"woh bua ji holi hai na, iss liye...," bua ji, because it's holi, that's why.
the first hints of colour are in... they were splashed on the opening titles, speaking of things to come. khushi's multi hued saree may have been inspired by the next bit of the story too, just kidding.
khushi walks into gh drenched, and when bua ji has too many questions to ask, she charges in saying she needs to change as she might catch a cold.
her challenge with asr is on. either she gets back home in the next two hours or two calamities will strike:
payal's marriage will be over,
and asr will have to change his name.
the second one is bothering the h out of me... you can't change my asr's name!
okay, all this nonsensical stuff from writer basically means indi was not too keen on this episode.
the week had to lead up to holi it was clear. writers had primarily one agenda on the khushi asr front for nearly five episodes. she'd insist he tell her how she'd hurt him, why he'd married her. he'd refuse. she'd leave to force him. he would do all he could to bring her back.
the excitement was obviously to come from their hate love, their need for each other, especially his for her. and he would go to ridiculous lengths to make her come back to him.
might have been a riot. and 203 certainly was, along with lots of heat and sex that left both drenched. nice touch all that water chucking especially coming straight before holi, like a precursor to the real play of and immersion in colours... all the hues of love.
but to stretch that story across three episodes may have been trying. or the writers were having a bad day or whatever... nothing quite gelled or grabbed my attention.
if anything, the constant harping about the time and then the highly flimsy ploy of making it look as though akash were signing divorce papers... was irritating.
too thin, the writing. the actors tried their best, but it was not just bland stuff, it was fairly brainless stuff they had to communicate. neither sanaya nor barun were convinced, that was pretty obvious.
there was a poignant moment though when she fought with dm and said, don't think i am talking to you just because lakshmi ji isn't here. she was talking to her goddess of course, and poor girl, now she spent her time jabbering her heart out to a goat. oh well. this is khushi.
interesting light touches of her trademark sanka.
he is being really mean... he means to get her back
"main jo kahta hoon, hamesha wohi hota hai, kkgsr." whatever i say that's exactly what happens, he claims, you know that soon that will not happen. the mighty will fall. a bit obvious huh?
he tells her she has "do choices... payal ki shadi ya usski barbadi..." two choices, payal's marriage or it's miscarriage... i translate in this hindi film style because that's what it was... cheesy, filmi dialogue from the curt, clipped, what the asr.
i found it upsetting. that is not how our man talks. why were all the writers in such a bad place suddenly?
maybe the idea was to keep it "light". he is a good guy, he wouldn't really harm payal and akash and this is mainly to convince his bollywood behenji biwi?
okay, argument understood, but dialogue still not liked. so so not asr.
at the restaurant later... lotus, was it? i refuse to believe there was any significance to that in such an indifferently written episode... anyway, there akash provides the key to a basic asr trait, " kyun ki bhai kahte hain ki emotions aur feelings aapko kamzor kar deti hain..." because bro says emotions and feelings make you weak.
promptly the sardonic man looking at khushi triumphantly and quips, "you're absolutely right, akash... main sirf yeh kahtai nahin, issme believe bhi karta hoon," i not only say this, i believe in it too.
yet, interestingly, swayed by his feelings and nothing else he is setting up this elaborate ploy to get her back. cute. but me not excited.
"khushi, deals aur profit se important koi nahin hota... " khushi, nothing is more important than deals and profit. well, she's his biggest deal and he sees great profit for himself in it perhaps?
"tumhare pas sirf adha ghanta hai..." you have only half an hour...
"i want you home..." i wanchyou home... er i want to die.
husky voice, with a push of pure grain in it. it's for moments like these i sit through 22 minutes of whatever.
"d'you understand?" he finishes... in just that little sentence a yearning and a need that leaves you shaken. that makes you want to call your significant other and say, "i want you right now."
this acting, this astute assessing of a feeling a man has for a woman and delineating it to perfection... i miss like h. every d day.
"so kkkgsr, tum ghar khud jaogi ya main drop kar doon?" so will you go home by yourself or should i drop you?
bullies her, pushes her, makes her cry... just to bring her back. distressing episode... saved only by moments of a feeling.
"hi payal, khushi aa gayi kya?" hi payal, has khushi come back, he asks, a little tense as he walks into shantivan. maybe he is just a little bit worried that she'll resist this time.
episode 205
10... 9... he's counting down the seconds as khushi is frantic to reach home before he gets payal to sign the divorce papers. since when is khushi this gullible?
did he think for a second she wouldn't come? did he feel his heart freeze at the thought?
she careens up the steps of shantivan, breathless... his last play with the papers... not in a good mood our friend, how dare she leave him... his deal and profit...
when she hurtles in and assures payal those are just office papers ending with an unnecessarily cutesy "hai na, arnav ji?" the way he looks at her says something amid the farce.
a little note in his eyes... she's back. he's won. but there's more, there's always more when he looks at her, as though his heart needs to say things that his head will not permit, but the heart has ways of speaking, and the head is helpless before that.
"ya!" he replies. curt, the way he is. nice.
conversation goes hysterically to "badam ka halwa khane... hai na, arnav ji?" to eat badam halwa, isn't that right, arnav ji?
why this ott? this so called humour?
manorama mami declares this is "phatti saree seejan twoo..." and di again reminds us it's holi... not too far away, tomorrow.
then we get down to some serious destruction of payal as a character. i can't recognise this girl in hindi soap saree and hair style, bumbling around with embroidery and a desperation to please mother in law.
but i am running away from all of this to the only scene that had any connection to the lovers i have been chasing a second time round. a beauty in the scene along with that sweet heady nuttiness of kkg, and asr just not able to resist that... even if she is a home breaker, even if she told his brother in law, why don't you leave your wife, "chhor kyon nahin dete anjali ji ko?!!!"
he provokes her for no reason in the bedroom.
