Tuesday, 6 September 2016

episode 333 a failure dammit


back in episode 254, nani had said chhotey can't bear it if someone he loves is hurting and he can't do anything about it. he starts hurting himself.

today, his beloved sister is in unimaginable pain... and he can do nothing about it.

in no time, he has taken the entire responsibility for this tragedy and said the words that honestly made me empathise with him so much, i could feel myself getting pretty emotional.

good acting, always beautiful.

"kya hua hai, koi humey bataaga kya baat hai..."
"what's the matter, will someone tell me what is the matter?"

honestly, i found the entire anjali in her cabin with weeping family members all around extremely melodramatic and hindi soap. not my thing. and i am used to much better direction in ipk. this seems to be another let's get trp moment.

however that bit, where no one is being able to tell her exactly what's the matter and she is asking again and again... from personal experience, yeah, this can happen... and it is puzzling, crazy making, unreal.

and the moment when at last we say, tragedy did occur... in a way always unreal perhaps. because we rarely factor horror in, in a realistic way, into our lives. especially, the completely unexpected tragedies.

even then, it all felt like gross disrespect of audience. and achhi bahu stepping in... "di," tears streaming down cheeks, good girl look on, hand on di's cheek, "samajhne ki koshish kijiye?" try and understand...


what happened to anjali's mami and nani? suddenly we have khushi in mode saviour... a girl who has never even been to bed with a guy, has nooo idea of what it is to conceive, carry a child, nothing, thinks she should tell a mother who has lost her baby, try and understand..

hmm, severe loss of writing beans.

i will suttupei kar leo.

"bakwas band kijiye, khushi ji" stop talking nonsense, admonishes anjali, my mind says, "exactly,", before i can stop it.

anjali looks at the door... her mainstay, her brother, the boy who showed himmat when the whole world crashed, stands there... she only trusts him. and a bhram, the biggest "galat faimi" of her life, her illusion... shyam ji. he who doesn't exist... at all.

and there in her brother's eyes, in his tears, is a truth she can't deny.

she has to take note... a feeling begins to come to life... a sheen of tears springs and covers the eyes...

a tear falls.

a hand approaches the place where only a woman knows what is treasured and lived with...

anjali hugs her baby who is no more.

her brother watches his di, aap meri duniya ho, aap sab kuch ho, lose her world.

life will not spare you... especially if it knows you are strong, you are one with courage, you will fight on.

at last anjali howls and cries for her child...

and why am i, despite my complete nahiin to the story and the melodrama, almost close to tears?

tragedy... i guess, because it does come in life; and in another's tragedy, even if in a story, one feels one's own. resonance, identification, stuff of which great stories are made.

he watched his sister's meltdown...

a hand moved toward the door... he gripped the handle, he wanted to go in... he remembered "nahin chahiye hume yeh bachcha,"  "di, main hamesha hoon na..." "koi nahin hai!!"... I don't want the baby, I am always there, no one's there... all the hell his sister has been going through... really utter hell.

he retracted his hand... he couldn't go in.

suddenly an insensitive hand threw in a spadeful of platitudes at this point. khushi lectured a man going to pieces. this too happens... has happened to me. but must you reduce your beautiful heroine to this? she of all people would feel his feelings, be in rhythm with him, she can talk to him through the stars, dammit.

where are the writers of this show? why is the new writer being allowed to do this? not a single thought for what has been created.

in advertising, when new creatives come to work on an established brand, oh the amount of work that goes into making sure, no false note creeps in and harms the image, the feel, of something.

asr khushi.

does the new writer even know what this means... to people around the world... people still celebrating their anniversary, their teri meri, their first kiss, their almost kiss two years after the show has ceased to be.

manorama with her "bahar nahin jaibe!" felt more real.

of course, instantly dadi starts about shyam... the writers have worked hard to devise this re-entry of shyams' so that is all that matters.

only asr remains real through all of this and to an extent... anjali... and that vital relationship. if she needs him, he needs her just as much... to live. a sensitive khushi had realized this a long time ago, watching a brother and sister reunite in a temple. when she couldn't tell asr about shyam straight after realizing the truth even though she so wanted to, it was because she instinctively knew how essential di was to this man whom she seemed to have feelings for though she never meant to.

