Tuesday, 6 September 2016

episode 332 of loss and love


he said in that way of his as the doctor said, "i am sorry" a couple of times.
the way he stood, the way he sounded, the way his anger spiralled, it was real.

"sorry kyun?" why are you sorry, he snapped, anger mounting.

anger, perhaps to shield his immense fear.

was di dead? yes, i think that was his worst fear. and he has had his worst fear, perhaps not even an articulated one, come true once. his whole being is ready for the blow...

"what the hell are you saying dammit!... say something!" he yelled finally, leaning forward, body utterly tense... the doctor almost cringed at the fury.

i should have felt terribly sorry for anjali as she walked on glass and got violently molested by her husband in the most hideous way, losing her baby. yet, the one i felt terrible for was one arnav singh raizada.

mind you, he does not exist in the dimensions we seek existence.

also he is now part of a story which is coming undone. and maybe that's why i couldn't feel for his sister as much i ought to have. i actually felt much worse for her on the day she found out the truth about her husband and couldn't face it.

i hated the entire killing of a child story. unnecessary. almost heinous. if shyam is rotten, does not mean his child has to be killed... a good story teller would never ever have done that. this is the challenge of the story... that was the sick easy way out.

i, of course, did not connect to this at all.

yet i felt sad for a man who is but only a character in a tv serial.

he lives somewhere... he speaks of the human struggle... of loss, of duty, of pain, sorrow, courage, relentless battle... and love.

he had dared to smile moments before... let go of his inhibitions and hug the girl who made him feel again, hope again, dance again. he had nuzzled and and caressed her, held her in his arms before everyone. just being happy.

an uncomplicated simple happy.

a happy taken from him when he was just a child.

and it was as if the furies had got wind of it and come like raving banshees through a monstrous medium called shyam and struck at that simple happy smile.

the first time i saw this episode, i'd wondered shocked and gobsmacked, was their a comment on the rightness of one's actions here?

arnav singh raizada had forced a woman to do his bidding one night in order to mainly save this very child. yes, he had done so because of a terrible misunderstanding, because his mind had been shattered by that, his heart in disarray, amid that he had heard, "tum mama banne wale ho," you're going to be an uncle... and his entire being had reoriented and gathered around a notion of duty... that duty could have been perhaps discharged in many ways, but he chose to hurt the one who hurt him... thinking she was rotten to the core, yet not being able to let go.


yes, it was all about his love.

and yet, he had not done right by a human being.

that death of a child, was it somewhere an illustration that wrong action, no matter what prompts it, doesn't ultimately yield results?

i don't know if that is the case, though... i just know how i felt for asr... and how totally merged with asr his actor was in these moments. from that happiness... to the beaten look of loss... that anger... and when he heard the child was gone, i wondered if he was saddened and horrified but breathing still... because di was alive.

i also wondered what would have happened to this beautiful man if his di were the one to have gone and the baby was still alive... or worse, if both died this episode...

because really in life anything can happen... and the more you get up and fight it off, the more life seems to want to test you.

there was a lot of red all around... in the hospital, the scenes were shot in sets used repeatedly in serials, but they did have a certain poise. the deliberate contrast of exuberant joy at the beginning with abject horror and tragedy straight after was well handled i felt. i found sanaya irani's emoting a trifle stilted. nani and mami touched me.

but really, i could only see and feel for that man who doesn't exist and always matters, impacts, inspires.


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