Thursday, 29 September 2016

episode 85 hello meri jaan


the tray shook, the hands trembled... "sorry, arnav baba...," quivered jai prakash. his face contorted in surprise then mercurial anger. "aaj toh maarning maarning ma jai prakas hello hi se bye bye hui gawa," predicted mamiji. today early in the morning jp will become bye bye from hello hi, to paraphrase mami, mami style.

then he said, "koi baat nahi," face relaxed. no problem, get me another coffee.

she rushed around madly, getting ready... gug gug gug gug guggug gug hoye hoye hoye went her sanaka khushi music. amma called her "toofan," hurricane, as she yelled "hat jaaiye hat jaaiye... platform number nau ki gadi puri express station par aaa rahi hai," move move, the puri express is about to enter the platform...  all this rush to get to her poori (puri is a city in odissa, india, famous for its jagannath temple, but this morning it's all about food, poori, with miss nautanki. the thin sliver of a girl with the hugest appetite. hate these creatures, never show a single sign of the calories they gorge). charming mad khushi, sanaya's forte. "yaatrigan pooriya..." passengers, dear pooris, she is off to stuff her mouth with hot pooris.

payal can't take this frenzy anymore, asks her if all is well. "nahin, jiji, hum theek nahin hain... hum toh khushi hain!"  no jiji, i am not alright (payal is concerned huh?)... i am khushi!!!

terrible pj's in the morning. really why is this girl so chirpy, what is the matter?

"ek baat humare gale se ab tak utari nahin hai..." one thing i have not been able to digest yet. ah, that's the cause of this fit of flying around.

amma interrupts and we are none the wiser.

then out it comes."sooraj akhir paschim se nikla kaise? wo akhdoo singh laad governor ne humse maafi kaise maangi! hume toh vishwaas hi nahin ho raha hai." how did the sun rise in the west? that akhdoo singh laad governor asked me to forgive him! i can't believe it.

well mami had said the same thing about the sun when he was cool about coffee being spilled on him. he'd heard a very scared man say "sorry" and something had connected immediately. he knew how bad he'd felt after spilling heartless cruelty all over her. he let jp off the hook. it was a big change in him no doubt, he had learnt from a terrible mistake. and his "sorry" had made him feel lighter. but since no one is to know what exactly happened within him, we will stick with the line that connected the two opening scenes. last night it was "paagal" as bridge. this morning, it's the largest star in our solar system.

yes, the sun rises in the west these days.

and she notices the mark on her arm, as she stands before the mirror. when he'd gripped her tight the evening before, there lay the evidence of an emotion no one had an inkling how to record or describe. it was just felt. she turned and looked at it again as a strain of music tiptoed in to watch her quiet moment with a man who wasn't there. yet he was.

she remembered him holding her arm fiercely, letting go, and then what had made her so crazy and happy minutes ago, his "sorry... i am really sorry."

she knew she didn't want anyone to see this, no questions to be asked, for she had no answer to give. she herself had no clue what the answer might be. the dupatta became her cover, her protector as she draped it over her shoulders and wrapped it around. she told amma, it was because she felt cold that she's drawn the dupatta around her. no questions. no answers. this is close to her and she will keep it that way.

"sahi kahe hain jiji, bilkul sahi naam rakhe hain.. sanka devi." amma avers buaji is right and has given her the right name... sanaka devi... the screw-loose goddess.


"jai prakash!!"

flaming mood, he comes down the stirs... his things are not in place. lavanya's insitence on marriage has really rattled him. "
kab tak chalega matlab? lavanya, humare beech aise tai hua tha aur aisa hi rahega." how long will this go on? lavanya, this was what we agreed to and this is how it will remain. don't try to behave like my wife, you are never going to be that. brusque, rude, but what he says is true. that was the deal... not his fault if la is suddenly on a marriage track. 



khushi walks in, sees him, and smiles her big giving happy khushi smile.


he scowls.

i chortle. ah this is communication. dil ka communication, unseen, under cover, so thrilling, only that naughty know all music picks on it. har baar.



she has that oh no, not again look. "lagta hai laad governor usske asli roop main aagaye hain." looks like, laad gov is back to his real self again.

why is the dupatta over her like a shawl wonders anjali as she comes in for a moment, then disappears. good writing, would have never occurred to the man in gussa to wonder about it.



he walks out, passing her, and the dupatta does its thing. latches on to his laptop this time. nice green leheriya. goes well with that pink. perfect with the laptop.


he walks away taking her feelings, sorry, dupatta with him.


they both realise what's happened.


a moment's hesitation, then he gathers her dupatta and walks back to her holding it out, reminded me of a day by the pool when he'll hold the dupatta with purpose and haul her in, reel her in with it, close to him very close.


