Saturday, 17 September 2016

episode 336 don't go


"mat jao."

two words engulfed the episode. they felt genuine, they spoke of a feeling and they painted a man. they had a breadth almost nothing said here had and they had a sense of something fundamental in them. they had weight, in themselves and in the way they were spoken. without guile, with need. and almost as if they slipped out unpremeditated.





asr knows shyam is dangerous. he knows he can take care of his sister. he can fight the whole world to make sure shyam comes nowhere near di. he can lock horns with his obdurate grandmother, tick off his beloved wife, put security in place, take restraining orders, but what is he to do when the one he loves so much, the one he will shield with his life, says... give me back my husband. give me back shyam.

the dazed look on asr's face when his sister asked for what she did was difficult to watch. he tried to reason with her. she raved. i have accepted all your decisions always, now you listen to me, she said.

he couldn't bring himself to say no... or yes. he tried what he always does, to manage everything.

anjali's insistence and refusal to eat had everyone worried. was arnav wrong after all?

only one woman stood firm in her support. his nani. yes, he has got her genes, definitely. devyani raizada is both written with a certain integrity and jayshree t, despite heavy television soap make up and hair, does wonders with her nani. i believe her. i like what she says and what she does. she takes on dadi without any show of achhi nani-ness. you were not around, i took care of the kids... now suddenly you come and start blaming everyone. no, khushi bitiya is not like that.. and why the h are you comparing her to"woh aurat".

dadi's melodrama was unbearable. cartloads of dialogues stuffed in everyone's mouth to take the story forward. today was our day to learn of the other woman replete with teaser flashback of woman clutching hands while dadi with an even more stilted wig, rants.

i don't want to dwell on all that. because a very young man is really frustrated and emotionally weighed down tonight. he is feeling vulnerable and yet he is all protector. di has hurt him by that demand, by not trusting him, but he will never say that of her. he is perhaps also extremely fearful for her safety. he is angry. he is stressed. tonight he somehow even more alone.

he sits in his room, thinking of what his di just said, his dadi and what shyam threw at him one terrible night. his emotions muddle battle and peak. he picks up the vase and throws it. it breaks and shatters.

khushi walks in just then, worried, but somehow she has changed, she is now everyone's not just asr's. she is concerned about everyone, him included... but he, while being in charge of everyone, is curiously mainly hers, even only hers.



needs her badly.

unselfish and rarely evincing his need, he says nothing when she walks in and starts picking up the pieces of glass off the carpet. he sits and joins her... she looks at him surprised, tremulous. why does she not reach out to comfort him i wonder. when she is about to go, he reaches and holds her and turns her gently, making her sit by him. he asks her what the matter is. he had been in tears, but before joining her he has wiped them away. khushi is willing to show everyone her happy side, not her tears. he is more than happy to present before all his brusque, matter of fact, even angry side, never his tears. not even to khushi, because he perhaps doesn't wish to burden her.

she looks at him, a million frets on her face, looking childlike almost, very frayed... later i connected this to her going to get shyam. all the talk had obviously got to her, at various levels and touch points. 



i liked seeing his hand resting on her lap.

she said haltingly, she was going home.

promptly came his simple two words, don't go. mat jao.

a plain pure need in them. he said it without any defence or barrier, almost like a child. hard to believe this man was yelling and seething faraq nahin padta all the time. this man could not show his feelings. but to her he can. and he does... mat jao. he needs just a bit of respite. a little love. someone to hold and heal against. just tonight.

she immediately started in a tone that indicated that was not possible.
he retracted quickly, just as he had wiped away the tear earlier... he didn't want to put her in an awkward position...

practise of many years i got the feeling. taking care of one's own self. one's one dard. for this was dard. almost as ache filled as the night of the terrace. his di doesn't trust his decision. and he knows shyam can't be trusted. he must take care of di.
and then there was dadi to be contained too.

i wonder how much it hurt him, that won't listen to anything you say demand of his sister's.

khushi felt bad and said she could sit for a minute with him. years ago i remember shashi kapoor saying, "mere paas maa hai," in deewar. and even though he was my favourite actor, so handsome and heady... i knew that came out weak. tonight i felt that about khushi's "lekin ek minute ke liye baith toh sakte hain." a wonderful little moment created in those words and they could have been delivered with much more genuineness, emotion. her expression felt too pat.

they sat quietly arms around each other. the slightly low angle wide shot felt almost musical.

the next morning he stopped by her, again eyes concerned, noting her diffidence, her tears and kissed her on her forehead right there in the hall. this is a character that knows how to give the ones he cares for. but does that mean he needs nothing? is it a flaw of direction or writing that not once after di's bring back shyam andolan and while he looked as wretched as he did, did khushi put her hand out to stroke or touch him or even ask, are you okay? yes, she looked lovingly at her mehendi at night and remembered his "mat jao", but was that enough? and her thick loaded grief about di felt a bit unreal...

of course, we are being told, look at khushi, see how troubled she is... how much she loves di and hates to see a family in discord.. that's why she will bring back shyam. naturally, this is not enough, we shall devise a little more melodrama and then she will act.

sorry, big gap... if khushi loves so much, she must be also loving him, and she would show it in some way... not just keep looking fretful.

the juice drama, juice and medicine being the ultimate fix alls/go to props of ipk, in anjali's room was forced and silly. but then the whole situation is so contrived and in such bad taste, one really can't expect much.

i am glad he bared his heart... and said, mat jao.




















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fanfiction






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