"maine kaha tha na khushi, tum mere paas wapis aaogi."
i'd told you, khushi, you'll come back to me.
i am passing out. come back to me. mere paas. again the heart is talking, the head just thinks it is. this is not about winning. this is about breathing. when your breath is one with hers how can you live without her? you are just pretending madly that it is all for di and you hate her, because after all "chhap gaya hai dimaag pe" the scene of her in shyam's arms. you are hurt, you are shattered, you want to hurt and shatter. but together, with each other, you can't live away from her.
how does an actor communicate all this with just the delivery of one sentence, a little look in his eyes and a charge in his voice.
"aur mujhe apna naam nahin badlana padega... so.. i am still asr."i didn't have to change my name. naam... does that equate with respect for this arrogant, fairly egotistic man. a name he chose for himself, which he defended with his actions, all above board, in his understanding... sahi, all based on his reckoning that his actions make his life not the wishes and whims of some god somewhere. this name, that is not his father's given one, but one chosen from his mother's names... this one is important, essential to his identity, one that he creates and takes onus for himself. whether we agree with his arrogant mien or not, he is willing to do what it takes and uphold his beliefs, his way. his name.
"hum mantey hain ki aap ki jeet hui aur hamari haar," she accepts he's won, she's lost. why does khushi see things in term of winning and losing, har-jeet i wonder. she seems to love the idea of competition... dance, now this. he only loves to win, thinks that's his right almost. some pair these two loonies.
she snatches away what she presumes are papers for payal and akash's divorce. he tells her to return them, sternly, she starts getting hit by her sanka again. this time it certainly is the relief of knowing payal is safe. original khushi reasserts herself. she isn't returning it in this life time.
"khushi, i'm warning you!"
"aap hamesha baat ko bigadte hain aur phir banate hain," you always ruin things first then set them right... another key character trait almost of asr. but to truly create something, destruction is necessary, isn't it? we are also seeing the breaking down of his fort faraq nahin padta, his shell, his entire defence, so that something new may awaken and make his life better, a chance of creation in it, not just staying hemmed in, inert.
"kyunki main hamesha wahi karta hoon jo mujhe theek lagta hai..." because i always do precisely that which feels right to me.
he is explaining himself to his sanka wife, he who never ever explains himself to anyone. only di maybe once in a way.
interesting he didn't say, i do what i please... instead, i do what feels right.
theek... sahi.
arnav singh raizada has an essential need to be "sahi" not "galat" like his father. his character is pitted against the father character (luke and darth??). he sets right... his father does wrong. he needs to be right, it's way beyond just a moral yearning, it's essential to his existence. yet, he goes and does what he does with khushi. reminds me of greek tragedy. the mortal helpless before the games of gods. even the slightest strain of hubris will be punished. maybe there was hubris in him, built up over the years of resisting fears and rebuilding life, of rejecting all that was, maybe he made the mistake of not even trying to understand why his father was the way he was, maybe he was too harsh.
i'll never know, but this character that is willing to weather the storms all by himself, will be tried. and how.
"sabko dabake rakhna chahte hain," you want to keep everyone under you.
"sab kuch mere control mein hai... aur rahega... hamesha" everything is in my control and will stay that way... always.
oh the need for control in a life that saw complete chaos and swore it would never reign again. yet there was that terrace that night. is everything really in your control?
khushi charges around on her loopy hoi hoi hoi music... with the papers, he's livid.
"nahin, aapko agar yeh kagzaad chahiye toh tairke aana padega," if you want these papers you'll have to swim across and get it, says sanka.
season is changing, lightness and fun it brings, and somehow this time it doesn't feel forced. he's got her back and is feeling more relaxed. she's sure her sis is fine, also he needs her like mad. a feeling inside, a longing is asserting itself. the next day she'll admit that whenever he comes close, her heart beat goes nuts. it's going crazy now, and the only way to handle it is use of extreme lunacy.
"main chal ke bhi aa sakta hoon..." i can walk across.
he will tell her the next day, even his heart beats faster when she's near... their heart beats become one. must be happening right now too as he looks at her in her element.
lovely moment.
"hum kood jaaenge babu ji ki kasam hum kud jaayenge," i'll dive into the pool, i swear by babu ji i will.
"teen foot gehra pool hai, khushi," it's three feet deep, the pool, khushi. oh the look on his face.
you won't drown... but he does catch her hand and they do remember and nothing is as it seems to be...
because something else is always at work.
and rabba vey comes in with memories for both...
a kiss by the poolside when he'd been this close...
she'd slipped a hand into his on a night when questions came much later, a desire reigned in the glow of a thousand lights.
he'd touched her tremble, her bated breath as fairy lights beckoned him to get embroiled.
he'd undressed her that very first time, the flick of a wrist, a hair clip off and hair cascading to cover her to reveal her to...
you're mine... mere paas.
i'm yours...
some things are left unsaid.
an endless moment didn't look at time... words of heer ranjha came by... "jissko jee jaan se chahte hain, jab usse nazron ke saamne paate hain, tab aankhen bolti hain, zuban nahin."
when the one you love with your heart and soul is before you, the eyes speak, not the tongue.
the moments floated away, then she looked perturbed, lost, she stepped back.
someone had to.
his gaze lowered, again he'd have to hide his feelings... mainly from himself.
she's happy the papers are destroyed...
sab kuch mere control mein tha... hai... aur hamesha rahega, khushi.
I think it is about winning and indeed he always win.
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