her being herself... not this person his action has turned her into. a longing within that he can't control.. for khushi to be khushi. paagal, sanka, eating chana, showing of choories... unharmed, complete, whole. maybe because when that is so, all feels right with his world? he hates her and yet when he hurts her he seems to hurt more.

"chana chana chana chana !"

"khushi ko dekha aapne?" have you seen khushi?

then the most sweet description, casually painting his girl, "patli si hai gori si, pink colour ki saree pehni hai, dekha?"

she's kind of slim and fair, wearing a saree of pink colour, seen her?

hindi has a lilt here i can't seem to translate. his girl in pink saree, whom he really does not give a damn about.

"yeh ladki mujhe pagal karke chhoregi," this girl is going to drive me mad, he says. does he even know how cockeyed that sounds? he has just made her life a living hell... yet, it's she who's driving him mad. arnav singh raizada had gotten so deeply involved without him even realising he had.. and no matter who was yelling and screaming and dragging and being the brutal one, in a fragile, young, angry with dm girl's hand lay the real power.

she was the key to his heart, his happiness.

"khushi kumari gupta, kahan ho tum dammit!" where are you, dammit, kkg. i wondered in that desperate search was there a metaphor about life. kahan ho, happiness? our search for happiness... was there a thought that one must get lost, go through hell looking for this precious thing, and if the search is fully entered and true... happiness may be found.

i am talking nonsense, but it's all these people's fault. who asked them to act so well.

she has come for "ekaant" solitude... to the temple, not to pray to her ex friend dm. a vulnerable young girl trying to find her bearings, rejected by all who love her., without whom she feels incomplete, uncertain... lekin hum aap ko ye sab nahin bataayenge, ek shabd bhi nahin. hum jaa rahe hain... but she is not going to talk to dm at all about all this, she says while saying everything... she's going to leave...

temple bell.

she must stop. it's time for aarti...

and he gets it.

"of course, i should have known..." yeah, he knows her so well, doesn't he. yet the irony of life, he doesn't know she couldn't have been a married man's lover. or any man's lover for that matter... and she could never have wanted to harm his sister.

"hello! khushi! hello" he's yelling into the phone.

there sanka intact and pretty divine, khushi assures dm she is not taking part in the aarti for dm's sake, "hum toh sirf apne liye prarthana kar rahe hain!"

ah, girl in pink saree, pray a little for your atheist lover boy to.

i remembered another man very important to her, the only person who believes in her and doesn't blithely accept that khushi has done wrong. a man unable to do anything...babu ji. shyam has managed to harm both men in her life.
"babu ji, kya aap ko humari yaad aati hai?" babu ji, do you think of me?

tears roll down a helpless father's face. this relationship is crucial... bringing him back was important. a hand is lifted and grasps hers.

"hume aap sabki bahut yaad aati hai..." i think of you a lot.


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