 
she takes hold of her errant dupatta. okay time to give this one a name for it's practically a character in our tale with a major role, in fact several roles, still discovering them. now on khushi's dupatta/s is/are known as meri jaan. and as we see her again and again, we'll realise she becomes his mother's aanchal - free end of the sari when worn - sometimes, other times her messenger to him, or his means of making her feel she belongs to him. aanchal has deep cultural connotations, mother's sari end with which she covers her child, wipes away a stain sometimes, or gives it to her baby to dab tears, or a dribble; which a child holds on to as a toddler while tumbling toddling walking, that creates a sense of security, linus's security blanket comes to mind; the word aanchal always evokes a feeling of mother.


where he holds meri jaan to stop her from leaving and specially during remarriage when he grips her and khushi looks back, i did feel this maa thing in it. like a boy seeing an emotion that was mother, in the girl he loves. a beautiful vm by zoha which i posted here got me thinking about this. okay, before i am certified insane, i am not suggesting he is mother fixated or anything like that. but "maa" is a hurt and a terrible feeling trapped in him, this needs to find expression, release, if he is to heal internally. this is also key to the story of asr, the gradual assuaging of pain, allowing him to open that ocean of emotions he has held within so long; all his goodness, the amrit sitting there, till maa is not worked out, it cannot emerge.

somewhere the clean, conscientious, dm worshiping, clear eyed, khushi who is so loving and giving and whom he is viscerally attracted to, does make that maa place feel better. exactly how, i have no idea. but the creators were sharp thinkers, it isn't by chance that they put in the aanchal holding thing in, in fact, the one where he holds meri jaan along with arav is pretty obvious (too much in my opinion). of course meri jaan as a device can be rather corny and has been used in several serials and movies, but here the actors and the directors were so good at using the idea, i just sat back and enjoyed, dropping all disbelief and sniggers. my heart sang, ha ha, that rabba vey every single time.



he turns away.

stops.

turns back.



in that instant the course of their lives possibly changed. he could have walked away.


yet he couldn't. not really.

never again would he be able to do that. not even when he thinks the worst of her. then too would he catch the fallen one and pull her close to him. never to let her go. though to cajole himself, to make himself feel he could, he'd say it's only for six months.

do me so do... rabba vey notes as he sees the mark on her arm, the result of his gussa last night. this gussa of his, so much in him. there was a hint that some day we'll know more about it. but then that didn't happen. yet, i know it well, no need to tell me why or wherefore, too much information can kill a thing.



she's breathing hard. felling exposed. beyond just what the drop of dupatta exposes. that mark is hers to own. she doesn't want to explain it. not even to him.


he remembers all that she had.



as she goes to pick up the dupatta and cover again, his hand reaches up involuntarily...


and suddenly, it hits him where it hurts. just like that.
    
his fist had tightened in a ball only the day before when the pain of losing his mother had struck him madly as the garland snapped and fell. now a searing pain it seems, after seeing what the falling dupatta revealed.



every time you hurt, i hurt... i hurt more. i don't know why... but that's what happens.

he tries to recover, turns away once more.



only to turn back again, well not quite, just a little super stylish quick glance backward and a husky, soft, "sorry."


that's all.

but before leaving the house, at the door, he does, oh yes he does turn back.



and she returns his gaze. amazed.


"kya... phir se sorry kaha? sorry kaha... dobara sorry kaha." what! said sorry again. said sorry once... then twice!

and of course at that very instant came lavanya looking for a way to make asr see a biwi, a wife in her. and khushi's sanaka returned... looking for some cooky unique kkg way to make the man succumb.

and very cutely a different love story got going.
"aap theek to hai na," you're ok aren't you, asked payal stealing asr's line, well almost. if anyone else says "tum theek ho" i shall send copyright infringement lawyers after them.

"abhi toh theek hai, pata nahin, shayad kuch dino mein... kharab ho jaaye." akash was incredibly cute and utterly cheesy: i am ok now, but don't know, in a few days... i may not be.

manorama may go bithout engleees sometimes but never without her instincts. she smelled a rat in the voice lowered phone conversation.

shashi ji went checking on shyam's story and didn't really get anything other than one major gap: if he belongs to delhi, why is he living as a pg.
naniji reminded anjali that it's khushi who has brought change in meess kassyap which seems to be having a positive effect on chhotey.

and la got into bridal wear to look like a wife in asr's eyes. if the sun rose in the west this morning, watch where it will set, khushi. from sorry to gussa in less than an instant, faster than the fastest car moves the man's feelings. and aren't you afraid of fast cars, khushi?









......................
fanfiction






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