"vada kiya tha maine di se ki hamesha unhen protect karoonga... kuchh nahin kar paya mein... bloody failure. i tried, khushi. bahut... bahut koshish ki maine... har baar nakaam raha main..."

"i'd promised di i'd always protect her... won't let anything happen... bloody failure... i tried, khushi... tried very hard... i was unsuccessful every time"

that "had baar" rang a sad knell... he feels khushi's tears every time and he fails with protecting his sis every time... so he feels.

khushi tries to say that is not the case and the straight shooter calmly states,

"no khushi, yahi sach hai..."
no, khushi, this is the truth.

asr never runs away from any truth. i have a lot of regard for this character. he is presented as blighted, dark... going toward light... a romantic hero, almost a type at one level. the story telling illuminates these features amply, but his dialogues and the acting gives us traits that go beyond... makes him far more complex and almost impossible to neatly label.

i see a full human being with a boldness, a sense of justice and a view of life that is beautiful. no fudging. see a thing for what it is. call it by its name. don't hide behind excuses... and yes, be a little hard on yourself. expect more of yourself. i feel this is what makes people reach up, nothing wrong with it if you don't become judgmental of yourself beyond reasonable limit.

"uss raat bhi main kuchh nahin kar paya tha jab mere aur di ke saath woh haadsa hua" that night too i couldn't do a thing...

a memory that is never far storms through him.

at last we see a bit more of that memory. a boy running up desperately to stop tragedy... alas, that's not to be. the story of the other woman tumbles out, the whole "woh aurat" story... would asr talk so much in this state, i wonder.


what is certain is that the entire story has been sort of changed. the new scenes are shot with a different boy.

i know i keep saying they changed the story... we keep thinking there was a clear story all through. but that is possibly not right. i have learned over these years, in the soap world there is hardly ever a concrete tale. everything changes according to trp. sometimes they can pull it off, sometimes not. a premise is perhaps the only thing that producers stay true to... sometimes not even that. here they were willing to kill asr and let khushi fall for someone else.

given this brutal "market" attitude, it's  a miracle anything survived and i am still here.

"chhota tha par maine himmat ki..."
i was young but i showed courage.. another thing in this young man i admire.

"socha di ko meri zaroorat hai... aur di ko kaha ki, di sab theek ho jaayga... main sab kuch theek kar doonga... hum phir khush honge.. but here i am... i failed dammit... phir se wohi sab ho raha hai, khushi... main kuch nahin kar paya, khushi.."

heartbreaking really... he had thought di needed him... told his di, all will be well.. he would make it all okay... they'd be happy... but here he is...

a failure dammit.

it's all happening again...

this was suddenly insightful writing. the sense of tragedy was seeded too young in asr, now it is perhaps part of him... some part of him perhaps dreads a return and now he feels it's all happening again. in a way it is. his bro in law is a cheat like his dad... and as a result... there has been a death already.

i can almost feel his terror rising.

"jab di thodi khush ho jati hai mujhe lagta hai sab theek ho gaya... i don't know why everything just goes away..."
perhaps this episode's most touching and telling words... when di was a little happy he would think all was well.

i could suddenly feel his whole world rock and shatter at age fourteen and ever since a human being trying hard to find stability, feel all is well. there is a memory of chaos locked in him, almost permanently... felt real, believable. 

easy to judge him because he stands up and defies fate, but when i feel that shaken turbulent stricken young boy i just so admire the route he took to make things work again... and i felt his tenderness, his need to feel yes, he is fine, to be cuddled and soothed and protected... he too had that need. I wished khushi being sensitive would feel that and just give him that, nothing else.



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