Saturday, 24 September 2016

a feeling takes hold





he is often angry, but when he is angry with her there is an intensity there that's not seen otherwise, almost an involvement. his body bends a certain way, his fingers jab air, his face grows stormy, his eyes burn as though wanting to annihilate her, consume her, touch her. nothing is held back. an emotion is clearly at the root of this. we never get so mad at people who don't matter. my mother used to say, i get angry with you because i love you, i don't get angry at the passerby. twisted it sounded when i was a kid but really that is the point.



in 74, asr's state of dil shows itself again and again, just that he has no idea what's happening. even the way he checks his pockets to see if she's planted something in them speaks of it, that wary look in his eyes, an unusual uncertainty (i know i haven't found the right words, but you know what i am trying to say). i think in these episodes again a level is cleared and his emotions take a deeper hold of his heart and mind. that first meeting at sheesh mahal, then the first rabba ve, their moments of unmitigated awareness and nearness in the rain, the panic of guest house, bersarai's seething silence, teej's compulsion, the storeroom's pounding heat, the breathtaking surprise in a cupboard... "khushi!" one by one a feeling has entered and scaled to capture its quarry. and now it's slipping into all sorts of places within him, he has no control. she can sense him all the time, he is in her thoughts too. she can's leave him and go away to lucknow, she can't feel "theek" after yelling at him, she can "mehsoos" him even when her eyes don't see him and when he hurts her it hurts more somehow. much more.

these were the tender heady explosive days of falling in love... totally dense and teeming with emotion and yet frothy and full of fun, a sexy kind of fun. in between sublime beautiful moments. romance is not exactly a new genre, but the way ipk and asr khushi told the story, it just reached another place within me. and stayed. 










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fanfiction







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